Something on my mind... on Labyrinth Gardens

Michael Grosvenor

September 08, 2011 9:51 AM

Something on my mind... by Michael Grosvenor

As the covered wagons had returned them to Sonora, Michael had felt something he hadn’t really expected. The closer they got, the greater the sensation was that a heavy weight was pushing down on his shoulders. Certainly, he’d noticed feeling brighter and more at ease at home, where everything was familiar and fine, but he’d never expected to feel actively unhappy about coming back here. He liked it here, didn’t he? For the first time, school was going well for him, and he felt safe and happy. Or, he’d thought he had. Everything was going well, thanks to the charade he’d kept up for the entire first term of his time here, and – rather than the returning itself - it was the effort of starting that up again that pressed on him.

He pondered Natalie’s advice. She had sensed the slight strain when he talked about how school was great. His parents might have done too but it was Natalie he felt able to talk to about it. She’d told him to just drop the act. That it would make his life much easier. That was true and he didn’t doubt it. It was the worry that his friends wouldn’t turn on him, either for being deaf or for keeping it a secret. And no one could promise that that wouldn’t happen.

He’d pictured time and time again over the holidays how, on his first morning back, he wouldn’t slip his hearing aids surreptitiously into his pocket and fit them in the bathroom. He’d do it on his way out. And his roommates would see and that would be a new start. But now he found himself wavering. The closer he got, the more scary the idea seemed. The horrible things they might say, which had just been his wild imagination, now stood a chance of become reality. And so he’d come out to the Labyrinth Gardens, to get some space and some calm in order to think it through. Of course, seeking solitude was not necessarily compatible with what he most needed… someone to talk to first. He just wanted someone who could tell him that, if he saw it through, it would all be ok.

13 Michael Grosvenor Something on my mind... 199 Michael Grosvenor 1 5

Brianna Japos

September 09, 2011 6:48 PM

It's best to talk about it. by Brianna Japos

Being at Sonora was both amazing as it was exhausting. Sonora was a sanctuary for Brianna. She could be whoever she wanted to be. She didn’t have to be the daughter of the maid or the maintenance man in a building full of rich Purebloods or Magical families. She wasn’t ‘duck face’. She wasn’t picked on, pushed around, or laughed at. She was simply Brianna here. And she liked it. Here she pretended that her parents were of wealth. She never came out and said so nor did she lie about their careers. She simply avoided and was vague about it. What they took from her words was theirs to own. So, she lived a life that she always wanted.

Except, keeping up this was tiring. She had to constantly be sure she never said the wrong thing or wear the wrong clothes. She also had to worry that Attoria would not spill her secrets to the rest of their peers. Attoria held the cards. She was the daughter of wealth and she could get her parents fired with the snap of her fingers if Brianna did anything to upset her. Plus, Brianna still feared the ridicule of those around her. With her Filipino and Sicilian decent, Brianna had exotic features that betrayed her. Olive toned skin with freckles across her slim nose, deep brown eyes and overly large lips, Brianna was often made fun of for her looks. Although she had yet to be the joke of any classmates here, she worried that her real self would be exposed and people would turn on her.

Her fear kept her from making honest friends. She was afraid that getting close would mean that they would want to have her over or them over to her place and if that happened… everything would be for nothing. She was also afraid that Attoria would get angry with her, so Brianna kept quiet and kept her distance. She was still always polite to people. Still always smiling lest someone see the truth of it all.

Having grown up in a Condominium in the Big Apple, Brianna didn’t experience much in terms of nature. She had enjoyed the Potions lesson in the Mirage Chamber because she had been able to see a forest for the first time. It might not have been real, but it was beautiful to her. In her free time, Brianna had taken it upon herself to explore the gardens. Everything was so beautiful and amazing and so very different than the busy city back home.

Walking around the bend of one of the paths, Brianna discovered one of her classmates by himself. “Hi Michael.” Brianna greeted. She had never spoken to him before, but she knew his name from roll call. “Am I bothering you?” She asked as she drew nearer. She would continue walking if he wanted to be on his own.

6 Brianna Japos It's best to talk about it. 203 Brianna Japos 0 5

Michael Grosvenor

October 09, 2011 3:11 PM

Well, ladies first... by Michael Grosvenor

“Oh, hi Brianna,” Michael smiled nervously. “No... s'ok. You're not bothering me.” He meant it genuinely. Although he couldn't make himself sound relaxed, his actions showed it, as he shuffled a little along the bench to make more room for her. Brianna being around didn't bother him but he wasn't exactly sure it would help. He hadn't ever really spoken to her before. He'd just about got used to the fact that almost everyone in his year seemed to mingle, and even girls would talk to him. It didn't exactly surprise him any more and some of them he was probably even ok around, like Mellie. But Brianna was an unknown quantity. Friendly enough now, but he didn't know what kind of person she was underneath. Mind you, he pondered, wasn't that true of all of them? They were all friendly enough to him at the moment but he had no idea how they'd act if they knew.

