You showed me yours. [Tag Heinrich] on Labyrinth Gardens

Evelyn Stones

December 11, 2019 8:11 AM

You showed me yours. [Tag Heinrich] by Evelyn Stones

Privacy was of the utmost importance in this case, and so although Evelyn had asked Heinrich to meet her in the same clearing they had often met before, it was for a different reason than sentiment. The day was balmy and the residual sunshine leftover from summer made Evelyn’s skin tingle in warm appreciation of the days she’d spent on the roof of the McLeods’. She hoped to keep up with working out and running while she was at Sonora, but she wasn’t sure whether she really wanted to go for a jog with other students around and she knew that schoolwork and winter would catch up to her before too long anyway. Still, today was not that day.

She’d been thinking over the right words for most of summer break, phrasing and rephrasing every little thing she wanted to say and sorting out which things she did not want to say. It was an exhaustive effort and she was pretty sure she wouldn’t remember any of it by the time real conversation began. These were the sorts of conversations she could have with Ness or Heinrich and be equally comfortable because she knew beyond doubt that their friendship was steadfast. In the case of the latter, this had been solidified at the bonfire at the end of the previous school year and any summer doubts had gone by the wayside when Hilda asked why she hadn’t come to visit.

After a few years, Heinrich had felt comfortable revealing his secret to her. Well, maybe not “comfortable” but he had been willing. He thought it was important enough to share with her that the fear and anxiety over it had been outweighed. Evelyn couldn’t share her secret that night, and had no intention of sharing all of it today, but it wasn’t fair to play her cards so close to her chest when the game was played in teams. She wanted to be on the same team, and that meant honesty. It also hopefully meant answering questions he had been too kind to ask, particularly about her summers away from home. “Home.”

With her green robe pulled off and set to the side, Evelyn was sitting – and not napping this time – and working on a daisy chain when Heinrich appeared. She smiled, her pink painted lips parting in happiness, and put a hand up to her eyebrows to shield her eyes from the sun as she looked up at him.

It was an odd sensation that followed, as she was both profoundly happy and deeply scared. Or perhaps anxious was a better descriptor; fear was reserved for threats of harm. This was just threats of vulnerability, which was probably a good thing. She was less afraid that Heinrich would greet her with a rude gesture and walk away than she had been before, but there was no time like the present to doubt herself and Evelyn was great in that subject.

“Hallo,” she said, “Wie war dein Sommer? It’s good to see you.”

OOC - Google offered that for "How was your summer?"

22 Evelyn Stones You showed me yours. [Tag Heinrich] 1422 1 5

Heinrich Hexenmeister

December 19, 2019 8:58 AM

Do you want a privacy charm, too? by Heinrich Hexenmeister

Heinrich was a little nervous going into the Gardens to meet up with Evelyn. She had invited him but not really said why, just where and when, which could just mean she wanted to catch up outside of class and avoid the unintended offenses and resulting confusion from last year when he had chosen a different classmate to team up with for a charm that had meaning between them.

On the other hand, this was a symbolic location, important to their history together, and there was going to be a ball at the end of the year. Was she hoping he’d ask her? Was she hoping he didn’t but figured this was a safe place to let him down gently if he did?

Or on the third hand, Hilda had informed him that he was a Dork, and definitely implied she’d talked to Evelyn and she’d told her Heinrich had never extended the invitation out to her to visit their home in Utah, and maybe this was about him being a bad friend.

Or on the fourth hand - which was how many he and Evelyn had between them so he was absolutely allowed to worry on that many hands - maybe he was be far too self-centered and something bad happened over the summer and she had a bigger reason than just avoiding misunderstandings to avoid classes as their first summer catch-up of the year.

So he walked through the garden paths without really seeing the greenery around him. He did see Evelyn sitting in their spot as soon as he turned the right corner to bring it into sight though, and he was kind of glad but also kind of disappointed that she was sitting up and not dozing. He offered a tentative smile of greeting, unsure of the warmth of his welcome or how solemn he should be being if she was suffering.

