When to surrender. on Crotalus Commons

Jessica Hayles

April 04, 2019 4:35 PM

When to surrender. by Jessica Hayles

For one moment, opening her eyes, Jessica didn't recognize any patterns in the stitching of the blanket draped over her. A moment later, she realized the silvery threads made a pattern shaped like a snake's head and threw the blanket off with a gasp, her skin crawling the way it did every time she saw a depiction of the Crotalus House mascot, as though she were a snake herself and inclined to shed.

Red. Red all over. I'm back in Crotalus. Why am I here - how did I get here?

She struggled to remember, and for a moment was afraid there was nothing in her brain for her to remember, but foggy scraps began to float up as she strained for them. She remembered her nerves creeping up on her when Mommy and Daddy had started talking about going back to school, and then she must have had a very bad spell, because she had only vague memories of what had happened after she had lost her composure completely, though even the vaguest were enough to make her flush with a mix of embarrassment and anger. Her parents had given her something after tucking her into one of the guest rooms, she remembered; Mommy had said it was for the headache she was sure to have after crying so much. Jessica remembered a peculiar feeling in her head, right behind the center of her forehead, and then...well, that was when it got all foggy, and stayed that way, though she had vague memories of Daddy stroking her hair and looking sad, and also of Carmela doing the same things, though she wasn't sure where Carmela had come from, which meant she might have dreamed that part, except she remembered being confused about that part at the time, which didn't usually happen in dreams....

Whatever Mommy had given her must have had had something in them to induce drowsiness, and those must have made her so sleepy that it had scrambled her wits. For...over a day, for her to be back here.

Back here. Back outside of civilization. Back to the company of dunces who would - well, not burn her as a witch if they ever saw one of the Arvale R&D labs, that would be a bit hypocritical of them -

She giggled out loud, covering her mouth with her hand, and with that giggle, she felt something gave way inside her head.

For months, she had clung to the idea that if she could just get home, it would all be all right. Her parents were powerful people, powerful enough to protect her from a bunch of superstitious Renfaire-lifestyle freaks who had kids try to make medicines out of beetle eyes in non-sterile environments. Once Mommy and Daddy realized how wrong this all was, she had been convinced, they would get her out of here. She had just needed to pretend to accept long enough to lull her keepers, and then, she had been so sure, she would be free, able to go back to her orderly, well-planned, well-regulated life.

But here she was. The freaks had brought her back, and none of her patchy memories did much to make her think Mommy and Daddy had even made an effort to keep her. Again. They had let her down again. And now another scrap of memory was coming back - that letter. The freaks had Mommy and Daddy - the people she had thought could do anything - completely cowed, too frightened to stand up to them and save her.

She was, she noticed, suddenly unusually aware of herself; her face, and much of the rest of her body, felt faintly grimy, and that let her know that she must have been asleep on the common room sofa for a while, long enough that she had slept through the hour when she should have had a bath. She was hungry, too - she must have wandered, zombie-like, in here after they had gotten back, fallen asleep, and missed supper.

Nobody was going to get her out of here. Nobody was going to take care of her and help her get where she needed to be. Nothing was going to happen the way it was supposed to have happened. Her entire life until this point had just been a lot of wasted resources, because she couldn't live the life it had been intended to equip her for, not anymore.

She needed a new plan.

16 Jessica Hayles When to surrender. 1442 Jessica Hayles 1 5

Felipe De Matteo

April 11, 2019 5:54 PM

Enjoy the ride. by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe was going around doing his very best to be a decent person. It was important to his family and he was important to his family and his family was important to him and . . . well, it just seemed reasonable. The feast and his dreadful interaction with Jeremy Mordue was more than enough to make him realize what a jerk he could turn into, and he had very little interest in doing that. He refused to be like the pureblood families of America (and probably of Mexico if he was honest, he just hadn't met everyone). At the same time, he was exactly like them if he thought less of them . . . it was a bitter cycle.

