Nicoletta Dupree
September 19, 2007 3:12 PM
The Talk (with Adam) by Nicoletta Dupree
A bundle of nerves, that’s all she seemed to be lately. This time it was due to the fact that very shortly she would be seeing Adam Whitney after a whole summer. Not only seeing him, but having a talk to end things. She didn’t want that, but she had decided that that’s what his letter had meant. Not only that, but he had Dalila now. She disliked the girl with every fiber of her being, because she knew that she couldn’t compare. She might have thought so last year, thought she was better even, but not any more. The only thing she had a right to hope for was that Adam would want to be her friend and even that was tenuous at best.While waiting, Nicoletta sat on one of the benches in the Laybrinth Gardens, which were rather beautiful and she wished she could enjoy it, but quite possibly after today she would be avoiding them completely at the risk of running into the Pecari. In anxiousness, Nicoletta played with the end of her braid. She was wearing another mugglelish outfit like when she had talked to Earl in Care of Magical Creatures. This one consisted of dark blue jean shorts and a plain green t-shirt.
Next to her sat a package wrapped in a simple green wrapping paper. She was proud of herself for having done it herself and having picked Adam’s favorite color. Though, she hadn’t thought about it when she picked the shirt. Inside the package was a framed photograph of France’s seeker. She couldn’t remember the name since she didn’t take a heavy interest in Quidditch, but it was a signed picture. She had gotten it when she had gone to one of the games with her grandparents, Lucien, Marie, and Chris.
After she had purchased it, she made the realization that she wasn’t over Adam, no matter how hard she tried. The solution at the time was to try harder. From that moment, she had pushed herself onto Lucien every second, laughing at his jokes, flirting with him, kissing him. All of which had taken her down a hard road of self-discovery. She had learned what Lucien was really like. She had learned that she would rather be happy with someone than to live in a world of deception. She had been happy with Adam, even though they had fought, which had been her fault.
Hearing footsteps, she looked up, then a shy, “Hi.”
Subthreads: *Tries to run away from 'The Talk'* by Adam with Nicoletta
Well, some things had to stay the same by Nic with Adam
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Nicoletta Dupree
The Talk (with Adam)
64
Nicoletta Dupree
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Adam
September 19, 2007 8:49 PM
*Tries to run away from 'The Talk'* by Adam
Yesterday, Adam had spilled his guts to Dalila about everything that had happened between himself and Nicoletta. He only felt right in divulging her of their relationship if he was to meet Nicoletta alone in their 'meeting' spot. Dalila had to know so that she could prepare herself for whatever happened next.Although, that was being overly dramatic, of course. Nothing at all could happen too and Adam and Dalila could be perfectly fine. But, anything goes when it came to Nicoletta and Adam wasn't fooling himself into thinking he wouldn't let himself get dragged into it once again.
Everything was entirely too complicated for Adam's liking. He could feel it all straining him. If he wasn't careful, he'd find himself bedridden again. Just what he needed during his fifth year at Sonora. As if his love life wasn't enough to worry about, he was the only 15 year old he knew that had to worry about how much time he spent outside or couldn't play the sport he loved because of his weak immune system and damn heart.
Adam made it to the spot only to find Nicoletta sitting there already. He blinked in surprise for a moment. She was different. Her clothes weren't the expenisive type, but off the rack. Her hair (her soft, beautiful hair) was back in a braid. It was so unlike Nicoletta that Adam was momentarily stunned by the sight of her.
Even her shy greeting was different. Nicoletta had been full of confidence. Now she seemed reserved, almost uncertain. Adam didn't know what to make of it all. This wasn't the same Nicoletta he had walked away from a couple months earlier. Well, it was, but it wasn't.
Taking a breath, Adam silently took a seat beside her. "Hey." He greeted in a casual tone, uncertain as to how to even go about starting a conversation with her. Especially when the topic was the two of them and their complicated relationship.
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Adam
*Tries to run away from 'The Talk'*
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Adam
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Nicoletta
September 19, 2007 9:25 PM
It doesn't have to be that bad by Nicoletta
The fact that he wasn't yelling and that he had sat beside her was a good sign. It meant that maybe at the very least, he would be willing to be friends with her. She didn't have the right to expect more, not after her behavior. She really wasn't sure where to begin the conversation. What she wanted to talk about really wasn't something that one dove right into, but she wasn't sure how to go about bringing it up either. She supposed she should begin with the basics."So, um, I really am sorry for everything, Adam," she began. So, much for basics. She kept her eyes downcast in shame. "I'm sorry for the lies and the secrets. You were right. And I'm sorry for how I treated you."
She glanced at the package still next to her. Grabbing it, she held it out to Adam, "It's not much, but I thought you might like it and accept it as a...token of friendship."
She wanted more than friendship, but at the very least, she would settle for that. She just wanted to be near him, to love him, even if it meant that his love was for someone else. It was scary in that way, the realization of wanting more for someone else than yourself, but that was just another addition to a long list of lessons.
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Nicoletta
It doesn't have to be that bad
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Nicoletta
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Adam
September 22, 2007 1:29 AM
But we all know it will be by Adam
Adam whiped his hands on his jeans. His palms were sweaty because he was nervous. He hadn't been alone with Nicoletta since their fight and even then they hadn't been alone. This whole situation was awkward, even Nicoletta (who wanted to talk) didn't seem to know what to say now that they were face to face.He glanced at her when she started apologizing to him. He thought that perhaps they would do a bit of small talk, but perhaps Nicoletta wanted to get this all done and over with too. "It's fine. I knew what I was geting myself into." He commented, focusing his gaze upward and leaning back against the bench.