She smiled back and the worst of his concerns evaporated as she spoke. She seemed a little reserved, but not notably so, and not in a poor mood. His smile grew a little in strength. “Your German is getting better,” he complimented. “Mein Somer war langweilig,” he answered dismissively, yet with no small about of satisfaction. Boring was good. Boring meant the world wasn’t going wrong all around him. “Ich mag es so. How was yours?” he asked politely, but with genuine interest.

OOC: He answers, “My summer was boring. I like it that way.”

1 Heinrich Hexenmeister Do you want a privacy charm, too? 1414 0 5

Evelyn Stones

December 19, 2019 12:58 PM

Me? Uh. What? Yes? No! I mean no. Probably. by Evelyn Stones

CW: Mentions of physical abuse against a child. Allusions to sexual abuse against a child. Warning pertains to the rest of this thread.

Evelyn's face scrunched up with effort, but it was an effort she was happy to extend. "Boring?" she guessed, pretty sure she had learned that word. It wasn't something that often described her mood and she wasn't sure it was exactly right, but it sounded a little like 'long while' and nothing said educated guess like false cognates. She had always heard people say that German was a harsh language, but there was nothing harsh about the way Heinrich used his first language. There wasn't even really anything harsh about the way Hilda used it, even when she was being a grump about something. Maybe it was just because Evelyn associated it with home, at least a temporary one, for Heinrich that she found it softer than others had suggested it would be.

Heinrich seemed nervous, although it greatly reduced as he listened and then responded to her. She hoped that was a good sign. She felt bad making him nervous. Was it because she was asking him to hang out alone? Did he not want to hang out with her after all? Maybe Hilda had been the one who had misunderstood, and he really wasn't interested. But that didn't seem like it made sense. Maybe he didn't know how to tell her that he was dating someone or something, and his girlfriend wouldn't want them to hang out alone? That also seemed unlikely. Which meant it was probably Evelyn who was making him uncomfortable. That sucked.

But also he was smiling now, and that wasn't something she saw him do a lot around campus, so maybe he was happy to see her? Happy and uncomfortable? What did that mean? She felt a bit like she was overthinking this, but who was to say she was overthinking and not underthinking? Or thinking just enough? Maybe she had missed some really obvious clue? But he did seem happy . . . So he probably didn't hate her at least. Also he had come, so that was a good sign. She shoved the doubts away as best she could.

She thought about commenting on his summer being 'boring' and then not inviting her, but wasn't sure she wanted to set herself up for that one. Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to, and all that. It seemed like a poor choice to ask if he preferred boring to her, and that was almost definitely maybe probably not what he meant.

"My summer was pretty good," she said lightly, not sure how to get at the point that her summer was exactly why she had asked him to come hang out. Or whatever this was. "I got a tan. Or freckles at least," she added, pulling her robe off one shoulder to show him proof. Readjusting the green potato sack back into place, she tried desperately not to get too flushed at where the conversation was going to have to go next. She waited until their small talk had settled before beginning.

"Summer is actually what I wanted to talk to you about." She felt a little rude just rushing through what she was going to say, but also she didn't want to get part of it out and then leave room for misunderstandings or misdrawn conclusions, and she didn't want to lose her nerve, either. "I never told you my 'family stuff'" - she smiled a little at the use of their euphemism from years previous - "and I sort of felt bad telling you in the spring when you told me about your family stuff. I didn't want to make it about me." She kept her voice low enough that she hoped he wouldn't worry they'd be overheard. She wasn't going to be too specific anyway, but one could never be too careful with someone who had been through as much as he had. Her words failed for a moment as she tried to think about how to phrase what she wanted to say without it being confusing, without it being too dramatic, and without giving too much away. There were some details of both their lives that she doubted they'd ever share with the other. Probably maybe.

Nervous as she was, she also made sure to keep her tone light, and her expression neutral. She was not devastated over this topic anymore and she didn't want Heinrich to feel awkward or sad for her. She kept her hands busy, adding to her daisy chain. It also gave her an excuse to look down when she thought eye contact might be uncomfortable.