“How was your Christmas?” he asked. That seemed like the most natural thing that someone would say in this situation. And, for all his bravado in his own head about how he'd just open up and tell someone, he wasn't about to go pouring it out to someone the second they'd sat down, especially if it was the first time he'd ever really spoken to them. He could just build up to it. He was fairly sure that that was what he was doing and not just backing out entirely, like a coward.

13 Michael Grosvenor Well, ladies first... 199 Michael Grosvenor 0 5

Brianna

October 11, 2011 8:57 PM

If you insist... by Brianna

She wasn’t sure exactly how happy Michael was to see her. Not that she could blame him. It wasn’t as though she had gone out of her way in the past to speak with him nor he with her. Not that she could really blame him. They were in different houses and ran with different crowds… if one could say she was apart of a crowd. Not to mention, they were of different genders. The more time Brianna spent at Sonora, the more time she found herself speaking to the boys of her class. It was a little odd for her to be doing that. Back at home, Brianna never really spoke to the boys of the building. They were always scheming for things. Always wanting something. Usually, their want left Brianna injured or crying.

Actually, now that she thought about it, the girls were also that way. Brianna spent most of her time by herself. The rest of the time, she spent with Attoria. Usually, only when Attoria wanted her too and it was often just the two of them. Brianna knew it was because Attoria hadn’t wanted to be seen with her. That was why their friendship at home had always been so secret. Brianna was the joke of the building and it would only bring Attoria down if anyone knew they were friends.

Which was why it was so important for Brianna to keep her act while at Sonora. She couldn’t make a fool of herself while attending the school because that would definitely ruin her friendship with Attoria. Attoria was her only ally at home. She needed her. She needed a solid reputation at Sonora.

Taking a seat beside Michael if only because he had offered it (his hesitation after his hello made her feel as though she were bothering him and had been prepared to continue walking), Brianna smiled pleasantly to her classmate. “Oh, my Christmas was alright. I had a wonderful time with my parents.” That was a lie. Brianna had barely seen them. When she did see them, they were always arguing. Brianna didn’t understand why they were together if they hated each other so much. “When I saw them…” Brianna added.

“Was your holiday good?” It was only polite to ask since he had asked her first. “You looked a little lonely when I came by. Are you homesick?”

0 Brianna If you insist... 0 Brianna 0 5

Michael

October 12, 2011 4:35 PM

You don't need to be a Pureblood to be a gentleman by Michael

“You didn't really see them?” Michael asked. The words had tumbled out of his mouth before he realised that it might be a sensitive topic. But then again, it might not have been. When he'd talked to Valerie before Christmas, she hadn't really seemed sad that she didn't spend a lot of time doing family things over the holidays. She'd been just as surprised at Michael's revelation as he was at Brianna's. It didn't mean either party was being rude or nosy, or asking things that might upset the other. Perhaps Brianna was from some very proper Pureblood family (he'd certainly gathered that she had a magical background) and they just did everything terribly formally.

“My holiday was good,” he smiled, careful not to be too emphatic, lest Brianna hadn't had such a fun time but also because the niggly little thought that she might be a Proper Pureblood was worming its way around his mind. If she was, what might she think of him finding school a funny place to be? Mind you, she had chosen to come and sit with him, without making sure he matched up to her standards and he hadn't ever really had any problems with people in his year being snooty. He rather suspected that any who did hold such opinions just avoided his company, which was fine as far as he was concerned.

“Yeah, a little...” he nodded, in response to her question as to whether he was homesick. He hoped that didn't make him seem too wussy but it was a good way of summarising what he was feeling without having to explain the specifics of it to her. Yet. Of course he still planned to. He wasn't backing out of that. Not at all. “It's not that I don't like Sonora,” he clarified, “It's just....” Home was safe? Home was comforting? Those both sounded a little bit wimpy. “... just not the same,” that was the obvious well and truly stated, “It takes a bit of time to get into the swing of things, coming back. So, I just thought I'd come out here to regroup a bit.”