Instead of dwelling on it, Felipe figured that taking practical steps to ensure he was a decent human being might be the best approach. This idea kept him tossing and turning long after he'd gone to bed, and he finally gave up the whole idea. Rolling has shoulders and yawning, he chose a book at random from his trunk, and carried it downstairs.

Trying to catch the firelight to read the cover of it (it was Don Quixote, El Ingenioso Hidalgo Don Quijote de la Mancha again, he nearly jumped out of his skin when a giggle drew his attention from a chair nearby. Turning, he found Jessica Hayles there. Who better to be nice to than someone who wasn't absolutely terrible anyway?

"I didn't realize you were there," Felipe said, deciding that you scared me or outright screaming would be rude. "Have you been out here all night?"

22 Felipe De Matteo Enjoy the ride. 1434 Felipe De Matteo 0 5

Jessica

April 11, 2019 9:16 PM

...you find osing your whole identity enjoyable? by Jessica

Jessica jumped, too, at the sound of another human voice, and while she did not outright scream, she did gasp a little before she regained her composure. What there was of it to be regained. She still felt as though she were dancing the Charleston on the deck of the Hindenburg, but she thought she managed to keep her wobbling mostly confined to her head.

"I think so," said Jessica. "I think I must have fallen asleep in here right after we got back - it's really tiring, riding that wagon all the way back from Georgia," she lied, or at least half-lied. Every word was true, but none were the actual reason why she had fallen asleep on the sofa. "I'm sorry if I surprised you. What time is it? And - I'm guessing you can't sleep?" she hazarded, noting the dimness and the distinct lack of other people around.

She wanted to curl back up under the ugly blanket - it was never properly warm or cool, depending on which it should have been, here; that was a difficulty of heating with fire and cooling with...stone walls, as far as she could tell - but lying down and covering herself up would be rude, so she sat up straighter and pushed the blanket all the way away. It was rather hideous anyway....

God, she was absurd. She didn't have a plan, she didn't have much of anything, but she had opinions on prettiness! Of all the useless things for someone who would never preside over a cosmetics company!

16 Jessica ...you find osing your whole identity enjoyable? 1442 Jessica 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

April 12, 2019 5:30 PM

No, I find gaining a new one enjoyable. by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe wasn't sure why it made him so uncomfortable when Jessica pushed her blanket aside to talk to him. It was like she was about to stand up really fast and he wasn't sure what he was expected to do. She didn't look hot, which would be understandable. It also felt ... Vulnerable. She'd been asleep and now she was just out in the world. It was like poking a squishy clam after enticing it to open its own shell for him.

"Late," he shrugged, not too sure of the time himself. He wasn't sure exactly where Georgia was (his U.S. geography having been much less important than knowing where Guadalajara or Tijuana or Oaxaca were. Major trading cities and major tourist cities were important. Major magical cities even more so. "I'm glad you were able to rest. I didn't mean to wake you," he offered by way of sympathy.

Not entirely sure whether it was appropriate now to sit down and read his book, he held it up instead, nodding with a sheepish grin. "No, I can't," he admitted. "You've caught me."

Jessica seemed ... Frazzled. She needed something from the world and she wasn't getting it, and whether it was entitlement or fear, there was something sparking flames in her wide eyes. "Would you like some company?" he asked, satisfied that this was socially acceptable and also that it was late and a little break in decorum might do them both some good. "I might have food in my trunk if you're hungry," he added.

At home, there were people available anytime he wanted food, and if that was impolite or selfish, then he would make his own midnight snack. Sonora provided no such option and he had long since been in the habit of stashing cans and boxes and bags of food in his trunk in the dorm. If nothing else, it made study snacking a little more convenient.

22 Felipe De Matteo No, I find gaining a new one enjoyable. 1434 Felipe De Matteo 0 5

Jessica

April 14, 2019 4:01 PM

I liked my old one rather well. by Jessica

"Oh, no," protested Jessica when Felipe apologized for waking her. "I woke up a minute ago, you didn't wake me up."

