Killian Row
November 08, 2020 12:57 PM
Floo me maybe. [Ema] by Killian Row
A second letter had come. Killian hadn't replied yet because he didn't know what to say. It was the sort of letter that made Killian wonder if somehow a scammer had gotten in the middle of their correspondence, because it just seemed impossible that everything he'd hoped to hear was exactly what he was hearing. Or reading. However, it was also very Ema. Killian felt a bit gross and a bit awful that he knew he didn't mind Ema's disinterest - or reluctance? He wasn't sure what the right word was - in 'all the things two people could do together' but he couldn't pretend he didn't want those things. It made him feel gross and rude, even though he was pretty sure it was normal for him just the way that Ema's normal was different. He didn't expect her to change, but he wasn't sure how to ask her to not expect him to change either. He didn't mind waiting, he didn't mind if those things never happened, but he didn't want Ema to feel bad either. He wasn't sure what to think, but he knew he felt the same way; he just wanted her, all of her, and he just wanted her to want him. It sounded like she did, and that was harder to believe than anything.He wished that wasn't the case. They'd talked before about the idea of feeling entirely unworthy, and he wasn't sure what to think of how wholly he felt like he understood that problem. At the same time, this wasn't ten years into their Thing, just a few months. It was okay if they didn't know all the things yet, and it was okay if they were still trying to get their feet underneath them, and it was okay if they were getting to know each other better still. After all, that's the reason they hadn't put words on it or told people. Killian wanted to tell Selina, because he felt like it mattered, but he also didn't think that it was the right moment for that yet and that was perfectly okay.
All of these thoughts kept him company in a sort of twisting, terrible way, as he paced his room, waiting for Ema. Hoping Ema would show up in the fireplace. He'd thought about giving her the extension to his office, but he didn't want to get caught in his work and miss her if she did call, and he didn't want a student to see his light on and come wandering in. Or a colleague. He hated to think she wouldn't call at all, but he hated the idea more that she might and he would miss it.
So he was pacing a hole in the rug in his living room, moving from one seat to another on the couch, shifting awkwardly from the kitchen to the living room and trying to decide whether he was up for eating or drinking anything, etc. He had decided to bring a few stacks of papers that he needed to provide feedback on so at least he had that to occupy himself with but it was hard to concentrate. His eyes kept flicking back up to the fireplace. And then occasionally, they would flick around the room, wondering whether he should have used his office. His room was cleaner than his office, for sure, but he wasn't sure that his minimalism was exactly inviting either. He'd shoved most of the dirty dishes and things out of sight but still. This was all he had to offer, he supposed, and he only hoped it was enough.
22
Killian Row
Floo me maybe. [Ema]
1450
1
5
Ema Skies
November 09, 2020 8:15 AM
I just met you, and this is crazy by Ema Skies
Getting to lunchtime had been a particular kind of torture. It was the same kind that hung over you when you had a bus or a portkey to catch – the constant clock-watching fear which left you unable to settle to anything lest time get away from you. And which thus kept you so undistracted that the time moved frustratingly slowly. Today, that adventure wasn’t in the form of a temple or sunset, some place you had to see or some food you just had to try. It was in the form of a person. One who was waiting for her call, and he was stirring up just as much of those feelings as the parts of the world she still wanted to explore.She slid off the back of the motorbike (her mother couldn’t object to her taking a form of transport if she didn’t know it existed) and gave a small handful of notes to the driver, pretending to begin browsing the clothes in the shop at ground floor level until he’d driven away. She checked around that she wasn’t receiving too many curious stares – it wasn’t like there weren’t plenty of other foreigners, including ones with oddly coloured hair, passing through the city, but she still attracted some degree of curiosity, and that could be problematic when she was about to vanish from sight. Whilst there was a small magical market, the lack of overall planning to the city meant there wasn’t one designated magical district the way there was in a lot of Western cities. Things were squeezed in where they’d been able to make room for themselves, or chosen to be, you just had to know where to look – or be looking with eyes that were able to see.
The large iron gate didn’t look any different from the others on the street, Ema could never decide whether people’s eyes – locals, expats and backpackers alike – trailed over it because they couldn’t really see it, or whether it just wasn’t worth noticing. The sight of a little plaque outside with impenetrable collections of letters and some swirling, abstract logo wasn’t out of place, and there were too many such organisations for anyone to keep track of them all.
She slipped her wand through the hole in the gate, tapping the padlock on the other side and letting herself in, unsurprised to find that she wasn’t the only one here. People were always doing overtime or weekends. Mari was standing in the open plan lobby, refilling a reusable water bottle from the small cooler there.
“Ema. I didn’t think you were here today,” she smiled. “Dropping off an application?”
“Uh, no,” Ema answered, “Just using the Floo.” Fireplaces were not exactly a common feature of house in South East Asia. Fortunately, it was one of the perks of working there, even as a volunteer. So long as they booked times, gave priority to actual business calls and didn’t really take the piss with the number of calls they made, they were free to use the fireplace for personal reasons too.
“Oh okay. The deadline’s Monday, you know that right?”
“Right. Sure. I just want to get it perfect.” And I am a crazy last-minuter, but that is not something you need to know about if you might want to properly employ me. If… If they did, and if she wanted to be properly employed by them. She could keep telling herself the reason why she hadn’t done more on the application was because she always did leave things to the day before the deadline. That was true. It wasn’t out of character. It didn’t explain why she was questioning whether she would be filling it out at all though…
Killian would tell her to, she was pretty sure, if she asked. And she was telling herself to. Even her mom would, because however much she wanted Ema to come home, this was what Ema wanted… But her only justification to herself was ‘you owe it to yourself to try.’ And couldn’t that apply just as much to other things as well? Things that were waiting at the other end of a fireplace…
She took a moment to cool down, checking herself over in the bathroom to get rid of the inevitable film of sweat that came with living here, trusting that the fire turning her green would really balance out any residual redness. She looked… fine? She looked like herself, colourful hair piled up into a messy ponytail/bun thing to keep it off her neck, and she wasn’t sure what she’d really do if she attempted to restyle it, so she decided it looked perfectly cute like that. There were the usual flicks of eyeliner across her lids, but the heat made it not really worth doing much more, and she didn’t want to look like she’d dressed up for their floo call. She didn’t want to look like she hadn’t cared either but she wasn’t really sure what else she could do, so this would have to do. She chucked some Floo powder in, sticking her head in and stating Killian’s name, address and extension number as clearly as she could. His comment about it being tempting to dive right into the fireplace spun through her mind. That was not possible, of course, not from this one. For full transport, you had to go through an official point of entry or exit. This connection was limited to local travel, and to calls outside of that network.
Her head stopped spinning, although the world around it did not. There was a blur of a person, one that seemed familiar and like the one she was hoping to see, although it was hard to say immediately, as everything kept rotating.
“Hi… just a sec… dizzy,” she forestalled him, the two halves of her arguing – her body feeling quite firm and stable, and her head insisting that they had just moved a great deal. The fire was tickling her cheeks, and she was pretty sure she had a smudge of ash across one – both irritations that she could not reach up to brush away. Even with the protective component of the floo powder, it always felt a little stuffy to her. And yet, as she managed to finally hold him still in her vision, it felt like a breath of fresh air. “Hey there, beautiful human,” she grinned up at him. She wasn’t sure whether to laugh and giggle, or be sad and serious. For two people who didn’t know each other very well, they had an awful lot to talk about. She had to thank him for her birthday present, and talk about the fact that he’d invited her to meet his parents, but also he had life stuff and stress and feelings going on – and also they both had Feelings of entirely other kinds. It was enough to make your head spin, even if it hadn’t just done so very literally. “It’s good to see you,” she said, taking a moment just to enjoy the fact that, however many other complicated things were on the agenda, that at least was true.
13
Ema Skies
I just met you, and this is crazy
0
Ema Skies
0
5
Killian Row
November 10, 2020 10:11 PM
I'd trade my soul for a wish. by Killian Row
She came. Ema came. Killian was a little bit glad that she needed a minute to get herself un-dizzy because he sort of felt the same way. It also hopefully maybe covered the fact that he about leapt from his couch in effort to sit a little bit closer. When she looked up again, he was kneeling just a short distance from the fire, a big sloppy grin on his face. "Hi, beautiful human," he repeated, his voice coming out in little more than a happy sigh. "It's good to see you, too. I'm really glad you came."He cocked his head at her, the urge to leap through the fire dying down as he just found that he wanted instead to reach out and cup her cheek with his hand. Perhaps there were benefits to this method of conversation; he was getting a good sense of how sincerely he felt the way he did, without pushing any of her maybe boundaries. He was pretty sure that after you slept with someone - not like that - and maintained a romantic-of-sorts relationship with them, face-cupping was probably on the 'yes' list, but he would have wanted to be sure anyway. He was glad he was pretty used to Floo calls though or seeing Ema's head literally on fire - or made of fire, as the case may be - might have upset him even more.
