Selina Skies
July 23, 2020 9:16 PM
Accio guidance (tag Killian) by Selina Skies
Selina regarded the letter for a good long while, considering its implications and how to approach dealing with it. There really wasn’t one clean and obvious way to do, so she sent a note requesting the presence of the one person at Sonora who she thought could help her unpick it.She kept her desk clear, feeling that a box of cookies or of tissues might raise alarm bells. Tea, she thought, would be a good thing to have on standby, so she got one of the elves to bring a cup. It was strong and black, and she trusted their knowledge on that - it was useful having extra eyes to help her know what her staff’s drink preferences were. She cast a warming charm on it, and an anti-spilling one, and tucked it into the desk drawer, so it was ready in case of emergency.
The knock signalling that her summons had been heeded sounded, and Selina called Killian in, trying to look non-threatening but not exactly jovial.
“Thank you for coming,” she stated, once he was greeted and seated, “I needed to talk to you about something… slightly delicate. I think, in life in general but particularly in a place like this, relationships are not always as cut and dry as we might think,” she stated. She hesitated, considering the hypothetical ’What would you do if you found out… but decided it was neither fair nor necessary.
“I had a letter from your parents,” she stated, it somewhat amusing as a thing to a man with a full face of stubble, and at any other time she might have added a joke - you’re not in any trouble - but now didn’t seem the time. “Well, I suppose, more accurately speaking, I had a letter from Bonnabelle’s grandparents,” she amended. That was the capacity they had written to her in, and that was where this got messy. She slid the document across to him so that he could see for himself what had been said. It included the fact that she could talk to him, if necessary, which had at least solved one dilemma. Had he not been mentioned, she would have had to wonder where he’d spent Christmas, whether he knew and whether she risked crossing any lines or breaking any confidentiality by bringing it up with him. As it was, she was just juggling hats. She was breaking the rules of the letter only in that it suggested she talk to him in case of emergency, especially if timezones made it difficult to contact Bonnabelle’s grandparents but she had decided she really ought to talk to him now. Just not about his niece.
“So, finding out something about one of my students leads to me know that one of my staff members might not be alright,” she stated, almost apologetically. “It’s not something you have to talk to me about, not in any great detail, and not if you don’t want to. But I thought I should check how you’re doing.”
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Selina Skies
Accio guidance (tag Killian)
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1
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Killian Row
July 23, 2020 9:45 PM
Protego! by Killian Row
There were a number of reasons Selina might call Killian office. Maybe it was just a casual chat! Super unlikely but it was nice to think of. Still, considering his position and the number of things that could happen to students over break, it wasn't unusual to be called to some professor's office or another shortly after or upon their arrival back to Sonora. There was also the fact that his parents had sent a letter on Bonabelle's behalf, seeing as she needed a guardian and what not, and Selina might have questions about the girl. Heck, Killian had questions about the girl. With those options in mind, Killian was equipped with a notebook and pen - again, Muggles really did have some stuff right - when he knocked on Selina's door and was invited in. He greeted her with his natural grin, although the bags under his eyes betrayed his sleep deprivation. He wasn't feeling all that tired just yet, but he was surviving on copious quantities of caffeine and all-nighters, which helped. Busyness was a cure for many heartaches and unanswerable questions could often be pushed aside with answerable ones.Then Selina went and started talking and Killian felt like a kid in trouble. His mind went first to Jean-Loup, both because the younger man was his more recent visitor and because he was the most likely to be considered an inappropriate relationship, even as friends. 'Even as friends', what the heck did that mean? He then thought of marsh, about whom he thought his fair share of inappropriate thoughts but was pretty sure they hadn't done anything untoward. Then he thought of Mary and Tabitha, and Isis and Nathan, and decided that if Selina had a problem with personal relationships among staff members, then she was going to be out a solid chunk of staff here soon. Selina hesitated, so he hesitated, because he'd learned pretty early in life that you shouldn't ever confess to doing something that you didn't know for sure the other person already knew you'd done.