13 Michael You don't need to be a Pureblood to be a gentleman 199 Michael 0 5

Brianna

October 14, 2011 8:53 PM

I don't know many Pureblood gentlemen by Brianna

Brianna knew that she had been the one to say that comment, but now that he was asking it back to her, she wasn’t sure how to answer it. She knew the real reason why she didn’t see much of her parents. They worked themselves to the bone. Her mother with all the condos that she had to clean from top to bottom daily while her father kept the building running and then had to run off and fix any magical catastrophe that happened throughout the day because the residents couldn’t have chaos even if they were the ones who caused it.

But, she couldn’t very well explain that to Michael. If she were just out and honest with him, Brianna might as well just pack her bags and go back home. Sonora was supposed to be her safety. She was supposed to be able to walk the halls without anyone picking fun of the way she looked or what her parents did for a living or for the fact that she was poor. In order to do that, she had to keep quiet and act as though she was in the same league as Attoria.

“They are quite busy. They do their best to see me when they can, but their careers are important to them.”

It was more than their careers that kept them from her. They couldn’t stand being around one another for long periods of time and when they did, they always ended up fighting. They only time they were ever all together was during meal times. That suited Brianna just fine. That wasn’t to say she wouldn’t love to for her parents to spent time with her like normal families did, but for as long as she could remember, this is how it had always been.

She was grateful that they moved on though because Brianna didn’t want to dwell too long on her parents. If she did, she would know that she would break down. If she honestly gave her family any true thoughts, she would realize just how sad, pathetic, and lonely it all was. She certainly was aware of these things, but she never let herself really feel them.

She nodded as she listened to him. She had to agree, Sonora was quite different than home, but she was certain his reasons were vastly different than her own. “Regrouping is always a good thing. Deep breaths, one day at a time sort of thing. I think after we’re done with our first year, it gets easier.” Brianna said trying to be helpful. “At least, that’s what I’m hoping.”

0 Brianna I don't know many Pureblood gentlemen 0 Brianna 0 5

Michael

October 21, 2011 3:04 PM

Their loss by Michael

Michael was a little surprised when Brianna said that both her parents' careers were important to them. From what he'd gathered of Pureblood families, the women were meant to stay home and be terribly lady like. But then perhaps Brianna's family was more progressive – after all, she seemed happy with talking to him. Or maybe they weren't really very rich any more, so both of the parents had to work, but that wasn't something he could really ask, so he left it there.

'I think after we’re done with our first year, it gets easier.'

This assertion brought Michael back to his own problems with a jolt. It was certainly true that that was what he wanted to happen. To get used to things here and to relax. But if he kept hiding things, it wasn't really going to. At Brianna's words, he saw the next few years stretching out ahead of him, with the amount of bluffing he would have to do and how heavily it would weigh on him.

“Hopefully...” he nodded in agreement. “I guess it's down to me though. Well, partly. I think I've made a few thins harder than they need to be...” He swallowed. He could almost tell her. He was right on the very edge of it but he couldn't quite just jump right in.

13 Michael Their loss 199 Michael 0 5

Brianna

October 23, 2011 2:46 PM

Maybe, maybe not by Brianna

Brianna knew that she couldn’t really promise him that the following years would be any better than their first, but she was hoping that her words would ring true in the years to come. She really hoped that as time went on, she could slip into the right world, the world where Attoria and all the other kids from her building lived in and it would no longer be such an effort for her.

By her seventh year, Brianna was hoping to be totally popular and loved by everyone. Or, if that couldn’t happen, she was hoping to just be invisible to everyone. Ignored. She would prefer to be ignored and invisible than the center of attention in the worst way. She was the center of attention at home. Pushed around. Beaten up. Knocked around. Joked about. If she could get through her years at Sonora without any of that, Brianna would be content enough with that.

Her brown eyes looked towards Michael when he started to talk. She could completely understand how he could make things more difficult on himself while here. She had done it too. By not being so up front to everyone about her parents, Brianna made it incredibly difficult on herself, but if she had been honest, Attoria would have hated her and Brianna would have been left with no friends at all. It really was a no win situation for her.

“Have you?” She asked, not meaning to be so intrusive. “I thought your roommates and you were all good friends. How have you made it harder?”

0 Brianna Maybe, maybe not 0 Brianna 0 5

Michael

October 27, 2011 1:59 PM

I guess I've yet to see what kind of person you are... by Michael

“We are,” Michael nodded, when Brianna commented on his room-mates. They weren't the problem. He was. But he'd forced his own hand now. He couldn't think of a convincing lie quickly enough and so it would have to be the truth. Although his throat had gone dry and his palms were sweating, he wasn't sure that it was a bad thing that he had to tell. He wanted this to be over, even though he knew a new hell might begin as soon as it got around the school. At least it would be the kind he was familiar with. Better the devil you know.