A lot of things went through his head and he wasn't sure what to say or do about any of them. He wanted to just sit and look at her and take it all in, but he also sort of wanted to talk about everything. They could finally talk more quickly and really communicate. He could hear her voice. That was a good starting place.
He chuckled, almost embarrassed, and ran a hand through his hair. "It's really good to hear your voice actually. I missed it." Since he'd opened the door to confessions of sorts, he leaned back - awkwardly because no one can go from kneeling to leaning way back without doing that weird thing where you sort of rock back up on to your feet and then your knees go all wide like you're about to give birth to how out of shape you are - coming back with her most recent letter in his hand. "I didn't reply yet because I hoped I'd get to see you this evening." He paused, wanting his words to come out right and knowing they wouldn't. "I guess you sort of got an answer in my letter anyway, but . . . I want all of you too." He looked up, smiling a little. It felt really good to say that, and he added, a bit more playfully: "I totally have a crush on you, Em."
22
Killian Row
I'd trade my soul for a wish.
1450
0
5
Ema Skies
November 11, 2020 4:52 PM
That sounds like dark magic by Ema Skies
There he was. It was a little odd, having him crouch down and smile at her like - well, like she was a little lost kitten, and maybe that wasn't so far off the mark. She felt her own face breaking into a ridiculous grin in return. The kind where she could feel her lips trembling, trying to close back up like they were trying to fight it, not quite sure it was appropriate to give into such a display of happiness, but then just being unable to help it. She wished he could lean in and boop noses, or run his fingers through her hair. Even though talking to him had been what she wanted for weeks, she was suddenly filled with the fear that it would be awkward. When they had been at the lake house, silences had been filled with hands brushing over bodies, or finger tips playfully dripping water. If it got too much, there was always the option of just running and jumping off the edge of the world. Now there was only going to be conversation, and she was somehow afraid of the possibility of silence even as her brain burst with all the million things that she wanted to say. She supposed it was a good test. She always put communication and conversation at the top of the list of qualities she needed in a person. She wanted someone she could just sit and fill endless silence with, and she guessed it was good to see that they could have that, that it wasn't all just propelled by the desire to be touching. Even if she couldn't say that was entirely absent right now..."Really?" she laughed, when he stated he had missed her voice, " I'm pretty sure you're the one with the cute accent in this- thing," she said. And there was the other disadvantage to in person discussion, to diving in to make sure there wasn't a silence. You couldn't erase it when you nearly used the wrong word.
He leant back, and this caused her to notice a little more about the room she was looking into (because it was that or get quite the dramatic crotch angle view of him - disadvantage of having your head at floor level) or at least the table that he was picking something up off. There didn't seem to be a lot to notice about the room around him, which looked rather plain, and she happily returned her gaze to him as he came back with her second letter. After his had landed on her desk, she had felt more confident that she hadn't said anything wrong, but it was still nice to hear his voice sounding warm as he spoke of receiving it.
I want all of you too.
Ema felt the butterflies in her stomach stirring, mostly to do a happy little victory lap, although there was also the nagging practical doubt of 'how?' It was also tempting to throw out a glib comment, just to ease the tension, like it was pretty obvious that Killian was down for everything. But that was disrespectful to how much he had respected her boundaries. She didn't want to tease him or pretend that he was some letch who only wanted one thing from her. People like that usually got bored of waiting pretty quickly. And anyway, he had said he wanted all of her. She was pretty sure he was including all the bad jokes and pancaking making abilities, the facts she was thoughtful and kind, and all the things he had yet to discover about her. All of her. She wasn't sure what to do except grin like even more of an idiot (a feat which she hadn't thought possible) but luckily Killian threw in something that was a bit easier to respond to.
"Me too," she stated, then realising how that could sound and unable to resist the stupid humour any longer added "I have a crush on me too, I am adorable. And maybe a tiny one on you?" she suggested, looking up at him in a way that said it was way more than that. Although, for all the swagger he put on, he seemed to doubt sometimes that she actually liked him. "And 'tiny' might be spelled B-I-G," she admitted, wondering if he could see that she was blushing given the floo. This felt ridiculous. Did people their age talk about crushes? But crushing was such a fun feeling, and fairly apt... All that giddy excitement, all the good bits and daydreaming of how it might be perfect. It was throwing yourself into the idea of someone, doing it like you'd never been hurt and like there was no risk of it this time. At some point, that feeling had to take a reality check. At some point all the things that were scary and complicated and vulnerable were going to force their way into this. When they said they wanted all of each other, did they really mean that? Ema knew they both had to have things that would get on the other's nerves or cause conflicts, but right now it was so easy to sweep them under the rug and pretend they were never going to bother them. But then, did crushes get invited home to meet the parents? Did crushes get let in to the things that kept you up at night? This already seemed to lurch between wild fantasy and hard reality. Whichever it was, she was certain of one thing - it had tipped past the point of no return. They couldn't just go back to their separate lives and pretend that didn't hurt. At least, she couldn't.
"Thank you for my birthday present," she stated, wanting to make sure she didn't forget that. Her hand reached automatically to fiddle with it, though she was aware she couldn't keep that up for long - it made her far too aware of her own body, and how disconnected she felt from it, which was apt to make her lightheaded. "I'm wearing it right now," she confirmed what Killian couldn't see. "And every day." Even though wearing jewelry in the heat was kind of pain. That was less his gift's fault and more that everything in the heat was a pain.
"You seemed to worry a lot in your last letter that I wouldn't like you liking me," she pointed out, "Should I assume you're getting over that fear?"
13
Ema Skies
That sounds like dark magic
0
Ema Skies
0
5
Killian Row
November 11, 2020 8:27 PM
Somebody better tell Carly Rae Jepsen. by Killian Row
Killian wrinkled his nose at the comment about his accent. "I'm the one with the fancy exotic accent," he amended with a mischievous smirk. "Yours is just as cute. Americans say funny things like 'errrbology' and 'banaaaana'," he said, overexaggerating (and horribly butchering) the sounds the students and Ema and basically everyone around him made. He wanted to know what she had been going to say, as he hadn't realized that she'd been about to say anything worth changing until she'd gone and changed it. Now he wondered, but not quite enough to push it. Ema wasn't the only one being careful with her words and that was something he could respect, even if his curiosity was less polite about it.Ema said she liked him (herself) too and he grinned victoriously, feeling like he'd absolutely won something incredible. It was sort of true, since he seemed to have won her over, won her affection, won her attention, won one moment of her time . . . it was a thorough victory. If possible, his grin widened when she said she liked and wore her birthday present. "I'm glad," he said softly. "I was worried you wouldn't, since I don't know that much about your taste or anything, but I'm glad you like it," he said.
Ema's question was kind and thoughtful, but it required a bit more honesty than he was used to voicing. He'd gotten out of practice some since Jean-Loup had left, and most of his real feelings these days were consigned to pages of emerald ink that was sent off, unreviewable. He bit his lip, trying to decide. "No," he finally said. "Well, maybe a little. I just decided that it's not worth risking . . . this--" he gestured between them vaguely, a small smile taking hold on his face "-- just because I'm afraid. So I figure I'll just keep liking you until I get some sign that I should knock it off. So far so good," he added. "How 'bout you? Imaginary Killian being nicer to you yet?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
22
Killian Row
Somebody better tell Carly Rae Jepsen.
1450
0
5
Ema Skies
November 12, 2020 5:01 AM
Just be careful with your soul, please by Ema Skies
"'Cute' is not the word I think most people go for," Ema grimaced as Killian drawled out the most unfortunate and dischordant versions of American accents possible. She was pretty sure he swapped coast at least once... "But whatever floats your boat," she grinned, "I'll sit and whisper sweet nothings like tomato and pyjama to you all night long," she teased."It's very pretty," Ema confirmed, when he expressed his worries over choosing her a piece of jewelry, "And like you said, it gives me part of you to keep with me, and I definitely like having that." Stuff was, in the material sense, not important, but in the sentimental sense, she was a sucker for being given things. This is the thing you spent time choosing for me. This is the thing you wanted me to have, and thought I would like. This is the thing that reminds me of you, and the fact you care, when I cannot see or touch you... That mattered.
