Intermediates - Chessmen Don't Poop on Transfiguration

Selina Skies

February 29, 2020 4:55 AM

Intermediates - Chessmen Don't Poop by Selina Skies

“Good morning class,” Professor Skies greeted her intermediate class, her face a touch more serious than usual. This was nothing to do with their behaviour so far, nor a real reflection of her mood, but more to do with the fact that today’s class topic - whilst decidedly interesting - contained several words that were liable to set teenagers off into fits of giggles or awkward shuffling.

“Today, we are going to be considering the properties that make something ‘alive’ in order to feed further into your theory papers about animate transfigurations. Whilst living things are diverse, ranging from bacteria to buffalo, there are seven characteristics which all living things share. These can be remembered with the acronym ‘MRS GREN.’

“These stand for… Movement,” the chalk flitted across the board, making notes as she spoke, “All living things move. Some of those may be slow or hard to see. For example, in plants, they may turn their leaves towards the sun, or their flowers may open and close. These aren’t sudden movements that you’ll see, but they exist nonetheless.

“R is for respiration. Respiration has two different definitions. Physically, in us, and in most animals, it’s breathing. But respiration also happens at the level of cells inside your body - it’s about the process by which your body breaks down foods into useful energy.

“S is for sensitivity. All living things have responses to their environment. These might be big, obvious responses, like jerking away from something that is hot or causes pain, or more subtle responses like the roots of a plant growing towards water.

“G is for growth. Living things get bigger. The second R is for reproduction - all living things make copies of themselves, most of them by having babies. E is for excretion - living things need to get rid of waste products. Animals, including humans, pee and poop,” she stated bluntly, having decided that the plain English approach adopted for the benefit of the non-native speakers really had to apply to all subjects, and that was the clearest way of putting that. If the subject itself, hot on the heels of the word ‘reproduction’ hadn’t undone them, she was sure that hearing their very serious teacher say ‘pee and poop’ would. She pressed on. “And plants release unnecessary by-products through their leaves. The final N is for nutrition. Living things need to take on nutrients, for example eating food, in order to survive.

“All very fascinating to you, I’m sure. But why learn about it in Transfiguration? Well, in order to have the debate over whether Transfigured things are ‘alive’ we need an agreed definition of what that means, otherwise we’re not discussing the same thing. Is there anything anyone can spot that’s missing from the list, that they think of as a ‘living’ behaviour, or that is commonly discussed as an example of ‘living’ transfiguration?” she asked, taking a few answers.

“Good,” she smiled, when someone gave a close enough example for her to use as a springboard. “Chessmen and paintings both have a rudimentary ability to converse - and appear to have sentience, opinions, or some close illusion of them. Now, if we look at our list of characteristics that make up a ‘living thing,’ it’s obvious that chessmen fall short on several counts,” she decided not to point out the lack of bathrooms in chess boxes, or the fact that you didn’t end up with a travel sized set however much time you left in the boxes with their lids closed. They could hopefully identify the relevant characteristics themselves. “However, they have this apparent ability to think. In this debate, it’s therefore important that we divide up characteristics that make something biologically alive, and characteristics which are human-like.

“At the ends of each row are some papers and articles for you to examine. The simplest ones are on the front, and the more complex ones at the back - in terms of ideas,” they were all written in grade level language, “You can pick a paper from any pile. At the most basic level, you should be able to remember the characteristics of living things, and cite examples of characteristics outside this. Some of these papers deal with debunking the myths that certain obvious examples like chess pieces are truly alive based on these criteria. As you work your way back, you’ll find papers arguing both sides for some of the characteristics that it’s harder to observe - we can all see if a transfigured tortoise moves, but how do you test whether it respires? Pair up and discuss your papers. First of all, what does your paper say? Secondly, do you agree or disagree? Some of the papers have hard and fast experiments, whilst others offer a more philosophical viewpoint - arguing that this is not the most efficient measure of magic, for example. The majority of these have full paper versions in Transfiguration journals, and if anyone is interested to read the full versions, please come and ask me.

“At the end of this lesson, you should be able to turn in a one paragraph answer supporting either the statement ‘Transfigured things are or are not alive’ based on the paper you read. This will form a starting point for a longer essay later in the term.”

OOC - Welcome to transfiguration. Posts should be 200 words minimum and will be based on length, relevance, realism and creativity. To try to keep class accessible, I will try to find and share relevant resources as to what types of articles students might encounter. Of course, those who like research are welcome and encouraged to do their own.