Adam refocused his gaze onto the present Nicoletta was holding out to him. He quirked an eyebrow at Nicoletta and slowly took it from her hands. He wondered if he ought to have brought her something and suddenly felt stupid for not having done so. He hadn't realized gifts were needed in a situation like this. But, it wasn't as though he had ever been in anything like this before.
He gave her a half smile and opened the gift. Inside was a signed autograph of picture of one of the most famous Seeker's in the Quidditch League. Adam had no idea how Nicoletta got a hold of such a thing, but it didn't matter. A wide grin spread across his face at the sight of it easily giving away his feelings. It was an amazing gift. Now Adam felt even worse for not having brought anything for Nicoletta.
Adam frowned. Eyes still staring at the photograph, Adam addressed Nicoletta, "I loved you, you know." He told her quietly. He used past tense on purpose because it would only make things complicated if he told her he was still in love with her. "I'm sorry it couldn't work out."
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Adam
But we all know it will be
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Adam
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Nicoletta
September 22, 2007 2:05 AM
Well, it could be worse by Nicoletta
"It didn't make it right," Nicoletta said softly. While Adam opened the gift, she pulled out the band that was holding her braid in place. Hair. Dark hair to hide behind. She felt that she was going to need it for this conversation. She didn't want to let everything she was feeling pour onto him. It wouldn't be fair. She had made her bed with her choices.However, some choices aren't choices at all, as the tears began to fall. She quickly brushed them away. She didn't want to cry in front of him. She didn't want him to feel sorry for her. She had wanted this, wanted to talk to him. She just wished she didn't know he had loved her. It made it all harder. She hadn't just loved him, she was in love with him.
She took a deep breath. She had to be strong for the moment. She had to get through this and the sooner, the better. Once he was gone, she could cry, no, bawl. There were just too many emotions flowing inside of her.
"I lov-" she stopped. She couldn't bring herself to say loved. She wanted to say love. She reached up to fiddle with her necklace in nervous habit. The locket no longer there, but rather a simple charm in the shape of an open star, another find at the shop. Almost in an abrupt change of subject, but wasn't really, she said, "I told Jordanna and Catherine."
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Nicoletta
Well, it could be worse
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Nicoletta
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Adam
September 22, 2007 2:59 PM
I suppose so. by Adam
Adam didn't want to look at Nicoletta, afraid that his confession would either bring a laugh out of her because she couldn't have ever possibly loved him. He had been her toy. Something for her amusement. Something to keep her preoccupied while she couldn't be with Lucien. But Adam had fallen for her. He had fallen hard. He was sure anyone who knew of their situation, really knew, they would have said it wasn't really love. That he had been too young and too naive to understand it. But Adam knew. He knew what it was like to be so into the person sitting beside him and knowing that none of it was recipricated.It was painful. He had been so happy and so miserable when he was with her.
"I lov-"
Despite himself, Adam looked at Nicoletta. Her hair was down and in her face. Her beautiful hair. Adam used to love running his hands through it even though she used to hate him messing it up. He actually had to catch himself as a hand of his reached up to play with her hair. But it was in doing that that Adam realized she was crying.
Why was she crying? Did it mean that she had cared more for him than he had first realized?
He didn't have time to reflect on that though as Nicoletta announced taht she had told the two people she had been most afraid of finding out about the two of them. "You did?" Adam asked, not even bothering to try and hide his surprise. "Did they throw you to the wolves?"
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Adam
I suppose so.
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Adam
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Nicoletta
September 22, 2007 3:33 PM
I guess it could be better too by Nicoletta
Needing something to do, Nicoletta twirled a lock of hair around a finger. Her gaze remained on the ground, knowing her eyes were rimmed with red. A sniffle escaped her."Surprisingly, no," she said slowly. She made a small noise. "My parents are going to be another matter when they find out. Catherine offered to let me stay with her this summer."
He didn't need to know all this, she realized. If he still had feelings for her, it would be another matter, but he had someone new. She nearly snorted. For being loved, she had been easily replaced. It was so painful to think about. Her arms curled around her stomach.
Control, she needed composure. She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, you didn't need to know that." It seemed that all she could do was apologize, unsure of what she should be saying to Adam and what she shouldn't.
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Nicoletta
I guess it could be better too
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Nicoletta
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Adam
September 23, 2007 9:14 PM
a Root Canal would be better by Adam
Adam had to repress a snort when Nicoletta said that her friends hadn't kicked her out of their little circle when they found out the two of them had dated. Maybe if Nicoletta had been more trusting of her friends and told them last year, the two of them wouldn't be in this mess right now.But Adam kept his comments to himself. Saying them outloud would get them nowhere and Nicoletta would probably feel even more guilty about everything that had happened. He didn't really want to drag out the guilt anymore than he had to and even though he had been so angry, he knew it was time to move on from it as well.
"Wait, your parents are going to kick you out just because you dated me? That's a bit excessive." Adam commented. And it didn't make much sense. Sure he didn't have much money, but didn't snobby richies have affairs all the time that were overlooked? He was sure he read about them enough in the papers and a few days later it was all blown over and everyone had moved on to the next affair.
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Adam
a Root Canal would be better
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Adam
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Nicoletta
September 23, 2007 9:36 PM
I wouldn't know, never had one by Nicoletta
Oh, no. She was going to have to explain. She hadn't meant to say anything at all, but now she had to so he knew it wasn't because of him. Well, not directly, anyhow. It was all rather complicated. She wrung her hands together."No," Nicoletta began. "Because of...Lucien. Well, not completely because of him," she said, struggling to find the right words. "I broke up with Lucien. That would have been acceptable had I agreed to another arranged marriage."