"I'm afraid you might be waiting a very long time for that," she smiled when he said he was just going to wait for her to tell him to knock it off. "I rather like having your attention." It was weirdly helpful knowing he was scared too. It suggested he was actually thinking about this. Not that Ema had many indicators that he wasn't, or that he didn't take it seriously but it helped a little to know she wasn't alone in feeling like it might not be easy but would, hopefully, be worth it. Even if she had no guarantees that they felt scared for anything like the same reasons.
"He's up to a solid eight, maybe eight and a half out of ten," she assured him. "I guess, it's just... You can never know that something's going to stay good or work out forever. It's impossible to ever say that, like you can't ever prove something to be definitively right. You only get to learn which things are wrong, or which things end. So, I guess there's always going to be a little bit of room for him to get bored of me." She wasn't sure whether that was what scared Killian too. She rather thought it might be the opposite...
"What's been keeping you up at night?" she asked. She was aware that that was not just Them stuff, and that there were a lot more serious issues on Killian's mind that helpless (but hopefully not hopeless?) crushes, but with that at least he could take the conversation wherever he wanted it to go.
13
Ema Skies
Just be careful with your soul, please
0
Ema Skies
0
5
Killian Row
November 15, 2020 11:05 AM
Would you help me keep it safe? by Killian Row
Killian gave a theatrical shiver at the suggestion of such sweet nothings. "You really know what gets me," he told her with playful smirk. This was easy and he was glad that it was easy. It was nice to just sit and joke and talk with Ema, or Ema's floating fire head, and he found himself naturally relaxing into the cadence of their thing.He blushed despite himself when Ema said the jewelry was both pretty and felt like a piece of him to carry around, but the expression quickly turned into a grin of pride. He'd done good and she liked it and he was a happy happy man for it. The way she phrased it made him imagine that he could shrink himself down and just hang out in her pocket and he half considered it as a valid approach for a moment before dismissing it. "You can keep as much of me as you'd like," he promised softly. "Although most of me is less portable than the bracelet," he acknowledged.
If he kept grinning like this - grinning the way he did when she said she liked having his attention - he was going to have a sore face the next day. Which reminded him of a recent sore face, and he was glad that the wound there had healed; this would undoubtedly have come up otherwise and it was best that it not unless it needed to. He considered making a joke about how everyone liked having his attention, resorting naturally to his more debonair tendencies, but decided that may come off badly so he said instead: "I like your attention too. We've got a pretty good mutual system working out here. You should know, however, that my attention is almost grossly taken up with you most of the time. I was in study hall the other day, talking about world travel, and I couldn't seem to get Laos out of my head. Wherever you are, that's where my mind seems to wander most of the time."
When Ema said that her imaginary Killian was only mostly nice to her, real-life Killian wanted to say something about teaching him to mind himself. However, as she continued, he found himself looking down at his hands instead. Her words hit close to home, albeit for a different reason and on a different subject than she intended. If it hadn't been something he'd been thinking so much about, he wouldn't have thought about it now. As it was . . . "You can't ever know," he agreed. "But . . . I think I'd rather hope for a lot of moments, get a few moments, and know that I had some really happy times before it went away, rather than never have those happy times at all," he decided. He didn't know he really believed that until it was out of his mouth and it surprised him some because it was very much not the way he thought of himself usually. "I think that's why I throw myself into things," he admitted, looking back up at Ema. "Because at least for one single moment, I get to have one hundred percent." He smiled. "And hopefully a lot more moments than just one. And for what it's worth, I can't imagine any sort of universe where those moments stopped because I got bored of you. Not at all."
He laughed heartily at the question of what had been keeping him up at night, thinking very quickly of a whole lot of ways he could answer that, with varying degrees of flirtatious scattered amidst his words of course. "In a good way or a bad way?" he asked with a smirk, one eyebrow rising suggestively. He adjusted the way he was seated, going from kneeling to sitting with one leg out and the other tucked in near his knee, leaning back on one hand, before answering. "Not as much now. It's gotten better over the course of the term. Throwing myself into work, writing to you, tea with Bonabelle. She just had her birthday recently," he smiled, thinking fondly of Valentine's excitement about that. "Otherwise, I think it's mostly the same. Good memories and bad memories all mixed up together. I swear, it feels like they're just going to fall out of my head sometimes," he laughed. "How 'bout you, love? Getting sleep I hope?"
22
Killian Row
Would you help me keep it safe?
1450
0
5
Ema Skies
November 16, 2020 6:47 AM
I can try by Ema Skies
"I've noticed," Ema stated with a smile when Killian declared himself not to be so portable. "But you probably wouldn't be quite so good to hug if I made you too travel-sized," she admitted. That was somewhat less of an issue with magic because between undetectable extension charms and featherlight ones, she thought it might actually be possible to shove Killian into her weekend hold-all. But it seemed unethical and borderline serial killer sounding to say so, so she refrained, even if she was more amused than horrified by her own mental image. The more interesting part of what he had said was that she could have as much of him as she wanted. She had been under the impression she would be required to share. Admittedly, she had been doing her best to read up on poly stuff, and was gradually trying to get her head around the idea that people weren't pie. Killian could be something full and complete to her and still be something to someone else. It worked that way with friends, after all. But she wasn't confident enough with the topic to bring it up, or at least not confident enough that it wouldn't end in disagreement or hearing something she didn't want to hear. She had generally got a grip on the fact that her own anxieties usually were worse than the real situation turned out to be, and that just talking out the circles inside one's head tended to flatten them into lines, but she still couldn't quite find where to start with that particular one.She felt her chest tighten when he followed a sentence about their mutual affection for each other with 'You should know, however...' convinced he was about to tell her about someone else. Except it was more or less the opposite.
"Ooh, are you inciting rebellion against the nine to five?" she grinned when he mentioned that he had been talking about travel to his students. And thinking of her. She wasn't sure she could grin any more. It felt like she never quite got to finish one before he was saying something to prompt another.
She listened carefully as Killian explained his life philosophy, trying to really think about what he was saying rather than just jumping straight to ‘afraid’ over the fact it didn't match her own thoughts exactly. Why should Killian explaining the inside of his own head sound like someone explaining the inside of hers given that they were two different people? Would she want to date herself anyway? The best relationships were Venn diagrams, not one to one correspondences.
“I definitely believe it’s better to try and fail than to never try,” she agreed, starting with their overlap. “And to enjoy the ride while it lasts – or at least, I try to do the latter. I get concerned about where it’s going,” she admitted. “I like to know what the landing’s going to be like before I jump. Says the person who upped sticks and dumped themselves in a foreign country,” she laughed, “Some people can’t believe I did that like it’s so brave or something when it seemed perfectly fine to me but then I look at people leaping off rocks into the ocean or whatever and my stomach clenches.” She guessed her ‘look before you leap’ applied more to physical stuff. She guessed that Killian was already well aware of that, in certain senses. She wondered where -on the spectrum of throwing yourself at new experiences to jumping off great big rocks – falling in love came. She thought it might be a special, stupid exception where, even if you’d broken yourself the last time around, you didn’t really learn to be any more careful. At least, she appeared not to work that way, for all her hesitancy in other risk-taking. “I guess you did the same – the dropping yourself in a foreign country part,” she clarified, a hint of curiosity suggesting that Killian was very welcome to expand on that if he wanted. It was something she hadn’t really realised they had in common before, because when she’d met him, she’d been on ‘home’ mode – whilst her brain simultaneously clocked his accent, and told her that being surrounded by people from elsewhere was normal. So much for being a worldly, not stupid American if she’d forgotten someone else was a foreigner just because she’d been in her own country.
“Happy birthday to her. Did you do something nice?” she asked, when he mentioned his niece. He had mentioned in one of his letters that he thought Ema seemed to care about her, and she felt that was true, even if it was really only as an extension of caring about Killian himself right now. Case in point, she was pretty sure that birthday greeting was going no further than this office, because after all, what was he going to say? ’Some strange lady in a far away land sends you belated birthday wishes?’ Or the even less explicable ’Professor Skies’ daughter said to say happy birthday to you.’ Still, she really did hope it had been nice.
He didn’t particularly go into detail about what was keeping him up, although it seemed to be fewer things than before – or their effect was diminishing with the steady application of work, tea, and letters.
“Lake house air helping too?” she suggested with a smile. He’d mentioned his enjoyment of her present in his last letter, but she couldn’t help but fish a little, hoping it was contributing something to his well-being. He’d been plenty praised for his choice in jewelry, after all.
“The weather’s the thing that keeps me up more than anything,” she answered, when he turned the question back on her. She tried not to smile too obviously at the affectionate thing he’d called her. Some people were much more natural with pet names than others, and would chuck them after almost anyone. She wasn’t going to read into it, but it was still a nice thing to be called. “Though right now, it’s not too bad,” she stated, her voice trailing off as if something else more important than the weather was on her mind. “Lately, besides you, I’d say it’s work more than anything that keeps me up,” she admitted.
