Just hangin' in the corridor, waiting for Felipe. on Crotalus Commons

Jessica Hayles

November 07, 2019 6:14 PM

Just hangin' in the corridor, waiting for Felipe. by Jessica Hayles

Jessica had no idea if she had succeeded in getting under Zara's skin. She had no idea if any impression she had made had been the one she had wanted to make. She had no idea if even trying had been a good idea or a really bad one. She was totally, completely clueless, and none of that bothered her as much as one other question she couldn't possibly answer, which was what did she say about me?

That question was something she suspected was going to keep her up at night if she didn't get an answer, and the fact that Felipe didn't march up to her and start shouting about how she could possibly do - whatever - had actually made it worse, because it kept the options open.

She had to know, she decided. If she kept on speculating, it was going to drive her crazy. So for the second time in one week, she devised a plan, just hoping against hope that this one would work out better for her than the last one had.

She knew a few ways around the school, which made it only a matter of time before she could, over that weekend, contrive to lounge against the wall not far from Gunther, ostensibly without a care in the world. This was a much easier illusion, she thought, to maintain at home - for one thing, at home she had a phone full of apps she could play with, and for another, things at home didn't involve hideous zombie paintings - but she managed well enough with her paper day planner, flipping through the pages, pretending to check that she had checked off all her homework assignments and that she'd written herself a note to ask if Hilda and Johana Leonie would like to hang out with her and Professor Schmitt sometime and practice German and English together, until she caught sight of her hopefully-still-friend out of the corner of her eye and lifted her head.

"Hey," she said, flipping her day planner closed and lifting her hair over her shoulder. Then, in a rush, before she could think about it, "So, are we friends still, or am I too much of a crap person from too much of a crap family?"

16 Jessica Hayles Just hangin' in the corridor, waiting for Felipe. 1442 1 5

Felipe De Matteo

November 08, 2019 3:14 PM

Just walkin' through the corridor, looking for breakfast. by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe hadn't seen Jessica the rest of the night after his conversation with Zara, but hadn't thought too much of it. Part of his lack of worry was that she seemed to be becoming acquainted with Johana Leonie - a move that seemed too calculated to be by chance - and the other part was that they were House mates in the same year. If Jessica had wanted to see Felipe, she would have. He was a creature of habit, and typically ended his evenings the same way, most often sitting by the fire, looking out a window, working on homework, or snacking on something from home. In any case, he had been in the Common Room and Jessica not approaching him meant she didn't want to. If that was the case, then she was probably okay. She was thinking and making decisions. Her dorm room was the only place on campus Jessica could be guaranteed privacy and he wouldn't dream of trying to take that from her.

In any case, the time had given Felipe time to think - not nearly enough time but still some time - and he was more prepared for their conversation when they did eventually run into each other. Unfortunately, it was morning. It was morning and breakfast was beckoning. Felipe was a sucker for a good breakfast, and his mind was already on the plate he was going to stack high with delicacies - as politely as possible of course - when he nearly bumped into Jessica.

She closed her day planner and Felipe was reminded that they were one and the same in many ways. They were organized, planning type people. They were leaders. They were responsible. That made her next question hurt after the initial confusion as he pulled himself away from thoughts of breakfast and back towards everything he'd been ready to say. None of it came to mind.

Felipe frowned. "You're not crap," he said sharply. "Even if you had done something crappy, that wouldn't make you crap." He exhaled, surprised by how upset he was. He didn't like being in the middle, but it was more than that. It hurt to think that his friends were hurting, and it hurt that they could both be wrong, or that only one of them could be wrong, or that he could be wrong, or that they didn't know how valuable and loved they were. He just wanted to wrap them up and take care of them. A question that normally was quelled by etiquette bubbled from his mouth. "Jessica, do you want a hug?" His arms were already extended, ready to take care of her against the frustrations of the world, and ready to hold her all in against herself when she felt ready to burst.

22 Felipe De Matteo Just walkin' through the corridor, looking for breakfast. 1434 0 5

Jessica Hayles

November 08, 2019 4:03 PM

Mmm, pancakes. by Jessica Hayles

"Which I didn't," said Jessica in response to what she kind of assumed was a line - what were people, if not what they did? She was a poet and an heiress; Felipe was a sort of future feudal overlord. Take that away, and she couldn't really imagine that either of them would have much left, certainly not enough to guide them when it came to how to relate to other people.

Of course, their positions did not rule out bad behavior. They could also both be total crap - to use Zara's ever so eloquent turn of phrase - if they behaved in the ways customary to people who were total crap. But as far as she knew, neither of them had ever done that to Miss Snitch, and therefore the other girl should have kept her mouth shut about her opinions of Jessica and Jessica's family.

She flushed all over again just remembering that part - almost wishing that she was low-class enough herself to have said everything she had wanted to say about arrogant ingrates who treated everything their families worked to build like it was as disposable as a McDonald's burger wrapper - but was startled out of her thoughts by Felipe's offer. She knew she probably looked as startled as she felt, too. Hugs were...not something she did a lot, really. She thought the people she had probably hugged most often in her life were her sisters, and that was different. Of course she did hug her parents and grandparents, and occasionally, if she was overexcited, Robert or Carmela, but it just...wasn't an everyday occurrence for her.

