Not happy. [Professor Duell] on Elective Hall

Bonabelle Row

October 23, 2020 2:43 PM

Not happy. [Professor Duell] by Bonabelle Row

Bonabelle was pissed. She was seething. She was unlucky that her Uncle's office and Professor Duell's were close to each other, as impulsive was not a good look for her. Her uncle had actually left his office at the same time as she had - she'd paused in the hallway to adjust her bag and he'd watched her for a moment before disappearing down the corridor - so he wasn't there anyway. Tea had gone fine except that it hadn't and now there was only one person in her mind to be blamed for any of it. Well, two people. But the other one was in Las Vegas and ideally wasn't going to ever talk to her again - she'd decided that before she knew for sure where he was - so the only other option was the one who was accessible to her.

She knocked hard on the divination professor's office door and then opened it with a shove when she was allowed in. She wouldn't have any classes in here for a while yet, probably never actually because it was stupid, and the woman on the other side of the desk didn't seem like a teacher to her. She was Aunt Giselle. She was just some lady that Val was related to.

Val.

Val was going to be really upset if she heard about this. But it was too late; Bonabelle had given into an impulsive rage and it was too late to back out.

"Hey, it's me," she said sharply, assuming the woman could either magic her way into figuring that out or recognize her voice from their summer 'party'. "I just had a quick question, professor. I was wondering what your problem is?" She could hear that she was shouting. She was shouting at a professor no less. She was shouting at a new professor, and a blind woman. It really wasn't a great look. "Because my problem is that my father and his brother didn't get to reunite and there weren't any meadows. There's just a lot of pain and hurt and you had to go and ruin everything and make your stupid prediction and make this all happen." Her screaming very quickly became sobbing, but she wasn't about to stop. "And you had to go and make those stupid predictions in Valentine's cup and now what? I'm going to lose my best friend to some stupid boy probably, just like I lost my dad because of you, and it's your stupid fault!"

She burst into tears without any of the energy of her screaming then, and covered her face in her hands. "I'm sorry," she whimpered. "You can give me detention now."

22 Bonabelle Row Not happy. [Professor Duell] 1488 Bonabelle Row 1 5

Giselle Duell

October 28, 2020 7:13 PM

Why would you be? by Giselle Duell

Giselle was starting to get into 'the swing of things' here at Sonora. It was very, very different than Delphi on many levels. Most of which were good. The other professors seemed to be nice people for the most part. The students were... mostly attentive. She wondered if that was because her class was an elective. Only the students that actually wanted to be here and learn came to it. The best part however, was that aside from the professors and students, she wasn't alone.

Valentine was here, she couldn't take Giselle's class yet (which the girl was still mad about), but she was still here in the school and that made it so much better than if she was here without anyone else that she knew. The girl seemed to find time to randomly drop in from time to time as well. How Val did that with everything else she was involved in was beyond her, but it happened. As such she wasn't overly surprised when there was a knock at her door. It was heavier than normal, but she invited the person into her office.

She winced when the door practically slammed open and a bundle of fury that was not Valentine entered her office. Her gut reaction was to cower, it wasn't often that Lia had gotten loud like this, but when she did... No. No, this is not Lia, this is a student. This is... that voice wasn't familiar from class, it was from the summer, Bonabelle? Giselle's expression hardened as she allowed Bonabelle's torrent of words to rush through her. Thanks to Valentine, Bonabelle had been loosely categorized as 'family' in her mind. It seemed as though she wanted to be recategorized as 'adversary' and Giselle's mind unconsciously acceded to the girl's wishes.

"Fine." She stated simply, with an edge to her voice. "You have detention. Now." With a flick of her wand, the doors to her office closed simultaneously. She stood and began to walk around to the front of her desk as she spoke in a low, cold tone. "As for your initial question. If you do not know already, I do not think you want to know what my problems are." The List, always waiting in the back of her mind, began to automatically review itself for her. Loss of parents, loss of eyesight, abandonment in a foreign country... she was just on the verge of explaining in excruciating detail how much worse Bonabelle's life could be before beginning a lengthy lecture on the differences between observation and causation, when she stopped suddenly.