She paused for a moment. She took a deep breath. It had been a rather significant decision in her life, life-changing really, as evidenced by her new attitude and appearance. Though, after what happened with Lucien, she knew she could never be with him or anyone else for the sake of reputation.
"Since I have chosen to live my life by my rules rather than the traditional ones, my parents are going to disown me," she stated. She had stopped crying at this point, but she knew more would come, especially after she confessed the next portion. "I want to find someone I love," then a mumbled quickly, "Like I love you." Clear again, "So, I'm leaving myself open to the possibility of love without the expectations of being pureblood or rich or anything else."
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Nicoletta
I wouldn't know, never had one
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Nicoletta
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Adam
September 24, 2007 7:01 PM
Neither have I, but I've heard they're painful by Adam
Adam couldn't believe what he was hearing. After all the crap that the two of them had gone through because she refused to leave that world behind, the moment his life is finally getting around to being as it should be, Nicoletta declares that she decided to live by her own rules and leave the Pureblood traditions behind.It was like the world was mocking them. Everything was keeping them apart. It was cruel and ironic and Adam almost wanted to just laugh out loud because of all of it. Adam sunk forward, his hands tearing through his hair to enforce his frustrations. He let out a cold laugh. Why couldn't she had decided to do that when they were still together? They could be happy. They could be together. But, she waited until after she had tore a whole in his already damaged heart to do it.
Was it just a game to her? See how much she could truly mess a guy up?
Adam abruptly stood up when she finished her confession and started pacing. He knew talking with her alone was a terrible mistake. Talking to her made him feel things he had struggled hard all summer to forget. Being near her made him want to just take her by the shoulders and just kiss her. Kiss her and never let go. But he couldn't do that. Their relationship had been unhealthy and Adam had been so tense he was surprised he never had an attack. And he was with Dalila now.
Dalila...
Adam paused in his pacing and faced Nicoletta. His face was red from the emotions he was trying to control. "Why?" He demanded. "Why now? Why do you suddenly decide that life with losers like me is the way to be? After everything that happened, after all those months where you had to hide our relationship because I wasn't good enough for your snobby friends and perfect family. Why now?"
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Adam
Neither have I, but I've heard they're painful
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Adam
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Nicoletta
September 24, 2007 10:59 PM
Then, how can we really compare the two? by Nicoletta
Nicoletta shrank back slightly at the unwelcoming laugh Adam let out. She pulled her legs up, folding her arms around them. Her chin rested on her knees. Her hair now blanketed most of her like a shield. She stayed still, as he began pacing and then the anger came. She wanted to shrivel up, become invisible. This talk wasn’t supposed to turn into an argument.He had every right to question why, but she couldn’t tell him. Not really. She would never tell anyone what had happened between Lucien and her. It had just been all too much. Slowly, her blue eyes glistening with tears yet to be shed, she met his gaze. She licked her lips, before saying anything, as she gathered her thoughts. She felt stripped, vulnerable. She owed him nothing anymore, but knew she owed him everything.
Carefully chosen words came out in a strained voice, “I never thought you were a loser, Adam. Even if you had come from what was deemed the right family by those standards, it wouldn’t have been enough for my family. As for Jordanna and Catherine, I didn’t want them to know, because it would have reached my parents’ ears and I would have been cast aside. At the time, I thought it was important not to be. I would be throwing away a set future, a guaranteed future. “
’A future with Lucien,’ was the silent addition. She took a breath before continuing, hoping to get it all out before he said anything, “I wanted to be with you, but we’re only fifteen. Could you have said that you would have taken care of me, loved me enough for me to change my entire life? Anyhow, I didn’t know you had loved me. I thought I was just someone to have some...” She stopped. If she thought about it now, it might have been obvious that it was more for him or even if someone else had known, they could have clued her in. Instead, she had been jealous, jealous because of her own feelings that had been changing to more.
Her eyes were once more to the ground. She didn’t want to see his reaction to how awful she was. She had already punished herself. “As for why, Adam, I didn’t realize how much I love you,” she didn’t notice that she stated present tense, as she went on, “until you were gone. I tried to move on with Lucien and let’s just say, I got to meet the real Lucien. Between that and seeing the way my grandparents are with each other, I realized that I could either find someone to love, who would love me, and get the chance to be happy, or I could be with someone who I would be nothing to and be miserable.”
Her mouth felt dry and her heart was heavy, as she continued with a touch of bitterness at the end, “I’m not saying I shouldn’t have known this sooner, but I always assumed that I would love the person that I was to marry. I assumed we would love each other and have a fairy tale romance. Then, we would live together like a king and queen. So, much for childhood dreams, I suppose.”
She wanted to challenge him too, but bit her tongue. If he had loved her so much, then why was he with Dalila? Was she so easily replaced? Apparently, she was. She felt raw, emotional, used. She knew it was her questions that had ended things, but she felt like she hadn’t mattered at all to him for she was so easily forgotten. Would she be this easily forgotten by her family? It was inevitable that it would be that way. She hoped that she had made the right choice, now feeling less than confident, but there was no going back.
\r\n\r\n
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Nicoletta
Then, how can we really compare the two?
