Not wanted, not needed (tag Professor Brooding-Hawthorne) on Potions

Theo Spurn

January 04, 2021 7:13 AM

Not wanted, not needed (tag Professor Brooding-Hawthorne) by Theo Spurn

Theo stomped through the corridors. It was still morning, and his day was already irrevocably ruined - possibly his whole life too. He had had a long bubbly bath, and that had not fixed things. It didn't, most of the time, because being wet was not Theo's favourite. It was a strangely variable sensation. Sometimes, wetness could be actively bad - getting caught in the rain, or having water splashed or spilt on you when you were dry and fluffy was simply unaccetable. In those situations, water was very, very bad. Had Theo never been dirty or sticky or gross, he thought he would not have missed the sensation of bathing. It was tolerable, but not actively pleasant. Bubbles were soft and fluffy, and they made it slightly lean into actively fun, but the best bit was definitely getting wrapped in a big fluffy towel at the end, and the thing was, Theo could do that without having been wet in the first place, which made bathing relatively pointless. Except for the fact that it was the cure for sticky grossness, which was the worst feeling and needed very thorough banishment. For its ability to banish sticky grossness, Theo was very willing to forgive baths for their slightly soggy pointlessness. Except he had tried having one, and he still felt horrible because he couldn’t stop thinking about the horrible thing that had happened.

It wasn't entirely a surprise, in that his parents had sat him down for a disgusting and awkward conversation about puberty - disgusting and awkward being Theo's takes on it. His mother was a generally open person who didn't mind discussing most things and his father, whilst generally a little more reserved, did believe in knowing things. Plus, a whole life time of medical appointments had meant he had to get more comfortable with frank and direct discussion. They had been fine with talking about it. Theo had not been fine with hearing about it. He was even less fine with it manifesting itself - utterly unnecessarily in his opinion.

He tried Professor Brooding-Hawthorne's door. He had concluded that she was the right person to go to, even though this was not related to her subject. Vanishing was Transfiguration but he wasn’t sure you could vanish something as abstract as puberty. It also wasn’t a medical problem, even though in his opinion it should have been. Mr. Row had talked to them about relationships a bit, but this wasn’t even about relationships, it was about things being gross. Gross things were sort of Professor Brooding-Hawthorne’s area, but also he had just concluded it was a Personal Problem. For personal problems, you were supposed to go to your Head of House or any adult that you trusted. His Head of House was still his sworn enemy, and Theo did not want to talk to her about anything but especially not something that would make her think she was right about everything. She still wasn’t, because his new and inconvenient puberty didn’t make him want to do anything with girls, and still could just as likely have made him want to do things with boys, except he didn’t want to do that either. He just wanted all of it to go away.

The door, it seemed, had other ideas about him getting help. It appeared to be locked, which meant Professor Brooding-Hawthorne was out, which wasn’t fair because he needed her. Theo huffed angrily at it, and hit out at it. He shook the doorknob, huffing again, pouring all his frustrations of the morning into shoving and growling at the door.

He did want to have to come and have a stupid conversation about his stupid body but his body had decided to make it necessary and now he had decided that was what he was doing so therefore he was doing it and that was what he was doing and he had to and no stupid door and someone not being there was an acceptable deviation to the plan.

The doors had been made to withstand a lot. A simple ‘alohomora’ was not going to open any self-respecting teacher’s office. Most of them also were fairly fireproof, just because. However, a surge of hormone-fuelled magical frustration seemed to be beyond it, and whatever systems Professor Brooding-Hawthorne had in place for letting her know the door had been opened without her permission were probably now going off full blast, as it crumpled slightly in the middle, and swung back so hard it hit the wall behind it.

Theo blinked, looking at the large crack he had made, full of jagged, pointy splinters in the previously smooth varnish.

“I’m sorry door,” he whispered, sliding into the office, giving it as wide a berth as he could manage, and sinking down into a chair. He pulled a pillow over his face so he didn’t have to look at the door. He closed his eyes very tight shut. He did not want to cry because that would only make things wet. He tried to focus on the pillow against his face but it wasn’t doing a lot to make him feel better. That was two things in under twelve hours. He was a destroyer.

13 Theo Spurn Not wanted, not needed (tag Professor Brooding-Hawthorne) 1476 1 5

Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

January 09, 2021 9:59 PM

Not sure I understand. by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

Loud noises were usually Zeus. If they weren't Zeus, they were usually Tabitha. If they were neither of those things, they were usually an emergency. Excepting a few incidences (such as her fall the previous year and the occasional exploding potion), her own goings-on rarely made loud noises. Potions-making was, on the whole, a quiet business. Unoccupied potions professor offices were especially quiet. Naturally, hearing the alarm that meant there was some sort of magical activity occurring against her door and then the one that meant someone was now in her office, not to mention the vague thudding and crashing that could be heard even from within her quarters, Mary was inclined to think something had gone wrong.