"So my first year here, Ness and I became friends, and we were talking about families and stuff, and it sort of came out that my dad has . . . not been very nice to me." One hand moved absently to her scarred forearm before she caught herself and continued work on the daisy chain. Just focus on the daisy chain. "Like physically not very nice. And some other stuff. I talked to Professor Skies and Ness' mom and they all agreed it would be safer for me not to stay at home over the summer, so that's why I go to Ness' and Kir's every year. It's sort of my home, I guess, but partly just because I can't go home. My mom left last year and no one has heard from her, so I'm not sure if she knows that I'm staying with Ness, but she knew my dad hit m-- wasn't very nice to me, so she probably wouldn't be surprised."

That was enough. It had to be enough. She wasn't going to tell anybody anything more than that unless she really had to; that was a decision she had made before talking to Kir and since recounting her story again to Marijke and Ms. Heidi, it was just too much. Besides, she hadn't even figured out how to tell Ness the rest, let alone tell Heinrich. The thought was way too embarrassing. As it was, she could hardly bear to look up at him again anyway, and she waited, tense, to see how he'd respond.

22 Evelyn Stones Me? Uh. What? Yes? No! I mean no. Probably. 1422 0 5

Heinrich Hexenmeister

December 19, 2019 2:02 PM

The faces of evil by Heinrich Hexenmeister

He had realized belatedly that using the term ‘boring’ for the summer he had not invited Evelyn to visit him (and Hilda seemed to have made the possibility that he could have known to her) was perhaps insensitive or at least not very diplomatic. At minimum, it told her he’d clearly hadn’t had anything better to do, and at worst it implied that he found her presence worse than boring. He didn’t know how to take it back though and she didn’t call him on it.

He was grateful for that. But he was probably going tp have to address the issue sooner or later.

“Summer is actually what I wanted to talk to you about," she began and he tried not to flinch in guilt, but she wasn’t talking about his lack of an invitation. She was talking about Ness. And she was talking about a lot more.

“Oh,” he said, as many of the hints she’d dropped over the past years that he’d been too afraid to follow up on finally came together into a clearer whole. “That’s, thank you for telling me,” he paraphrased her own words after his bonfire confession. “It explains many things I wondered. And now I will not feel afraid to invite you over when I know you are visiting Ness. I did not want to intrude on your time with your other friends,” he added, to explain his reluctance this summer. Broaching that topic . . . had gone a lot easier than he had expected it to.

As for the meat of what she’d told him, he took a deep breath and waited until she looked up from her daisy chain. “I am sad your father was . . . unkind to you,” she had shied away from using more violent action words, so he did likewise. His English was inadequate to express most of his thoughts, anyway, but so too was his German. “I can not imagine what it must be like to have the bad wolves belonging to your own parents turn on you.” He couldn’t. His parents were bad people. They were almost classic in their implementation of evil. They had hurt, deeply and Unforgivably, and they had killed. They had ended the lives of many people, people who had families and friends and loved ones, for no better reason than someone had paid them to do so.

But Heinrich had never even seen the bad wolves. He had only read about them second hand. To him, his parents had been what parents were supposed to be, right up until the aurors took them away.

Sure, he father had never been demonstrative in his affection, just as Uncle Karl wasn’t, and Heinrich himself wasn’t, but his rare smiles and rarer laughs had been all the reward Heinrich had ever strived for. Vater had never hit him, never harmed him in any way. And he couldn’t imagine any circumstance short of life imprisonment in a maximum security facility would cause his mother to just leave his life.

He used to wish, sometimes, that his parents were worse parents, so he could hate them easier. Now . . . now he did not wish that. Bad parents were bad. They had their own kind of evil, and he was glad he and his siblings had been spared that. The distant far away kind was bad enough. It had to be uglier when it was up close.

“My parents, they are bad people. But your parents, they are bad parents,” he told her with concern and sympathy. “They are not right to you. You should have Ness adopt you. They sound like a smart and good wolf family. It is not so bad, being adopted.”

