I wonder if this plate would make a comfortable pillow... (tag Mary) on Cascade Hall

Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne

March 26, 2020 1:36 PM

I wonder if this plate would make a comfortable pillow... (tag Mary) by Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne

Tabitha was late to dinner. She hadn't meant to me. After her lessons for the day had finished, she had intended to finish grading a stack of homework she had been steadily making her way through over the course of the day but somewhere along the way, she had fallen asleep. When she'd woken up, it had only felt like ten minutes had passed but the setting sun outside had informed her that that was, unfortunately, not the case. She had rushed to her private quarters to splash cold water on her face (as well as scrub off an ink stain on one of her cheeks) and ran a quick brush through her knotted hair in an attempt to make herself look more presentable.

Cascade Hall was noisy with chatter as Tabitha entered and she hurried quickly to the staff table and took her seat next to her wife, pressing a quick kiss to Mary's cheek before sighing and throwing her head back. "I'm sorry I'm late, Mary. I... fell behind in grading."

It wasn't technically a lie. It also wasn't quite the truth either. Tabitha had never fallen asleep at her desk before and, even though nobody had caught her in that state (as far as she was aware. After all, she had been asleep, how was she to know?), the Defence professor was rather embarrassed.

"How was your day?" Tabitha asked her wife, in an attempt to take the attention off her.

20 Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne I wonder if this plate would make a comfortable pillow... (tag Mary) 1417 1 5

Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

March 26, 2020 2:41 PM

You know that we have an actual bed, right? by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

This year was Mary's hardest since starting at Sonora. Things were not going badly between her and Tabitha, but they weren't doing well either. She thought that that was mostly because of Tabitha's reservedness but she wasn't exactly sure and she hated to blame her wife without also acknowledging that she must have been playing some part in it. She wondered sometimes what Dorian would say or what she would say to Dorian if he and whomever were in the same situation she was in. She wasn't sure that was a helpful exercise though, because Mary didn't have anyone to make hot chocolate for her if Tabitha wasn't.

Today, Tabitha was late for dinner. That wasn't necessarily unusual, but it wasn't everyday either. It was also terribly worrisome. Tabitha was the responsible one. She was the one with her feet on the ground. What was Mary supposed to do if that wasn't the case? She wanted to be able to be the rock for Tabitha, but that wasn't exactly her strength. She was the whimsical one, and the one who made time for them to get massages and stop by fancy shops over the breaks instead of just roughing it. She was the one who thought of goodnight kisses and flowers. Tabitha did those things, too, but she was the responsible one. Now she wasn't managing her time very well, and that worried Mary.

She did her best to brush those thoughts aside as Tabitha offered her a sweet kiss on the cheek. It was still so odd for her to do such things where students and other staff could see. It wasn't exactly a secret, and it certainly wasn't anymore if it ever had been, but it was still so . . . well, she hadn't really expected anyone to ever want to show her off and that's exactly what it felt like. Also, Tabitha was real cute, and Mary felt like she was the one who had something to show off.

"Hi, beautiful," Mary said with a sympathetic smile as Tabitha took her seat. "It happens to the best of us," she added to Tabitha's excuse. It didn't sit exactly right with her somehow, but she wasn't sure pushing it was ever the best idea, let alone during dinner. She automatically started passing some of Tabitha's favorite foods within reach for her. "My day was alright. I've been working on wolfsbane and I think this batch is almost done, so that's exciting. How about yours?"

22 Mary Brooding-Hawthorne You know that we have an actual bed, right? 1424 0 5

Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne

March 26, 2020 6:50 PM

I think I've forgotten what it looks like. by Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne

Tabitha reached for the pot of tea before any of the food, deciding that a hot cup would revitalise her and wake her up a bit, if only long enough to sit through the rest of dinner. She also wasn't particularly very hungry despite the delicious spread in front of her but nonetheless, she placed a couple of sausages and a scoop of mash onto her plate though made no movement towards her cutlery, opting for drinking over eating.

She was glad when Mary followed the change in subject and relieved that the conversation wasn't difficult or too taxing on the mind. Thinking was rather difficult at the moment.

"Wolfsbane..." she repeated, before taking a sip of her tea, the liquid was nice and hot as it ran down her throat. "If there's enough, may I have a bottle? I'm planning a class on werewolves and lycanthropy and having a bottle would be helpful."