She was sure that Tabitha would tell her to go in armed, and if Tabitha had been there to tell her to do so, she might've even gone further and insisted on going first. Mary, however, thought her strength lie in a bit of a different area, and she kept her wand in her dress pocket, although her hand did follow it there, clutching at the handle just in case. She entered her office with wide eyes and gaped a bit at the smashed door. Then, she saw Theo. Theo was looking very small and that suddenly seemed much more important.

Mary took a seat opposite Theo and cocked her head at him. These were the same squishy chairs she and Dorian had sat in and this young Pecari who was very not like Dorian suddenly seemed very much like him all the same. She smiled a little more softly than was probably due to this boy she didn't know terribly well before glancing at her door. "Reparo," she cast, waving her wand. Then she raised her hand to summon a prairie elf. "Hello, Cordelia. Could you please bring us a selection of snacks? The usual array." She'd need to alert someone about her door needing new charms too, but that didn't seem terribly important right now. Snacks - fruits, vegetables, baked goods, hot and cold drinks . . . those were much more important.

Instead, she looked at Theo. "Can I do anything to make you more comfortable here?" she asked first, knowing her office was sadly lacking in some of the soft things she'd been told Theo especially enjoyed. It wasn't bad as far as offices went, but her own frilly tastes leaned towards lace more than fluff. "What brings you to my office today?" she asked kindly when his comforts had been addressed.

22 Mary Brooding-Hawthorne Not sure I understand. 1424 0 5

Theo Spurn

January 16, 2021 4:35 PM

But you're a grown up by Theo Spurn

"I said I'm sorry!" Theo stated defensively when he heard the sounds of the door being repaired. When you broke things, that was a thing you were supposed to say and adults could be very particular about it, and he didn't want to be in trouble when he had already tried to do the right thing. Although he was very, very wrong and he knew it, and he felt bad, which made him prickly and jumpy and left him wanting to snap. Now he was a sharp thing too, and he felt sharp all over, and that was urrrrgh.

"I like soft things," Theo stated when asked if Professor Brooding-Hawthorne-Potions could make him any more comfortable. His answer was a little ambiguous as to whether he wanted her to provide them or whether it was just a fact that they made him feel better. He also wasn't sure. He usually felt good with more soft things but right now he felt so horrid all over that he wasn't sure he could enjoy them. Which was very wrong. Soft things could not be ruined forever. He let out a groan which was stifled by the pillow still pressed over his face.

"My feet," he answered, when Professor Brooding asked what had brought him to her office that day because it was polite to answer questions even if they were boring and not what he wanted to talk about. He hurriedly continued with what he did want to discuss before she could ask anything else boring. "I had a terrible dream," he informed her.

13 Theo Spurn But you're a grown up 1476 0 5

Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

January 16, 2021 8:18 PM

I still need more information though. by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

Mary smiled warmly at Theo's reassurance that he'd apologized, not totally sure whether he meant that he'd apologized to her before she'd arrived or that he'd apologized to the door for breaking it. "It's alright," she said, hoping to cover both bases. She was pretty sure that he hadn't done the damage on purpose, partly because she wasn't entirely sure he could've. As such, there were more pressing concerns than the damage he'd done and she'd only really repaired it to get it cleaned up and out of sight where it might otherwise have been a distraction.

Waving her wand and hoping her transfiguration spells were up to snuff for something so oddly specific, Mary transfigured a napkin from one of the nearby plates into the softest, fleeciest blanket she could manage. Selina could have no doubt done a better job, but upon inspection, Mary was satisfied that it was very soft. "You can use this blanket if you'd like," she told Theo, reaching across the gap between them to set it on the arm of his couch without actually touching him in doing so. She'd thought of putting it on the floor but suspected he wouldn't appreciate it if the blanket got dirty.

Cordelia reappeared and set the tray of snacks and drinks on the table arm's reach away from Mary and Theo both and Mary smiled at her before she popped away. For a moment, she intended to reach for a cup of water. She was distracted, however, by Theo's response to what had brought him to her office. Suddenly, he didn't seem much like Dorian at all. The older boy who had prized politeness so much probably would have been horrified at the abrupt answer Theo gave, although Mary knew he probably wasn't trying to be rude. Abruptness and directness was just the way of some people and, in particular, she thought it was the way of Theo. Mentally recalibrating to ask better questions next time, Mary listened as he went on, and her brow furrowed with worry. She'd taught lessons on sleeping drafts and sleep journals, but dreams themselves were usually Giselle's realm at this point, unless Theo was asking for a sleeping draft for himself. That would probably be a question for the healer though. She very nearly asked if he wanted to talk about it but suspected she knew what sort of answer she'd get then, so she settled on a more direct approach herself as well.