“I told you about my volunteer job?” she checked, even though she knew she had. Or at least, had outlined a few points about it. She had told him the broad category of work, that it was around environmental and cultural preservation. And, lest he really go inciting all his students to go running off around the world, the unfortunate truths about it. Namely that saving the world was badly paid, if at all and yet, in spite of that, highly competitive. She was definitely underqualified for most of their staff positions, but even to volunteer, she’d had to compete against people who were more than qualified to do the paid jobs, seeing as those were in such short demand and a foot in the door was good leverage. She’d mostly got her current position through a combination of connections, being willing to be a bottom rung who then got more responsibility piled onto them, and someone being invalided out with Malaria during an important project. “There’s a paid position coming up here. And my supervisor’s actually been really encouraging about me going for it. It’d still massively be an outside shot, but it’s the first thing that’s ever come up here where I’d even meet the criteria,” she stated. Although given that this sounded like a perfect opportunity, she sounded far from happy about it.
“They work a lot with non-magical people. The charity does,” she added, aware she hadn’t really explained the details before, and feeling like they were pressingly relevant now. “Around what situations should qualify as exemptions from the Statute of Secrecy. They’re of the opinion that it’s rather a lot,” she added, aware that this marked her out as a fairly extreme leftist. Even her mother, who thought of herself as liberal and tolerant sometimes thought Ema was taking things a bit too far. But then, one thing she’d come to learn by living abroad was that left for America wasn’t always wildly radical as far as the rest of the world was concerned. “If we intervene, and decide later that something wasn’t our business, well… then we can stop helping, I suppose. But once something’s gone, it’s gone forever. Inaction isn’t neutral. It’s taking the side of not giving a damn and letting things get or stay broken,” she added. And if Killian thought she was mad for thinking that, then she supposed it was going to be a lot easier to choose what to do.
13
Ema Skies
I can try
0
Ema Skies
0
5
Killian Row
November 17, 2020 8:01 PM
That's all I'd ever ask. by Killian Row
Killian smiled and then pretended to consider. "Perhaps we could make me small and then like one of those fold-up flag things, where you pull it out of your pocket and give it a shake? Then I'd be full-sized and we could hug and stuff, and then you could put me back." He grinned, thinking the idea was basically flawless. "I think it'd work."Ema just looked so happy. He wanted to reach into the coals and pull her out and just hold her, wrapped up in his arms all safe and warm and happy. So happy. He grinned. "Please. I think the hours I keep make them think a nine to five might not be so bad. But if you are going to work nine to five, doing it abroad seems pretty alright," he said with a grin. He knew what she did but he didn't know the exact hours she kept, so he wasn't sure he could say she had the nine to five necessarily. It was sort of funny to think of her - of everything that Ema was - holding traditional working hours abroad.
She seemed more unsure, maybe even uneasy, as she addressed what his thoughts were on jumping into things. He'd heard one student - Evelyn Stones, Pecari, sixth year, prefect, doing way too much and basically a mess but pretty okay - announce "yolo" before diving into one of the activities he'd assigned the class one day and upon further research, he'd decided that it was a pretty fair philosophy for him. Still, he wasn't about to explain 'what the youths say' to Ema. He nodded though, understanding as she explained. "So far, I always land on my feet," he said with a shrug. "If I don't know where I'll land, I know how I'll land. I know that my mam is going to make me some great dinners and I'll be alright." He wanted to say it like it was happy and easy, but it didn't really come out that way, partly as he thought about the question Ema only sort of asked.
"The last time I landed hard, I landed here," he said softly, thinking back to just a few years ago. "It wasn't too bad, nothing was falling apart or anything, but I just needed change. I'd been traveling a lot and meeting new people and seeing new things, but none of it felt new anymore. Somehow, when everything started being new, none of it felt new. There was a routine in the uncertainty, and I wanted something different. I worked at Hogwarts for a while and that was too much of the familiar - I went there and I . . . it was good when I left. So I came here instead, and I started over in a way. But it was still me, and I still landed on my feet."
His stomach clenched and his heart pounded in his chest as memories returned of all sorts: the good, the bad, and the ugly. He debuted how much he should say and how much he could say. There were memories that, once shared, couldn't be unshared and this seemed like not the right time. Besides, how could you pick one memory? How could you pick one tree from the forest to carve your name on?
He shook his head some and refocused his eyes on Ema's. "I've landed hard lots of times, and I think people are right about you. You are brave. But not because you traveled," he smiled. "You're brave because you took yourself along the way. Maybe I shouldn't say that, I didn't know you before, but I don't get the feeling that you traveled to find a new person to be. You just took yourself somewhere new. I can understand that I think, even if it's different for us too. I don't want to say I understand all of you. That would be shortsighted of me," he laughed, grinning more easily now.
"Val took care of most of it, but we did do a little birthday tea with the two of us and that was nice. She's doing better and that makes me happy," he said, when the topic turned to Bonny. "She's a good kid," he added with pride.
He felt bad that he hadn't mentioned the lake house air when he'd had a good chance to slip it in without prompting, and he blushed when he thought of it now. "Yeah, loads," he grinned sheepishly. "I'm probably going to wear my nose out if I keep smelling it so much." He sighed happily before realizing he could show her, and leaning back again - less awkwardly since he was sitting all the way down now - to pull the gift from his bag. "It's my lucky charm, I keep it with me most of the time. In my office or here." He thought about taking the lid off then but it seemed risky to expose it to an open flame, and it seemed rude to take a whiff in front of her when she couldn't smell it from there.
He put it to the side instead as she started talking about what kept her up. He made a mental note of the weather, trying not to think too much about the sort of thin linens that might be best suited to that sort of environment because he was a gentleman dammit, and took a minute to look like a happy squirmy potato that he was one of the things keeping her up. Although that was also sort of a bad thing, but at least she was thinking of him. At the talk of work, he cocked his head, giving a nod to confirm he knew about the volunteer job.
Ema wasn't asking his opinion, but she seemed to be testing it anyway, and he took a moment to really think about it. The Statute of Secrecy was a touchy subject for him, because breaking it was usually related to his brother being stupid. At the same time, he touted many of the same idea in his own job where appropriate, worrying often that the students at Sonora, and magic folk around the globe, didn't have a good sense of the communities they lived in or around simply because of the hard lines drawn between them. It all seemed wildly outdated; old laws born of fear and anger and desperation couldn't sustain modernity the way the magic world so desperately needed to figure out how to.
"I'd be really interested to read more about that," he said finally, leaning as he so often did on paper materials for his information intake. "I have often thought that there's just too much separation between magic and non-magic people and I'd be interested to see what the exemptions they're suggesting look like. I'll be honest, I'd trust you and me with that, but my brother would jump at the chance to have some exemptions to work with, and that's the kind of stuff that scares me. Still, if it were managed responsibly, I think that could be a really great step in the right direction for magic and non-magic communities alike."
He cocked his head again though as he considered the rest of what she was saying. There was a much bigger weight in his chest than he wanted to admit hearing that there was a job opportunity that would keep Ema far away. He knew it was silly to hope she'd be coming back to the United States any time soon, but he couldn't help hoping it anyway. At the same time, he understood; he didn't want to leave his job either. Of course, that was because he loved his job, and that didn't exactly sound like it was the case for Ema.
"You sound really passionate about the cause, but not so much about the work," he admitted. "You're not sure if you want the job?"
22
Killian Row
That's all I'd ever ask.
1450
0
5
Ema Skies
November 19, 2020 8:12 PM
How careful would you be if entrusted with one in return? by Ema Skies
“I’ll start looking into the relevant Charms,” Ema warned him, as he talked about making himself foldable, “I was already considering whether, between undetectable extension and featherlight charms on a bag, you’re already more portable than your realise,” she admitted.“Are you working too hard, or just keep odd hours to be able to see the students outside of classes?” she checked. The idea of ‘a nine to five would be a change’ could be taken two different ways after all. Her own hours were fairly erratic. Some elements of private tutoring lined up well with keeping kids occupied whilst their parents were at work but a few of them attended a regular day school and wanted after hours lessons.
“Hmm, sounds like you might be the one with more kneazle like tendencies,” she stated as he explained that he always landed on his feet. She smiled softly, glad that he had that ability but not so happy that it had been put to the test so frequently.