She reminded herself that she should probably get to work on writing that particular lesson plan. Perhaps after dinner... Although, there was another stack of homework to grade. She rubbed a hand over her face, holding in a groan before letting her hand fall and take Mary's, their joined hands hidden underneath the table. The warmth of Mary's hand was always a comfort to Tabitha and she felt like she needed comfort more than usual at the moment.

"Rather taxing," Tabitha let herself admit, describing her day. "I'm teaching a lot of theory at the moment which makes the lectures long and involves more reasearch beforehand. Not many wand pointing and flicking lessons these days."

She didn't admit that the decision for theory over practical was because she had become somewhat clumsy with her own wandwork. She couldn't admit that, just like she couldn't admit how tired she was. After all, Mary was the same age and she was in perfect health and condition and her wandwork was impeccable. Tabitha wanted and needed to be a good wife to Mary, to be strong and steady. Weakness was definitely something that Tabitha couldn't afford to show.

20 Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne I think I've forgotten what it looks like. 1417 0 5

Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

March 26, 2020 7:02 PM

I've nearly forgotten what you look like when you're in it. by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

Tea with dinner. Or, more accurately, tea for dinner. That was not a good sign.

"There's enough," Mary promised. "If you'd like, I can give you some of my notes on it, and on lycanthropy. I know you have your own, but if it might make things easier . . . just let me know if I can help."

Mary did not expect Tabitha to take her up on the offer because Tabitha never did. Tabitha wouldn't let anyone help her most of the time, including herself; she seemed to rarely do anything that was just for her own good. Mary thought again of trying to point out that running herself into the ground was not only hurting her, but also hurting Mary, and hurting Tabitha's students.

Holding hands made Mary remember why this was all worth it. When she thought of her life twenty years from now, she clearly saw Tabitha by her side. There was simply no other way to live life. And twenty years from now, Tabitha would not have run herself into the ground. Or if she had, she would have recovered. These things were temporary, and Mary's love of her wife was not. Sometimes, she hated how much she needed those reminders.

"Are you able to use your lessons from previous years?" Mary asked, furrowing her brow. "You shouldn't have to be doing all new research every single time." She bit back the rest of whatever she was going to say, aware that she was certainly not helping by telling Tabitha what to do. Besides, they had different approaches. She couldn't possibly know what to say. Right? She offered a small smile and a playfully raised eyebrow. "Wand pointing and flicking is your favorite part," she teased. "Well, that and camping. We should go again soon. Maybe one weekend? Or maybe just as soon as the term ends?"

22 Mary Brooding-Hawthorne I've nearly forgotten what you look like when you're in it. 1424 0 5

Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne

March 27, 2020 4:35 AM

It would be nice to be in it now. by Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne

The tea and Mary's hand holding her own were of equal comfort to Tabitha. She felt a little more like herself, a little less tense, a little less strained. For that moment,, the stress of lesson planning, homework grading and all the responsibilities that she had melted away. In that moment, she was just Tabitha having dinner with her wife and she appreciated the simplicity of it. Everything always seemed so complicated these days and troubling. It was nice to sit with a cup of tea and Mary's hand in her own. Such a thing had become less frequent in recent times and Tabitha felt bad that she'd let such a thing slip.

"Just the wolfsbane would be perfect," Tabitha told Mary. She shouldn't need Mary's notes for her lessons. That seemed somewhat like cheating. "I do use a lot of previous lesson notes but I also like to keep up to date with current events so I always do some sort of research."

Tabitha liked to think she was thorough in her work, dilligent in her fact-finding and prided herself on being modern and in the know about current affairs - particularly when it came to creatures.

A slight smirk pulled at the corner of Tabitha's lips as Mary lightly teased her but she said nothing. Mary wasn't wrong. While Tabitha liked to understand theory and work out how far you could go with magic, she always believed that theories had to be tested which meant using wands. To find out whether something worked or not was always Tabitha's favourite part. She liked to be experimental. However, she didn't particularly trust herself with a wand at the moment. She'd more likely take someone's eye out rather than cast anything well.