She looked at his book as he held it up. The light was not bright, but she thought she could puzzle out the title, and it caught her interest. She had noticed Felipe's very distinctly Hispanic name and appearance as soon as they had met last semester, of course - they were sort of hard to miss - but he didn't seem to have any trace of an accent, so she had never been sure if she should ask about where he was from and how familiar he was with Spanish. Her sisters, after all, even little Lola, spoke English as readily as they did Spanish, and even Carmela had once remarked that she had learned English in school back in Colombia.

His questions distracted her briefly from the book. "I - I could probably eat something," she admitted. "I slept through supper." Was it proper to admit that, and to accept food? She thought it was. Offering food was a friendly gesture at home; one took food when greeting a new neighbor or visiting the bereaved. Wizards were all strange, but, well, they were positively medieval in some ways, so shouldn't the rules of hospitality apply? In which case she might give grave offense if she refused. Plus, she was hungry.

She worked up her nerve and said, "So - Don Quijote. You must read Spanish very well?" She had never attempted it herself; that had been planned for a later point on her syllabus, back when she had still had one worth having.

16 Jessica I liked my old one rather well. 1442 Jessica 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

April 20, 2019 4:43 PM

Adventure awaits, my friend. Fear not. by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe beamed at Jessica when she said she wouldn't mind some food, and held up a finger to tell her to wait just a moment. Bounding back up the stairs in his socks, making as little noise as possible, he took a moment to dig through his trunk and retrieve some granola bars, a can of pineapple pieces with juice, some doughnut holes, and some dried mango. For good measure, he grabbed a box of crackers as well.

Returning with his haul, he laid it all out on a coffee table and pulled it up between them so he could sit on a chair opposite Jessica. He put his book on the table as well, safely out of harm's way of pineapple juice or any other hazardous materials.

"These are from home," he told her about the dried mango pieces. "I know not everyone likes them, so it's okay if you don't."

When Jessica asked him about Spanish, and pronounced the name of the lead character correctly, Felipe realized he hadn't talked as much about home with his housemate as he thought he had. He supposed it made some sense, what with his habit of only speaking about himself when it was socially required of him to do so, or when someone (Zara) was too nice (Zara) and he accidentally gave into the urge to be narcissistic.

Felipe nodded. "I live in Mexico," he said, by way of explanation. "At home, we speak mostly Spanish, but we were taught several other languages as well." He cocked his head, wondering at the strange muggle born, rich girl. "Do you speak Spanish?" he asked, resisting the urge to ask her in Spanish.

22 Felipe De Matteo Adventure awaits, my friend. Fear not. 1434 Felipe De Matteo 0 5

Jessica

April 21, 2019 9:54 PM

...Friend? by Jessica

Jessica had to admit, she was slightly impressed by the sheer variety of food Felipe managed to produce from his room at a moment's notice. It was almost all sweet, one way or another, but it was certainly a spread.

"I've had mango before," said Jessica when Felipe pointed out the pieces as something that she might be unfamiliar with or not like.

She listened with interest to his description of his home life, intrigued by the notion of learning several languages. She knew, from books, that it was more common in some parts of the world, and of course there had been the plethora of languages learned by the educated Victorians, but her school had quietly discouraged the notion of them doing so today. Each student did half-time immersion in one of three languages - Jessica had always been intrigued by the Chinese program, but since she had spoken a little Spanish, picked up from Carmela, before she had ever enrolled in school, and since Spanish would be more useful for her family's business interests, it had not been an option.

"Si," said Jessica, demonstrating and answering at once, with a smile. "Mi niñera es de colombia." Yes - my nanny is from Colombia. "Hablo español con ella y - " for half a moment, she considered just saying mis hermanas; why, after all, should she not? Why not? But she recovered herself - "sus hijas," she ended, toeing the line. I speak Spanish with her and her daughters. She knew Mara and Lola were her sisters, and they knew she was their sister; the rest of the world had no business putting its nose into their business. "Y mi papi tiene negocios en America latina." And my daddy has business in Latin America. "How many languages do you speak?" she asked.

16 Jessica ...Friend? 1442 Jessica 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

April 22, 2019 6:04 PM

Absolutely! by Felipe De Matteo

OOC - Italicized dialogue in Spanish unless otherwise noted.

