We've got to talk (tag Dorian). on Teppenpaw Commons

Katerina Vorontsov

July 30, 2020 10:12 AM

We've got to talk (tag Dorian). by Katerina Vorontsov

Katya had known for a long time, really, that she needed to intervene, but she had kept hanging back, kept hoping she wouldn’t have to insert herself into something unpleasant for as long as possible. In fact, she had done so longer than had been wise, as the luncheon with the Polyakovs had proven over midterm. The situation was out of hand now, and it was high time someone did something about it. For lack of better candidates, Katya would have to be that someone.

Never mind that Tatya might well hate her, if she ever found out about it. Never mind that deep down, she didn’t even want to do it – that she still felt all wrong about the whole thing. Never mind that it was hard, being stern with someone who still looked just like someone she had been friendly with, once – someone she’d even had a bit of a crush on herself, once, if she was to be honest. None of those things mattered at all. Doing things that weren’t easy was what it took to keep the world in order, and though she was only a girl, Katya was part of the class responsible for keeping that order.

Accordingly, she lurked around the common room, looking for an opportunity to speak to Dorian when there were relatively few people to observe them. She did not need news of her conversing with someone socially unacceptable to get back to Sylvia without context; her life here might get much harder if it did, and she really did not want that. Nor did she even want a scene – it would make things ever so much worse than they had to be, and they were quite bad enough to be getting on with, in her opinion.

When she spotted what she thought was as good an opportunity as she was going to get, she chose the most obscured of the nearby seats, opening her sewing basket and saying, in an undertone, “We need to have a discussion, Dorian,” in French.

She didn’t know why she chose his native language, really. His Russian seemed to have come along well enough that he’d probably understand what she’d had to say if she’d stuck to hers, and really, ‘discussion’ was not the term for this. She needed to say something, and he needed to do as she said. Still, at least the number of people in the room who would understand her if they somehow eavesdropped was still miniscule.

“Did you ever care about my sister at all?” she asked, still in French, thinking this was an important point to establish before they got into the meat of the conversation. If he couldn’t convince her of anything on that point, then she might just be handing him arrows to fire at her sister by saying the rest. “In any way at all?”

16 Katerina Vorontsov We've got to talk (tag Dorian). 1418 1 5

Dorian Montoir

July 30, 2020 9:07 PM

Talking is good by Dorian Montoir

Katerina had been a distant little stranger for a while. Initially, she had been a bright and bubbly thing, and willing to let Dorian play big brother and to practise his Russian on her. They had shared books, and Katya had seemed to genuinely like him (he had been a little too sheltered to realise quite how much). However, over the years that had changed. He attributed that to her finding her own friends, which was obviously a good thing. One of those friends was Sylvia Mordue, who he had never really warmed to, but even initially there had been no reason for him to feel that Katya having her own friends might make her like him any less. As he had come to realise certain things about himself, of course, he knew that people like Sylvia might take exception to him. But he had also known that his own friends might, and his concern over peripheral people like Sylvia had played very little part in his worrying. Thus Katya had been able to fade from his life with no real realisation on his part that it had happened, until she sat down opposite him, and it occurred to him that it had been a while since that had happened.

Her opening statement was confusing and concerning. It was, he supposed, not a rumour that he was unfamiliar with, the idea of him and Tatya having been romantically inclined towards one another, although he would have thought that she herself would have done enough to dispel that amongst her own family. He was very sure that she did not and never had felt that way about him. This line of questioning might have made him have second thoughts on that front, but from Katerina’s other question, it seemed like she was not merely asking about feelings of a romantic nature.

“Of course,” he stated, sticking to French seeing as she had chosen to start the conversation in that language. He assumed that was a gesture of goodwill given that it was probably the less private language compared to Russian - a few people had some French, though he wasn’t aware of any Teppenpaws with their level of fluency. “Tatya has always been one of my closest friends and still is. I regard her as something like a sister,” he stated, choosing his words carefully in the presence of someone who was actually able to lay claim to that title. “And it is still the same,” he added, his sentence structure and vocabulary becoming a little simpler as he switched briefly to Russian to show the same respect she was showing him. He worried why Katya thought this might have changed. Unless it was not that it had, but that she felt it should… It didn’t match with the question she was asking him but it wasn’t like that worry couldn’t easily and readily swim to the surface of his mind with the least provocation. “Is something wrong?” he asked, switching back to French, because if they were going to discuss something complicated, he would rather be sure he understood it properly.

