Evelyn Stones
May 28, 2020 9:35 PM
Letters Home [tag McLeods] by Evelyn Stones
Speaking with Mr. Row had been helpful but not actually done much to help Evelyn decide anything. They had discussed correspondence schools, schools with options to live on campus (he had nodded knowingly when she said she'd be getting custody of her brother, as if she'd confirmed something for him, although she couldn't imagine what), and daycare. They'd also talked about timelines: whether to begin immediately after Sonora, whether to wait, how and when to look into parenting classes and such, etc. The whole of it had only confirmed for Evelyn that she knew exactly what she wanted and, for the first time in her life, she had the power to make it happen. The problem was that there were a lot of other people to consider, too, and she didn't really know enough about the factors that were most going to impact her, like CJ's placement, the McLeods' feelings about it all, and Heinrich's plans after Sonora.She'd spent a lot of time mulling it over, turning the ideas around and upside down in her mind until she decided it was pointless to keep doing so in isolation; she would need to address at least some part of those external factors if she wanted to get anywhere. Since she didn't want to put any extra pressure on Heinrich ("Hi, I was just wondering if you wanna move in together right away after we graduate. You sort of implied it but I wanted to make sure I knew. Also, should CJ call you 'dad' or 'uncle'?" was absolutely not going to be a thing she asked him anytime soon) and CJ's future was an enigma more than anything, Evelyn set about going to the third big question mark in her life. She pulled paper and writing utensils out and sat in the comfiest chair with a table she could find in the Common Room. It was not ideal because there was always the chance that Malikhi or Parker or Hilda or Aelia might suddenly appear and want to talk, but it was after curfew and sitting on her bed to write seemed like a good way to put it off and just go to sleep. Since she didn't mind much whether it was Marijke, Fionn, or Kir who replied, she wouldn't address the letter to anyone in particular.
Dear family,
It made her smile to begin her letter that way, and she drew a face next to the words to indicate as much.
I hope that things are well there. Thank you, again, for everything.
I had a chance to talk to our guidance counselor, Mr. Row, about my options for after graduation, and I wanted to talk to you because I'm not terribly sure what to do. I would still like to pursue law school and take custody of CJ after I graduate, and it sounds like I'll have support. Heinrich - I have told you a lot about him, I think? - had offered to help too, after he came to visit this summer, and before he knew that CJ was with you all, he had asked me about taking him in himself, just to get him away from my dad. We talked about it because I don't want everything to go topsy turvy for CJ all the time, and I think he wants to do this with me.
Her stomach did little backflips, as it always did when she had good news. There was a deep fear that the things she thought were good would be put down and she would be forced to back pedal. What if the McLeods did not approve of this arrangement? Legally, they had guardianship rights over CJ. Granted, she could probably get them back as his biological relative, but Heinrich would have a harder time doing so and she certainly didn't want to get into a legal battle with her family - her real family. But also, she had talked a lot about Heinrich. Probably enough that everyone knew she liked him even before he knew. Probably before she knew, really. She wasn't about to tell anyone the details of his own family background, but she thought that they probably knew that he was a good, honest person, full of integrity. Truth be told, she was more worried about what they'd think of her.
Of everyone in the world, the McLeods hadn't exactly seen her best. Or perhaps they had, but they'd also seen her worst. They'd seen her panic attacks and her nightmares and her anxiety and her flippancy and the way she pushed herself too hard to prove a point to herself and every other little thing. Would they think she would be an unfit parent?
I want to find schools that have programs with law degrees, and also work for Heinrich and his future plans, and also work for me/us taking care of CJ, but it all feels like so much to think about at once. I'm taking on a lot of extracurriculars this year (more than usual) to hopefully boost my applications, and I have good theory grades and alright practical grades. I guess . . . I'm not sure what anything is going to look like in four years. I know some things I'd like, but I don't know how to get from where I am now to where I'd like to be and it feels like a lot of moving pieces. Do you have any advice or ideas? I'll take whatever you have for me!
Give CJ all my love. Yours,
Evelyn
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Evelyn Stones
Letters Home [tag McLeods]
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Marijke McLeod
June 12, 2020 7:17 AM
Letters back by Marijke McLeod
The barn owl that swooped gracefully through the window to greet Evelyn was probably very familiar. After all, he had attended Sonora for seven years. He hooted affectionately and nibbled at her hair as he offered the letter for removal. Although the owl was Kir’s, the writing on the envelope was definitely recognisable as his mother’s.Marijke had spent a long time considering how to reply to the letter she had received. It felt like one of those conversations that might have been easier to have face to face, so as to avoid misunderstandings or hurt feelings - or at least get through them faster, rather than letting them stew in the long gaps between letters. But that was life. She would just have to hope her letter didn’t go over too badly. She hoped there was enough trust between her and Evelyn that they could speak their feelings, but it was complicated.
She suspected a lot of thought had gone into the letter that she had received. A lot of thought by a confident and capable young woman, and she didn’t want Evelyn to doubt that she saw and thought those things.
Dear Evelyn, it began, and the smiley face that Evelyn had drawn was mirrored here, to show she was thought of just as fondly, even if the word didn’t imply any closer relation.
Thank you for your letter. It’s good to hear about your future plans and that you have (even more) support.
You asked whether I have any advice for you, and I do… Put yourself first. I’m not sure how often you’ve had the luxury of doing that, even though - beyond occasionally letting your sibling get a look in - a childhood is meant to consist of more or less exactly that, even without realising it.
I admire that your future plans include CJ, and that you are thinking about how you would balance taking care of him with going to school, but the thing is… you don’t have to. When we took him in, it was not with a time limit. It was not with the understanding that you would take him as soon as you graduated Sonora. I can understand wanting to get him out of a vulnerable situation, but we’ve taken care of that. You kept sacrificing yourself by going back for him and we want to make sure you don’t have to do that any more, in any sense.
None of this means I think any less of you, or think you’re not capable. I think Kir is a wonderful young man - I think he’s smart, sensible and determined. I also think he’s still learning how to look after himself and balance his life with his studying, and I am grateful that’s all he has to worry about. I want the same for you. I want you to have fewer worries.
You can, of course, be as involved in CJ’s life as you want. Once you graduate Sonora, you’ll be able to see him more, and I think that will be wonderful for both of you. You can have weekends or weeks at a time when it works with your schedule.
Focussing on you will also help him in the long run - you’re bright and you’re capable, and I’m sure you’ll go far. Let yourself. Because being the best version of you that you can be will give him a much better future too. But also because you deserve it.
Write me back to tell me what you’re thinking and feeling. I have no idea whether I’m telling you what you want to hear or the exact opposite, so let me know.
Enclosed is a drawing from CJ. I told him I was writing to you - he says it’s for you and Heinrich.
Lots of love,
Marijke (and the rest of your family).
P.S. Kir figured Owliver might like to say hello, but he doesn’t know what the letter says
P.P.S he = Kir. Owlie probably knows all.’
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Marijke McLeod
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Marijke McLeod
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