As he talked about his travel experiences, she tried not to let a certain image of a certain type of person come to mind. She tried to relate to the weariness of travel, a feeling she knew and understood, but the idea of Killian working his way across the US, or wherever it was he’d been… And, well, he said it himself. He’d met a lot of people. He’d also decided to stop doing that and get a little more settled. Except if his behaviour at the barbecue was anything to go by, that sort of thing wasn’t entirely out of his system yet. And that should have been fine. If that was how he wanted to live his life, there was no shame in that, and it would be none of her business or concern. Except he was also sending her long romantic letters, buying her jewelry and flowers for her birthday, and inviting her home to meet his parents. And she couldn’t quite get how those weren’t opposites, and how wanting both of them could exist in the same person. It still felt like something that had to be a choice to her - which of those people do you want to be?
“Travel can get like that after a while,” she agreed. “Not that I do so much of the meeting people. You seem like you make friends very easily,” she stated, and the words ‘meeting’ and ‘friends’ were laced with all the traces of being used euphemistcally. And she sort of hated herself for putting it out there. His past wasn’t hers to judge. But if he really was offering her his present… “I’m glad you found somewhere good at the end of it,” she added hastily, aware that the point of his story really had not been how many ‘friends’ he’d made along the way, but how he’d ended up where he was now. And that was something she had asked to know, and was glad to learn about him.
“I’m sure she is, especially if she’s got you on her team,” she smiled when he talked about his niece. And she was aware this was such a strong contrast to what she had thrown out there a moment before. But there were times when he made it so impossible to doubt that he was a good guy. He was trying so hard to be good and be there for Bonabelle, and it showed. He was so respectful of Ema’s own boundaries, even though they were so different to his own. He was carrying around the gift she’d sent to him all the time.
“I’m glad you like it,” she smiled. It felt like such a well worn phrase, but the way her voice softened it with such genuine happiness at having made him happy it turned it into something new sounding.
“Right?!” she beamed enthusiastically, when he didn’t shut her down on her preferred topic, instead wanting to know more. “And just… How does some magical person, in the middle of a rice field here relate to a bunch of dead white guys from another continent and another century? Or even their modern representatives who make international laws on their behalf? They would have so much more in common with their neighbour. The problems of their geographical community could be far more important to them than the problems of the magical world, especially when ‘the magical world’ is usually overly skewed towards the ideals of Western societies. I know there’s efforts to diversify the representatives who speak on international councils, but it’s still a fight for everyone’s voices to be heard equally. And just… the idea of intermingling is so often just shut down as fundamentally wrong, even when there’s rural communities where it’s a normal way of life. The idea that that could work, or is valid, or isn’t just… illegal is basically completely excluded from any form of discussion and- and I’ll send you some pamphlets,” she promised.
“It’s not so much the job itself as the timing,” she admitted. “When I came back after summer, I was really questioning whether it was time to pack up and move on. And now… Now there’s the possibility of this thing that I wanted for such a long time and just… why now? Why not two years ago when I really needed something good? It’s just one of those things that makes me think the universe has a guiding force, but that it mostly likes to jerk us around for dramatic effect or its own amusement,” she sighed.
13
Ema Skies
How careful would you be if entrusted with one in return?
0
Ema Skies
0
5
Killian Row
November 19, 2020 8:50 PM
The carefulest ever. by Killian Row
"I already find you very charming," Killian grinned. He gave his bread-belly a pat, although it had shrunk dramatically in the past six months or so. Between his focus on working out over the summer and then his sudden decrease in appetite upon returning to Sonora, he would be halfway unrecognizable to Jean-Loup. "Featherlight charm is a good place to start," he grinned again.He gave a noncommittal shrug about his work hours, not sure he wanted Ema to know what a workaholic he was. These days, it was a coping mechanism if nothing else. "A little of both," he conceded. "Students keep odd hours so I keep odd hours, but I also work most of the regular work day. So . . . a little of both."
The idea that he was more like a kneazle than she was made him laugh, but also sort of scrunch up his face as he considered it. "Do you think students would do their homework more or less regularly if I was a little fuzzball?"
The tone of the conversation notably changed when Ema asked things that she didn't ask, and the double meaning of her response was not lost on him. This was a subject he knew was bound to come up at some point and. He wasn't really too sure what to do with it, as there was a big part of him that just didn't want to ruin anything with Ema, and another part of him that also had to recognize that who he was mattered in this thing too. "It can be nice to travel," he agreed slowly, "but for me, there's always one place that's home. That's not true for everyone, but it is for me. One place is home. I can visit other countries and enjoy that trip, but I always want to come back. Sometimes, people at home say it's best if I only visit countries that are very different so I don't get too interested in staying there, and that's fine too. Like . . . only boy countries." The parallel was falling apart, but he hoped it was clear enough. "Or only short trips. In any case, traveling doesn't replace home for me. I always want to come home."
It wasn't a perfect analogy for a number of reasons - in part because whether his home was Ireland or the United States at this point was very ambiguous and in part because he hadn't yet tried to get down with a country - but he hoped it would help. He hoped Ema could understand and that both their boundaries and needs could be respected. Certainly his tone had made it as clear as hers had that he was only sort of talking about traveling. That didn't quite answer what she was maybe asking though, and he wasn't sure if he should. But . . . it also didn't seem fair to keep things from her that may impact her.
"I've met a lot of people," he said with a voice that made it clear he was acknowledging, not admitting, this information. He was not ashamed of the things he had done and the people he had cared about in his life, but that didn't mean he didn't understand how Ema might feel about it. In a softer voice, he continued: "I've never written letters to someone and realized that home was eight thousand one hundred and five kilometers away."
Killian was glad that seeing the jar of lake air made Ema smile because he really liked when she smiled, and it made him smile too. That feeling only grew as her expression practically matched the brightness of the flames around her face as she started talking more about the Statute of Secrecy.
"There are several students here who live in rural communities that either fall outside the scope of the Statute or fall outside the purview of governments to monitor them and that intermingling is really really amazing to see. They're definitely careful and they don't just go shooting off fireworks in front of muggles, but that intermingling and flexibility benefits both communities a whole lot and I think we'd see a lot more students with mixed heritage who were happy and well-connected if we started allowing folks to get to know each other better." He grinned at the idea of pamphlets. Beautiful beautiful pamphlets.
Her dilemma was harder to address; he wasn't sure how selfish to be. He swelled at the idea that she'd been ready to pack up and move home, but did his best to keep from showing it too much, lest he unduly influence her decision. At the same time, maybe that's why she was asking?
"I . . . I don't want to weigh too heavily on your decision because it's not my decision to make," he admitted. "But . . . I also sort of do." A nervous laugh came out and he wished he could figure out better ways to say basically everything ever. "Obviously - I hope it's obvious - that I'd love if you packed up and moved back this way. But I know that's probably me being selfish. If being there makes you happy, I think it makes sense to be there. If you could follow your dreams and chase the work you want somewhere else, then maybe packing up and moving - wherever you go - wouldn't be such a bad idea. If it helps, I know a guy who's real good at getting people hooked up with jobs," he said, smirking at the end because humor was easier and emotions were hard and he wanted to kiss her face a lot. "I think you're amazing and the work you do is amazing," he added, still light-hearted but a little more seriously.
OOC: That kilometer range is Phoenix, AZ to "Laos, Asia." I don't trust the internet, but for the sake of cuteness, sometimes you have to smudge your math.
22
Killian Row
The carefulest ever.
1450
0
5
Ema Skies
November 20, 2020 8:08 AM
I believe you by Ema Skies
“And I still find you cheesy,” Ema assured him, with a smile that assured him that was a compliment every bit as high as ‘charming.’ She tutted as he patted his stomach indicating that he could do with a featherlight charm. “You were fine anyway, and you look skinnier than before,” she stated, almost critically. “Do I need to send you more potato chips?” she checked. It was one of the comforting things about having had a holiday that involved such a large amount of swimming. Without feeling like they were stripping down to underwear, they’d already seen each other in what amounted to much the same level of coverage. Ema certainly had no complaints about her own body, and no desire to give up eating bread or pasta or ice cream to try trading it in for a “better” one, but Killian was already well aware that she wasn’t exactly built or toned like a super model.“Hmm,” she clicked her tongue, when he admitted to working all hours, “Self-inflicted, or should I have a word with the management?
“What do you mean ‘if’?” she grinned, when he asked about how effective he’d be at getting homework if he was a cute little fuzzball. “But if you were the type of fuzzball that could tell if they were lying about why it wasn’t done, that probably would help your case,” she admitted.
He returned to talking about travel, seemingly wanting to divert the subject away from the emphasis she had put on it, which was only fair and - huh, what was a ‘boy country’ meant to be and she was sure as heck gonna pick him on that when- OH. Oh. They were not entirely talking about travel any more.