13 Dorian Montoir Talking is good 1401 0 5

Katerina Vorontsov

August 01, 2020 12:44 PM

I'd say it depends on context. by Katerina Vorontsov

Katya focused on her sewing materials as Dorian talked in a mix of French and Russian, evaluating what to take out, what to keep her hands busy with. Something absorbing enough to keep her from looking or feeling or even thinking too much, something compact enough to pack away quickly, without pausing….

“Everything is wrong,” she said in response to the question. “She will not behave. When we were at home…” She paused to thread a needle and tie off the ends of the thread. “She would not behave. She told our jeweler’s son that his designs were not interesting and offered to show his father her own, and take Feodor Aleksandrovich’s place.” Her French grew more rapid, and more heavily accented, as she became agitated; she realized she was crumpling her work in her hand, only narrowly averting driving her needle into her palm. She forced herself to become quieter again, to sit back and speak properly.

“I am afraid that she sees you – doing as you would, though it is not correct – and she thinks she too can behave however she wants,” she went on once she had regained her composure. “And I am sure you encourage her in this stupidity – but if you do care for her, as you say, you will stop that. You must not be friends with her anymore. What will happen to her if she goes on like this, refusing to behave? She will get old, and no-one will be willing to marry her anymore, and she will have to ask one of our brothers to – to have her live with them as a charity-case!”

He knew Tatiana. He had to know how much it would offend Tatiana’s pride to be forced to rely on charity, to stay where she wasn’t wanted, with everyone glancing at her when they thought she wasn’t looking, murmuring ‘poor Tatiana’ for the rest of her life. Tatiana knew it too, she thought, but she wasn’t thinking clearly. Tatiana imagined that everyone would make life pleasant for her because everyone had always made life pleasant for her; she would not accept the way things really were until it was too late, unless it was thrown in her face that it could not be that way. She was not a child anymore, and the world was not kind to grown women who did not want to take their proper places in society.

“It is for her own good,” she said in English. “It is not kind for you to encourage her. You must stop that now.” She paused, evaluating her options under the cover of looking at her stitches again, and then added, “Please.”

16 Katerina Vorontsov I'd say it depends on context. 1418 0 5

Dorian Montoir

August 02, 2020 8:45 AM

Ah, the school of 'if you don't have anything nice to say...' by Dorian Montoir

Of all the siblings or families Dorian had expected to come banging on his door (metaphorically speaking) and talking about how he was to blame for influencing their child, Tatya's would not have been the first he expected. Of course, though his alleged influence on Vlad was much more obvious (even though he had been assured it did not work like that), he supposed he was a convenient scapegoat for a set of behaviours which were, as far as he could see, simply Tatya being Tatya. Perhaps he had failed to make her moderate her behaviour - he would certainly plead guilty as charged to the idea that he had never censured her for it, but he would never agree that that was a thing he deserved approbation for.

So, Tatya had told the jewellery boy she could design better than him? It was probably true. And all Dorian could really think about it was Good for her.

Katy-Katerina's arguments stung him, of course. It was hurtful to be blamed, to be called wrong and stupid, and - most hurtful of all - to hear someone say that his friendship with Tatya should be finished. That was something that had followed him and frightened him for a long time, and even if he didn't believe that individually, Katerina had the power to make that happen, he certainly believed that her family could make it difficult if they wished. Or that he could end up having Tatya pulled away or becoming the wedge between her and her family. He knew how much those divisions hurt.

However, much of what she was saying was by now, quite a familiar refrain. It had been his mother's main line of attack - the box is a good, safe place to be, and who knows what will happen if you step outside it? He knew what had happened. He had become free. Freedom could have a high price, he knew that too. And he didn't wish for anyone to follow him thoughtlessly in box-breaking. But he knew that some people couldn't just stay where other people tried to put them, and he wondered what kind of fate or unspoken recognition had drawn him to Tatya - two such seemingly different souls, yet ultimately so alike.

He also felt somewhat prepared for the fight he was about to have, having already had it several times over the past year. It came from a place of love, he hoped, and he saw that that could be enough to change a mind, over time.

"Ah yes," he said evenly, "Tatya was always so level-headed, and so very keen on proper marriage before now." He sighed, not wanting to prickle or pick a fight.

"I understand your point," he stated, "And that you do this because you love her - at least, I hope so. I hope you love Tatya, and not just the idea of what you think she should be. Start to pull one of those threads," he nodded at her sewing, "Start to unpick one part of the design you don't like. Put something new in its place. Keep doing so. How long before it is not the same piece any more? I know you think what you want her to do is best, or will make her happy. What if you are wrong? If the choice is that she behaves how you choose or she is happy, which one of those do you wish for?" he asked. Because if it wasn't the second one, Katerina had some nerve coming to cast doubt on how much he loved his sister.