"I would like to see if I could find a Snallygaster," she muttered thoughtfully at Mary's suggestion of camping. "Darius believes that I won't be able to find one but he also said I couldn't find the Loch Ness Monster and yet, I did," pride and a smug tone crept into Tabitha's voice. She was always happy when she was on the winning side of her and Darius's lifelong rivalry. "Perhaps later in the year, however. Too much to do at the moment."

20 Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne It would be nice to be in it now. 1417 0 5

Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

March 29, 2020 5:22 PM

I'll be there tonight if you want. by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

Mary nodded understandingly, quashing the frustration and sadness in her chest. Why wouldn't Tabitha just accept help? Why couldn't they just be a team? She felt like they were butting heads from beside each other, always surprised by what the other was doing when each of them were looking ahead and not at the other. Maybe it would be easier if they were butting rams, at least then Mary could jump up and grab Tabitha by the horns. Look at me, she would shout. You don't have to do this alone. But that was not an option. Tabitha was not a ram and Mary was not a tamer. There was nothing to tame, except her own frustration, so that's what she set her mind to do.

It was harder when a smirk and agreement on Tabitha's part made Mary's chest flutter with hope. They would really get to go. They would do something. They would make everything a little easier. They would find a snallygaster. Mary thought that it made sense Tabitha would want to find what was essentially a tiny dragon thing, and maybe everything was going to be normal again.

But alas, that wasn't to be. Because there was too much to do at the moment. "Every moment has too much to do," Mary reminded her a little stiffly. "All we can do is make time for the things we really want to do. There's nothing wrong with that."

She sighed and took another bite from her plate, not looking at what she was eating although she used it as an excuse to look away for a moment. "I'm sorry," Mary said quietly. "I just miss you."

22 Mary Brooding-Hawthorne I'll be there tonight if you want. 1424 0 5

Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne

March 30, 2020 4:19 AM

I'd like that. by Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne

Tabitha poked at the mash potato on her plate before resigning herself to the fact that she would have to eat, even if she didn't feel massively hungry. Her body needed energy to burn, energy that could only be gotten from food. She might not want it but Tabitha wasn't stupid. She knew that she needed it. She sighed heavily, taking one more sip of tea before forcing herself to eat.

She paused at Mary not sounding like Mary. Her wife's voice was normally kind and caring, towards her at least and yet, Tabitha could hear the stiffness and was that... was that irritation? She'd not really been on the end of Mary's irritation before. There were little things she did that annoyed Mary at times, she knew that but the irritation always held a playful or loving note in it but this voice of Mary's now was devoid of that.

Tabitha didn't know what to say or what to do, not in this situation where she had caused this frustration. She looked up and out across the hall, looking at all the students eating dinner, oblivious that two of their teachers were not in a good place right now. Perhaps she had been rather frustrating, she considered. In a bid to prove that she was still capable, she was only suffering. That was okay, to Tabitha. What wasn't okay and what she hadn't thought was that Mary was suffering too. Had she really become that bad?

"Mary..." Tabitha started quietly but trailed off, unsure where to begin or what to say. How could she explain to her what was going on inside her head? How could she disappoint her too by letting her in on the knowledge that Tabitha was struggling? That Mary's normally strong, resilient wife was weak?

"No apology necessary," Tabitha murmured, taking Mary's hand and rubbing circles into the back of it. "I miss you too."

She paused for a moment, thoughtful. She couldn't admit how weak she was feeling, how much she was struggling but maybe... Maybe she could admit she was tired.

"Do you have any sleeping draught already made?" she asked, a hesitant note in her voice but her eyes were pleading. "I'm so tired."

20 Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne I'd like that. 1417 0 5

Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

March 30, 2020 1:01 PM

Whelp, probably do that then. by Mary Brooding-Hawthorne

Tabitha missed her.

This was not the place to get into the various threads of conversation that erupted in Mary's mind, and she was actually staggered by the force of them. What was wrong with her? She was a loving, doting, caring woman who adored her wife to the moon and back. Why was she suddenly finding it so hard to just be cordial with her? Part of it, she knew, was helplessness. She didn't know what was wrong and Tabitha didn't seem inclined to say, so there was a wall between them. That made Mary feel like she could do nothing to improve a crappy situation and that was outside of her usual experience, let alone her comfort zone.