1 Heinrich Hexenmeister The faces of evil 1414 0 5

Evelyn Stones

December 19, 2019 3:29 PM

Not our faces I think though. by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn was impressed, on the whole, with how everyone handled these things. It seemed like the sort of thing people should be mad about. She hadn't done anything she was supposed to have done. She hadn't been a good enough child, she hadn't had strong enough magic, and she hadn't done anything to make any of it stop, until she threw her family under the bus. She was the monster as much as anyone else in her family. She half wished someone would yell at her, and just for a minute treat her like she deserved. At the same time, it was nice not to be treated that way. She suspected that other people didn't blame her for the things she blamed herself for. Ness hadn't. Kir hadn't. Professors Carter and Skies hadn't. And now Heinrich hadn't.

She smiled at his use of the phrase she'd used at the bonfire. He was a fast learner with a good memory, and that was pretty amazing. It also made her feel like he maybe thought her secrets carried the same weight as his. Evelyn was pretty sure having assassins for parents sucked more, because Evelyn never had to lose her parents; she never had them. She couldn't imagine what she would do if Ness' parents were taken away by aurors.

Beyond that, he was apologizing for not inviting her over the summer. That was so not what she was going for. But it did feel nice to hear that he had only not invited her to be nice. That he wanted her to come over. That he was pretty sure he would want her to come over in a year. She stifled a grin. "Thank you," she smiled. "I'd like that a lot."

She was actually doing pretty okay until he brought wolves into it again. They had long talked of having been bitten, and he said that's what happened to her, if not in so many words. He didn't blame her and he said her parents were bad at being parents. She couldn't argue with that at all, however much she wished it weren't true.

His suggestion that Ness' family adopt her brought a sad chuckle to her lips. It was not the first time she had wished that would happen, but it had not been offered. She wasn't even sure it was possible without having been actually taken away from her father. "If I'm too shy to invite myself over, I don't think I'm brave enough to invite myself to be adopted," she jokes, hoping to lighten the mood.

She felt a bit insincere for doing so, though. There were other things she felt she should share. It seemed like lying not to. But at the same time, what good would that do anyone? It would probably make Heinrich more uncomfortable, it would be embarrassing for Evelyn, she would probably cry, and then he'd never look at her the same again. No, she would just keep taking care of herself and her own boundaries (thank you, Ness) in that regard.

"Thanks for listening to me," she said, meaning it more than she meant most things. "And not blaming me." She didn't want to ask him if he thought differently of her now, because she didn't want to put that idea in his head. What if he thought she was asking because she thought differently of him? No, that wouldn't do. But she couldn't help watching his face a little more closely, looking for the telltale signs of a friend letting go.

She pulled out her Quaffle rock. "Here's to being better than our parents."

22 Evelyn Stones Not our faces I think though. 1422 0 5

Heinrich Hexenmeister

December 19, 2019 5:25 PM

Definitely not ours by Heinrich Hexenmeister

OOC: Italics in German.

"This is true," Heinrich nodded in too-serious agreement that inviting oneself into an adoption was poor manners. He wasn't sure if Evelyn was joking, and so he wasn't sure if he was either. It was maybe very dry humor? He could pull that off better than most kinds of humor. "It is bad form." Of course, the three of them had been thrust upon Uncle Karl with little notice or say on his part, but Uncle Karl was family, so he hadn't really had a choice in the matter any more than they had. Karl wasn't a bad guardian. For a hermit who lived in a desert raising snakes, he was actually better than Heinrich really had any right to expect, even before one considered that he was a Hexenmeister, too, raised by the same people who raised Vater.

The ghost of a smile he had been trying not to show when he'd been maybe-joking faded out completely, replaced by confusion as she thanked him for not blaming her.

"It is not a high bar to hit," he admitted dryly at her toast to be better than their parents.