"Um...okay," she said, bewildered, but overall pleased - it meant that either Zara had had just exactly enough good taste to keep their spat between them or that her lies hadn't been believed. She allowed herself to give and receive a hug. "What was that for?" she asked afterward.

16 Jessica Hayles Mmm, pancakes. 1442 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

November 08, 2019 4:14 PM

Yes, all the pancakes. by Felipe De Matteo

Jessica seemed uncomfortable with the idea of a hug but consented, and it was weird to back out after that so Felipe wrapped his arms around her and gave her as sincere a hug as he could manage without holding on for too long. Releasing her, he stifled the urge to run a hand through his hair or otherwise express his nerves. Zara had shown him time and time again that the best way to love someone was to love them wholly and without doubts. He wanted to be more like that, so that's what he was going to do.

"Sometimes you need to be put back together when you're feeling shaken up," he said with a shrug. "That is what my Mama says about hugs anyway."

Felipe missed his Mama and Papa and Leonor and couldn't help thinking that any one of them would have been a better person to be in this situation than he was. His father would have been able to negotiate and help everyone come to terms on a compromise; his mother would have been able to soothe all the sore egos and sore souls and make everyone okay again; Leonor would have told everyone exactly what was what and she would've done so with piercing perception and sincerity. But Felipe? Felipe was just the runoff of a family line made of more than he was.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, desperately hoping she didn't. "We're still friends," he added, wanting to emphasize his answer to her first question.

22 Felipe De Matteo Yes, all the pancakes. 1434 0 5

Jessica Hayles

November 08, 2019 5:21 PM

Butter and syrup? by Jessica Hayles

Jessica smiled at Mrs. De Matteo's saying. "That's really nice," she said sincerely. "I like that."

She tried to remember something her mother had ever said about hugs. The main thing was that Mommy never understood why everyone felt the need to hug everyone at some churches - Mommy was not even that keen on shaking everyone's hand, never mind getting closer to them. She decided not to mention this to Felipe. There was nothing wrong, she thought defensively, with how either of their families happened to be, but there was no denying that his sounded more...wholesome, she guessed, at least on paper.

She did not know if she wanted to talk about it, and, for lack of a better option, sighed and said, "I don't even know - if I want to talk about it," she said. "I've been worrying all night about what she said and if you believed her - " a horrifying possibility occurred to her. "We are both talking about the situation with Zara, right? I assumed she was telling you - her version of this conversation we had yesterday last night. That's why I was so...yeah," she said uncomfortably, aware that if he didn't know what she was talking about, she had probably come across as completely off her rocker with her greeting this morning. "I'm sorry. I wasn't even going to bring it up, since I know you're friends with her, but then I assumed she already had and...." She wanted to crawl under a rock. "Do you want a hug?" she offered meekly.

16 Jessica Hayles Butter and syrup? 1442 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

November 08, 2019 5:40 PM

And jam! by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe nodded, understanding. Jessica's ensuing concern surprised him and he actually managed a small smile. "Yeah," he said. "Same topic. She told me her perspective."

He didn't want to give Jessica the feeling that he was already on one side or the other, even though he suspected that Jessica had probably had done exactly what Zara had said she'd done. The problem wasn't about whether Jessica said what she'd said or not, but about whether it was considered appropriate or not. The same was true in reverse, although Zara he'd offered up any of what she'd replied with. He knew her as kind and sweet, but fierce, and wouldn't be surprised if she'd said something blunt and possibly hurtful too. That was the problem with these things; right and wrong, black and white, good and bad . . . it was all relative.

Felipe moved from one foot to the other and rolled his shoulders lightly. Shifting his weight to break any tension was a trick that his father had taught him. It was those little movements - a blink, a stretch, a small movement - that gave the other person permission to be human and reminded them somehow to breathe. Felipe had never seen his father so perfectly still as when he was getting information from a suspected murderer about a death that had occurred in the village. His father's instincts had proven correct and Felipe had wondered for a long time whether he'd been caught because Felipe's father hadn't given him room to be human, or because he never had been.

"I'm still friends with her, too," he added more hesitantly. "But that doesn't mean I can't be your friend."

When Jessica offered him a hug, he hesitated again, almost minutely. It didn't seem appropriate to hug a girl twice in such quick succession but she obviously needed it. The fact that they'd gone from not hugging to hugging twice also made him think she maybe needed it pretty badly.

In the end, it was the look in Jessica's sad, dark eyes that made up Felipe's mind for him. He extended his arms, determined to hold on until she decided she was all done this time.

"Any time," he promised.

22 Felipe De Matteo And jam! 1434 0 5

Jessica Hayles

November 09, 2019 9:36 AM

Yuum. by Jessica Hayles

Jessica had meant the gesture as comfort - she'd never really had close friends before, but finding out that one of one's close friends was a nasty person couldn't be pleasant - but Felipe seemed to think she required further emotional support. Well, she couldn't say that she would totally fail to appreciate such a thing. There was, she supposed, some small benefit to Sonora: with very few people here who even knew who she was and even fewer who had the ability to use that information, she didn't have to worry about how every little gesture would be received the way she did at home.