"What happened?" she asked, still not sure whether it was the nightmare or some result of the nightmare or something related to the nightmare that was the problem. Perhaps he'd dreamt of home and now he was worried about it. Perhaps he'd dreamt of a bad grade in her class and now he wanted to know if it was true. Perhaps it was something else. Whatever the case, she wasn't entirely sure what to make of it yet. "It seems to have bothered you very much."

22 Mary Brooding-Hawthorne I still need more information though. 1424 0 5

Theo Spurn

January 17, 2021 6:49 AM

Okay, you asked by Theo Spurn

Theo angled the pillow away from his face just enough to see what Professor Brooding-Hawthorne-Potions had put near him. Not enough to look at her face cos faces were weird, but enough to see. He leant back into the pillow, this time with his cheek so that his eyes still looked outwardish. He crept a hand towards the blanket, running a cautious finger across it to see what kind of soft it was and how they got along. It felt good, and it was fresh and new and far enough away from where bad things had happened that he could let go of a bit of the tight feeling in his chest. He spread his whole hand out, palm down, opening and closing his fingers, his breath falling into time with that action.

He was feeling calmer as Professor Brooding-Hawthorne-Potions asked him what had happened. He didn't really want to talk about it. It was past, and gone, and that was where he wanted it to stay. He knew he did not have to explain if he didn't want to. But he also wanted it to not happen again.

"I want it not to happen again," he tried, in case she could fix it without knowing what it was. But he already knew that was not how things worked.

"Stickiness," he answered her question quietly, trying to say it without feeling the texture inside his own brain again. His hand tensed up on the blanket. "Gross, soggy, stickiness," he stated, his voice rising slightly. "I know what it is and what's for," he added before she decided to try to explain to him about adult bodies. "I don't need it."

13 Theo Spurn Okay, you asked 1476 0 5

Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

January 17, 2021 9:38 PM

Well, I suppose I did. by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

She took it as a good sign that Theo accepted her offering of a blanket and she made a mental note that that was the proper sort of softness for him. Her brain went into overdrive for a moment trying to make sense of the rest of what he was saying, though. Nightmares and stickiness and . . . oh. Oh. She blinked once, otherwise managing to maintain her composure. This was not a conversation she'd had with anyone before, or indeed ever needed to think about before. In fact, she was probably the least familiar with such things of everyone on staff. The fact that Theo came to her regardless spoke to the fact that he was maybe seeking something other than intellectual expertise on the subject, though, so she tried to bear that in mind. This certainly wasn't a conversation she'd ever had with Dorian and hadn't yet had to have with Zeus (she hadn't even considered until this moment that she'd ever have to actually, but she put that thought aside quickly because she hated it) and she wasn't sure how to have it now.

"It might not happen again," Mary began, figuring the best she could do was start with her own limited knowledge on the subject. "Or it might. It's different for everyone." She scratched the back of her head a little, nudging one finger under the brim of her hat as she considered. There were some things that she'd heard that might be helpful information but she wasn't sure whether she should suggest them. Well, not suggest them. She wasn't about to suggest Theo do anything like she'd heard, but make him aware of the possibility that it would help. The more she thought about it, the more sure she was that she should stop talking. She breathed out, deflating some as she resigned herself to the fact that she was out of her depth. "I'm sorry, I don't know much about it personally. I'm trying to think of what I know and that isn't very much. There is a spell for siphoning up potions and things I could teach you to help clean up. Or a potion to help you relax when it makes you anxious? Or just some meditation maybe? Or just sit with you and agree that sometimes adult bodies do stuff we don't like and it's okay not to like it."

22 Mary Brooding-Hawthorne Well, I suppose I did. 1424 0 5

Theo Spurn

January 21, 2021 7:03 PM

Now fix it by Theo Spurn

“I do not like maybes,” Theo frowned. “I need to know. And I want to choose ‘not again,’” he stated. He lowered the pillow enough to look at Professor Brooding-Hawthorne-Potions over the top of it, deciding that ‘might not’ was the same as ‘could not’ which was what he wanted to be true. He couldn’t believe there wasn’t a better solution. People did not accept children wetting their beds. They trained them out of it because it was gross, and bodily fluids were gross and did not belong in beds. Why would people be willing to make an exception for this one? “It doesn’t belong,” he stated firmly.

“It’s a personal problem and for personal problems you go to adults you trust,” he stated frowning when she said she wasn’t entirely sure what to do about it. Had he picked the wrong adult? It wasn’t a relationship problem because he was not having a relationship. He supposed it could come under the heading of animal behaviour and reproductive systems. Was he supposed to have talked to Professor Marsh about this? “Technically I am a magical creature,” he finished the thought out loud. “I am definitely not a plant.

