Maybe we should try and build a bridge (tag Evelyn) on Pecari Commons

Malikhi Hill

May 21, 2020 5:19 AM

Maybe we should try and build a bridge (tag Evelyn) by Malikhi Hill

The Pecari common room had once felt warm and welcoming when Malikhi had first arrived at Sonora. He'd liked it immediately with its squashy, comfortable furniture and the brown and gold colour scheme that wasn't harsh on the eyes. It had been a place to relax and to study (not that Malikhi had ever really done much of that) and to enjoy the warmth of the fire. That had also been quite some time ago. These days, he spent little time in the common room, only really ever passing through it to go straight to his dormitory. While he was friendly with his other housemates, he had no inclination to go and join them in whatever conversation they were having. Malikhi had once wished to make lots of friends in Sonora, to create many happy memories and cause lots of mischief. Now, he mostly wished to spend the rest of his time here without experiencing any other life-altering events.

The Pecari common room also made him think of a friend that he had once had and that he had grown apart from. Evelyn Stones. They had long since fallen out of touch and, he supposed, out of friendship and Malikhi felt that it was probably his own fault. After the death of his father, he had pushed everybody away and had kept them at a distance ever since and that had included Evelyn. He did regret doing so because she had been nothing but kind and caring and Malikhi felt he had been rough and harsh in return. Death changed people and Malikhi felt it had changed him for the worse.

The end of his fourth year had gone well. He had a new friend new in Johana-Leonie and, he supposed, her brother Freddie but he wasn't entirely sure on that one. He had spent a short weekend at their home over the summer which had been fun and enjoyable and Malikhi had felt a little more normal. Hana made him feel happy and warm and he liked spending time with her. She made him feel things that he hadn't felt since spending his time in Evelyn's company in his first year.

He couldn't stop thinking about Evelyn and how things had drifted. It didn't feel right, somehow, to leave things as they were. It was probably too late to take things back to the friendship that they had once had but he was also a little tired of avoiding her gaze or awkward glances. He wanted to move on. He wanted to become better. He wanted to be able, at the very least, exchange a smile with her. If they couldn't be friends, they could be friendly acquaintances and that would be good enough for him. It was certainly better than what they had right now.

He didn't know where Evelyn spent her time these days and the Hall at meal times felt too crowded and exposed to speak to her. He knew that she would have to come back to the Pecari common room eventually so, for the first time in a long time, he took a seat in one of the very squishy armchairs in front of the warmth of the fire and he waited for her. When she finally appeared, Malikhi attracted her attention and asked, "Can we talk?"

20 Malikhi Hill Maybe we should try and build a bridge (tag Evelyn) 1423 1 5

Evelyn Stones

May 25, 2020 7:57 PM

I'd be happy to try. by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn felt vaguely like humming for most of the past several days, and she thought she was sort of floating through classes and such. It helped that Heinrich wasn't actually in those classes and her attention could be suitably paid to the professors and her classmates. That being said, school was still generally not easy for her, especially since her skills were meant to be improving even more than her academic skills. She could conduct research for a Charms paper as well as half of Aladren, but making those Charms actually work was a 50/50 thing.

She was returning from the library when a voice that had been familiar once got her attention and she looked over to find Malikhi. Really Malikhi. Not just the shell of her old friend, this time. Her chest felt tight and she was surprised at the waves of anger that rolled over her when he asked if he wanted to talk. She knew he'd experienced tragedy, but she'd experienced tragedy too, and she had never given up on anyone. Not until he gave up on her.

Nodding politely, she took a seat near enough to Malikhi for them to talk without her having to look right at him. There was a pause as she did look right at him though. "You look well," she said softly. She'd seen him at the Ball, which was surprising enough even if he hadn't gone with a date. It made her happy to think maybe he was happy, but she wasn't sure how to reconcile that feeling with the anger that had welled up unexpectedly inside her. Letting that out was not very good wolf of her. "Things alright?"

