Jean Wolfe
June 23, 2021 4:23 AM
News (Killian) by Jean Wolfe
Choux normally conducted herself with the dignity befitting a postal owl. That wasn’t to say she always behaved with patience or without the biting of fingers – that was sometimes a necessary part of her job, if letters were being mishandled or taking too long to compose. Today, she seemed to think that her missive was of the upmost importance, because not only did she hammer on Killian’s window until he let her in, but when she alighted on the desk, she hopped impatiently, holding out the leg with its small scroll. This behaviour was a little more unusual. Clearly, whatever she was carrying was urgent.When Killian unrolled it, he would find the letter was rather brief, though the writing inside had been done with enough care to be somewhat more legible than Jean’s usually messy hand.
Dear Killian,
I am trying to be good, and to write, even if life is getting in the way.
Elliot has a boyfriend. I have temptation to say the guy is sort of terrible, and that Elliot could do far better, but I think you would be mad at me for saying such things, seeing as the person is a friend of yours…? (I refrain from drawing a semi-colon and a parenthesis because I do not know if you are familiar with the idea that this indicates a winking face. If you are unfamiliar with this custom, it just looks like my ability to use punctuation has been hit with a Confounding hex, but… wink!).
He also managed to find a sanctuary willing to look after the foal, so I don’t even need to share my apartment or his attention with it anymore.
Happy (happy happy happy) New Year.
Jean.
There followed a PS in a different hand.
My boyfriend says you owe me a drink? I look forward to it! E.
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Jean Wolfe
News (Killian)
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Killian Row
July 05, 2021 2:51 PM
*happy shrieking and jumping* - A reaction in six movements. by Killian Row
First, Killian smiled: The owl was Jean-Loup's and Killian was happy to receive a letter from his friend.Second, Killian frowned, his brow crossing worriedly: The owl came in and hopped and looked urgent. This was an important letter from Jean-Loup.
Third, Killian swore and sat down in his chair with a sad flomp: The owl brought news that made Killian want to pack his bags and disappear to Canada right then, his arms ready for hugs and his his shoulders ready for tears.
Fourth, Killian laughed and swore some more in a very different tone: The owl also brought news that finally, friggin' finally, Jean-Loup had hit some positivity in his life.
Fifth, Killian sighed to dispel the whiplash of the whole reaction process and put his quill to paper: The owl was given a note that read the following:
Dearest Jean-Loup,
You rat bastard! You had me at the beginning. I'm over the moon happy for you and Elliot both and I look forward to seeing you both together the next time we have the chance. I wish you both all the best.
Killian
PS I look forward to it! ;)
Sixth, Killian sat back in his chair and laughed: The owl carried away the first of what Killian could only hope was a very happy exchange.
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Killian Row
*happy shrieking and jumping* - A reaction in six movements.
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Elliot Fuller
July 16, 2021 3:05 AM
Progress by Elliot Fuller
OOC: CW - allusions to conversion therapy and mental health episodes. Some implied strong language. BIC:
The exchange of letters between Jean-Loup and Killian continued as per usual—a relatively steady flow, occasionally disrupted by major Quidditch tournaments, university assignments or whole weekends spent ignoring responsibilities in favour of Elliot.
One week, however, an unfamiliar owl pecked on the window. It held out a leg bearing an envelope with writing that Killian would have seen once before, in a P.S. It was neat enough on the envelope, but the paragraphs inside looked like they’d been written a little more shakily.
Hey Man,
It’s Elliot. Jean’s fine, don’t panic. But warning nonetheless, heavy letter in-coming.
We’ve been talking about him going to therapy. He’s been doing okay, but I think you and I both know that there’s a lot in his head that could do with going through. He’s been freaking out about it, and this evening he finally cracked and told me why. He said you already know. That’s why I’m writing to you. I don’t mean to dump my feelings on you, but it’s personal enough to him that I don’t really feel like I can discuss it with anyone who doesn’t already know. And that list is limited to you, me, and the a******s that did that to him.
The following paragraph opened with several fully capitalised iterations of the same swear word, before continuing on. How could they? How could anyone possibly think that’s the right course of action? Do you feel like, if you ever met his family, you wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to hex them? I swear, I have never been so angry with anyone.
He kind of got worked up to the point where he had to admit that he doesn’t really have coping mechanisms, and told me that if I make him an appointment, he’ll go. He’s been tying himself in knots ever since. Well, now he isn’t. I gave him a dreamless sleep potion about half an hour ago (it’s like… 8.30pm) and now he’s lying spark out beside me, looking very chill (and very cute). He’s not having any nightmares, I promise.