Loss of parents, abandonment... No. Bonabelle wasn't an adversary, she was... her. Val had been trying to think of ideas for Bonabelle's thirteenth birthday party which was soon. A few long years ago, Giselle had been the thirteen year old girl, lost and abandoned. She had been angry and heartbroken and… She felt something heave within her and she steadied herself on her desk. That was how her life had gone, Lia had explained how much worse things could be and... No. No, she would not become Lia. She would not become a monster.

Giselle worked her way back around to her chair and unceremoniously sat back down. "I... I am sorry as well." She waved her wand again and the doors unsealed. "You may go, if you wish.” She continued quietly with just a little hesitation in her voice, “We may have more in common than you may think.” She sighed and wondered exactly what she would have wanted someone to tell her all those years ago. She had no idea, she had been too sad and angry and downright miserable. In theory, this was the point at which the responsible and well-adjusted professor should offer to talk and listen to the troubled student, but she wasn’t sure that’s what she would have wanted and it would mean she would have to delve back into her own past. A past she was desperately trying to put far, far behind her. Plus Lia had talked and listened, that hadn’t really helped. What was she to do?

She had to make one point. Giselle the Divinations Professor had to defend herself, her subject, a little. “Just... I hope you know that divining does not cause things to happen, it only shows us what has happened, what is happening, or what may happen. People have free will, and that in short is what makes this subject so difficult.” She actually gave a small, wry smirk, “People.”

With that done, she realized she had one more duty. "I can't say much about your other complaints, but I feel rather certain on one of them." She sighed, "You have spent more time with Valentine than I have lately. But even I know that she wouldn't toss a friend aside that casually. Maybe one day she will meet a stupid boy that catches her fancy, but I don't believe she would allow him to be a wedge to drive anyone from her, least of all her best friend."

2 Giselle Duell Why would you be? 1517 0 5

Bonabelle Row

October 30, 2020 8:48 PM

Well things were alright for awhile. by Bonabelle Row

There was something especially terrifying about a blind woman seeing you and one who could apparently see the future made it all the more ferocious. While Professor Duell didn't look at her, she held no less force than if she'd kept her with her gaze and Bonabelle resisted the urge to shudder as the door slammed shut. She was like 99% sure she was about to be murdered by her best friend's aunt, but it weirdly wasn't the most threatening situation she'd ever been in and she hadn't backed down then so she wasn't about to do it now. She kept her jaw locked but lowered her gaze some in a show of respect that the woman couldn't see and which Bonabelle was tempted to drop as a result.

The idea that Professor Duell had problems was not actually one Bonabelle had considered when she'd demanded this of her and now she sort of wondered what had made her blind . . . or scary. Except suddenly, she wasn't very scary. She was small and . . . Bonabelle thought being small made you weak. She'd always thought that. She'd always refused to be small. But Professor Duell didn't seem weak then. If anything, she seemed stronger for the ability to be small without breaking, and new angry tears welled up in Bonabelle's eyes; she didn't want that to be the answer.

Everything stopped for her when Professor Duell sat down and said they had things in common. She was the first person to tell Bonabelle that she wasn't the only one. Sure, Uncle Killian tried to make sure she knew that sometimes, and he'd lost stuff too, but Professor Duell was the only person who said it about themselves that Bonabelle could really believe.

She wasn't sure why, because she didn't really know that much about Professor Duell, even if she'd heard a lot about Aunt Giselle; most of those stories revolved around who the woman was now, not how she'd gotten there. And she really wasn't that much of a grown woman anyway. So how had she gotten there? Had it hurt her as much as growing up hurt seemed to hurt Bonabelle?

She didn't mean to sit down across from Professor Duell, the chair scraping loudly on the floor as she moved it away from the desk and then scooted back in. She didn't mean to search her face so relentlessly, looking for some sign of deception or trickery. It was an open sort of study that she wouldn't normally have given into if not for the fact that this particular subject wouldn't know. Wouldn't argue with her. Bonabelle wasn't ashamed of taking advantage of people's weaknesses because that was how you survived, and because Professor Duell could see her future so it wasn't like they were on even ground anyway.

She blushed when Professor Duell pointed out that Valentine wouldn't throw her away, knowing she didn't really think she would. Sometimes, she worried she would. But she didn't really believe it. Val had room in her heart to love everyone it seemed; Bonabelle just wanted to be loved a little extra. Her mind circled back to the idea that divining things didn't make them happen though. That things could be known and it wouldn't change anything. Perhaps even that knowing them would be the reason they happened. It made her mind whirl as, for the first time, she considered possibilities that she hadn't before. She liked knowing things . . . would it be worth it to know more things?