22 Evelyn Stones I'd be happy to try. 1422 0 5

Malikhi Hill

May 26, 2020 3:15 AM

Well, let's start with a foundation then. by Malikhi Hill

If Malikhi was honest with himself, he hadn't really thought about what he would say if Evelyn agreed to talk with him and he was now floundering, trying to find something, anything to say but words seemed to be stuck in his throat and this interaction was fast descending into awkwardness. Clearly, for moments as big and important as this one, it was much better to prepare what to say before actually going ahead with it. Instead, he was making himself look like an idiot which had not been his intention in the slightest. Apparently, interacting with Evelyn was something that Malikhi could not do very well at all.

He tried to force his mind to slow down, remembering advice that he had been given from the many therapy sessions his mother had forced him to attend over the last few years and took a deep breath, taking the chance to think now. In his head, he broke everything down into bite-sized manageable pieces and was going to deal with each one in an order. That would help. There was no need to rush this and he could take his time. All he had to do was one thing at a time. So, he started with her comment.

"Thank you," he acknowledged her observation. "You do, too."

That was step one done. Next, was her question.

"Things are alright," he nodded, trying to ignore the tightness in his throat. He would get through this, one step at a time.

Step two was complete. Step three was an explanation for wanting to talk to her in the first place. He imagined that it was probably a little odd for her that after not really talking for months upon months, he suddenly wanted to talk now. He needed to address that.

"I'm sorry," he started, his eyes meeting hers. Why was it hard to talk when he looked at her? Also, what was he apologising for? He supposed there was a list of things but he couldn't make the words come out, the knot of guilt in his stomach tightening with each second that passed. When he had wanted to fix things, he hadn't expected them to be this hard, to be confronted with such difficulty. It was Evelyn. They had once been very close.

Malikhi supposed that was the problem. It had been easier to talk to her when they had been close and now, they were more like strangers and strangers were harder to talk to. Strangers didn't always understand you. That's why they were strangers. Would Evelyn understand if he tried to explain? And what was he trying to explain anyway? It was hard to follow the advice of breaking things down into manageable pieces if you didn't know what you were breaking down.

"When my..." he started and swallowed thickly. Even those it had happened so long ago, it was still hard to say out loud. "...my Dad died... my behaviour..."

He cut himself off again and rubbed a hand over his face. This wasn't coming easily or naturally and Malikhi wasn't the best with words which made things harder and if he couldn't even complete a full sentence then Evelyn definitely wasn't going to understand. He had been stringing sentences together for many years now. Why was the skill failing him now?

"I'm sorry..." he tried, one more time. "For how I treated you."

20 Malikhi Hill Well, let's start with a foundation then. 1423 0 5

Evelyn Stones

May 26, 2020 12:47 PM

That's already been built. by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn blinked, surprised. Malikhi wasn't famous for his reflexivity or self-awareness and an apology was about the last thing she expected, not least because it meant that he understood he'd hurt her. At the same time, he was apologising for what her friend of several years ago had done to his friend of several years ago. This Malikhi hadn't done anything to hurt this Evelyn, except come with the face of someone who had. Maybe that wasn't fair of her, but she was about done with giving people second chances at this point. Still, Malikhi was not the problem in her life, and she really had relatively few problems in her life at this point, so she didn't want to be awful to him. She was better than that. He deserved better than that.

"I'm sorry, too," she replied, relaxing. "I wasn't very supportive." She had had, of course, lots of reasons why not. She'd been distracted with a different dad and a different tragedy, but that didn't mean she was excused from being a decent friend. She should've been there for him. How could she have expected him to be there for her when she didn't express any need for him? It had worked. She'd met Heinrich in part because of Malikhi's absence, as she'd been alone, and then, beautifully and inexplicably, she wasn't alone anymore. She hoped Malikhi wasn't either.

"It was good seeing you at the Ball," she smiled, wanting to acknowledge the more positive parts of this. "You looked happy with . . . Johana Leonie?" She was pretty sure that was the girl's name. She knew of her only because Hilda was her friend, but she didn't really know her very well herself. She knew she had a brother who adored Heinrich (reasonably so) and who probably would've made a good Pecari had he not been in Teppenpaw instead. He and Anya, she thought, were close. "I haven't seen you look happy in a long time," she added a little more solemnly, not wanting to make him feel like she was trying to change the topic entirely.