IC -

Felipe supposed it made sense that there were people from other parts of the world who had had mango. He suspected it wasn't half as good as fresh from Los Jardines de Plata mango, but he wasn't there to judge. Well, he was. But he wasn't there to judge Jessica, and he really wasn't supposed to be judging at all. Stupid niceness.

She was polite when she listened, a reminder for Felipe that he was talking too much, and he was happy when she responded in pretty good Spanish herself. He hadn't heard a lot of Spanish accented the way hers was, but he also hadn't heard a lot of English accented the way hers was, so it made some sense.

"That was good," he told her, enunciating clearly without patronizing her. Knowing Spanish was not the same as being fluent in it, and he didn't want her to feel bad if she suddenly lost track of the conversation. He would do the same in some of the languages he spoke and it was not plate to make her feel bad. "Have you visited the business there much? I speak Spanish, English, Italian, and French," he told her, choosing not to say so in those languages. That felt a bit like showing off. "But I'm not very good at writing in any of those languages," he added with a soft laugh. He knew it was a good interpersonal move to make self-deprecating jokes, and it was true; he was a terrible writer. "At least not anything that more than a letter or brief essay. Are you close to your nanny's daughters? I only have my sister and myself at home, and I know that can be lonely. Some of our tutors have had children, and we sometimes play with our people's children, but it would've been nice to grow up with more children around the house."

He popped a doughnut hole in his mouth and munched on it while popping open the can of pineapple. "I don't have utensils or cups," he realized, grimacing. "Is it alright if we just share straight from the can?"

22 Felipe De Matteo Absolutely! 1434 Felipe De Matteo 0 5

Jessica

April 23, 2019 7:07 AM

So my new identity has friends. That’s good. by Jessica

”Yes,” said Jessica, thinking back on trips she had taken with her father and willing herself not to cry yet again. It grew so tiresome, crying, and she would exhaust her stash of eye cream before it was decent to ask for more. “I miss it,” she added sadly.

Jessica was not sure why Felipe laughed when admitting to a lack of skill with the written word. She supposed modesty was a thing - a thing that made her blood boil sometimes; she had worked hard to excel, back when that had been possible, and she had always resented Mommy’s insistence that a lady did not brag on herself and that she did demur a little even if someone else bragged on her - but Felipe was a boy, and from Not Georgia, so why would he bother?

Admitting a genuine weakness openly never occurred to her as a thing someone might do. That was silly. Daddy had explained to her about how nothing you admitted should be the real problem when she had been - what, seven, eight? Younger than Mara was now, anyway.

“I’m sure you do fine,” she said in English with a smile, soft accent thickening slightly as she used her mother’s words to respond.

”I am - but I had a fight with Mara while I was at home.” Jessica hugged herself, wondering if her sister was still angry and hoping she was not. She had not thought about it before, but - what would Mara and Lola think of her now? Maybe they would also be angry that their cousin Brent was sure to become CEO someday now, but that didn’t mean they’d care that Jessica was also angry, or care about her at all, going forward, that she was stuck being a burden on the family forever....

Jessica had never stood to gain much from caring for them, but this did not occur to her as something she could use as a basis for logical analysis of the situation. This was just how it had always been: Jessica was the oldest. Jessica was supposed to go into business and take care of the family someday. Mara and Lola were not; that wasn’t part of the Plans they were parts of. That was all.

“But we’re still friends,” she added, as much for her own benefit as for his.

Every fiber of Jessica’s nature recoiled from the idea of eating after anyone. She did not do that at home and was reluctant to do so now. “You can have it,” she said. “I’ve never been all that crazy about pineapple.”

16 Jessica So my new identity has friends. That’s good. 1442 Jessica 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

April 29, 2019 10:06 PM

I can't guarantee the plural, but you've got me. by Felipe De Matteo

Felipe nodded, understanding. He and his sister hadn't fought when he'd been home for the break, but they didn't always get along either. "I wouldn't normally say such things," he murmured, prefacing what he wanted to say and feeling like it was very inappropriate to say anything at all. "But I think that you will understand. I think that it is very difficult to be responsible for people who think that you should be different than you are."