13 Dorian Montoir Ah, the school of 'if you don't have anything nice to say...' 1401 0 5

Katerina Vorontsov

August 02, 2020 11:46 AM

What's so wrong with that? by Katerina Vorontsov

Katya made a sort of irritated noise, just short of a hiss, at the sarcastic allusion to Tatiana’s disposition. She knew Tatiana had never been level-headed or keen on behaving like a lady. Everyone knew this, who knew Tatya at all. That was exactly the problem.

“How can she be happy if she throws her life away?” she asked fiercely instead of answering his direct question. “Where do you think she will have a better life – as the lady of a house, with many things under her control – or in the back of the house, with her sister-in-law in control of her and how much she has, with everyone saying ‘poor Tatya’ behind her back? What use is a life if you are only ever a burden on others?”

She realized this last bit was too much and bit her lip. She smoothed her sewing and tried to start again.

“I know that she does not want to be a lady now,” she acknowledged. “But you must know she cannot be a child forever. We have not many…” she searched for a word. “choices in life. It is better to think of what is less bad, no? But Tatya does not think this way. Papa spoiled her because she is clever and loud.” Unlike Katya, who had always simply been malen’kaya – ‘little one.’ It had never occurred to Papa to think of Katya the way he did Tatya, simply because, she assumed, she had been the youngest for so long – some of Tatya’s reputation had doubtless come from bossing Katya around while she was tiny – and because she was not loud. “But when a child is small, you should tell it to eat good food, not all cake, even though that does not make it happy at that time,” she added. "I would ask you to speak with her instead, but she would say that you have what you want, so why should she not also go her way? But it is not the same for a woman."

16 Katerina Vorontsov What's so wrong with that? 1418 0 5

Dorian Montoir

August 05, 2020 6:55 PM

Nothing at all. So why is your mouth open? by Dorian Montoir

Had she just hissed at him? Dorian was well aware of the range of sounds that small, irritated Pureblood girls could make. Émilie though, he was sure, had never hissed at him. Huffed, certainly. And Mama tongue clicked. He was inclined to find both of those more forgivable than hissing, though perhaps it was more just that he was more inclined to forgive both of them. Either way, the noise elicited a frown from him.

Some of Katerina’s points almost made sense. He wasn’t supposing that Tatya had a range of choices at her disposal, but equally nor had he. His parents hadn’t exactly paraded boys and girls in front of him and let him pick. He’d made his own choice outside of what they expected and dealt with the consequences. It was scary to think of Tatya doing the same but it wasn’t something he could find inherently wrong. He could also see how Katerina couldn’t see it that way, when her view was limited to the choices she had always had. Again, it was similar to his mother’s refrain - ‘what will you do when you get tired of this? When you come back and realise you have lost everyone’s good opinion? You won’t be able to make your way in society!’

Well, maybe he wouldn’t, and maybe he didn’t want to. Maybe he’d go out and find friends and fill his life with… who knew what. He hadn’t seen enough to know exactly what kind of world awaited him, just to know that it existed. There were more people like him. There were people who accepted people like him. There was something called ‘Pride’ which Professor Brooding-Hawthorne was going to take him to. And he could surround himself with love and rainbows and happiness. The absence of society wasn’t the absence of everything, just because it was everything that Mama and Katerina and the rest of them knew.

“You do not do this with a child because a child does not yet know how to make its own choices. Tatya is an adult. You might not like her choices, but you don’t get to decide that she is incapable of making them. Maybe she will use that loudness and that cleverness. Because no, I don’t think Tatya will be happy being in the position you describe. But she is a Pecari through and through. She will not sit still and be unhappy. She will go out and chase and do things. Maybe find something different to do than what you think is possible.” And it was never going to be accurate to say that no one in her family would support her. Maybe her other siblings were not willing to, or were going to try to bully and shame her into being something she wasn’t, “She will always have me to lean on,” he stated, well-aware that Katerina probably took that as a bad thing, but not willing to let her assume that Tatya didn’t have any choices at all.

13 Dorian Montoir Nothing at all. So why is your mouth open? 1401 0 5

Katerina Vorontsov

August 08, 2020 8:40 AM

Because I'm very, very worried! by Katerina Vorontsov

“My family are not barbarians,” said Katya sharply, the last word switching from French to Russian because she wasn’t sure she knew that word in French and did not want to end up being funny while they were discussing such a serious topic. “We are not like Americans,” she continued, reverting to French. “We will not throw Tatya to wolves because she is – is – “ she waved one hand in frustration, unable to think of any word in any of her languages to explain what Tatiana was. “Always Papa and Mama have agreed, they would not make any of us marry where we do not want. Perhaps they might send her away if she disgraces them, but not as Americans do to their scandal-girls. But she acts like a child and thinks like a child and she will break our mama’s heart with this.”