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Nicoletta
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Adam
September 25, 2007 7:58 PM
Because it's what people do by Adam
Adam started abruptly pacing again. He was so angry again. She always made him angry. He couldn't ever express himself the way he wanted to with her. He would forever have to hide whenever he was with her. His fists were clenched tightly as he tried to keep himself in check. He wanted to scream and yell out his frustrations. He wanted her to scream and yell at him. But she was just sitting there, looking deflated and every bit unlike Nicoletta than ever before."I don't know. We'll never know what could have happened had you just had the guts to say it back then." Adam said, he was staring at her, breathing heavily, and looking as though he was torn between yelling and crying. "Even if I couldn't have given you everything, I would have damn well have tried. And, unlike your parents, mine would have supported us. They love me enough, even with all the trouble I've caused them. They wouldn't have turned me away." Adam knew he was being harsh. He didn't know her parents and his weren't a part of the Pureblood traditions because of their own status. They allowed their son a freedom that they had never believed possible.
"You have no idea how hard it was. I had to tell Dalila about you because she deserved to know that I still love you." Adam told her, this time facing away from her. "I was terrified of being alone with you because I thought...I thought that the minute I saw you, I'd beg to have you back. Still might." Adam commented before continuing, "All I could do was think about you. So much that I got destructive and ended up sick. Dalila was there for me, she stuck by me." Adam paused and turned towards Nicoletta. He had begun to speak quietly.
"I don't know how I feel about her and I don't think I could ever feel for her the way I feel for you. But, I can't go back, Nicoletta." He said all this with a somber look on his face. He would have given everything to go back to Nicoletta, especially now that she walked away from the only world that she knew. Adam crouched down infront of Nicoletta and put his hands hers. "I'm sorry...for everything."
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Adam
Because it's what people do
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Adam
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Nicoletta
September 25, 2007 9:41 PM
Well, that's silly by Nicoletta
Nicoletta let him yell, realizing he needed to get everything out. It wasn’t like she shouldn’t have been screamed at. Everything she had done had been deceitful, like Lucien. She didn’t want to be like him, ever. She needed to make amends, accept punishments, and make changes. All of which were in progress, including this one.“I know,” she said softly in response to what could have been. And a wistful, “You’re lucky to have such wonderful parents.” She would never know what that was like. Her parents had never been what one would call nuturing or caring. Everything was about appearances. They were never home and when they were, it was all formalities. She swore the only reason they had ever had children was to continue the line. Besides, Chris was more important to them anyhow. He would become Head. The best purpose she served was to make a connection, one they wouldn’t make now.
Then, came the stabbing at her heart. How Dalila had been better than she was. She thought it, but it hurt nonetheless to hear it, especially from Adam. So, many regrets twisted around. She wished she had never caused him pain, wished that she could have been there for him, wished she could always be. But Dalila would be now, not her. No matter how much he said he loved her, he would hold himself back and she couldn’t blame him. He was scared. She had been scared too. It was her fear that had caused them to be separated and it would be his that would keep them apart.
“Adam, it’s me that should be begging you,” Nicoletta told him, her gaze focused on him, tears trickling. “I don’t deserve to have a second chance with you and I have no expectations to get one.” Her hand moved from his, to gently brush his face. She missed him so much. “I only hope that one day that I’ll be worthy of someone like you.”
She wanted to hold him, kiss him, tell him that she wanted to be with him, only him and to let everyone know it, but she didn’t. She couldn’t, because he wanted someone else. Someone that had done that all along.
\r\n\r\n
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Nicoletta
Well, that's silly
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Nicoletta
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Adam
September 27, 2007 3:16 PM
*Shrugs* by Adam
Adam's parents were the only people that were constants in his life. They supported him when he wanted to do Quidditch. He had been in a league, it was costly, but his dad worked extra hours and his mom took a part time job. When he got sick, his parents st by his bedside and anxiously awaited the news as to why Adam was so weak. They couldn't afford all the potions that were required, so they took out a loan and asked for help from family members.They were in debt because of him, but they never complained. Even now, after a couple of years of having to deal with hospitalizations and potion after potion, his parents stil smiled whenever he saw them. They still laughed. And no matter what else, they still loved him. It had always just been the three of them.
It was the sort of relationship that Nicoletta could never understand. And because of that realization, Adam felt even more guilty for the turn of events between the two of them. He knew the words he was saying was hurting her, but they were honest words and words that needed to be said. He didn't want to have any regrets between the two of them and maybe, just maybe, they'll be able to move past this and be friends. It might take them time, of course, but Adam would rather have Nicoletta in his life than not at all.
Adam could feel his heart pounding against his chest as Nicoletta gently touched him. Even after all the fighting and the summer apart, Adam's heart still raced being this close to her. He could still feel himself being drawn in to her, but he resisted. He wasn't going to be one of those types of guys. He grasped her hand and held it. Leaning in, Adam kissed her lightly on the cheek. "You deserve someone better."
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Adam
*Shrugs*
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Adam
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Nic
September 27, 2007 3:41 PM
So, yeah... by Nic
’You deserve someone better.’They were the breaking words. She was wrong. He wasn’t scared at all. He felt sorry for her. He pitied her. She, who, had once been bright and confident, she, who, had once thought she held the world in the palm of her hand, was reduced to this. She pushed him away and got up off the bench.
“Why, Adam?” She demanded. She was sick of it all. If he did love her, then he would want to be with her, but he didn’t, so he lied. Her heart was racing and she knew she was on the verge of falling apart. She was alone in the world when things came down to it. Maybe there wasn’t such a thing as love. Maybe that’s all guys did. They used people. She was confused. She gave a bitter laugh, “Why, Adam? Because it means that you don’t have to feel sorry for me? Because it makes it easier for you?”