22 Evelyn Stones That's already been built. 1422 0 5

Malikhi Hill

May 26, 2020 2:51 PM

Then we should build the... I don’t know. I’ve never built a bridge. by Malikhi Hill

As far as Malikhi was concerned, Evelyn had never done anything to hurt him so he was rather confused when she had an apology of her own to offer. He didn’t think that it was necessary and if it was, it was probably his fault anyway. According to his therapist and his mother, he had pushed everyone away when he had needed them the most. He guessed that keeping people at a far emotional distance (also, a physical one as he had also physically avoided everybody for a while too) made it difficult for them to be supportive. Still, he didn’t say any of that because they were talking and he didn’t want to make this conversation go bad. So, he was relieved when Evelyn turned the conversation to happier things.

He couldn’t help but grin at the mention of Hana’s name. She was so wonderful and their time together at the ball had been amazing and perfect and he would’ve happily experienced the night again. They had danced and talked and even had their photo taken which his mother had framed for him and now stood on his bedside table. They were standing together, Malikhi had one arm wrapped around Hana’s waist and he was smiling and waving and Hana looked so pretty. The moment was immortalised forever, available for Malikhi to look at whenever he wanted.

“Hana’s really nice, I think you’d like her,” he said and he believed that to be true. Evelyn was a nice girl and so was Hana so surely it would be natural for them to like each other. “You were with... uh... Heinrich?”

20 Malikhi Hill Then we should build the... I don’t know. I’ve never built a bridge. 1423 0 5

Evelyn Stones

May 26, 2020 9:52 PM

Yeah, same. by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn smiled. Malikhi seemed sincerely happy with Johana Leonie, or 'Hana' as he called her. She didn't know the girl well enough to know whether that was a nickname that many people used but she hadn't heard it before so she suspected that wasn't the case. Certainly Heinrich had only ever called her Johana Leonie.

"Yeah," Evelyn smiled, biting her lip to keep from grinning. "We're uh . . . we're actually dating now." She wasn't really sure how things would have gone if she and Malikhi had stayed friends, although she was pretty sure it wouldn't have been that much different. Still, it seemed rude to start grinning her head off about somebody else during conversation, so she kept her face mostly just contented. It felt so good to say that she was with Heinrich. She thought that she was seriously the luckiest girl in the school. "That's how I know Johana Leonie a little bit," she admitted, squinting to show that she really seriously meant only a little bit. "She's friends with Heinrich's sister, Hilda."

It was hard to say whether it was weirder that talking to Malikhi felt like talking to a stranger, or just the fact that that felt weird. Shouldn't it have felt weird? They'd literally gone years without so much as a full conversation; what was she expecting? "Are you two together?" Evelyn asked with a playful smirk, a sense of her old camaraderie with her Housemate coming back. "Do you wanna be?"

22 Evelyn Stones Yeah, same. 1422 0 5

Malikhi Hill

May 27, 2020 12:04 PM

Then I think we’d better start learning. by Malikhi Hill

Malikhi was surprised when Evelyn told him that she and Heinrich were dating. It wasn’t particularly because that fact itself was surprising because it was natural that boys would want to date her. She was kind and lovely and pretty which were a few of the things that most boys wanted in their girlfriend. It was simply surprising because Malikhi didn’t really feel anything towards that announcement but simple happiness that she was happy. The Malikhi from the beginning of first year probably wouldn’t have felt as happy as the Malikhi currently sitting across from Evelyn now but the first year Malikhi probably wouldn’t have understood why either. It didn’t matter anyway. He wasn’t that naive first year anymore. He had grown. They both had.

“Congratulations, I’m happy for you,” he said honestly and with a friendly smile on his face.

He blushed when she asked about Hana but his smile remained because the thought of Hana always made him smile. He also blushed because he already knew the answer to Evelyn’s question.

“We’re not together but I would like to be...” he told her. He found it easy to admit that. Admitting such a private thought to Evelyn made things feel a little more normal and shrank the emotional distance between them. He also hoped that the conversation would be helpful because Malikhi had absolutely no experience with girls and if he wasn’t going to screw things up with Hana, he was going to need help. He started to ramble, wanting to share his thoughts with Evelyn. “I don’t know how to ask her out though... or if she even feels the same? I mean, she kissed me at the ball. It was only on the cheek but she still did it. Does that mean she likes me too or was it just a, uh, friendly kiss? Are friendly kisses even a thing?”