Subthreads:

I can't wait to get out of here. by Malikhi Hill with Johana Leonie Zauberhexen

13 Selina Skies Intermediates - Chessmen Don't Poop 26 1 5

Malikhi Hill

March 27, 2020 1:56 PM

I can't wait to get out of here. by Malikhi Hill

Malikhi was in his fourth year at Sonora and to anybody that didn't know him, it would perhaps look like little had changed for the boy. Of course, nobody really knew him. Malikhi refused to let anybody get too close to recognise the difference between his real laugh or a forced one. He had come to the conclusion some time ago that there was little point when they were all going to leave Sonora eventually, all going to go their separate ways. He and Evelyn, for example, had already done so. In their first year, they had been close and had each other's backs. Then things had happened (Malikhi didn't like to be too specific on that one, even in his own thoughts) and now they barely exchanged more than awkward pleasantries in their common room or at dinner.

He was no longer on the school's Quidditch team, having long since lost interest in the sport. He still had his broom and still enjoyed to fly but being on the team was no longer on the list of things that he wanted to do. In truth, his existence at Sonora had become pretty unremarkable and average, in every way. Malikhi liked it that way. He liked being unremarkable, something that four years ago would've seemed absurd. He used to like making a statement, standing out. Now, he preferred to blend in.

One thing that hadn't changed, however, was that he found Transfiguration still completely boring. He was barely scraping a pass in Professor Skies' class and there seemed to be little hope of that improving. He just found it too complicated, with too much theory, too much thinking. He preferred Defence Against the Dark Arts and Charms. They didn't seem to be as theory-heavy and he was much better at performing the spells in those classes than he was in Transfiguration. Very little that he did in Professor Skies' class was in any way successful.

So, as Professor Skies was lecturing, he preferred to spend his time idly doodling on his parchment, trying to look as if he was just taking notes. He did, at one point, catch the words 'pee' and 'poop' and there was still a streak of childishness in him that caused him to have to stifle a snigger, and he kept his eyes firmly fixed on his drawings, his long unruly blond hair keeping his face hidden. Despite his non-interest in his teacher's lecture, he still obediently picked a paper from one of the piles at the end of the table, though he hardly spared a glance at it. He couldn't care less about their lesson if he tried.

He glanced across at the student next to him. He wouldn't mind a conversation, he supposed. "So, do you understand any of this?"

20 Malikhi Hill I can't wait to get out of here. 1423 0 5

Johana Leonie Zauberhexen

March 27, 2020 2:19 PM

How do you get "out"? by Johana Leonie Zauberhexen

Johana Leonie rather enjoyed Transfiguration on the whole. She could make pretty things in Transfiguration and she could make things look a little better than they would otherwise. It was encouraging because she was generally trying to do the same thing for herself. She was constantly trying to make herself seem a little more American, but there didn't yet seem to be a Transfiguration spell that would get rid of her heavy German accent. She'd been trying to transform herself into something nice and pretty but Friederike Albert seemed to think she already was and was absolutely zero help in actually making it happen.

Today's lesson was the sort that made her think maybe Transfiguration wasn't for Johana Leonie after all. For one, it was very complicated and she couldn't get through her German-English dictionary fast enough to understand everything that was happening. More than that, this seemed like a weirdly heavy topic to be talking about bathroom functions in. Those weren't the sort of things that Johana Leonie was squeamish about - she had cleaned enough bedpans to be pretty comfortable with such things - but they were the sort of things that she didn't find funny so much as necessary at best and sad at worst. Maybe that said more about her experiences than the . . . materials.

When the lecture was over, Johana Leonie stifled a sigh. She was pretty sure that this wasn't going to go well since she didn't understand a large part of what was being talked about. Luckily, the student beside her turned to her and maybe didn't seem to understand much either? She knew he was the year older than she was and she knew he didn't talk much, but she didn't know whether he didn't understand because he didn't want to or because he also didn't know English too well.

She shook her head in response and grimaced. He was really pretty cute. It would have been nice if she'd had a better answer than 'no.' "Es ist schnell," she murmured to herself before finding the words in English. "She talk sehr fast. Many hard words." She pointed to her notes and scooted them a little closer to the boy. "What is 'rudimentary'? And 'reproduction'?"

22 Johana Leonie Zauberhexen How do you get "out"? 1432 0 5

Malikhi Hill

March 27, 2020 2:42 PM

Usually through a door. Transfiguration may call for death. by Malikhi Hill

Malikhi couldn't help but let a slight frown cross his features as he listened to the girl's reply, she was definitely not English. He wasn't particularly very good at pinpointing where somebody came from, he'd have to punt that she was from Germany. Or somewhere like that. Was there another country like Germany that had a similar sounding accent? Wasn't there some country that began with a 'D'? Den-land or something? Malikhi wasn't sure. He, admittedly, hadn't gone anywhere that didn't speak English. The wider world was not known to him.

The good news was that she didn't seem to understand much of the lesson either which Malikhi was selfishly pleased about. Though, she had the advantage of English not being her first language and also being a year below him (he was sure of that, at least). He just didn't seem to be clever enough to understand the lecture, even though the language that it had been spoken in was his native one. Malikhi didn't consider himself particularly stupid. He just didn't do theory or book-learning very well.