She couldn’t contain her thoughts, emotions any longer. She hadn’t wanted to argue, she still didn’t, but she couldn’t help it. “You don’t want me, but you feel guilty. Well, don’t. I don’t need your pity.” ’I need you. “I don’t need anyone!” ’No one, not my parents, not my brother, not you.’ Her heart hurt, the tears streaming. She didn’t care anymore. She folded her arms around herself, turning around.
“I love you, Adam, but I can’t make you feel the same way and I don’t think you should say you do when you don’t,” all said very quietly. “I love you and I hope you’re happy with her. I really do.” She began to slowly walk away. Her legs felt like jelly. Her heart, in a million pieces.
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Nic
So, yeah...
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Nic
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Adam
September 27, 2007 5:01 PM
Right by Adam
Nicoletta's sudden change in demeanor completely threw Adam. He stood up and looked at her, eyes slightly wide in surprise. She was angry at him because he wanted her to have the best? She was always doing this. Always throwing things in his face. Always twisting his words to fit her own way of things. Couldn't she just take what he said the way he had meant it? Just this once, let things be?He let her yell as she had let him. He had wanted this. He had wanted her to scream and yell and confess everything the way that he had. But, he didn't like what he was hearing. Somehow he had lost her in this strange farewell. She didn't believe him when he said he loved her. Didn't she know how hard that was for him to have admitted? Didn't she see how much this really hurt? She may have no have physically slapped him, but that was how he felt at that moment. He burned. He wanted to swear at he. Curse her into oblivion with foul words. How dare she do that! She had no way of knowing what was going on for him. She had no right to deny him of his feelings.
"Wait." Adam demaned, grabbing her arms from behind much like he had during their first meeting when all of this had really began. "Pity? You honestly think I pity you?" Adam asked of her, walking around her so that she was forced to face him. "How dare you throw everythng I said back in my face. Tell me that it was all lies. You have no idea what this is doing to me. You were the first person I have ever said 'I love you' to and you stomped it on the ground calling it meaningless. A lie." Adam's face was knotted in emotions. He was struggling to understand everything and struggling to make Nicoletta understand.
"You can't have things your way, so you make me out to be a Bad Guy. Always such the Princess" Adam hissed, his voice laced in anger. "I meant what I said. I do love you, but I can't be with you. This is all we ever do. I can't keep fighting with you." He sounded exasperated and tired. There was only so much Adam could convey to her, only so much energy he had to give.
"You deserve to be with someone who can give you everything. Someone whom you shouldn't have ever felt the need to hide from the world." Adam was panting now but it wasn't from the anger. He was getting chest pains. They were familiar pains that often left his mother terrified and rushing him to the hospital. Adam placed a hand on his chest and leaned over just as a coughing fit overcame him. The stress from their confrontation had finally effected him physically.
He felt like he couldn't breathe and his chest felt heavy. "I need...a minute..." Adam gasped, taking a seat agan on the bench. "...I'm...s-s-sorry."
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Adam
Right
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Adam
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Nic
September 27, 2007 6:29 PM
I ran out of subjects by Nic
Nicoletta shivered under his gaze. She didn’t like this. She hadn’t wanted to fight, she hadn’t meant to, she still didn’t want to. She didn’t understand why he wasn’t letting go. She had let him off the hook, given him an easy way out, so that he could be with his beloved Dalila and she would merely fade into nonexistence, but rather he continued wanting to tell her about how he loved her, but couldn’t be with her. It didn’t make sense. He wasn’t making sense. He wanted Dalila. He loved Dalila. If he didn’t, then he would be with Dalila. Couldn’t he see that? Didn’t he understand that?
The way he said Princess was like a slap across the face. She wanted to look away from him, but she couldn’t. It was like a train wreck, much like their former relationship. She didn’t understand what he wanted. All this talk of how much he loved her was like a knife that just kept tearing into her. She wished he would just stop; telling her that he didn’t love her would have been a much kinder act rather than throwing another girl in her face.
When he told her that she deserved to be with someone who could give her everything, she nearly snorted. There was only one thing, one person, that she wanted and she didn’t want to hide him from the world. She wished she had never felt the need to, wished that she could have easily shed the shell of her parents’ creation before. All she wanted was to love him, be with him, and not to fight with him. Everything they had fought over was what she had given up, but it didn’t matter. He would never understand that world. He would never understand what she was giving up or what had happened to make her give it up.
Before she could respond though, Adam’s hand was on his chest and he was coughing. Her face contorted to a different kind of pain, of panic. What was wrong? Adam was on the bench, gasping. Something was very, very wrong. She didn’t know what to do. The only thought was she had to make him better, had to get him help. Adam could not be not okay!
She was immediately in front of him, immediately checking his forehead, everything. A forceful, controlled tone, a voice that didn’t even sound like hers came out of her, “No, Adam, we need to get you to the hospital wing.”
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Nic
I ran out of subjects
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Nic
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Adam
September 27, 2007 7:10 PM
That's fine by Adam
Adam was struggling to breathe. The attacks always happened the same way. He was used to them, but that didn't make it any easier. He let himself get so angry. He had stayed outside in the breeze and the sun for too long. His body was reprimanding him for misbehaving. It was painful, of course, so painful he couldn't breathe. But, despite his mother's frets, the Healer's potions were the best medicine for him."Stop." Adam said, his voice lost in his breathless attempts to speak. "Stop!" He said more forcefully, batting her hand away. She was like his mother. He didn't need her to panic over a simple attack. "I just...need... my potion." Adam choked out. His hands fumbled over the pockets of his khakis and over his shirt. He felt weak beneath the pain and knew it was because of the shallow breathing.