20 Malikhi Hill Then I think we’d better start learning. 1423 0 5

Evelyn Stones

May 27, 2020 4:26 PM

Just put one step in front of the other. by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn sighed a relieved breath out she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She was anxious and nervous. Malikhi didn't have a history of being stable, although he had always been generally decent to people, but it didn't take much to make Evelyn's warning senses go up. She was relieved that they were unnecessary; Malikhi seemed genuinely happy for her. His blush in response to Johana Leonie was amusing to her because she'd never seen him with such an expression. Malikhi was the confident, cool kid who did what he wanted and didn't let anyone stop him, and now he was blushing because a pretty girl caught his eye. And a nice one, to be fair. She grinned, both because she was happy for him and because she found it amusing.

She gaped at him when he said she'd kissed him on the cheek, giving all the proper responses to such news. "Malikhi!" she laughed. "That's so exciting!" She was mildly jealous, she realised, since she wasn't really sure what that part would look like with Heinrich. It was sort of hard to imagine him wanting to kiss her, or anyone wanting to kiss her. She did hope that he'd make a move on that one because she doubted she had the gumption to initiate things twice, particularly when it was about something that made her a bit nervous anyway. "Friendly kisses are a thing," she said carefully, "but when things are set up to be all fancy and you're actively on a date, then I'd guess it was either that she likes you, or that she was really caught up in the moment. Or both. Probably both." Evelyn wasn't the right person to ask about how to ask someone out but she thought that Malikhi probably wouldn't have any trouble. "I think you probably just ask her," she admitted. "If you're confident and kind, she'll at least be able to be friendly about it if she doesn't want too."

This Malikhi was not the boy she'd known. He was much wiser, and much more human. It was nice. This was nice. "We've come a long way since finding out what magic tastes like, eh?" she smirked, cocking an eyebrow.

22 Evelyn Stones Just put one step in front of the other. 1422 0 5

Malikhi Hill

May 29, 2020 4:24 AM

But if there's no bridge, we'll fall through! by Malikhi Hill

Malikhi felt a little foolish for asking Evelyn his questions because the answers she gave were logical but also, fairly obvious. Hana didn't seem like the sort of girl who would dish out 'friendly kisses' but the only way to truly find out would be to ask the girl herself. The act itself was a simple one but Malikhi felt the same flutter of nerves in his stomach that he had when he had asked Hana out to the Ball in the first place. Asking her a question was an easy thing to do. Asking her whether she liked him and would like to date or something felt a lot harder. Why was this so emotionally tricky? And why did one answer produce more questions?

"When should I ask her about it?" he asked Evelyn. He hoped he wasn't making this awkward, talking about asking another girl out on a date and asking Evelyn for advice but she was the only person he could ask. He didn't exactly have many friends, girls, guys or otherwise to ask about this sort of thing. Plus, Evelyn was already dating Heinrich so she had to have some sort of idea about this stuff already, right?

He laughed at the memory from their very first opening feast. It was a loud laugh, one that made him throw his head back. Oh, how silly they had both been. Well, Malikhi had certainly been more daft and he had pulled Evelyn along for the ride. His laugh settled to a chuckle as he thought about how far they'd both come and how much things had changed.

"I haven't done anything like that in a long time," he admitted, feeling a little sad that perhaps he'd lost a bit of that mischievous side of him. He was older now though so that was probably to be expected. Tasting magic had probably been rather dangerous and Malikhi tended to err on the more cautious side of life now. "It was fun, wasn't it?"