Oh, dear. She was asking him questions. She had pushed her paper towards him and was pointing at a couple of the words she'd written - he noted that she had very neat handwriting, much prettier and tidier than his chicken scrawl. He blinked and decided to pay more attention. He might have become a bit of a recluse over the years but Malikhi wasn't unhelpful.

"Um, I'm not sure about 'rudimentary'," he apologised. He didn't do big words. If he'd had to guess, perhaps it was something to do with rudeness? He hadn't really been listening to Professor Skies' lecture but she had been talking about business that was best done in the bathroom so it didn't seem out of place for there to be a remark about rudeness. 'Reproduction', however, he did know.

"Uh," his face flushed a light pink. This was embarrassing to explain. "Reproduction is... the process of making babies."

He turned his eyes away, trying to cool the heat in his cheeks before deciding that if they were going to talk about such things, they should probably know each other's names. "I'm Malikhi Hill," he introduced himself. "What's your name?"

20 Malikhi Hill Usually through a door. Transfiguration may call for death. 1423 0 5

Johana Leonie Zauberhexen

March 27, 2020 2:59 PM

Nein! by Johana Leonie Zauberhexen

Johana Leonie wasn't sure what to think of the fact that this boy also didn't know 'rudimentary'. It was a little comforting but also why the heck was Professor Skies using words that even native English speakers didn't know? Maybe he just hadn't been paying attention. But that was pretty okay. It meant they could work together and be a little bit more in the same place. Johana Leonie had been paying attention, and this boy knew English. Finally, she could also help her class partner.

He looked embarrassed about defining reproduction which made Johana Leonie blush, too. She had to stifle a giggle. Again, these sorts of things didn't seem embarrassing to her. However, him being embarrassed was pretty funny and she sort of felt embarrassed for him. At the same time, what the heck was up with this word?

She made a note on her paper next to the word. "Why say not just that?" she grumbled. "Thank you for helping me." That, at least, was a phrase she knew well.

When she looked up again, the boy - Malikhi - introduced himself. Johana Leonie was pretty sure she had heard his name before but definitely didn't know him well. "I am Johana Leonie Zauberhexen," she said, noting that he introduced himself with his last name. Her own name was a mouthful though, and she knew she said it with an accent that most people couldn't quite pull off here. "Johana Leonie," she clarified, smiling. "Mein Bruder calls me 'Hana' though." It wasn't a nickname anyone else ever used with her, but she thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad if others did.

She'd noticed that people here seemed to have shorter names than she and her family did. Although, Heinrich and Hilda and Hans had shorter names, if not still thematic names, so maybe it was a Zauberhexen thing more than a German thing. "Malikhi?" she repeated, making it a question to make sure she pronounced it correctly. She smiled brightly at him. "It is a good thing to meet you."

22 Johana Leonie Zauberhexen Nein! 1432 0 5

Malikhi Hill

March 27, 2020 5:08 PM

Nine? It comes after eight. by Malikhi Hill

Malikhi heard her grumble and snorted quietly in amusement. He agreed with her. It felt like teachers deliberately used big words and said things in a much more complicated way than was strictly necessary, all just to show off. Theory work was complicated enough without the problems of having to decipher words that Malikhi wouldn't particularly know, or even care to know. Malikhi felt some sympathy towards Johana. It must be hard and annoying to always have to flick through a dictionary every time a word cropped up that she didn't know.

"You're welcome," he responded, feeling a small amount of pride that he was able to help in some way.

Her name sounded like a rather long mouthful and Malikhi pretty much forgot everything after Johana and felt even more relief that she did have a nickname. "Would it be alright if I called you 'Hana'?" he asked her. He didn't know who 'Bruder' was but hoped it wasn't somebody that had exclusive rights over the shortened version of her name. It was much easier to remember and much simpler to get his tongue around.

"That's right," he nodded at her pronunciation of his name. "If you'd rather, you can call me 'Kai' though," he suggested. He knew his name probably wasn't the easiest to pronounce either but he hadn't heard the nickname in some time. He remembered that Evelyn would use it frequently and then quickly dismissed that thought. He and Evelyn didn't seem to be friends anymore. He was probably just 'Malikhi' to her now.

"Do you like being here at Sonora?"

It was a bit of a daft question, Malikhi thought afterwards. After all, she had been here three years and it was probably a question better served directed at a first year rather than a third but Malikhi didn't particularly want to talk Transfiguration and he didn't know a different direction to proceed in.

20 Malikhi Hill Nine? It comes after eight. 1423 0 5

Johana Leonie Zauberhexen

March 27, 2020 8:13 PM

Nicht "nine," nein! by Johana Leonie Zauberhexen

He asked if he could call her Hana. That was so sweet. She had offered it up as an option thought that that was probably permission enough, but he still asked because he wanted to be sure. That was so sweet!