“Home can change over time though. Or people can have more than one,” she stated. “Although I think I’m probably talking about a literal sense of home there. And maybe that’s where the analogy falls down,” she admitted. Or maybe that was just true for some people, not for others, and it still held. He’d said that he was just talking about for himself, after all. She had done her best to read up on the subject, and she understood that there were as many ways of doing it and viewing it as there were people involved. In some ways, it was like any other important element of a relationship - it involved communication, negotiation, and compromise. It involved finding out where your hard lines were and whether they were compatible. She searched for what she wanted to say. What she wanted to say was that, theoretically, she supposed she had to be alright with the thought of him sleeping with other people. It wasn’t like they were in a position where it was reasonable to expect him to not do that, and when they talked about it, it made sense. But she also didn’t want to sound like she was telling him to go sleep with other people. She wanted to say that she would be theoretically fine with it but also that she didn’t want him to but in a way where none of it seemed like an unreasonable demand to make when it almost definitely was.
She was still trying to disentangle this when he blindsided her.
“Oh. Kil…” She hadn’t meant that to be the maiden voyage of his suggested nickname. She hadn’t even really realised she’d done it at first - she had meant to say the rest of the word but it had just sort of died in her mouth because… Well. What was she supposed to say to that? “You really mean that,” she murmured. And it was a statement, not a question. She didn’t search his face for confirmation, she just sort of stared at him, wide eyed and looking like she might be about to burst into tears. “I sometimes think I must be crazy, or just making up a fantasy about this,” she said after a moment. “But then every time I convince myself… You come out with something like that.”
She considered his remarks, smiling as he brought a little levity back into the proceedings. It was more or less what she’d imagined he would say, except for the few times he’d been a real piece of work about it, thus making the decision easy for her.
“My dad always says the right job at the wrong time is still the wrong job,” she stated. “But also to go for things and turn them down if you change your mind. I’m trying to tell myself that applying isn’t the same as accepting - heck, if it goes that far. It’d still be a really low chance of me getting an offer. I think that if I walked away, I’d always wonder if I could have done it.” She thought that what she had really wanted was to tell Killian and to hear him say that she should do it. And part of her rebelled against that, in that she dang well shouldn’t need his permission to do what she wanted. But that was just reactionary, and was putting the situation into the most negative terms possible for no real reason other than to make herself annoyed at things. There was space for his opinion to matter. There had to be, if this was a… Thing. “I guess I just couldn’t face filling out the application without telling you. It feels silly to say it like this after so short a time, but I think we keep admitting the same thing over and over again… It feels like what we do matters to each other. And it felt like, I don’t know, some form of dishonesty to go and do this without even making you aware of its existence. And I don’t think I’d take it so lightly if you thought it would change things between us for the worse?” she stated, this coming out as a further question.
13
Ema Skies
I believe you
0
Ema Skies
0
5
Killian Row
November 20, 2020 10:10 PM
*offers hand* by Killian Row
"I mean, I won't say no to potato 'chips'," he said, smirking at her as she went around emphasizing her funny American self again. On the whole, Killian was a very body-positive person. He'd seen enough pamphlets to know the damage that could be wrought on young minds in environments that weren't so body-positive, and he was very careful to make sure that wasn't the case when he was at the front of the classroom. Or table in the library. Really depended on the day. In any case, he wanted it to be clear to everyone that a bread belly made no difference in terms of his lovability or desirability. Although he didn't want to make it too clear because they were children and he was not and that was weird. It was more of a subliminal messaging, subtext sort of thing."Management is aware," he acknowledged with a playful grimace that was only half theatrical. "Selina keeps telling me I need to work less and take care of myself and stuff. You people and your nice words," he added, wagging an accusative finger at Ema.
He laughed as Ema pointed out some of the other advantages of kneazlehood. "Oh, I can usually tell if they're lying," he said. "It's just whether or not it's worth calling them out on it. Sometimes it is but sometimes it just means they need extra help and don't know how to ask for it. They don't get an academic grade for 'classes' with me so I can't do much other than help them or not," he explained. "Just Mr. Row, not Professor Row," he added with a grin.
"Yes," he said of home. "It can change over time. That doesn't mean it's not worth having one though," he said, thinking of the fears she'd previously acknowledged. His voice was soft and warm and he hoped she knew he understood, if not in details then in general; love was scary and it could hurt, like a housefire. "And people can have more than one," he agreed, trying not to smirk as she maybe accidentally agreed with him on something he was pretty sure she didn't agree on personally. "But some people only have one and that's okay too. Thank you," he added a little more playfully, "for accidentally making the analogy work way better." He chuckled, appreciating that they could talk like this.
He couldn't help grinning a bit when her response to his affection was 'oh murder', but he knew what she meant so he kept it to himself. This was why nicknames could be so dangerous! His expression became a bit more searching though when she looked like she might cry and he just hoped a lot that it was because she was happy and emotional and she thought he was super awesome, and not because she was actually meaning to tell him to go suck a spoon and felt bad now. That she meant the former quickly became clear and he beamed at her, looking a little proud of himself. "I do what I can," he said softly. "Also, you're perfectly welcome to think I'm a fantasy, just not the kind that disappears or anything like that," he laughed.
"Your dad sounds like a wise man," he smiled, mentally acknowledging the fact that the man he'd had help from was not the same man who raised the woman he cared so much about, even if he also was. His own associations with John Skies were a lot different than Ema's, and he didn't want to conflate the two. Also, she was asking a question again even though she wasn't really, and now he had to think of the right words and that was hard and scary. "I'm not going to give up on this if you decide to stay there," he said firmly, hoping that allayed some of her concerns, if that had been one. "Not to say that you moving here wouldn't be great, like I said," he added, also wanting that to be clear because he really really really really really wanted her to move here. Selfish, Killian, selfish! "But I'm not about to give up on letter writing just because I have some more to write," he promised.
"I did . . . sort of want to ask you about this though," he said, gesturing between them a little vaguely. "We'd probably have to figure out . . . travel," he said emphatically, raising an eyebrow to be sure the analogy was still following. Then, realizing it was deeper than that, he added: "And actual travel, really." He shifted a little and took a breath. "But I wondered if maybe you'd like to make this Thing an actual thing? Like with words and labels and . . . gosh, it almost sounds silly. Do grown adults ask people to be their girlfriend? Well, I wondered if you'd like to be. And . . . if maybe we should tell your mom? You should tell your mom? I should tell your mom? If your mom should be told? Better now than if we . . . later," he finished lamely. There had been a time in his life when he'd had game. Mad game. That time, it seemed, was past. Damn. "Yeah, so I'm super suave the rest of the time, I promise," he said, chuckling a little nervously.
22
Killian Row
*offers hand*
1450
0
5
Ema Skies
November 20, 2020 10:47 PM
*offers one back* by Ema Skies
“It’s almost like we don’t want you to implode from stress or something,” Ema stated, looking kind of stern (and probably therefore a few shades closer to her mother, though possibly a side of her that students saw more than Killian) when he stated that he had been advised to take a break before and had ignored it. “I get that having stuff to do can be helpful,” she admitted. “I just want to know that you’re looking after yourself, I guess?”She nodded at his comment about it being worth having a home even if it didn’t last forever. They were back to whether it was better to jump in with both feet again, which she had theoretically agreed to.
“I guess it just becomes a problem when one person wants to move on and the other doesn’t,” she stated, “Or I guess… in this case when one person wants to get a second home in a location the other really doesn’t like. And I guess that it’s like any other argument. Like over sharing out the chores or… literally choosing a house. Two people aren’t always going to agree on everything, and you have to talk it out. It just feels… So much more central to the concept of…” Of a relationship. There was that word again. And she wasn’t sure she could articulate that thought through the many layers of analogy.
She trailed off, but it didn’t take long for him to pick back up on the same subject. Only he seemed firm enough in his conviction that, in spite of eight thousand odd miles and with no firm conclusion on what colour to paint the walls or how many houses were involved here, he wanted this to be home. He wanted words, and labels, which felt like safety and security. Although Ema supposed they were potentially going to mean something different to what she was used to, and it was still going to be a case of unpacking it all piece by piece.