But the other part had to be addressed, too, and much more seriously. "I would not blame you," he told her resolutely. "You are not to blame." Then he broke into German, talking faster than he normally did in front of Evelyn because quite frankly, he was saying it for his own benefit, not hers, which was probably a bad wolf thing, but it needed to be said out loud and he lacked the stronger words for it in English, and he wasn't sure she'd appreciate hearing him badmouth her father anyway. "Your father is nothing but a disgusting maggot who shouldn't even be called human because only a vile cretin with no honor at all has the gall to strike any kid, let alone their own, and you know what? I think my dad is a better person than yours and he's a literal dark wizard that the whole world thinks is a monster; but which is the more monstrous, really? He told me he was solving problems for people and maybe that's how he saw his job and I saw the list of names of his victims, and none of them were wholly innocent, but it's still Dark and it's still horrible, and it's still better than what your dad did to you, because you're a kid, you're his kid, you're innocent and he's supposed to be the one protecting you. It's sick, and it's wrong," he took a deep breath and finished the tirade in English, "and you can not blame yourself because your dad is a piece of poop!" He nodded decisively.

1 Heinrich Hexenmeister Definitely not ours 1414 0 5

Evelyn Stones

December 19, 2019 5:47 PM

You're quite sure? by Evelyn Stones

Evelyn hated watching the smile fade from Heinrich's face, particularly since she knew beyond doubt that she was at fault this time. There was no longer a question of who or what was making him uncomfortable - Evelyn was. At the same time, he seemed very serious and she was pretty sure he wasn't actually mad at her, just . . . maybe towards her? She wasn't totally sure.

"That's true," she said, accepting Heinrich's comment about their parents. "You weren't so confident about that when I met you." She couldn't help smiling a little, even though she knew it was sad. Two kids had met and become friends based on the fact that they were both working their way through school in some state of shock and grief. That was horrible. But it was also really encouraging to see that Heinrich didn't seem so worried about being like his parents' bad wolves, or not seeing the bad wolves in other people as he once did. She liked to think she had helped him come to this conclusion, but even if she hadn't, it was good to see.

"I would not blame you. You are not to blame." It hurt to hear because it felt dangerously close to hope. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to just accept it all. But he didn't know the full story yet, and maybe if he did . . . well, things were going to be different. That much was clear. Because in some way, Evelyn was to blame, whatever Heinrich thought. She wasn't sure she wanted to clear up that misunderstanding anytime soon, though. Maybe if she just kept getting better, then all of that would just go away. It would be like it never happened. Maybe someday she'd even be comfortable with the idea that she was just a number to a lot of people, in a whole lot of ways. But today was not that day.

When Heinrich began in German, Evelyn furrowed her brow at him first. She was confused, as he did not normally do that. As he went on, though, she wasn't precisely sure whether she should be grateful for whatever feelings he was feeling about her situation, or be upset. He wasn't yelling at her, which was good, but maybe he was saying horrible things to her? She was pretty sure she caught "father" in there somewhere. Who was he angry with?

She tried to remind herself of all the people who had not been angry with her yet. She tried not to flush, and to ignore the sick feeling in her stomach, and not to cry even though her eyes got glassy and blinking became a gamble. She really tried. She couldn't quite stop her eyes from watering, but she was proud that not a single drop came out to betray her. That would've been irritating.

When Heinrich finished, Evelyn had instinctively leaned away from him. She knew her eyes were too big. He was going to figure it out. He was going to figure everything out. But she couldn't seem to get the adrenaline out of her legs, as desperate as they were to run from what may have been a guy getting angry at her. It was ingrained into her to do so at this point. But she didn't. Consciously, she knew that Heinrich wouldn't hurt her, wasn't her father. She knew that, even if her body didn't.

Heinrich took a deep breath, and Evelyn watched with trepidation, waiting to see what would happen next. She sort of hated herself for being so distant; it felt like she was watching everything happen from several feet above them, screaming at herself to do something and watching herself sit there like a wounded animal instead. Was a wounded ego enough to get her to squirm? That was disappointing.

But then he finished in English and Evelyn's expression changed as she was taken aback. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry because they were really very similar feeling and either one could have happened in that moment. He said she couldn't blame herself because it was her crappy (literally in this particular sentence) dad was at fault. He really thought that?

She blinked, both from surprise and to control the tears as they subsided out of view. "I-- um. Thank you," she managed. "At least for the last bit. Are you . . . who are you angry with?"