He looked at her seriously. It wasn't a threat as he certainly meant no harm to her, but he couldn't help feeling like he needed to offer some display of and don't you dare tell anyone I said so, or else he would never hear the end of it. Certainly it wasn't the sort of thing he'd say to Jeremy. If he was honest, he probably wouldn't even say so to Zara.

"I suspect you and I have a lot in common, even if we don't seem to at first," he told her seriously. Then he offered a small smile, letting his wall come back down. "Except about pineapple I guess. Are you sure you don't want any? I don't want to gross you out. I have more upstairs if you want this can."

Felipe's eyes drafted to the cover of his book again, and the plot ran through his mind. "Would you like if we were friends? I think that it is very lonely to be alone." He didn't like the way lonely to be alone sounded in English, so he switched for the sake of avoiding saying something dumb-sounding. Also, there was a certain vulnerability in expressing concepts like >alone in his favorite language. It felt more genuine. "I think that I can learn a lot from you," he said, slipping into his natural habit of flattering someone to make them more pliable. It was the most fun an altruistic person could have with manipulation, but they could only do it if they really meant it.

That was the key thing about being important and being altruistic, and it was the thing that Felipe struggled the most with. His dad was a master of it; be nice and sincere, and find a way to make it help the people who need it, even if that person is you. But what if being nice was harmful? What if you were saying nice things but not really being nice? Felipe thought it was all overrated and had begun to hate the word altruism more than any other. It was almost exactly the same word in Spanish, Italian, French, and English, and he was convinced that made it worse. He couldn't escape the pressure to be something he wasn't sure he ever could be, no matter what language he tried to use to be that way.

"Only if you want to, though," he said. That, at least, was kind. Choice was always the kindest.

OOC - Since my soul is disagreeing so vehemently with Felipe right now, I wanted to just throw out that he's wrong; choice isn't always the kindest.

22 Felipe De Matteo I can't guarantee the plural, but you've got me. 1434 Felipe De Matteo 0 5

Jessica

April 30, 2019 8:39 PM

It's a good start. by Jessica

"I wouldn't normally say such things."

There was a slightly discomfiting phrase. Jessica felt a flash of anxiety. What about finding out that she had had a fight with Mara - someone who Felipe knew of only as daughter of one of the help, as Jessica's childhood playmate, rather than as Jessica's sister - would prompt a confidence?

The answer, when it came, surprised her a little. Of course it was so - but it was a little unusual, she guessed, to say it out loud like that. It was almost like making a complaint instead of showing a willingness to meet any challenge which materialized head on, without fear or hesitation.

"Yes," she said simply. "I think that's true."

Technically, she supposed, she was not responsible for anyone or anything. She wasn't old enough to babysit for Mara or Lola - she still required at least one member of the staff to wait on her at all times, for goodness' sake. She was too young to take any real part in the business yet, either, and also, apparently, could not even partially direct her own studies. Every detail of her life was entirely managed and controlled by someone else - a state of affairs she actually liked, when she liked the people doing the managing and controlling. However, she still felt responsible sometimes - responsible for people's feelings, especially in her family. She had to submit to that control and management and always look happy about it and do everything perfectly so she would be able to be responsible in future -

- Or at least, she had had that responsibility. Now she had none. But the point stood.

She was about to ask what, exactly, people thought he should be when he continued, saying they had things in common. Except pineapple. Jessica laughed a little. "No, thank you, really," she said. "But thank you for offering," she added, meaning it. It was nice to have someone offer to share with her.

Her guard started to rise again when he suddenly said it was lonely to be alone, even as her head nodded automatically in affirmation of the statement. There were times when being alone was the most blissful thing in the world, but here, alone generally only in the midst of others, having to go to active effort to be truly alone, and never having nice company to join when she did want society, it was misery. She tilted her head a little at how he ended.

"I'd like to be friends," she said softly. "But what do you think you want to learn from me?"