"You're alone too?" Bonabelle finally asked. Her voice came out in a crackle, her throat raw. "I thought I was the only one who was alone."

22 Bonabelle Row Well things were alright for awhile. 1488 0 5

Giselle Duell

October 31, 2020 8:36 PM

Things change, whether we want it or not by Giselle Duell

What would happen next? Something like a shiver ran down Giselle's spine. That was the question. The question that drove people into this field of study, the question that was always asked of those in the field. Now here she was, asking it to herself. She was silently asking it of Bonabelle. What happens next? The girl was quiet, would she run away? Would she shout some more? Giselle tensed as she heard Bonabelle begin to move. She was going to leave, it was probably for the best. Bonabelle was hurt and there was nothing she could do to help. At best she could hopefully not make it worse. Still it had been nice to realize that as horrible as it was for Bonabelle, perhaps she would understand things in way that others could not. But, she was lea.... sitting down? The sound of the chair moving on the floor was unmistakable, as well as the quieter sounds of someone taking a seat.

Bonabelle was still quiet. What was she thinking? She didn't want to do anything to frighten the girl, so she didn't move her wand. However, she had been using her spell for long enough that she had long ago stopped needing the words for it, she had also been able to cast it without her wand as well, but the image it made was generally terrible. A slight movement of the fingers revealed a person whom she assumed was still Bonabelle, sitting and simply facing her. There was no insight to be gleaned by this method, for all she knew Bonabelle was sticking her tongue out at her.

When Bonabelle's voice broke the silence, Giselle wilted inside. She wanted to talk. She wanted to delve back into the nightmare that she had only recently broken free from, that she was still struggling to put behind her. Giselle's face unconsciously hardened with a grimace. No, she couldn't, she had to put that all behind her and move forward. "I... I was alone." Yes, that's right. Now she had family again. She had Marissa and Andrew and Valentine... but despite everything, she didn't. Despite all of their efforts to make her feel at home and loved and that she belonged, there was still a gulf between them. Her face took on a pained expression, there were still seven years of unhappiness that they just hadn't lived through.

Giselle sighed, "No. That's not true." She countered herself quietly. "I was alone for a long time," it had felt good to admit that she and Bonabelle had something in common, and it seemed like Bonabelle wanted to confirm that? "I'd like to think I'm not now... but that's not true. Not yet at least." She leaned forward a little, "No one else can relate. They try, but..." her face took on a forlorn look, "How do you explain to someone what it is like to loose everything and be expected to keep moving on?"

2 Giselle Duell Things change, whether we want it or not 1517 0 5

Bonabelle Row

November 03, 2020 3:30 PM

Right now, I really want things to change. by Bonabelle Row

Bonabelle bit her lip, resisting another wave of tears. She was feeling very much like a wet mop since walking into Professor Duell's office. She nodded. "No one else can relate," she repeated in a quiet, affirming voice.

That was the crux of the whole thing, wasn't it? Sure, other people had lost their dads. Sure, other people had lost parents. Sure, other people had been shipped off to live in an unfamiliar country with unfamiliar family. But no one else was her and no else had lost her dad and no one else had been shipped off to Ireland to live with her unfamiliar family. It was its own dynamic. No one else knew what it was like to be in her head. The guilt that weighed on her made everything feel heavy. She felt guilty for being glad to not live with her dad, and to have hot food and clothes whenever she needed them, and to have people who kissed her goodnight because they were there at night. She also felt guilty for missing her dad, and missing London, and missing the strangers that came in and out of the house. She didn't miss the sounds that would come from her dad's room sometimes but she was familiar with them. She was familiar with writing letters to debt collectors and pretending to be her dad and she was familiar with eating greasy food from wherever her dad had picked something up and staying up all the hours she wanted to and wandering around alone if she wanted. But no one understood that, and if she tried to explain it she thought they might think she was crazy.

How could she tell Valentine any of that when Valentine's life was basically perfect? Except for her aunt, apparently. She supposed Uncle Killian wasn't perfect either, and certainly the whole family was dealing with the disappearance of her father - and now his reappearance for whatever it was worth - but it was different. They lost someone they hadn't seen in a long time. They didn't lose the person who was supposed to take care of them. They didn't lose their best friend.