22 Evelyn Stones You're quite sure? 1422 0 5

Heinrich Hexenmeister

December 19, 2019 6:41 PM

Reasonably sure. by Heinrich Hexenmeister

He had been careful not to shout. Anybody shouting in German was a little scary, and if you didn't understand German, it was worse. So he'd kept his volume as close to normal levels as possible, but he'd gotten emphatic at parts, and he'd seen he was making her nervous but he needed to get it all out of his system, needed to talk his way through this in the only language he had all the words he needed for it, and now he felt calmer about it, and ready to discuss it in English if she wanted a translation - he might try to soften some of the blows, but that was only for her sake, not her father's - but what she asked for wasn't a translation.

She wanted to know who he was angry with, as if it wasn't completely obvious, and that just made him angry all over again, but he tried not to show that so she didn't think it was at her.

He held up a finger as he counted to ten in his head. And then kept holding it up as he tried to think of all the words he was going to need. Fortunately, that only took another second or two because his English was coming to him much easier and faster these days. He lowered the finger and took another breath to steady himself. "I am angry with the man who should not call himself your father."

"There was a man, his name was Pierre," Heinrich began slowly. "Pierre was a French wizard. He was rich. He had a wife. And a mistress. And three children. Two were born of his wife. He worked for the French government. He helped pass a law some people did not like. One of those people decided Pierre was a problem. They hired consultants to solve the problem," Heinrich's face was a little pale at this part of the story and his voice a little choked. "So they solved the problem by killing Pierre. Are you angry at Pierre for dying? For passing the law that made people to want to kill him?"

"I am angry there are people who make mein Vater look good. My Vater is not good. My Vater killed Pierre with Unforgivable magic. But mein Vater knows his children are for protecting not for hitting. Mein Vater surrendered to the Aurors because Hilda was in the room and he did not want her to get cursed by accident. That is what a good Vater does. That is what a Dark Wizard did for his daughter. Dein Vater is poop," he reiterated, thinking the English swear word sounded ridiculous, but it was still kind of satisfying to say.

1 Heinrich Hexenmeister Reasonably sure. 1414 0 5

Evelyn Stones

December 19, 2019 7:01 PM

That's encouraging. by Evelyn Stones

Heinrich... wasn't angry at her? Wasn't angry even towards her? He was angry for her. He was angry at her father on her behalf. It took him time to get there, but he seemed very sure of that. Evelyn was torn between being completely honored that someone as good and kind as Heinrich was angry on her behalf - particularly when she had definitely never seen him express so much emotion, or such ferocity of emotion before - and feeling terrible and a little embarrassed that he was laying it out for her. She needed to hear it, but if it all seemed obvious to him, she probably seemed like an idiot. He was kind, though, and he didn't say that. He could've, and he didn't. That was good wolf if anything was.

She resisted the urge to point out that her father probably would have loved not to call himself her father, as that was not an association he was proud of.

There were noises in the Gardens. Bugs and wind and little animals and things. There was the sound of two people breathing and shifting their weight. But somehow everything seemed deathly quiet when Heinrich spoke of Pierre. Evelyn's gut twisted, realizing how hard it must be for Heinrich to talk about something so specific. Again, she was torn between honored that he would do that for her and with her, and feeling terrible for making him feel the need to do so. But maybe, just maybe, they were good for each other. That was a nice thought.

She couldn't quite bring herself to answer Heinrich's questions about Pierre, though, and she just shook her head, flushed again. The thought of Hilda being in the room when her parents were taken away by Aurors was devastating in its own right, and she made a mental note not to underestimate the strength or depth of character of the Hexenmeister siblings.

For a moment, she did consider offering Heinrich a word instead of "poop," as it took something away from his ferocity when she wanted to laugh at his choice of words, but she decided this was not the time to do that. If nothing else, it seemed a little rude. Hi, yes, thank you for standing up for me but you're insulting my father wrong. That wasn't a conversation Evelyn was interested in starting.

"Thank you," she murmured, feeling like she would have liked to hug him again. That was odd, all things considered, but their positions seated on the grass prevented it anyway so she pushed the thought aside. "For caring so much, in general, about parents being good to their kids, but also just . . Thanks for caring about me. It means a lot."

22 Evelyn Stones That's encouraging. 1422 0 5