I know that, in the long term, this will do him good. But it’s probably gonna hurt at least the first time, maybe the first few times. It’s stupid, but it makes me feel bad, like I’m responsible. It’s like when someone brings a scared little creature in, and I know what we’re doing is helping, but first we’re going to pin it down and pull it around and stick funny tasting potions in its mouth. In the long run, it’s gonna feel so much better, but we have to do all these things that frighten it to get it there. It’s one of the worst parts of the job. I’ve only ever tried to push very, very gently with Jean. It’s more that I’ve tried to make it a topic that is on the table, but still have it be his choice. I know his parents must have told him things like ‘It’s for your own good’ and ‘It’ll help you get on the right track.’ It makes me feel sick to think I might have had conversations where I reminded him of them and what they said.
The person I’m gonna call is really nice. One of my sisters used to see her. It just feels there’s a lot riding on this, given how many old wounds it’s going to re-open.
I don’t expect you to fix any of this, by the way. I just wanted to get it off my chest, and I guess maybe hear that I am doing the right thing. Or that I’m not “doing” anything. He’s a grown adult who has made his own choice, however much it scares him. It sucks that he’s scared, and that I can’t make it better by myself.
Happy thoughts to distract us both:
- He is developing opinions on Disney songs (and dares venture dissenting opinions from my ranking order, even though he is definitely wrong)
- Mama is feeding him constantly, and he’s putting on (even) more muscle and breaking his personal bests at the gym
- He no longer dies or disagrees when given a compliment. I actually got a ‘yeah, I know’ the other day when I told him he’s sexy as hell. I think he was half joking (I definitely wasn’t) but I’m going to count it as progress.
All the best,
Elliot.
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Elliot Fuller
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Killian Row
July 31, 2021 9:18 PM
Makes Perfect by Killian Row
It took Killian time to reply to Elliot's letter, a fact which he both felt bad about and understood was necessary for his own wellbeing. He worked with students everyday who saw therapists, who had bad home lives, who were wrestling with their identity . . . but it wasn't always someone so close to him that it made him think a little too much on his own experiences. He'd never been forced into the sorts of things Jean-Loup's parents had forced him into but he was at a low simmer when it came to anger most days anyway and it was easy to feel rage when these topics came up. Ema kept him sane and his work kept him sane, but that couldn't actually change the things he'd seen and experienced and heard about. It wasn't more than a few days before Killian replied since he didn't want to make Elliot wait, but it was longer than his usual turnaround. As such, he opened with an apology.Hey, Elliot,
First, I'm sorry for having taken so long to reply. I wanted to think through my response. I know I haven't kept you waiting too terribly long but everyday can feel like a long time when there's a heaviness weighing on your mind, so for that I apologize.
Now for my actual response. I want to say that I don't know you well but I'm proud of you. You're doing the right thing by Jean-Loup and that can be hard sometimes, especially when it's people close to us. It's funny (not in the haha way) how the people we care the most about are sometimes the hardest to actually care about, especially when caring hurts them. As a medical student, I'm sure you've seen that. This is a good thing and it will be much easier for him because he has you there. I'm glad he does; I couldn't ask more for him than that.
Also, in 'doing' the right thing, I mean that you're encouraging him, caring for him, supporting him . . . all those things he's especially good at not letting people do and you're doing them. That's important and that's why I'm so proud of you (both of you). I agree that his family is very hex-worthy although I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to say that. You aren't my student so I think it's probably fine.
Otherwise, I'm glad to see you've started in on the Disney hits. I do hope to be there if you ever show him an actual movie though; I distinctly remember my own brain exploding when I first saw one and I think I'd rather like to witness that for Jean-Loup. Also, good job, Mama Elliot (whom I assume has a name other than that but that's fine). He likes vegetables . . . make sure he eats cake sometimes, and make him a loaf of sourdough for me. On the topic of compliments, keep 'em going! I hope he's returning the favor sometimes and not just to be nice but because he means it.
Looking forward to seeing you both, hopefully soon,
Killian
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Killian Row
Makes Perfect
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Elliot Fuller
August 01, 2021 9:53 PM
He is by Elliot Fuller
OOC: CW brief mentions of controlling/manipulative family BIC:
Hey,
Re apologies, not at all. Honestly, getting it out of my own head was already 50% of what needed doing, and just knowing there's someone else out there who knows, and who gets what's going on. Thanks for the advice/reassurance. You're good at that. I can see why Jean keeps coming to you for it, and how he was able to get as far as he did (along with his own immense talent, resilliance etc - I know you wouldn't ever let that go without saying, but he also for sure needed someone in his corner. Thanks for being that. Thanks for bringing him to me).