And then there was a letter from his parents and Killian almost had to remind himself not to breathe out some deep sigh of relief or to grin because this really wasn't anything to grin about but at least he wasn't about to be told off for thinking--
"Yes, I knew they'd written that," he nodded, confirming his involvement and doing his best to focus on the task at hand. "I'm sorry, I probably should have come to you before you had to summon me," he added, slowly getting his brain into the zone of concerned guidance counselor who was trying to sort out new arrangements with the Deputy Headmasters over a displaced student. Bonabelle Row - first year, Aladren.... - that was it. That was all he knew about her. Bonny - sweet girl with a big mind and small heart, afraid to see what happens next. Killian was afraid, too.
He blinked in mute surprise when Selina said she was concerned about him. About him. Probably also Bonny but she was summoning him here to ask about him. He stared at her. Jean-Loup had asked, but that was it. And that was in part because Killian brought it up first. No one else asked. No one else should have asked because no one else knew except people who were in it worse than he was. He wondered if they blamed him, too.
"Thank you," he finally managed. "I . . . I didn't expect you to ask me about me." He took a breath, considering his answer. "I'm not . . . doing great? But I'm not too bad. I'm worried about Bonabelle. About whether this is better or worse for her. I think it's better and I sort of . . . " I hate myself for not making him go away sooner and getting his little girl out of there. "I just wish it hadn't come to this. I don't know if I've told you before that my brother has struggled with alcoholism most of his life?" He realized belatedly that she probably didn't know much of anything about his family and that he'd said enough to make her need to know, so he really ought to clarify for her. "He lost his flat this past Autumn, which isn't super new, but now no one can find him. I don't know him well enough to know where to look, but I spent most of break trying. Sorry . . . is that too much information?"
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Killian Row
Protego!
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Selina Skies
July 25, 2020 3:34 AM
Against what or whom? by Selina Skies
From the fact he entered armed with a notebook and pen, Selina suspected Killian had no real idea why he was here. She briefly imagined him writing up his own feelings and putting them in his file, nice and neatly, and it was equal parts sort of sweetly amusing and sort of sad. She hoped they might be able to do a little bit better than that.He had not expected to be asked after, even though he knew about the letter. She regarded the notepad again, and wondered whether he really thought she was cruel enough to call him in to talk about ‘this student’s potential mental distress’ in a detached and professional way - to expect him to pick up the pieces as guidance counselor instead of uncle - or to not expect her to let him put both those roles aside and be the human in distress himself. Apparently that was rather low down his own list of thoughts on the matter. Well, that was stupid and if he wanted to keep his job, he was darn well going to have to get used to being looked after and regarded as a priority.
She took slow, calm breaths as he talked, both to be a model of relaxed behaviour but also to push herself not to jump in. Not to finish his sentences and start trying to fix, but to let him talk it all out, as much as he wanted to.
“It’s not too much,” she assured him, “You get to decide what’s too much, though I appreciate you trusting me. I think life rather specialises in throwing out situations where there is no good solution," she sympathised. "I'm sorry. That's a horrible position to be in.
"Bonnabelle seems like she made a good start last term,” she assured him, figuring that even if she wanted to look after Killian, a big part of that might be dealing with his worries about his niece. It was sort of hard to separate out all the hats, and she definitely didn't want to perpetuate the idea that wearing her Deputy Headmistress hat meant they weren't dealing with each other as human beings. Sure, she had a responsibility to check Mr. Row the guidance counselor knew what he was doing and filed all his forms and what not on time. A big part of that was making sure Killian the human was feeling up to that. Up to being the one to steer everyone else, look after them, check they were on the right track... She tried not to read too much into his choice of career in light of the information she had just received. Not everyone was a reaction to a ghost in their past, and probably very few people wanted to be seen as if they were - both where it wasn't true and maybe even more so when it was. "She seemed to make friends, and do well in class, so I think she has a good support network," she tried to reassure him. She refrained from saying there were lots of people to keep an eye on Bonnabelle. To notice and to flag it up if they thought she wasn't coping. To potentially be talked to about the reasons why. Because those eyes were Killian's colleagues and students, and them being witnesses to his family falling apart was probably not a particularly positive thought. The more they all kept an eye on and talked about Bonnabelle, the more exposed he was. That was possibly something they would need to discuss, in terms of boundaries and of who was going to know what, but that was a small, practical detail that could wait. Unless Killian was the kind of person who enjoyed picking over plans and details to feel in control. Given the notebook, she couldn't rule it out.