Where... where was it...where....? He located the small bottle in his pants pocket. He always kept a bottle on him. That had been drilled into him from his parents since they discovered his illness. He popped open the top and let the disgusting liquid flow down his burning throat. It took two large lung-fulls of air, gagged, and then tried catching his breath. It took a moment, but already he could feel the potion working.
He knew that later he would have to go see the Medic just to be on the safe side, but he didn't want to deal with that right now, especially with Nicoletta. He waited in silence for a moment, trying to get his brain working again, but he felt foggy. His blue eyes stared at Nicoletta. He couldn't remember why he had been so angry.
It was better for Nicoletta to hate him. It would be better if everyone just hated him. Then he wouldn't destroy anyone else.
"I'm dying." Adam said abruptly. "No one admits it, but I know." Adam gave a weak smile and looked down at the empty bottle in his hands. His chest still felt like it was on fire, but for the most part, he had calmed down. He was tired though. He just wanted to sit for awhile. "You can hate me, I just don't want to fight with you anymore, Princess." He used her nickname in a more loving way than he had moments before. "I'll be okay now. You don't have to stick around."
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Adam
That's fine
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Adam
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5
Nic
September 27, 2007 7:33 PM
Promise? by Nic
When she was forced away from him, Nicoletta shifted from foot to foot, biting her lip, wringing her hands, and feeling helpless. She watched with wide eyes, as he downed the potion that he pulled out. He had never told her that he needed anything. There was so little about him that she knew and never would.The next words hit her like a ton of bricks. Blue eyes blinked, as the brain refused to accept them. He couldn’t die! No, no, no! What was the point of them having access to all kinds of ways of extending life beyond even the already long lives of wizards and the various medical spells, if it couldn’t save him.
Slowly, she approached him. She sat down close to him, not saying anything for a moment. Then, she put her head on his shoulder and her hand in his, “I don’t hate you. I never could. I don’t want to fight either.” Nothing else mattered anymore. It didn’t matter if there was another girl. It didn’t matter if he loved her or not. She loved him and wanted to be there for him, even if it was only a little.
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Nic
Promise?
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Nic
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5
Adam
September 27, 2007 8:59 PM
Yes? by Adam
Adam had expected some sort of retort for stating something so shocking as he was dying. His mother always yelled at him, telling him not to joke about such things. His dad always told him not to think so seriously about something like that. That he was young and had the whole rest of his life to live. Adam thought that was one of the main reasons why they did so much for him. Because he was dying.He had only just started to realize how bad it was over the last year. Mainly because of Nicoletta and Dalila. Because of how he feels for them and, in return, how they feel for him. He was leading them down a path to nowhere. When he said Nicoletta deserved better, he had meant it. Someone who could be with her forever.
Of course, some people might ask why he was with Dalila. Adam would answer a simple, 'because she knows'. She didn't know completely how bad it was, but enough and she had stayed by him through it. Plus, they were dating for fun. If it moved to something even more serious, Adam will tell her everything. But, Dalila was okay with how things were now.
But, instead of receiving a scoff or a slap on the arm, he got Nicoletta sitting down beside him and resting her head on his shoulder. Adam closed his eyes for a moment. Merlin, he was so tired. "I'm glad. I'm too tired to fight with you anyhow." Adam opened his eyes and gave Nicoletta a small grin even though Nicoletta couldn't see it.
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Adam
Yes?
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Adam
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5
Nic
September 27, 2007 9:29 PM
Odd to be a question by Nic
Nicoletta didn’t say anything when Adam said he was too tired. There really wasn’t anything to say. She felt small. She had been upset over what had happened over summer, the changes in her life, being scared and confused about it all, but Adam was facing so much more. She knew later she would cry, cry for Adam, but not now. Now was about just being with him for as long as she could.Gently, carefully, she said, “Adam, I know I say this a lot, but I’m sorry. I didn’t want to meet you to fight with you. I just didn’t understand. I still don’t, really, but it’s not important anymore.” She was scared about the next part, but it was his decision and she would go along with whatever he wanted. “Will you let me love you? I know that you don’t want to be with me…I just want to be near you, even if I can only be your friend. You don’t have to answer now. You should rest.”
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Nic
Odd to be a question
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Nic
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Adam
September 28, 2007 6:19 PM
I'm not sure what I'm promising, that's why by Adam
"Let's not make a big deal out of it, okay?" Adam asked of her. It was the last thing he really needed while he was at Sonora. Adam took a couple of deep breaths. The burning sensation was fading away. Adam would have to locate his refills somewhere in his trunk by the end of this evening or else he'll completely forget and that'll just end up getting him into a bad situation."I can't tell you not to feel something. I don't have that right. But will you really be okay with things the way they are?" Adam asked. "You aren't obligated to me, you don't have to stay. I mean, I'd like it if you, you know, did, but I'm a selfish guy." Adam spoke, half joking. He was feeling better, which was a good thing cos Adam didn't want to have to go back to his dorm room and possibly have to explain to Connor what was going on. The kid hardly looked at Adam as it was (not that Adam bothered trying to understand his roommate).
"Hey, Nicoletta... can you do me a favor and not tell anyone about me?" Adam asked. He didn't think she would go off telling the world about him, but he wasn't sure he wanted the school knowing. "I mean, if you need to, telling Jordanna and Catherine is alright, but don't have them telling people either."