I waited a little bit too, to write back. We've had appointment number one. I'm not going to go into detail cos I feel that's not my place (and cos I'm sure you have enough to do with your own students and with writing to Jean, so please don't feel like you need to write back to this however much I end up rambling on). But I wanted to be able to let you know it went okay. It went okay.
Sorry to say that we are already deep into my DVD collection. He managed the overall concept of movies okay-ish - when you grow up with moving photographs and talking paintings, I guess there's some overlap. It's the small things that trip him up more. The remote control confused him because he didn't think non-magical people had wands, and it appeared to be a kind of non-verbal magic. He kept shushing when I made comments, and at first I figured he just wasn't one for talking during a movie, but then one day he said he was worried it was rude or offputting to the actors. He also completely lost it when I paused one.
If you have a favourite movie (Disney or otherwise) we can save it to watch with you, if we haven't already, and if Jean's game. I'm guessing you're on the shortlist of people he is okay crying in front of. We have to tread pretty carefully with film selection. It's amazing how many times the main barrier is controlling parents who won't listen to what you want for yourself. Or they're entirely absent and it's about finding your true self. Or maybe it's just the fact that when life's beaten you up this badly, almost everything is gonna sting. All I know is we're going to be waiting a while and doing a lot of content warning talks before we go anywhere near 'Tangled.' It's a shame, cos I like the modern princesses better, they have way more fight to them, but when your mother is for real a controlling, gas-lighting, abusive ----- it's probably a lot harder to enjoy it in catchy dance number format. Same probably applies to 'Brave' - we only just about got through the arranged marriage elements of 'Aladdin' and there's so much more mother-child tension with Merida and her mom (mam?).
Like, I know it's irrational to be upset that they ruined something they didn't know existed, but -----, you ruined FREAKING DISNEY MOVIES for your child. What is wrong with you?
Btw, he can feed himself vegetables. We feed him steak. I will be sure to spring a random cupcake on him during the week on your behalf. Mama (Juliette) also makes amazing French toast and does not skimp on the powdered sugar. Though I'm not sure why you think he needs sweetening up - I'd say he's pretty perfect on that front (and yes, I get complimented plenty in return - he has no problem giving them out, only with feeling like he deserves them in return).
See you over the summer sometime for sure. I'll leave you to discuss logistics with Jean, though if he starts getting stuck on an 'I don't want to inconvenience you' loop, let me know and I'll send you a copy of his planner so you can work it out.
Thanks again,
Elliot.
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Elliot Fuller
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Elliot Fuller
August 15, 2021 8:07 AM
We are by Elliot Fuller
As per Elliot’s promises, he returned to his backseat, allowing the main exchange of letters to go between Jean and Killian. Jean acknowledged the existence of his therapy sessions, but didn’t really share much about them. The main subjects were always his studies, his Quidditch matches, and Elliot. Occasional insecurities made their way onto the page. Sometimes for blatant paragraphs at a time, sometimes only in the subtext.Towards summer—a time which promised a visit from Killian, the rough shape of which had been worked out alongside the details of the latest match analysis and summary of studies—the letters began to dry up, until once again it was Elliot’s owl tapping at Killian’s window.
Hey man,
Ya boy’s fine (in all senses). He’s just in the peanut-butter-and-Nutella-direct-from-the-spoon-is-a-meal stage of finals revision. As am I, but I have way more practise at riding this wave than him (after all, who do you think stocked him on such essentials as those listed above?). I promise my mama is feeding us real food when we study at my house, just there have been a lot of long library days too.
He’s been stressing about not writing to you on time, so I figured I’d do it for him so he can have one thing off his mind. He has no news anyway, he’s just living in a fortress of textbooks and anxiety. I’m sure you’d recommend chocolate. I’ll make sure he gets some.
We’re looking forward to seeing you on the 17th.
Elliot and Jean - the latter’s name was signed in his own writing, indicating he had seen and approved the letter, along with ‘I am fine. Not my usual ‘I am fine’ but the kind where I actually am. I maybe need a new word for this?’ Below this, Elliot’s writing resumed. Whether the post-script was added as a genuine after thought or out of fear that Jean might not approve it was open to interpretation.
P.S. He sometimes does this thing now where, right after he screams in frustration and head-desks his books (you’ve been there, you know that’s normal, I assume), he picks himself up and starts giving himself a little pep talk about how he can cope. It’s the cutest.
He also literally did the falling asleep on his books thing the other day. It was also the cutest. He is pretty good at being the cutest all the damn time.
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Elliot Fuller
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Elliot Fuller
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