"What would help you right now?" she asked. She sort of wanted to offer him a hug. She thought back to the chipper, jokey person she'd sat with for Quidditch and felt like 'not great' was an admission which spoke volumes. She had a vague notion that hunting down Lorcan Row herself and giving him a piece of her mind would be a very satisying outcome. "A shoulder to cry on?" she offered the slightly more professional version of a hug, "Tea? Couple of days off to go into the desert and scream at the sky?"
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Selina Skies
Against what or whom?
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0
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Killian Row
July 25, 2020 7:20 PM
My brain mostly. by Killian Row
"Thank you," Killian said, agreeing wholeheartedly with the sentiment. "I recognise that I'm in a position where I should, theoretically, be equipped to deal with this and have the resources to do so, which makes me very lucky. It also makes Bonabelle either very lucky or very unlucky. I worry a bit that she wouldn't come to talk to me about it because I'm her uncle." His mouth twisted with frustration at the thought of that, not because he was frustrated with Bonny but because he was frustrated with Lorcan for having put her in this mess. "She doesn't seem like one to open up much anyway though, so I'm not sure. I don't really know her very well," he added, although he suspected Selina knew that.He agreed that Bonabelle had started well with another nod, grateful for the truth in that. Bonabelle was going to be okay. She was going to be a kid who grew up because of her situation and thrived despite it and that made him livid, but he'd known a lot of kids like that and they often were great adults. Bonabelle was a great kid, so she'd be a great adult. Probably. And the emotional damage left behind was just going to be part of her now. Killian knew the statistics - 51% of kids who experienced domestic abuse grew up to be abused as adults as well - but he hated to think this was like that. What were the statistics for kids who were neglected or left unloved for a decade because their uncle didn't bother to check in on them and then when they were finally connected with a wider familial network, they were abandoned? He was supposed to know these things and he was supposed to prevent these things. Why hadn't he been able to?
He smiled at the offer of shoulders. "I don't think I'll need to cry," he promised, amused. "But I wouldn't say no to tea, and if you know any good PIs who could help us sort this out a little faster. . . . Even if Lorcan doesn't come back home, it would be nice to get some closure and have him sign over any documents that need signed over. If you want to tell him off while you're at it, that wouldn't be. Worst thing that ever happened," he added a little bitterly.
A big breath in and a big breath out. "Honestly, it helps a lot that you're checking in. I know part of it's your job, but I appreciate it anyway. I want you to know that this won't interfere with my work and I've made progress on catching up to where I'd normally be after the break since I didn't spend the holidays prepping as much as I normally do. I've been able to get the hours in and I think I'm in a good place for the start of term, so that's good."
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Killian Row
My brain mostly.
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Selina Skies
July 26, 2020 7:01 AM
Oh, try the tea charm for that by Selina Skies
"At least you feel prepared," Selina offered, when he said he was ready for a conversation with Bonnabelle but not sure it would come to that. It was curious that he thought his role made him well prepared for dealing with someone’s runaway father and terrible home life. She wondered how many of the students were forgetting that the word ‘guidance’ not ‘crisis’ was at the front of Killian’s title. She wondered whether he was forgetting it too… Now, however, did not seem the moment to bring that up. If he felt equipped to deal with the situation, that was a good thing. "You can't ever make someone want your help, but if you are prepared, in both senses of the word, to give it, I think that's what matters." And he was, it seemed, as she'd guessed, exactly the sort to go over his notes, to get himself organised as a way of feeling better. "Whether or not she goes to you, she has a family member here that she can go to. She has the choice of doing that, and having choices is always a good thing - especially when you keep losing them in other areas of your life."Tea was of more interest than tears. She had prepared the cup in her drawer in case she got the latter, because she didn't want to fuss around with inviting an elf in and having them see someone crying, and having to wait for them to come back... In case of non-emergency, she wondered how it read to simply slide a cup of tea out of her desk drawer. Either comical, or like she was keeping an eerily close eye on them all. Vaguely hoping it lent itself to the former, or at least to seeming friendly and well-prepared rather than creepy, she slid open the desk drawer.
