Oz Spellman
September 01, 2022 4:25 AM
I'm really glad you're not dead
by Oz Spellman
Co-written With: Xavier Lundstrom
The post-challenge wait had been endless. The moment Henry and Xavier had walked in, Oz felt like his stomach was doing backflips. He was pretty sure he could have hit the ceiling if he’d jumped—but he couldn’t. He reigned his reaction back in, strolling over with a ‘What took you so long?’ and a light punch on the arm to Henry. He turned to Xav, and he could feel the cork he’d shoved into his feelings desperately trying to work its way loose. They were fine. Henry was fine, and Oz wanted to hug him, but he had plenty of practice at not doing that, however overwhelming the feeling was. But with Xav…
Over the course of the evening, Oz had a lot of chances to turn that over in his head. Xavier had made himself scarce almost as soon as they were allowed to leave the MARS rooms. Oz kind of knew what he was going to do the next time he was left alone in a room with Xavier. It had been a nagging, background doubt since last year, but it had been thrown into sharp relief. That made him equal parts itching to follow and terrified of doing so. So, he had stuck it out, having dinner with Henry, hoping that the feeling that had been jolted out of its box would go back in there if he just gave it time.
As he trailed up the stairs to Pecari, it was most definitely still burning right underneath his skin. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to find Xavier alone, or whether he hoped he was out, or that Alexei was there… He could, of course, have just gone to his own room, or stayed in the common room. But he also couldn’t…
There was no reply when he knocked, but on sticking his head around the door, he found Xavier, lost in staring into the crystal ball. It took a couple of finger snaps in front of his face to shake him out of it.
“You okay?” Oz asked, as Xavier took a moment to sleepily shake off whatever he’d been seeing.
“Yeah. Fine,” Xav replied, though he still sounded far away.
“What’re you doing anyway? I thought you finished all your homework on Friday.”
“Yeah… I just felt like doing something I don’t suck at after this afternoon,” Xavier shrugged.
“It was that bad?” Oz asked, sitting down next to Xavier. They’d swapped news of the challenges, but given the number of other people around, he hadn’t expected any of the real issues to come up.
“I dunno…” Xavier shrugged. “Like… not really. No one said anything. I just feel like crap every time I have to perform magic in front of them.”
Oz fidgeted. He had been trying his best not to think about what he might do when he got in here, but during all the times he definitely hadn’t been picturing it, Xavier had been pretty much a blank canvas. Or rather, there hadn’t been much talking… Oz wasn’t the best at feelings most of the time, and he really hadn’t expected an emotional Xavier.
“And then,” Xav continued, filling the silence that Oz was leaving, “when I got done, you were cold-shouldering me.”
“What?” Oz asked.
“You barely looked at me after I came in. And I know I’ll always be second priority to Henry, but maybe you could develop enough emotional capacity to care that we’re BOTH not dead? Just an idea.”
“That’s not— For f— It sucked not seeing you all day. I hated it. But I couldn’t… Not with everyone else around.”
“Couldn’t what? Acknowledge that I exist for more than five seconds?”
“No! I—” Well, possibly exactly that, actually. Because (5…) he’d locked eyes with Xavier now, and (4…) it was making the words fly out of his head. Not that (3…) he’d ever been great with them to begin with. (2…) It was easier to just give in and show him.
He didn’t make it to a full five seconds before he’d given up on trying to express it, and pulled Xavier in, crushing their lips together.
For a second, Xavier didn’t respond, but then he leant into the kiss, his hands winding round Oz’s neck. When they came up for air, Xav looked like he was trying to think of something to say. Oz was one hundred percent sure that anything he himself had to contribute right now would be something stupid that ruined the moment. Xav didn’t seem to be finding words any faster, which suited Oz just fine. He waved his wand over his shoulder, locking the door. It wouldn’t be enough to keep out any of their classmates, but it would at least give them a heads up. That done, he pulled Xavier back towards him.
13
Oz Spellman
I'm really glad you're not dead
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Xavier Lundstrom