“Why isn’t it optional?” he asked. “Having sex is optional and gross. Having babies is optional and also gross. Those are the two things it’s for and I don’t want to do either. So I don’t need this.”

13 Theo Spurn Now fix it 1476 0 5

Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

January 22, 2021 10:53 AM

Unfortunately, that's not an option. by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

Mary smiled a little sympathetically at Theo when he insisted that he wanted it to be a sure thing. She could relate firmly to that and, although she didn't know exactly what he was going through, she understood the frustration of feeling out of control and feeling like your body was doing things you did not like it doing. "If you can't stop it from happening, maybe there's something you can do to stop it from being as gross to you? Either make it less gross or make you be less bothered," she suggested. "Wear something to bed that can help you stay clean, or find something else that's sticky that you can get used to when you're awake so it won't bother you so much when you feel it at night?" They seemed like reasonable suggestions to her own ears but she was also pretty sure that Theo would hate them, because she would have hated them if she were in his position.

"I'm glad you trust me," she smiled. "I only meant that it's not something I've experienced myself." She stopped short of saying 'for obvious reasons' both because there were trans folks out there who may look like her and still have had that experience, and also because she wasn't sure how obvious it was to Theo that there were requisite equipment make-ups to such experiences. "You are a magical creature," she agreed, an idea coming to mind. "What would you do if a magical creature was anxious about something that you couldn't really fix? How would you make them more comfortable?"

She nodded when he said that having sex and having babies were optional and gross, glad both that he understood the optional part and understanding the feeling that they were gross. She'd felt the same way for a long time and now that she had a kid - albeit without the pregnancy and labor part - she was more convinced than ever that they were a bit gross, even if she loved her son dearly. "I think it's kind of like how your hair grows, even if you would rather it was short, or how it keeps making saliva even if you're not eating or talking," she decided after a moment's thought, not actually sure if that was true about saliva or hair. "Your body needs to make it because it doesn't know that you don't want it. It's good for your body to keep growing and keep making it, just because it's healthy for your body biologically."

22 Mary Brooding-Hawthorne Unfortunately, that's not an option. 1424 0 5

Theo Spurn

January 30, 2021 4:35 PM

But it needs fixing by Theo Spurn

Theo let out a long, frustrated huff as Professor Brooding-Hawthorne-Potions suggested things that were not fixing the problem immediately, but doing so step by step with things that were huff-inducing and difficult, if not outright revoltant. He stretched, letting the huff turn into a grump, tightening his body up and then letting it flop down again as he tried to wriggle and get comfortable again around this new information.

"You sound like my mum," he stated, his accent wildly swinging back towards London as he said this. He still sounded frustrated, but the professor had probably had enough contact with Theo's mother, and heard him mention how she was definitely the best enough times, that she would know that his tone did not match his sentiment right now, and that his mother had done a very good job at solving all of his problems over the years.

"I don't want to wear different things. I like my soft things. I like that my bed is full of soft things but this could ruin everything. I do not want it on my soft things but I don't want to have to take them away from myself because that's not fair either," he explained.

Her explanations about how bodies did other weird things sort of helped because even if it was frustrating, those were true things that they did. People could definitely be improved upon. There were lots of things that were not very sensible at all.

"I would pet it," he stated, when she asked how he would calm a distressed magical creature. "Are you allowed to pet me?" he asked, angling his head towards her hopefully.

13 Theo Spurn But it needs fixing 1476 0 5

Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

February 06, 2021 9:37 PM

Maybe something different than you think needs fixing. by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

Mary nodded, sadly agreeing with Theo that it was not fair. Bodies, she had discovered, were rarely fair. "Maybe you don't have to wear all not soft things to bed, just some soft things to keep your other soft things safe," she suggested, trying not to sound hesitant about it. At the same time as she wanted to offer help and solutions, she also very much didn't want to be telling him what to do, especially when she had no idea at all.

She blinked though, surprised when he said he would pet a distressed magical creature. She was pretty sure Lawrence had taught his class enough to know that petting distressed creatures was only sometimes the best option, so there was that, but also she was just surprised how much that sounded like something her own wife would say. The thought, and Theo's request, made her smile.

"Small pets are okay," she said, giving his hair a gentle tousle before retreating again. "Can you think of a way to do that for yourself?" she asked, hoping to Merlin that this would be a helpful conversation and that she would never have to suggest he pet himself. Maybe he'd think of it himself sometime and it would help and be great and maybe not. She did not particularly want to think about that. "What are different ways other magical creatures self-soothe?" she asked, guiding the question a little more specifically.

22 Mary Brooding-Hawthorne Maybe something different than you think needs fixing. 1424 0 5