“I would. I want that. I told you… I want you,” she smiled up at him from the fire. It had come with a whole load of questions, and even if some of them were not her favourite, it was a relief to know that he wanted to put it all on the table and talk about it. They at least shared a bunch of questions, even if she wasn’t sure they were going to agree yet on the answers. “I’ve been trying to read more about the poly thing,” she admitted. “Whenever I talk to you about it, or read things, it makes sense it’s just… The key thing seems to be communication. I guess that’s true with any relationship. And right now, there’s all these barriers to us having that. I hate the idea of being stuck on the other side of the world, not knowing what’s going on. But also, I don’t really want to feel like I’m somehow disrupting your life by…” she trailed off, not quite sure how to finish that thought. By not being available, by not being what you want, but also stopping you getting it from other people… She wasn’t sure she knew how to phrase any of this right. “What do you think it would look like? If we were officially dating?” she stated, a much more comfortable, though slightly amused smile playing around her mouth as offered up those words, feeling like they sounded almost comically proper in a conversation that was, essentially, about whether he was gonna be getting it on with other people.
13
Ema Skies
*offers one back*
0
Ema Skies
0
5
Killian Row
November 22, 2020 8:48 PM
It's you and me now, I think. by Killian Row
Killian shrugged innocently, refusing to think stress might make him implode. "Does it count if I enjoy work?" he suggested, not really wanting Ema to worry too much about him in this case. He smiled as she added that she just wanted him to look after himself. "You look after me well enough for both of us," he pointed out with a Melty smile. "I'm not worried. Thank you for caring."He cocked his head, considering her thoughts on travel again. "I'm not sure if the both people have to like the second home's location," he said. "Maybe it's more like getting a home in one place, and a little studio in the other place. I wouldn't expect you to want to be part of anything with other people." Now he was just dropping the analogy altogether, but now Ema was talking more literally about houses, so he supposed he wasn't the only one, and he nodded. "Decisions and communication . . . I think that's the stuff that makes people work. It doesn't always make it easy," he acknowledged. He was more worried that she thought this whole thing was central to the concept of something she didn't want to say. He suspected the word was relationship or being together, but he didn't want to put words in her mouth, so he let the conversation move naturally.
She smiled at him. She wanted him. And whatever other questions were left unanswered, that made everything feel okay. He raised his eyebrows, unable to help a smile when she said she'd been reading up on the 'poly thing'. It just seemed like such a kind thing to do and somehow a very perfect thing to do; Killian's own tendency was to turn to written information and 'reading up' on things when he didn't understand them. "That's really sweet of you," he said, practically purring. His feelings changed immediately when she worried about disrupting his life and his eyes grew dark and sad. What had he done to ever make her think that?
"Not disrupting," he promised, instinctually reaching out to her and pulling his hand back sharply when it drew too near to the very hot fireplace. He sighed, recognizing that he was also proving her point about the challenges facing communication. "Never disrupting. Nothing would make me happier than to have you here with me," he admitted softly, not wanting to sway her too much on the chance of a job. "I want to tell you as much as you want to know, and I want to respect your boundaries, and vice versa. I don't intend to go off doing things without talking to you first, especially if we're 'officially dating'." He smiled a little at the thought of that, hoping desperately this was leading to a good outcome.
The question was harder to answer, although it would've been harder still if he hadn't been thinking about it so much. "I think it would mean that a lot of what we've been doing by default - respecting each other's boundaries, communicating, saying nice things to each other - we'd still do, but we'd also get to know that that was going to continue. That it was stable and reliable and safe. I think it might look like having some shared goals or plans. At the very least, being able to be part of each other's plans?" It felt like he was asking a lot of her and that wasn't what he meant. "I want to include you in my thoughts about decisions. It sounds like you already are including me," he grinned, "but I want to make sure you don't mind me doing that. That we're both on the same page. That I can tell the whole world how pretty my girlfriend is!" His grin turned a little more mischievous before turning more serious again. "That before some hotty tries to pick up on you and you go home with them, or before I think about a relationship or a night with someone else, that's something we talk about." And there it was. The hard part of all of this. The part he knew might be a sticky point for them both.
He wanted so badly to say he would give those things up for her, but it wasn't fair to either of them to say that and he knew it would go badly. He wanted to reassure her that he wasn't out on the prowl looking for a new person to go home with - which was true - because it just wasn't going to be the right way to say what he was trying to get at.
"That I can tell me mam something more true than I'm bringing a friend home for the holidays. She'll be thrilled," he laughed. "And that we keep this up. We keep talking, and writing, and flooing. That we figure it out, because we're in this together."
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Killian Row
It's you and me now, I think.
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Ema Skies
November 24, 2020 6:40 AM
I like the sound of that by Ema Skies
“I’ll do my best but you are your own responsibility sometimes,” Ema cautioned him, keeping her tone light. She was joking because she was pretty sure that he was joking, but she also meant what she said. And by sometimes she meant ‘at all times, because you are a grown ass adult and it is not my job to ever fix you.’ Though she could understand the thought of compatibly balancing each other out. Like… you are responsible for yourself but I will get you to eat a vegetable if you remind me to file my bank statements. That sort of exchange was fair.“I know,” Ema stated, when he made it clear that she wouldn’t really be involved in his other relationships. Except… wouldn’t she? At least by association or proxy or whatever? She might not need to visit the second home, but she was still pretty sure she’d care about what it was like. Whether it was in a dangerous neighbourhood - or a neighbourhood she was worried was secretly more desirable. How much time he spent there… She was torn between not wanting to make herself come across as nosy or jealous, and feeling like having opinions on all those things was perfectly logical and valid. “I still feel like it’s existence might affect me, even if only tangentially. And that I’d potentially have some thoughts on it,” she admitted, because she probably couldn’t say that the foundation of this thing was going to be solid communication and then be too afraid to say what she was really thinking.
The more they talked though, the more it really did feel like they could be on the same page, even with everything that was scary and new, or scary and old, or just plain complicated about this - it hurt to see his hand reach for her and then watch him wince and draw back, even if she knew it was because of the fire. Still, the imaginary Killian, the one who began sentences with frowns and ‘of course…’ like she had missed something obvious was keeping awfully quiet all of a sudden. She tried to drink in the real Killian, commit all his words to memory. All the things she’d wanted but told herself it was too greedy to ask for were things he wanted to give her.
“That all sounds wonderful,” she smiled at him warmly, “And makes it rather sound like I accidentally started dating you without your explicit permission. I do apologise. I will try not to cross such lines in future - and yes, absolutely promise to consult you before any and all steamy one night stands I have,” she laughed.
She couldn’t help but notice the subject had looped back round to mothers. His, apparently, was going to be thrilled, which sounded nice. Hopefully Killian was going to set forth a reputation she could live up to, or his ‘mam’ was nice and easy going.
“What’s she like?” she asked a little nervously, “And speaking of figuring things out together… My mom. I mean, I have to tell her. Or be involved in telling her,” she clarified. She didn’t mean that she was going to squeeze Killian out of that because obviously there was a relationship for him on the line there too. But she didn’t exactly think it was a good idea for him to go and announce it. Her mom would not be best pleased at receiving news of ‘significant developments’ in Ema’s life from a third party. She tried to work out the dragon and egg problem of what order to tell things in… Of either telling her mother she had a boyfriend and then springing the surprise of it being Killian on her, or somehow gathering her mother and Killian to the same place and then springing the surprise that he was her boyfriend. Both played out as comically awful in her mind. Maybe they should just run away and make out a lot and not tell anyone? And maybe never come back. That sounded great. “Option one, we could just go live on the moon without telling her?” she suggested. “I mean, just throwing out ideas… I’m trying to imagine how and when I tell her, but I also imagine you’re going to be sweating it out wondering what she’s saying. I mean, I could tell her when she and I next floo, and ask her to talk to you about it. Or I could send you a letter to take to her. That’s probably the closest we can come to telling her ‘together.’ Or I can tell her after Christmas right before I come to see you, so you can know how it went? I’m not sure. I don’t think she’ll be mad about it or anything,” she clarified, aware she was making it sound like a potential drama, “I’ll probably get a lecture about whether I am making sensible life choices cos of the distance, but I don’t think it’s going to be an actual problem. I just know she’d be mad at me if I wasn’t the one to tell her. What do you want to do?” she asked.
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Ema Skies
I like the sound of that
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Killian Row
November 24, 2020 7:06 PM
Alright, girlfriend. You and me then. by Killian Row
"Oh good," he said with mock relief when Ema said he'd need to be his own responsibility sometimes. "There are some things I just don't think I could ask for help and then look you in the eye afterwards," he smirked. He hoped she knew he wasn't just making dirty jokes or bathroom references though. He was a grown man and had been doing alright so far; he definitely wasn't trying to get her to babysit.Ema seemed to be coming 'round to the same page Killian was on, and he was doing his best to hop a couple pages over to meet her where she was too, so he nodded. "And we can figure that out too," he said, hoping to reassure her when she quickly promised she knew what he was saying. There were some things that she would need to know for health and safety reasons anyway, so it wasn't exactly true to say she wouldn't be involved in those parts of his life, and that also extended to boundary setting. What Ema wanted mattered. What Ema was comfortable with mattered.