"Tea is easy enough," she smiled, placing the cup on the desk. She cast a quick 'finite' so that the tea would actually start to cool down (and be spillable, but she figured Killian had drinking from a mug down reasonably well) and summoned a few iced cookies from her bottom drawer.
“As for PIs…” she considered it, “Not my area of expertise but if you’re serious about that-” she could see no reason why he wouldn’t be, it did seem to be the next available option - it was just equally something one might say in jest, “I can ask John, my husband. He’s an auror, mostly paper pushing since… for a while now, but he understands how these things work. He’d have a better handle too on what help you can try getting through MACU- well, through official channels as well as private ones. What have you tried already?” she asked.
“You’re welcome,” she smiled at him softly. So far, he was proving easier to look after than Tabitha. He had at least admitted he needed it, even if it just a little bit. He understood that checking in was her job, but he appreciated it - which she took to mean that he understood that regarding him as a person was part of her job too. Though he seemed very keen to stress the professional elements that were not falling apart.
“I am glad to hear that,” she said, though she stated it cautiously, “Though that doesn’t mean you can’t ever come and tell me the opposite either,” she assured him. “People tick along differently. I know sometimes having things, concrete things to do and less time to think can be what someone needs. I won’t force you to sit quietly and have time with your own thoughts that you don’t want. But you are allowed to need a break. I’d like to think you think you’re worth looking after in your own right, but if you find that hard, just remember that in a fire, you should always cast your own bubble charm first. Self-care is a selfless act.”
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Selina Skies
Oh, try the tea charm for that
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0
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Killian Row
July 27, 2020 11:04 PM
Ooh that sounds like a spell I'd like. by Killian Row
"I hope so," Killian replied, not sure he really believed that that's all that mattered, and not sure that having family around meant a good choice was around. It felt a bit like it would be worse this way somehow. He wasn't sure he wanted family around; how could he know what she wanted?Tea was presented . . . from a drawer? Selina clearly had some tricks up her sleeve that she needed to teach Killian. Drawer tea sounded like a thing he could get behind. Maybe they could market it? Is your life a mess? Get some tea from a desk! Killian thought he wasn't the only one who would be interested in such a scheme. He accepted the cup gratefully and took a big happy drink, feeling warmer already. She also presented treats! Oooh, this woman knew her staff well.
He was surprised that she seemed to be sincere about the use of a PI, at least in so far as it meant taking private measures to track Lorcan down. He considered her offer. "The problem," he began, lowering his tea back to the desk. He planned to begin speaking again, but he wasn't sure exactly how to, so he took advantage of the treats and nibbled the edge of a cookie. "The problem is that we don't know why he left. We don't know whether he lost his house and just fell in with a bad crowd, if he's drinking again, if he got in with the wrong people and got killed . . . it could be any number of things. And, obviously, magic means he could be anywhere in the world. He could even if he were a muggle, but it's easier this way. We tried visiting most of the pubs and bars near where we knew he was last and got a few leads to a different part of London, but nothing solid. There's so many people that it's hard to spot him. There were a few girls he'd been seeing for a while, apparently, but they said they hadn't seen him either. Whether they were telling the truth . . . but why would they lie?" He said the last almost more to himself. Why would they lie? It was a question he'd been asking himself repeatedly since his brother's disappearance, in part because he thought that people probably were lying. The odds of Lorcan just disappearing all on his own seemed unlikely, unless he'd stumbled drunk into the Thames one night. More likely, he'd gone somewhere or seen someone. But who? And why would anyone want to hide that? "We tried some of his previous employers too but he didn't work anywhere long enough to leave any real information, and there's no forwarding address on site with his previous landlord."