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Adam
I'm not sure what I'm promising, that's why
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Adam
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5
Nic
September 28, 2007 9:56 PM
Promising 'that's fine'? by Nic
“Yes. Maybe. No. I don’t know,” she answered. She didn’t know if she would be okay or not. She hated the way things were, didn’t understand them, didn’t like them, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. She knew she wasn’t obligated to him, another girl was, but she wanted to be that girl. She only hoped that she didn’t manage to screw up the tentative friendship. “I’ll stay, but because I want to.”“Adam, I wouldn’t do that to you. I don’t want to hurt you,” Nicoletta promised. “And I won’t tell anyone.” She meant even her roommates. It was one thing to tell them about a relationship she had had, but another to tell someone else’s secret. At least, to tell Adam’s secret, since she had blown Chris’, but it really was another matter. She didn’t want Chris to make the same mistakes she had.
A moment of silence followed, as she thought of what to talk about. She wanted to lighten the mood, but there were so many things that were taboo. She didn’t want to ask about his summer, knowing who was probably involved. They had pretty much talked about hers, which resulted in the blow up. She chewed on the inside of her mouth, before a thought occurred to her. Joking, she said, “So, you didn’t say anything about my outfit.”
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Nic
Promising 'that's fine'?
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Nic
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Adam
September 30, 2007 12:46 AM
Oh, right. by Adam
"No, it's not that you telling anyone will really hurt me." Adam explained to Nicoletta. Honestly, anyone really knowing the situation that Adam was in didn't worry him. He just didn't want to have to deal with people asking questions or looking at him funny or anything like that. Jordanna and Catherine had always looked at him funny since, well, since day one of attending Sonora. But he knew it was because he wasn't one of 'them'. If they continued to look at him funny, but for a different reason, Adam could deal with it. It was everyone else looking at him funny that he wouldn't be able to handle."It's the looks I'd get if people knew that would bother me. And only looks from people who've never even looked in my direction before. I don't need looks. I get them enough when I'm at home or in the hospital." Adam explained, sitting up straighter than he had been previously. He was definitely feeling better than he had been just a few minutes prior.
"Huh?" Adam mumbled, looking at Nicoletta at her abrupt change in conversation. "Outfit? Oh..." He glanced down at her clothes. "Very muggle of you." He stated. He was used to Nicoletta dressed in designer clothes that something simple was sort of...odd. "Trying for a new look or something?"
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Adam
Oh, right.
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Adam
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Nic
September 30, 2007 2:42 PM
I like to be confusing by Nic
“It isn’t mine to tell,” was the simple response. To tell would have broken his trust, something she was going to have to work to build. Besides, he had never broken the promise he had made to her. The least she could do was to not mention it. Besides, even when one person was told, it had a tendency to still get around. The less people that knew, the less likely it would become known.“More like the affordable look,” Nic said in a jokingly, but sad voice. She wasn’t going to be able to afford the things that she used to wear come summer. It was more than that though. She was tired of herself, wanted to change everything, shed everything she was, but she made no mention of that. Rather, she just continued the first part, “I thought it looked nice.” She gave a shrug. Taking the rubber band from around her wrist, she pulled back her hair into a messy ponytail, not really caring if it was brushed or not.
A grin came to her face, as she turned and pulled her legs up onto the bench, facing him now. “You’ll never believe what I did the other day. I played chess with Earl Valentine. It was really fun. I had only played before with Chris, but that was at…” The realization came that she could no longer call it home. “My former home.”
She knew she was babbling slightly, but she couldn’t seem to help it. She desperately wanted to find a common ground for them. She wanted to build a friendship that they never really had, because now it was the only thing they had.
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Nic
I like to be confusing
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Nic
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5
Adam
October 01, 2007 6:46 PM
Apparently so. by Adam
Adam could understand why buying affordable clothes would be on Nicoletta's mind nowaday, but he couldn't understand why she only wore such clothes. Didn't she still have her old clothes? Or was it taboo for a female to wear an outfit more than once? If that were the case, someone ought to tell his mother. She always wore her clothes repeatedly. In fact, she had favorite pair of 'comfy' pants that she wore on the weekends."It's a good look." Adam agreed, but he was no Ralph Lauren. His clothes were whatever they could afford at the time. Usually, muggle jeans or khakis. "Anyway, it's not like your friends can really hold it against you. Rumor has it, Jordanna's now in the same place as me." Adam stated, his voice nuetral. Adam's mom had told him all about the scandal of the Howards. It would take them a long time to recover from such a blow. Thankfully, Adam was born poor, he never had to go through anything quite so humiliating.
Adam tugged on her hair playfully. "I like it better down." He commented with a grin. It was weird to actually just be holding a converation openly with Nicoletta and without worry of what would come from it. They could do this. They could do the friend thing.
"I didn't know you played." Adam replied, surprised at hearing Nicoletta did something that he did often. Though, Adam would always prefer Exploding Snap over Wizard's chess. "With Earl? Earl Valentine?" Adam questioned. For some reason, he couldn't see Nicoletta and Earl holding a conversation let alone play a game of skill and logic together. "Who won?"
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Adam
Apparently so.
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Adam
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Nic
October 01, 2007 7:22 PM
Well, some things had to stay the same by Nic
“Thanks,” she said with a smile. It was nice to be told that the clothes were nice, especially when she had picked them out herself. Before, when she had walked into stores, people had been falling over themselves to help her, showing her all the latest styles. She had picked the outfits she wanted, but had never actually gone looking herself.She nodded. Jordanna’s status had certainly changed. She still couldn’t believe she had missed out on it happening, but these things happened. She had been in the throws of her own life when it had. “Yeah, Jordanna told me. It’s been hard on her. The three of us had a party to celebrate our new lives after the troubles of summer.”