He sighed, relieved when Ema said the things he outlined sounded wonderful. As much as he'd felt like he was the one giving her a laundry list of things he expected of her, he also worried that his own suggestions for what a relationship with labels would look like was a lot of him doing his best and not doing good enough. "You absolutely had my permission," he promised with a wry smile before laughing with her. "Thank you, that's very thoughtful." He thought that Ema's steamy one night stands were more likely to be like a steamer basket, wherein she was a cute little dumpling ball getting all cooked up and shiny and delicious. But that was hella weird, so he wasn't about to say that. Also, he wasn't sure about his dumpling vocabulary and wasn't sure that was even the right word, let alone what they were actually called.
He sighed, possibly even more relieved, when Ema said she wanted to be there and even be the one doing the telling to Selina. He hoped she was right in saying the woman wouldn't take it badly but he couldn't help agreeing that they had better odds of that being true if Ema told her instead of Killian going it alone. He also would probably come off as a creepy liar and she might dismiss him for being delusional. 'Hi, I'm dating your daughter. You know *checks notes*, Emarette!' That wasn't something he was into.
The thought of his Mam made him both blush and smile. "She. . . . well, she's already decided she loves you. I might have mentioned you . . . but I had to to see if she minded if you came home for part of the break! Does that mean yes, by the way?" he grinned, realizing she'd sort of answered that question. "She's very firm but it's because she loves everyone. She worked in government for a long time and I think she saw the best and worst of people. Merlin knows she's been there for my best and worst . . ." His voice trailed off as some of those now-familiar intrusive thoughts momentarily returned, but he pushed them away. "And she's been there for Bonabelle with her dad being gone. She's not the type to sit down and talk cosmetics over tea, but more the sort to share her newspaper and knitting tips as she drinks her tea quietly next to you. She's a bit like a fireplace I think. You don't always notice her in the room, but she always makes you feel good and she's bad to forget about for too long."
"Unfortunately, the job market on the moon has really been in decline since muggles landed there," he said with a mock grimace. "I think we'll have to take one of the other ideas." He smirked a bit but let the expression fade as he considered Ema's ideas. "Sooner than break might be good. If things do go badly, I wouldn't want that to spoil things for either of you over the holidays. She knows me so I'm not sure whether she'd want me around, but telling her sooner would give her the opportunity to ask me to dinner with you for the holidays if she wanted to, theoretically." The idea was more than a bit terrifying but he reminded himself again that he's a grown-ass man and tried not to worry about it. He also didn't want to assume Selina would do such a thing, but she seemed traditional enough that she might and he didn't want to deprive her of such opportunities. "You could tell her when you Floo and then if you/she would like to call for me, I could plan on being available? A letter sounds alright but it sounds a bit like I'm holding you for ransom instead of dating you. Heh. 'cause we're dating." He grinned like a schoolboy at the thought. "What do you think?"
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Killian Row
Alright, girlfriend. You and me then.
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Ema Skies
November 25, 2020 4:33 AM
Okay then, boyfriend *strikes dramatic pose* by Ema Skies
"Absolutely!" Ema grinned enthusiastically when Killian asked her, of all the stupid questions, whether she was coming to see him over the holidays. It had him, and foreign travel, and had she really given him any other impression than that she would absolutely jump at both of those? "I was down even when it was weird and complicated to explain, mostly cos that was going to be your problem anyway," she added, poking just the tip of her tongue out. Floo powder was obviously meant to shield you from what was around, and she was certainly opening and closing her mouth plenty without any ill effects but she always thought calls tasted just a little ashy, and that they dried her throat out worse than regular talking did. "Now it's going to be even better," she smiled. She supposed being Introduced as The Girlfriend was more serious than being a visiting friend, but she sort of figured that anyone in possession of functioning eyeballs was going to clock the way that they looked at each other within about two seconds, so this just felt more honest. It felt like less pressure than trying to present a thing that was… A Thing but not a thing and having to try to give a rambling ten minute presentation about what was going on without reaching any logical conclusion. ‘Hi, here’s my girlfriend’ was much easier. And nicer."That's a wonderful description," Ema laughed at Killian's analogy. "And she sounds like a wonderful person," Ema smiled, deciding she kind of already loved Killian's mam right back. It was strange to think of herself as being pre-approved. It made her feel warm and reassured, and absolutely ice-in-the-stomach terrified all at once. It was nice to be thought so well of, but it sounded like there was a standard to live up to now. Or maybe she was just being silly. Maybe Killian's mam was the type to just be happy that he was happy. She wasn't sure 'strange girl, strange hair, seduced me at a lake house and then returned to where she lives on the other side of the world' was most parents' ideal. He had probably just said 'friend' or 'someone' and his mam had got all optimistic at the potential of Friend or Someone. It surely wasn't much to do with Ema herself as a person, right? "If that's her summary, dare I ask what mine was?" she asked.
It sounded like Killian and his mam had been through a fair bit together, and Ema already knew some of that. That half wasn’t her business to pry into or bring up, but the rest of it…
“I hope I get to hear all kinds of stories about these best bits,” she smiled, “Ooh, and is she the type to get out all the photos of tiny you? I am owed that, after you went snooping around my childhood home,” she added. “I can’t picture any version of you that doesn’t have a full face of scruff,” she laughed, mentally shrinking current Killian down to child-sized and finding the resultant image rather amusing.
"I mean, pretending you're holding me to ransom might not be a bad idea. Then the fact you're only dating me might come as a relief. And I'm sure that with an auror for a father, there's no way whatsoever that could go wrong," she joked. "I guess floo is better because it gives us a chance to actually talk about it instead of me sitting here in suspense. I called them last week though, and we have a standing once a month date," she explained, wondering how often he called his parents and whether he was regarding this as poor daughtering. "I'm not saying I can't call in between whiles, just it'll be a case of catching her..." She wasn't sure how she could set up a call without making her mother worry, and if she was going to resort to writing to her to arrange a time, then she might as well just put the confession in writing and list the times she could be reached to be nagged about her life choices. "I’ll give it some thought, and I agree that it would be good to get it done before the break. Are there any of the options you hate or don't want me to do, provided I don't make it sound like I've been kidnapped?" she asked.
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Ema Skies
Okay then, boyfriend *strikes dramatic pose*
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Killian Row
December 01, 2020 10:03 AM
Cute AND dramatic, eh? by Killian Row
Killian grinned, feeling like he'd just won another victory. Except it wasn't really like that, because victory seemed like it was a competition and someone had lost. Instead, he was just growing happier and more content, and Ema seemed to be too. Which was nice, because he really liked her happiness, possibly more than his own in this case. At least in as much as he'd have preferred she not date him if she didn't want to and stuff. That would suck for everyone.It turned into a mischievous expression when Ema asked about her own description, and he shook his head. "I'm not telling," he said with mock obstinance. "But it was all good and all truthful," he promised, figuring he should give her something to ease her mind with. After all, if he didn't already know Selina, he'd be worried about what Ema told her mother too.
"Um, excuse you, I came out with a full face of scruff," he said seriously, scratching his beard (for a given value of 'beard') with one hand and raising an eyebrow at her before dissolving into a playful smirk. "I've been cute since I was a baby, I like to insist that she shows me off. She insists that she looks far too old school in those pictures, but I was precious and you deserve to feast your eyes," he laughed. He did wonder a bit at what Ema would think of all the pictures that would naturally have Lorcan in them as well. Furious as he was with his brother, the man was still his brother after all. "But not because I snooped, I didn't snoop," he added defensively. "I was invited and I glanced around and kept my eyes polite. Glanced at some very detailed labeling, mind you. My family's pictures aren't anything that organized."
Speaking of Ema's family, he cocked another eyebrow at the thought of holding her ransom to make it easier. "While I am perfectly happy to pretend to hold you ransom in other circumstances," he agreed nonchalantly, leaving that to her to think about or not, "I would have to agree that your father does seem the sort to explode me for it in that case."
He nodded, glad they were on the same page. Getting some of the little hurdles - or not-so-little hurdles - out of the way felt like a big win. "I don't think so especially," he decided finally. "Just let me know how or if or when you'd like me to be available too, whether to Floo me after or whatever else seems good for you. Feels odd either way, yknow?" He wrinkled his nose, hating to admit that he felt odd or awkward or strange or any other such thing. That wasn't something he liked to acknowledge. "She probably won't hex me, you think?"
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Killian Row
Cute AND dramatic, eh?
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