"How do you keep moving on?" Bonabelle asked, her voice choked. "I am trying to figure it out but everything just seems hard. I . . . I don't want Val to be disappointed in me for being sad all the time but I just feel so sad. All. The. Time. I don't want her to feel bad for me." She looked up at the woman, realizing she'd dropped her gaze to her hands, which curled into fists in her lap. She made an effort to relax them as she considered Professor Duell. "How do you keep moving on?" she asked, changing her question to be a little more curious in the woman before her instead of just advice for herself. "You're a teacher now. I can't imagine trying to deal with other people and this at the same time." She blushed, feeling bad both for her uncle, since she'd never given him credit for that, and for being for Professor Duell exactly what she was saying would be hard. "Sorry," she murmured. "Guess I'm probably not helping."

22 Bonabelle Row Right now, I really want things to change. 1488 0 5

Giselle Duell

November 09, 2020 7:06 PM

Then you can wait for them, or make them happen by Giselle Duell

The girl in front of her was quiet for a while after agreeing with her. Giselle could sense that she was deep in though. That was alright, she needed time to think herself. What was she doing? Bonabelle had problems... some of the same problems that she had. She was no licensed therapist, she didn't have any sort of training with this sort of thing, she wasn't qulified. Yet she was a professor here, she was going to have to deal with students... and their problems. She'd hoped it was just going to be mainly homework difficulties, but that didn't seem to be the case. Oh Merlin, she just did not want to make things worse. What could she do? Send Bonabelle away? No, that would not be good, she knew that much. Maybe get really cryptic and vague? No, Bonabelle wouldn't buy that for a moment. The longer she talked to the girl, the more she would make things worse.

The other question was what to do once this was over? Should she talk to Killian or Selina? She was pretty sure someone else should be told about Bonabelle... would that make Bonabelle think she had betrayed her confidence? Then what? She didn't know, maybe she would need to do some research...

Giselle's own musings were interrupted by Bonabelle's question, her emotion as plain as day. The girl was talking, trying to explain her own feelings. Giselle wondered if she guess how close she was to describing Giselle's own feelings on the matter. Her face froze as Bonabelle's second question, as it was clearly not the same question despite using the same words, pierced her deeply. Was it truly that obvious that she was broken that badly that she shouldn't even be able to move forward? Then she relaxed as Bonabelle continued on, it hadn't been entirely an accusation, more of a pleading for advise?

The divinations professor returned the second year's apology with a weak and wary smile. "Not really," she replied honestly. Honesty was probably going to be the only thing that would work with Bonabelle. From the way Val talked, she was to smart for anything else. "Teaching," she continued softly, "has made for a nice diversion from such things... usually." She tried another, very slightly braver smile. "I keep moving on because the alternative frightens me even more. I need to put that past behind me," she sighed, "And moving forward is the only way to do that." She sat back in her chair, her posture sagging a bit, "I need to build my own life now, and hopefully that will help me come to terms with my past."

Giselle lapsed into a contemplative silence for a few moments before speaking again. "I do not know about your situation, but I know I would not have made it this far without the help of my family." Her lips broke into a small but revealing smile at the last word. She still couldn't help it, after everything, it just felt so good to know that she hadn't been intentionally cast aside, that they were still her family. She sat up straight again, "I've also been going to sessions to deal with my problems, that has been helpful as well." A brief pause followed, "So, the key for me has been to find people that care enough to support me while I figured out what I needed to do."

She smiled and gave a slight shrug, "I don't know if that helps you at all, but..." her voice trailed off a moment, "I know there is at least one person in the building that cares for you quite a bit. She can be very insightful at times and most likely has sensed that something is wrong. So unless you want her to start trying to help you without knowing how to do that.. you may want to talk with her." Giselle hoped she hadn't made things worse, she was a little surprised to find that she felt a bit better now. A little like she felt after one of her better sessions. Assuming she hadn't done things terribly wrong, she wouldn't mind talking to Bonabelle again, maybe. "Also, you know when my office hours are.. should you want to make use of them."

2 Giselle Duell Then you can wait for them, or make them happen 1517 0 5