16 Jessica It's a good start. 1442 Jessica 0 5

Felipe De Matteo

May 01, 2019 6:56 PM

Well . . . this is a start at least. by Felipe De Matteo

Sonora was an odd place. Or perhaps America was. In any case, people here were so odd. What good was trying to be nice to people for manipulative purposes if it never did any good? Why was everyone so difficult to be nice to, and for so many different reasons? Zara was difficult to be nice to because she was so nice to him that he couldn't find any time to be nice to her, Jeremy was hard to be nice to because Felipe had very little interest in being nice to the self-righteous jerk. He supposed Jeremy at least needed him to be nice more than Zara did, but Zara deserved it more.

Then there was Jessica. She seemed to be sort of nice herself, and entirely unaccepting of it in others. She was reserved, and hesitant, and Felipe did not understand. Shy of working on a business arrangement of sorts, Felipe had never met someone, especially a woman, who would be so little swayed by vulnerability. What was he supposed to do with this?

At least she wanted to be friends. He wasn't sure whether she was asking specifics because she didn't trust him or because she didn't trust herself. Perhaps she needed someone to be nice to her too? It would be easier if she wasn't so crabby in classes and things, but he supposed that hadn't stopped him so far and he couldn't let it stop him now.

"I'd like to learn more about you," he said, forcing himself to shrug casually. "Just to get to know you. But I think you can also teach me very much about how people here will interact with each other and why." At least that part was true, although he doubted she'd do anything to teach him that stuff on purpose. Just watching her classroom snark over the past few months had taught him more than she probably realized. "It is best to learn about a culture from son who is part of it. That is part of why I came to Sonora: to learn about the culture."

This whole thing was too serious for Felipe, who had actually come downstairs in part to avoid thinking all the things that were now the subject of this conversation. Again, slipping back into the air of lighthearted kindness he'd seen and learned since he was a baby, Felipe smiled.

He thought to joke about her helping him with Faison or styles or something, but the thought made him sick. He hated the sort of self-deprecating niceness that so many people slipped into; if he was putting himself down, even as a joke, then he was also putting down people like himself, and that wasn't nice. Instead, he decided to play again on their shared responsibility and the ego he suspected lurked beneath her soft country facade.

"Plus, you are important," he said simply. "And we are both a little bit on the outside here I think. That makes us good for being friends, but also maybe good people to know anyway." It didn't cross his mind to explain why networking was important; he didn't doubt that she already thought along the same lines, although she probably didn't see him as being of equal status. What was a little Mexican magic royalty if you had a whole muggle cosmetic line to worry about? It seemed so frivolous, but they were at least both business-minded, so that was something.

22 Felipe De Matteo Well . . . this is a start at least. 1434 Felipe De Matteo 0 5

Jessica

May 06, 2019 8:56 PM

Not the worst start. by Jessica

Jessica couldn't help a flash of amusement when Felipe said he wanted to learn about Americans from her. If I could figure out why these people do anything, I'd have a much better idea how I'm supposed to put together a life among them, now that mine's over, she thought.

"I'll help as much as I can," she said lightly instead, "though I don't know how much that is - I only came here because they convinced my parents I'd die if I didn't." She paused. "Unless you want to know about where I'm really from," she added, not sure she really wanted to. To talk about home much, to talk about everything that she could no longer ever really be part of...she was so sick of crying, but she'd be annoyed and humiliated to do so in front of another child. Crying was childish. She was too old for that nonsense.

Jessica's face changed slightly with surprise and pleasure at the statement that she was important, before she realized that it did not mean that. Of course not. Only the staff - her staff, the people who had all but raised her, not the horrible people here - would say things like that to her. Instead - well, she had mentioned Arvale in passing, no doubt, and while he likely didn't fully grasp what it was, he probably recognized the same things in her that she recognized, after a fashion, in him. There were some things that an accustomed eye recognized, even when everyone wore matching sacks and the culture was all backward and wrong.

"You could have a point," she acknowledged. No need to tell someone what...."If nothing else, we won't forget how to speak Spanish. What does your family do?"

16 Jessica Not the worst start. 1442 Jessica 0 5