He tried to focus his thoughts. Everything he had to say swirled around his head and he was thinking so many things at once that it was almost like he was thinking nothing at all – the problems had been chewed over so many times that he could feel the feelings of them without even articulating them as coherent thoughts in his own mind. Just a constant white-noise roar.

“I..have a hearing impairment,” he stumbled a little over the words, “And I didn't tell anyone because-” because he'd been afraid? Because he hadn't known what they would think? More like because he knew exactly what they'd think and it didn't tend to end well for him. “But,” he changed tactics, “there are certain things I should do. Little things, like not try to talk to people where there's too much else going on, or sit up at the front of the class. But I couldn't tell people I needed those things to help me. I just kind of went along with things and did my best to guess my way through them – but honestly, I have no idea of half the content of the conversations I've had this year, and people probably think I'm at the very least forgetful or possibly really thick or might even have figured it out. But now I've gone so long without telling them that I'm worried that they'll be mad at me for... it's not really lying but it kind of feels like it.”

He breathed out. There had been a lot to say and he was impressed that he had got it out in a vaguely coherent order. Hell, he was impressed that he'd got it out. It had been said. It was done. For a glorious few seconds it didn't even matter, he didn't even care, how Brianna was going to react. He felt free.

13 Michael I guess I've yet to see what kind of person you are... 199 Michael 0 5

Brianna

October 27, 2011 9:42 PM

A good one, I'd like to think. by Brianna

Brianna was silent for a moment after Michael confessed to her that he was hearing impaired. She understood completely how he felt that others might think of him differently. She was amazed that he was able to get through this much of school without telling anyone. Having a disability such as his must have been extremely difficult. Not that she really knew what it was like to not be able to hear properly. Still, she couldn’t imagine it having been at all easy.

She wasn’t sure how she should respond to him. In all honesty, she didn’t know his roommates or his friendship with them. She wished that she did because then maybe anything she would say would actually have some value in it. But she didn’t and for all that she knew, if he came clean with his friends, they might end up hating him. She hoped not because that didn’t seem very fair, but people were cruel. This much, she knew to be true.

“You know, when I first came here I thought people would make fun of me for looking… different.” She didn’t want to draw attention to her oversized lips, so she simply made a general comment regarding her features. “I grew up with the kids always poking fun at me, so I just assumed people would here too. But, no one has. Everyone has been super nice to me.” Brianna commented after she had given what he told her some thought. “I think they’ll be okay if you told them. I mean, they are your friends, so they can’t be too angry with you for not telling them, right?” Brianna commented.

Brianna thought about telling him her secret. She really had thought to just give in and tell someone, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. A person could forgive someone for having a hearing impairment. They weren’t likely to forgive someone for lying about her family and background. She knew this and yet she still couldn’t come clean about it. She had to stay on the good side of everyone, but especially Attoria.

“You know, I hadn’t a clue that you had some issues with your hearing. You are very good at covering it up, but I’m sure it’s exhausting.”

0 Brianna A good one, I'd like to think. 0 Brianna 0 5

Michael

October 28, 2011 12:46 PM

You definitely have my seal of approval by Michael

Michael looked up in surprise at Brianna said she'd been picked on too. Apparently for how she looked. He couldn't really see what was supposed to be wrong with her. Maybe people were jealous. Sometimes people picked on others for that reason.

“I don't see why,” he smiled, “You look-” he stopped. He couldn't really call her pretty. That might sound like he liked her and that would just be embarrassing. “... fine, to me,” Ouch. That was worse as it didn't really sound like much of a compliment. He hoped she didn't take that the wrong way, especially as she was being so nice to him. “Kids can be mean,” he smiled sympathetically. But it was comforting to know that Brianna, who couldn't hide whatever it was that had got her picked on before, was fine at Sonora. “But maybe things really are different here...” It seemed such a fragile hope, in spite of the counter evidence, and even voicing it out loud seemed like a dangerous thing to do, like it might break it.

He guessed it was a good thing that Brianna hadn't noticed his problems. At least that might mean rumours weren't flying around behind his back. For a second, the knowledge that he could keep it up passed through his head, but it was an unappealing thought.

“Thanks,” he smiled at Brianna. “You've really helped. And I can't see why anyone would ever make fun of you, and I hope they don't start but if they do... well, I promise I won't. And you can come tell me about it.”

13 Michael You definitely have my seal of approval 199 Michael 0 5