Mary felt torn. On one hand, she completely blamed herself for whatever she was doing - probably things like this - that made her seem so unapproachable that Tabitha didn't feel like she could share her struggles with Mary. On the other hand, she blamed Tabitha for making things more difficult than they needed to be. If Tabitha missed her, why not just fix it then? She was the one deciding to make their live-in relationship a long-distance one, and if she missed her, then she should fix it. But that wasn't fair, and, hands aside, Mary felt sick to her stomach.

When Tabitha replied to her apology, her voice was small and weak. Like a kitten instead of the roaring tabby cat she normally was. Mary wasn't used to hearing her that way and she looked up with concerned eyes; whatever their disagreement, Mary's priority was always Tabitha's health and wellbeing. Tabitha wasn't normally one to ask for potions of any sort, let alone vaguely medicinal ones. It was an area that Tabitha was proficient in herself, if not as proficient as Mary, and one that was sticky in the best of times. But Tabitha was asking for help, and that was its own sort of alarming. Plus, it wasn't as if Mary hadn't made sleeping drafts for other folks before in their times of need.

Her eyes were molten and sad and Mary nodded, her lips pressed together to keep her feelings from coming out through her mouth, either in the form of words or whatever was left of her lunch. "Yes, I do," she replied when she had found her voice again. Mary always had sleeping draft ready because it was a staple example potion for her classes and because it was one of the few vaguely medicinal potions that could actually be used with minimal side effects when done correctly. Not that everyone used it correctly all the time, which was why it was also tightly kept under lock and charm in her office. "I'll get some for you after dinner," she promised. "But Tabitha . . . promise me that you'll rest. Not just when you're in a potion-induced sleep." She put her hand up, already anticipating a rebuttal. "But really rest. You can't keep doing this to yourself." Or to us. Or to your students. But Mary wasn't going to say that right now because there was a good chance, she realized, that Tabitha already cared about everyone else and it really was just herself that she was brushing off. "I'll make all your papers invisible until you stay in bed with some soup and your wife for an evening," Mary teased, hoping to lighten the mood.

22 Mary Brooding-Hawthorne Whelp, probably do that then. 1424 0 5

Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne

March 31, 2020 4:29 AM

Yes, ma'am! by Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne

Tabitha felt awful and it wasn't just down to any one thing. She was tired, exhausted really which made all over her body parts feel heavy and it felt like a fight to try and stay awake or do anything like walk or eat. Tabitha wasn't one to shy away from any kind of fight but she knew that she couldn't battle against her own body. She would lose, in the end. That feeling, combined with the realisation and the horror that she had been hurting Mary - unintentionally but still doing it nonetheless - made Tabitha feel like she had been punched in the stomach. Regardless of everything she'd been doing, from the extra work to sleeping less, she had never wanted to hurt Mary. Why would she? She loved her wife more than anything and the very last thing Tabitha wanted to do was cause the wonderful woman sitting next to her any pain at all.

Tabitha wanted to kick herself. She was supposed to be strong, powerful and the protector. The word 'defence' was literally in her job title and she was doing a poor job of living up to that title. What was she really teaching her students at the moment? Was she teaching them about the darker creatures and spells in their world or was she teaching them what happens when their teacher doesn't get enough sleep? She was supposed to be the example of survival, a fountain of knowledge on all those nasty things out there but Tabitha was pretty sure that a Pygmy Puff would be able to succesfully take her down in her current state.

Sleep was the first place to start.

"Thank you, Mary," she responded when Mary said she'd give her the sleeping draught. Some potion-induced sleep would help, she was sure. Then she could start getting better. Tabitha opened her mouth to argue that the sleeping draught would help to rest but apparently, that wasn't good enough for Mary. Tabitha felt like a small child being scolded and frowned a little, momentarily unhappy. She knew, however, that Mary's instructions were coming from a place of love and care and Tabitha wanted to make her happy so she nodded, resigned to the fact that her wife had essentially put her on bed rest.

Then, she heard the promise of soup and Mary being with her and Tabitha managed a smirk. Bed rest would be a lot more interesting with the promise of a beautiful woman with her too and that beautiful woman was Mary. "You sure know how to talk me into something, Mary,"

20 Tabitha Brooding-Hawthorne Yes, ma'am! 1417 0 5