20 Malikhi Hill But if there's no bridge, we'll fall through! 1423 0 5

Evelyn Stones

May 30, 2020 12:26 AM

I sort of fall my way through life most of the time, tbh by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn breathed out and flopped back in her chair. "I have no idea," she grimaced. She and Heinrich had met during her first year, at the fair, but they'd only started becoming friends during her second year. Then their third and fourth years went by as friends. Then her whole life got laid out like the corpse left in the middle of a broken clam shell for him, and he'd accepted all of it, sealed with love from the Hexenmeisters. So when was the right time to ask someone out in other circumstances? She considered for a moment, wanting to give a thoughtful answer, and spoke slowly when she finally opened her mouth; as it turned out, she was becoming more careful than she'd been before. "I think you should ask her out when you're sure it's what you want, for better or for worse, even if it means laying it all out on the table. Especially if it means laying it all out on the table." She eyed him for a moment, wondering how much Johana Leonie knew. "Casual relationships are okay, too," she said, thinking of all the things she'd learned at the McLeods and wishing she knew how to pass that on. "But if you want a serious relationship, then you have to be sure that going for it is worth opening yourself up, and be sure that you're ready to find out you're not the only one with stuff to open up about. Yknow? It's a two way street, and no one's perfect."

She grinned when Malikhi burst out laughing. It was so good to hear that again. "You were well on your way to getting a reputation for that sort of stuff," she laughed, remembering the slime that he'd covered himself in and then been preceded by everywhere he went for a while. "Fun, sure, but also terrible! Lumos does not taste good."

That had been the first time she'd told anyone anything about home. It was the beginning of the beginning, and that was really weird to think about. There was so much she wouldn't tell Malikhi now, but yet, he'd been there from the beginning. Or at least, he'd been there at the beginning. She pushed those thoughts aside in favor of the bonding moment they were sharing.

"The food here is still amazing though," she added, remembering how excited she'd been and also how nauseous she'd been, that very first night. "I'm always so excited for the feasts."

22 Evelyn Stones I sort of fall my way through life most of the time, tbh 1422 0 5

Malikhi Hill

June 03, 2020 1:12 PM

Me too but I’d like not to. by Malikhi Hill

Malikhi let out a long sigh when Evelyn told him that she wasn’t sure what he should do and the rest of her answer, he wasn’t really sure what to do with. If Evelyn was right (and he had no way of knowing that), it sounded like he’d have to tell Hana everything that he’d been deliberately careful about not telling her. That felt like a very complicated and big thing to do and it was rather starting to feel like a mistake that he’d take the approach he had. Explaining would require telling his story as well as trying to make her understand why he hadn’t said anything in the first place. That felt difficult for him to understand and he had lived through it. Apart from anything else, the slight language barrier could cause problems.

He didn’t really consider what he’d done as lying. He had been careful with his words and hadn’t told any outright fibs. He’d just evaded or been vague if his conversations with Hana drifted in the direction of his parents. He’d been a little more open about his Mum because that was easier. She was alive. He could talk about the profiteroles she made and how she would help him with his homework (usually potions because, according to his mother, cooking was like potions - all about recipes). Despite being able to share those things, the subject of his Mum wasn’t without its own complications. How he heard her crying in her room sometimes, late at night and how during those moments, he had spied her clutching a wedding photo to her chest. How in the holidays, whenever Malikhi left the house whether to go somewhere like a park or even into the garden, she would stand at the window watching him or waiting for him to return.

Did telling Hana everything mean everything about himself too? Did that include the feelings that he had that he couldn’t always explain. About how, even nearly four years later, he still had bad days where he didn’t feel like getting out of bed, when even getting up and getting dressed was exhausting. When seeing the happiness in others, fill him with annoyance and anger, their joy reminding him of everything he was missing. How, as a result of that, he could be moody and rude. Explaining everything to Hana meant shattering the image she had of how he used to be, the boy that he and Evelyn were currently reminiscing about.

“Thanks,” he said hesitantly, his thoughts still drifting and being distracting. “I’ll think about it some more before I do anything.”

Moving on to something significantly more cheerful, he chuckled. “Having learned a thing or two, I think the official conclusion is that no spell would taste good. Very much unlike the food. The mashed potato is still amazing.”

While he agreed with Evelyn about the food, he didn’t share her feelings about the feast as an event. Probably because it was his own fault but the opening feasts were not a fun event for him to participate in. He couldn’t sit with Hana and Evelyn and him weren’t really friends anymore (though he hoped that they were at least getting to a point that they could talk during those feasts) and the most interaction he had was forced smiles and passing dishes to other students.

“They’re okay,” he murmured, feeling a little deflated. Reflecting on everything was really starting to reveal how much negativity he had in his life.

20 Malikhi Hill Me too but I’d like not to. 1423 Malikhi Hill 0 5