When Selina went on to emphasize his own importance in all this, he had the urge to go back on his insistence not to cry. In all truth, he wanted to curl up in a ball and cry a lot and maybe hug her. He wasn't sure whether she was really a big hugger. But he liked hugs a lot, more than almost anything, and she seemed like she'd be good at it. Killian did not, in his own opinion, get enough hugs in his life. They were the meat and potatoes of happiness in his book, followed neatly by warm bread, and then actual meat and potatoes.
"Thank you," he said, smiling and giving way to a little more of his exhaustion in the face of such kindness. "I think that . . . I feel very much as though I've failed him. Lorcan. And Bonabelle too. I feel better when I'm working because then I can see I'm not failing other people, but I can't be perfect and I can't fix it." He screwed up his face, almost puzzled. "I'm not used to not being able to fix something."
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Killian Row
Ooh that sounds like a spell I'd like.
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Selina Skies
July 28, 2020 7:29 AM
It might be more of a ritual? by Selina Skies
“That’s a problem with looking, not with taking the decision to look?” Selina clarified. She had asked whether he wanted to get into that process and he had begun his reply with ‘the problem is…’ - she had assumed some concern around making the actual attempt to look, the ethics of setting a whole department of aurors on Lorcan on somesuch - but it seemed more to be concern with how difficult a task it was. “How achievable the task is is something that someone else can apply their professional judgement to. Whether to seek that professional judgement is up to you.”Her brain spun with half formed questions. She’d been married to John for long enough to know some of the avenues that would get explored - missing person’s report, and the likelihood of whether Lorcan was being deliberately evasive or just… misplaced (it seemed Killian was likely to be unable to answer that, but it would probably need picking apart further). However, she only half knew how to do the job, and it didn’t seem worth putting him through her amateur questioning.
“John would know how to tackle it better than me, if you do want to go that route. I can, with your permission drop him a note, or if you want to save using me as your owl, you can just come over for dinner sometime - I try to pop home when I can, I can take you over and you can talk it through with him,” she offered.
The tea brought with it further feelings, and Selina was glad not to have tried going further into her problem solving questions, because she wasn’t fully convinced that Killian needed a manhunt right now, versus someone to just listen to and support him. Possibly a hug. She would very much have liked to go and scoop him into one, but refrained. He was, at least, capable of articulating exactly what was wrong, which put him streaks ahead of some people. And able to admit when he needed help. He was honestly proving a lot easier to look after than Tabitha in this regard, even if his problem might involve whipping a ministry deparment into action.
“I’ve never been fond of those either,” she sighed, regarding things that could not be fixed, “If it helps, and I know it probably doesn’t, I didn’t hire you because I thought you were perfect. If I ever meet anyone who thinks that about themselves, it tends to send me running in the opposite direction because that is a mark of delusional arrogance. No one’ s perfect. But I definitely think you’re good. At being a guidance counselor, and an uncle and a brother…” she reached a hand across the desk, placing it on his arm and giving it a gentle squeeze to underline both this and her next point, “And luckily, you’re not going to have to deal with any of the difficult bits on your own,” she assured him.
13
Selina Skies
It might be more of a ritual?
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Killian Row
July 28, 2020 11:10 PM
Sign me up. by Killian Row
"Maybe both," Killian finally decided, realising he'd maybe answered the question in his head more than the question he'd been asked. "I . . . it's hard for me to say yes, but I think that that would be very helpful," he admitted.He smiled when she asked him over for dinner sometime. It sounded sort of terrible to go sit and talk about his brother with a stranger who would go investigate him, but it did sound nice to get a dinner away with Selina and her husband. "Maybe both?" he suggested again, smirking a little. "I'd be happy to write him with some basic information and then talk it out more over dinner. That would be nice, if you're sure you don't mind my company," he said, wanting to make sure Selina was not feeling obligated to invite him. He doubted someone like Selina did much out of obligation to peers but hey, everyone was susceptible to such things, even really amazing, terrifying people who could conquer the world by dressing it down with a look.