She said this last part in a tone which implied that it ought to settle the matter beyond any possible argument. In her mind, it did. If she had thought it through, deliberately, it might have occurred to her that it was unlikely that Dorian would care about anyone’s mama’s heart – he had, after all, presumably already broken his mother’s, if news of his behavior had gotten back to her – but she didn’t think of that in the heat of the moment.

“If you want to help her, you marry her. Maybe she only loves you as a child does – but this is the only way Tatya thinks, and you – you do not care about that anyway,” she said bluntly, flushing at having strayed so near to a topic a lady really ought not discuss in company. “You live in the village, no-one knows you there. Easy,” she suggested desperately, hardly able to believe herself what she was saying now. “No more scandal, no unhappiness.” Well, not for their mamas and papas, anyway. Or, most likely, Dorian. Tatiana would eventually be miserable, she was sure – she would grow up and realize she had made a dreadful mistake, and was going to die without children due to her husband’s inclination – but less so than she could be, if she continued to be so foolish and childish.

16 Katerina Vorontsov Because I'm very, very worried! 1418 0 5

Dorian Montoir

August 18, 2020 7:09 AM

But the solution is right there. by Dorian Montoir

“I am not saying you will,” Dorian stated, when Katerina said they would not throw Tatya out. Part of him was relieved to hear it although he wasn’t yet fully convinced. She had said Tatya might be sent away if she ‘disgraced’ them, and Katerina still seemed unwilling to entertain options outside of how she viewed the world. “After all, you keep referencing how you will keep her, sad and unoccupied and living off her family’s charity. I still think you need to look beyond that - because that is clearly what Tatya is going to do.”

He was relieved not to be drinking anything as she proposed her solution to the problem. ‘Proposed’ being the apt word, albeit on someone else’s behalf. Had he been partaking of tea, he surely would have choked on it. His mouth fell open slightly, and he managed to stifle a laugh (he was sure the action would not improve Katerina’s mood) but the scenario was as ridiculous as it was appalling. And he was supposed to do what, exactly, with his boyfriend? Give him up and lead a chaste existence? Or did Katerina imagine that somehow being married would spark the non-existent, impossible flame between him and - uck it was just gross even thinking about that. Part of him wanted to needle her, to ask whether he was to be allowed to keep a bit on the side, assuming his wife had no objections. But the trouble was she already saw him as coarse and vulgar. She already discounted his relationship as having any meaning, hence her plan which so swiftly disposed of anything he might want as if it didn’t matter. Was her argument that he should love Tatya more, or did she also think it was only depraved lust that he felt and could not possibly be love? That Jean-Loup was none of her concern and could go decadently and sinfully fornicate with someone else because it wasn’t like their relationship was real? He swallowed every angry comeback, not to spare her feelings but to not sink to being as low as she’d already placed him.

“Neither of us wants that,” he pointed out, well aware that what anyone except Katerina wanted seemed to be a low priority for this conversation. “And you seem to forget that I might fully intend on marrying for love,” he pointed out, not able to let his relationship be written off undefended, though he cut in quickly before she could draw breath to argue what she thought of that, “And no scandal? Maybe not. But the constant risk of it. It is so, so heavy having a secret, and waiting to see if people will find out. You don’t want on it you, and you don’t want it for her. And it won’t even save her from the pity and the talking you fear so much, because how long before she becomes the poor lady whose husband doesn’t give her a baby, hm? And don’t even suggest-” he shook his head firmly, looking pained at the idea. “You’ll always have to live wondering whose gossiping about that. Who’s coming up with their own theories as to why. Or maybe they’ll assume it’s something wrong with her, and think how that then reflects on the rest of you.

“I am sorry your heart hurts. And that you think your Mama’s will too. But the only cure I can see for that is learning to love Tatya for who she is. I have seen people try every other option, and it doesn’t work. If you ever want help understanding how to do that, I am happy to help you try. But for any other solution, I will not be involved,” he stated, standing to go. He doubted she was ready to see the truth of that yet. He was sure she wanted to call him every name under the sun, and keep telling him how he should marry Tatya or bring her into line. But he didn’t have to stay and hear any more of that.

13 Dorian Montoir But the solution is right there. 1401 0 5