A half-grin was the response to the tug on her hair, but up it stayed. She didn’t want to mess with it. She wasn’t really trying to attract anyone, so there was no need to fuss. Besides, there was no longer anyone to run their hands through it. Both Adam and Lucien had. She had yelled at Adam not to, but she had secretly enjoyed it, but never said anything to Lucien. She didn’t like it, but she let him have his way. Her face clouded over at the thought. How complicated it had all been.
At Adam’s question, she grinned. “Cards and chess. And yes, Earl Valentine.” Giving him a funny look. “Is there any other Earl Valentine? I was winning, but we never actually finished the game.”
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Nic
Well, some things had to stay the same
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Nic
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Adam
October 05, 2007 11:24 PM
I suppose they have to. by Adam
"You're welcome." Adam said. He couldn't remember Nicoletta ever saying thank you to him. She might have, it's been so long that he often confused what was real and what he only imagined. He always imagined her as the sort who didn't say thank you because, but rather 'I know'. He wished their lives weren't so twisted so that he could remember what was real and what wasn't. Now all he could remember was how much he was infactuated with her, how much she made him angry, how much walking away had hurt him."And down falls Jill from the top of the hill." Adam stated rather flatly. He had no sympathy for Jordanna despite the girl being Nicoletta's best friend. The girl deserved to know what it felt like to be in everyone else's shoes for a change. "Anyway, the three of you? Does that mean something happened to Catherine too?" Adam asked. He hadn't heard anything about her. Of course, he hadn't really been looking either.
"Oh." Adam replied to her statement. He wasn't really sure what that meant, 'not finishing the game'. For Adam, such a statement usually meant that they were distracted by something better. When they had been dating, that meant only one thing. Adam didn't want to think about it. "If I had known you liked games so much, I would have asked you to play with me." Adam commented quietly.
"Anyway, it's good to see you stepping outside your box, Princess. Now everyone has a chance to see what I've always known."
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Adam
I suppose they have to.
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Adam
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Nic
October 06, 2007 12:05 AM
Unfortunately, some things don't by Nic
’And down falls Jill from the top of the hill’Nicoletta couldn’t help, but raise an eyebrow at the statement. While it wasn’t outright mean, it wasn’t exactly what one would call sympathetic. If people were going to say things like that about Jordanna, she could only imagine what they would say about her. At least, her friend had been a nicer person than she before everything. It was Nicoletta that had even schemed against her. What a disgusting person she had been. She only hoped that it wasn’t too late to change everything.
Catherine was the only one that hadn’t lost her status. So, what had happened? “Yeah, the three of us, but now that I think about it, I don’t know what happened to Catherine. Something did though. Otherwise, she could have easily left us.” ’Just like you, the thought echoed in her mind. From her perspective, it seemed like it had been easy for him, was even easy now, but none of it was voiced. She didn’t want to bring it up and start an argument. They had done enough of that, because they had an obvious failure in communication.
Nicoletta tilted her head curiously, wondering what he was thinking with the ’Oh.’ She didn’t bring it up though. She gave a small shrug. She wasn’t under any obligation to tell him anything and she certainly didn’t want to hear about Dalila. At least she wasn’t making out around the school, but rather was concentrating on her studies and making friends. No more boys. There just couldn’t be any more for a long while.
Touching his hand, she said gently, “Neither of us ever asked the other, but it doesn’t mean we can’t start playing. I mean, I want to be your friend, Adam, and friends can play games.” She smiled, trying to lighten the sudden sullen mood that had fallen again.
She looked away at others seeing what he had known. Emotions fought with each other for attention. If he had known, then why hadn’t he had any patience with her? Why hadn’t he known that she would come around? But then, there was that other part that said he knew how disgusting she was and that was what everyone was going to know. That she wouldn’t be able to change. That she would fail and go running back to Lucien, because he was the only person that would take such a hideous person. Her jaw set at that. She would never go back to him.
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Nic
Unfortunately, some things don't
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Nic
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Adam
October 11, 2007 8:14 PM
Right. I noticed. by Adam
Adam didn't really know what to think of Nicoletta's response. She claimed that they had celebrated their new social statuses amongst the Purebloods of the world, and yet... she didn't even know where or why her best friend remained amongst them. Or what might have happened to her during the long summer. Not that Adam would suggest anything about it, he was in no place to say anything. But, some of the old attitude seemed to remain. Jordanna's and Nicoletta's feelings and issues came first. Catherine would remain in the shadows.He looked at her hand that was touching his. It was a tug-of-war game of emotions for him when he was with her. Even now after months of being apart, it was still playing it. Still pulling. She was speaking. Adam had to force himself to look away from her hand and to her face. Play a game together? Was such a thing even possible for the two of them? "Yeah, we should." Adam said.
His chest had a constant dull ache to it now. He knew that he would have to get some rest and not have any stress for the rest of the day or else suffer a relapse that would be far greater and more dangerous than the one he just had.
Adam looked carefully at Nicoletta. She wasn't the same. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Before, she would have snorted at him or something similar, telling him off. Brushing off his compliments or being smug about it. Her attitude and boldness was what captured his attention. Her sincerity for wanting something more, and passion for knowing how to get it was what he had fallen in love with. It was all still there though, just dulled by her uncertainties with where she was in the world.
"I meant that as a compliment." Adam stated. He sighed and stood up. "I'm sorry I yelled, Nicoletta. And I'm sorry that I hurt you." Adam told her. His eyes stayed on her for a moment longer before looking up at the sky once more. There were times when he wished he could just float way on one of the many clouds so that he would never have to worry about anything ever again. "I should get going. I have to check my potion supply and get some sleep." He looked back at Nicoletta. "I'll see you around?"
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Adam
Right. I noticed.
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Adam
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5