He smiled at her reassurances. "It does help," he promised. She took his arm and it was the closest Killian had been to crying; he was pretty sure his own mother was older than Selina, but there was something kind and motherly and loving about such gentle contact and it made him want to just leak out of his stupid face. "I'm not sure about the brother part, but I am a great guidance counselor, you're right," he teased. Maybe humor was a coping mechanism, eh? That was probably fine. He scratched his head, figuring he ought to voice a thought because he was thinking about it and he'd been trying to be more transparent. "You don't happen to be a hugger, too, do you?" he asked, going for serious enough to be sincere and light enough to be clear that he was asking legitimate consent and wasn't going to break down crying if she said no. "Since we're on the topic of things that would make me feel better," he added with a chuckle, still amazed to be on that topic.
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Killian Row
Sign me up.
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Selina Skies
July 29, 2020 5:07 AM
Step one, strip off by Selina Skies
"Let's start with that then," Selina nodded, when he suggested she at least appraise John of a few of the facts first. It seemed like Killian was still making his mind up about whether he thought this whole thing was a reasonable course of action, and she was keen not to push too hard."I'm sure," she stated when he asked if she definitely wanted his company. She wasn't quite sure she would be getting the same cheerful Killian she'd kept company with at the Quidditch match, so she didn't cite this as evidence. She thought that a Killian on a mission might be something else, but she was happy to have him too. "So long as you're sure you can put up with us," she stated, forestalling any assurances with a little further explanation, "John is wonderful, and he can be the kindest, most patient person when he's family mode. When he's work mode though, he can be very... focused. You're bringing him a puzzle. You're telling him it's his job to solve it. He's caring, but how you feel about it won't be where his focus is."
On the subject of dealing with feelings, it seemed like there was still a bit of that to do. She smiled at him softly when he outright asked for a hug. Much, much easier than Tabitha, who looked like she would barely stay in that seat and let herself be given a cookie.
"Absolutely," she smiled, coming around to his side of the desk, "Naturally inclined, and it's a fairly essential life skill," she assured him, offering a well-placed set of arms for him to lean into, and a firm reassuring hug once he did so.
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Selina Skies
Step one, strip off
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Killian Row
July 29, 2020 9:26 PM
Come again? by Killian Row
Killian let out a small sigh of relief, glad that he didn't have to decide anything exactly right now. It would be easier to decide outright when he had a little bit more information from John about how well he thought it would work anyway. He knew he should probably write to his parents first, or maybe warn Bonny, but he wasn't sure he wanted to. What if John uncovered something horrific? What if Lorcan had passed away? What if whatever Lorcan was doing was his own stupid fault and it was best to just leave him in his own dog house to figure it out, leaving Killian to lie about what he knew? There were absolutely problems that would come of this, but there were problems either way. What if he didn't take the man up on it and never found out what happened? How long would it take him to escape that guilt?Selina's description of her husband was perfect, as it was something Killian could relate to. He suspected Selina could as well, although both of their work sort of centered around the feelings of the puzzles they were solving, so it was a bit different. "He sounds like a good man," Killian said. He'd always thought it was the absolute cutest thing ever when any of the members of a relationship spoke so positively about others in it. So stinkin' cute.
The hug was accepted! Oooh this was gonna be awesome. He stood up and accepted the embrace with a grin, although it only lasted a moment. There was that stupid urge to cry again. He wasn't sure how long it was socially acceptable to hug someone when (1) they were your boss (2) they were also maybe your friend (3) they were of a different gender (4) they were trying to make you feel better (5) you really needed it (6) ... probably more stuff. There were things in favor of and against a long hug, so he tried to only stay as long as he needed. But that could have been a long time, so he cut it short and leaned back with a sniffle, wiping his cheek with the heel of his hand to catch the one stray tear that had managed to get its way out.
"Sorry about that," he said automatically, channeling his upbringing in his moment of weakness, even if he didn't agree with it. "You give great hugs though," he said with a light smirk and grateful eyes.
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Killian Row
Come again?
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