Or at least, the way she thought she did at home. As she hugged her friend again, she couldn't help but wonder - did it even matter at home? Mommy and Daddy had always acted as if she needed to be on her best behavior at all times, and of course she knew about keeping her mouth shut about the existence of her sisters, but...did anyone really notice she was gone at all? Her parents had their own lives - it was possible for her to go a week at home without seeing one or the other of them. Her grandparents occasionally liked to show her off, but she was hardly an integral part of their organization - she didn't have the right last name. If she had been able to stay home longer, she would have no doubt built herself a niche online - there had been plans for that, for her to be the face of initiatives to attract younger customers to Arvale - and would have been seen in public more often, but she wasn't exactly a literal princess. Her childhood had been relatively private. She had wondered before how Mommy and Daddy got away with using the excuse that Jessica was sick without holding fundraisers for specific hospitals and specific illnesses in her name. Did nobody actually really notice or care that she was gone?

Family-controlled businesses were good media strategy, but they could survive the transition away from that. Revlon wasn't owned by anyone named Revson anymore; Elizabeth Arden didn't even have an independent CEO, as it was now owned by Revlon. Maybe it was still the disappointment of realizing that there was nowhere to hide the money for the project she'd vaguely had in mind yesterday, but it was hitting her now that - well - maybe she really wasn't necessary to anyone at all. And that was the kind of thought that definitely made her want emotional support.

"Don't think she just hurt my feelings," she said hastily after the second hug, trying to recover a scrap of dignity. "If she doesn't want to be friends - whatever. I've never really had that many friends," she confessed. Of course, back then, she had had the staff around all the time, and her sisters, even when her parents weren't available. She'd had people to talk to, people who cared about her. Here...not so much. "An executive has to be able to stand on her own, you know? But saying that she thought my family sounded like crap - that made me mad. She's not somehow morally superior just because she doesn't care about what her family does. Kind of the opposite, from where I'm standing," she added, with an involuntary trace of scorn on the last remark. "I'm not judging you for getting along with her - " not out loud, anyway - "but...is she, like, politer to guys or something? Is she of those girls who hates other girls? Because I could not be friends with someone who's as rude as her."

16 Jessica Hayles Yuum. 1442 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

November 12, 2019 2:08 PM

Isn't it good? by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe didn't stiffen or otherwise react to what Jessica told him, just like he hadn't with Zara. He had a hard time believing that Zara would say someone's family sounded like crap, though. That didn't sound like her. At the same time, Jessica wasn't known for lying to him. Did that mean one of them was right about the other? Was he friends with someone who wasn't a good friend? It sounded like neither of them were exactly right, so maybe he was just friends with people exactly as mediocre as he was. But . . . but that didn't seem possible.

It's a funny feeling when the world suddenly sparkles a little bit less. When suddenly people who were kind do something unkind and people who were brave get scared, then there's a little bit more responsibility and everything is a little bit more exhausting. If kind people could say mean things and brave people could get scared, then what did it matter who he was friends with? Just the people that he could tolerate? That didn't seem right. Maybe it was less about who he should be friends with or could be friends with, but who he actually was friends with. He had always admired Zara's tendency towards bluntness, and Jessica's tenacity in the extreme. Perhaps it wasn't so surprising that both of them were exactly who he'd always thought they were, for better and for worse. What did that mean about him though?

Felipe's thoughtful expression was a practiced one, born of the need to make it obvious that one was taking a petitioner's proposal under careful consideration, and one intended to discourage interruption. It was a whole lot better than allowing his emotions to play uncontrolled across his face.

"She's always been very kind to everyone I've seen her around," Felipe said finally. "From what she said and what you're saying, it sounds like you both just sort of . . . set each other off. You are each other's foils." Great. Friggin' wonderful. "You don't have to be friends though, that's okay." They'd all made it into their second year with only minimal interaction on the Jessica-Zara front, so he could keep that up. Right?

22 Felipe De Matteo Isn't it good? 1434 0 5

Jessica Hayles

November 18, 2019 4:34 PM

Indeed. by Jessica Hayles

"I'm glad you approve," said Jessica dryly when Felipe noted that she and Zara didn't have to be friends. "Because from everything I've seen from her, I'm more than happy to have all the exact opposite traits from her, as you said," she added with a slight nod, appreciating his use of a literary term. "My parents would kill me if I behaved like that anywhere, and I wouldn't blame them for doing it."

She squeezed her forearm to help clear her head from yet another wave of annoyance just at the thought of how wrong that conversation had gone. Pressure, bordering on pain, was steadying, distracted her from her emotions. Stomping on her own foot wouldn't distract her from a headache, just add physical pain on top of physical pain, but focusing on something solid helped get her out of her head sometimes. As her head cleared, then, she realized two things: one, that Felipe seemed to think Zara was generally kind - so if Jessica was her foil, was he calling her a jerk? And she noticed something else Felipe had said, right before the part about Zara being her foil.

"What exactly did she say about me?" she asked.

16 Jessica Hayles Indeed. 1442 0 5