Johana Leonie nodded, still smiling, happy to have a nickname to someone other than just her brother. Although she did wonder what Friederike Albert would think if he heard someone else call her that. That was fine. He wouldn't mind.

"Kai," she repeated. "That is a good Name," she said, slipping into her native pronunciation of the word that looked identical between the two languages anyway. She'd never known anyone that she called a nickname she didn't think. She knew Friederike Albert preferred Freddie, so using his full name was sort of a nickname but that was different. Names were such a funny thing. When her parents said her name, it sounded like it was a synonym for something sweet and loving. When Friederike Albert said her name, it sounded more like a title to describe her role in his life. When others said her name, it could vary between just a label and something much sweeter than that. She liked it when people said her name right, but that didn't happen as often as she might have preferred. A shorter name was much harder to get wrong, and it felt safe just because it was small. Like a whisper of a name. She liked to think that she got to use people's whisper names too.

She had to think a moment to decide how to answer his question, in part because she wanted to make sure she gave an accurate answer and in part because she wasn't sure she knew all the words she wanted to say for it. "Sonora is nice," she said slowly. "There are many people. Home is small. Small . . . " She opened her dictionary and flipped through it quickly. "Small village. Not many people. Sonora is nice and people are nice." She smiled a little more softly at him, quietly thanking him for being one of those nice people. "Do you like being here at Sonora?" she asked, borrowing his phrasing.

22 Johana Leonie Zauberhexen Nicht "nine," nein! 1432 0 5

Malikhi Hill

March 28, 2020 2:31 PM

999, what's your emergency? by Malikhi Hill

Malikhi allowed himself to smile, happy that Johana had consented to being called 'Hana'. It felt a little bit like he was starting to make a new friend. He wasn't sure what to make of it but it was nice to have somebody to talk to. He spent a lot of time with his own thought these days so it was nice that somebody was taking an interest in him. It was nice to be 'Kai' again, not just Malikhi the fourth year.

He didn't know what she meant by the fact that his nickname was a good one. What made a 'good name'? The way it sounded? How long it was? How it was spelt? How did a person work out whether their name 'suited' them? What was the criteria for working that out? Malikhi wondered if there was some kind of tick-box list that everybody just knew. He considered his own name. Given that it was his and that it always had been from the day he'd been born, something that had always been in his possession, he'd never really given it much thought. Ma-lik-hi. He, personally, liked his name. He hadn't met anybody else that had his name which was nice. He felt special that he was the only person with the name. He also couldn't imagine being called anything else which he supposed was another indication that his name suited him.

He listened to her response to his question. If she thought it a silly or odd question, she neither commented on it or gave any indication that she thought so which he appreciated. Malikhi was aware that he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer and preferred it when people didn't say anything about a daft question he'd asked.

Of course, the problem with questions in the 'getting-to-know-eachother' phase of meeting a new person was that they were a two-way street. Both parties had to answer the question and not doing so had the potential to flag up suspicion and even further questions.

Malikhi liked Sonora. He did. It was a magical place, both literally and metaphorically. He didn't regret attending the school but he had to admit that it wasn't the perfect place that it used to be in his first year. The death of his father had changed him - because how could it not? - and caused him to become more withdrawn and as a result he'd lost a lot. He was friendly with everybody but he didn't consider anybody a true friend - not anymore. Not since Evelyn.

"I like it," he told her in the end and it wasn't a lie. "And yes, the people here are nice," he agreed, and struggled to find more to say. He'd essentially copied her answer. "I think the food here is possibly my favourite thing," he joked in the end. "But I could live without Transfiguration lessons."

20 Malikhi Hill 999, what's your emergency? 1423 0 5

Johana Leonie Zauberhexen

March 29, 2020 5:08 PM

112 or 110 you mean? by Johana Leonie Zauberhexen

It struck Johana Leonie that she'd been in class with Kai all year, as well as all of her first year, and she was pretty sure she'd never seen him smile before. Not really. Maybe a few times, but he never looked as sincerely happy as he did now. Johana Leonie felt warm.

It was nice that he sort of repeated what she had said because it confirmed that she had made sense and that her words had been more or less the right way 'round. That was helpful. Had he done that on purpose? It seemed unlikely because he wouldn't have known she'd benefit from that. Still, his accent was different than most of the people at school and she found herself leaning a little closer, focusing a little harder, just to make sure she caught every word.

"Food!" She grinned, nodding excitedly. "Das Essen meiner Familie ist besser. You must try deutsche food made by home. Food on Sonora ist good but food on my home is very better. You must try!"

Immediately, Johana Leonie began thinking of what sorts of things were mailable. She'd write to her mother right away to ask for items from home. It wouldn't be nearly the same as actually going and eating there but she didn't know this boy well enough to invite him over for dinner in Germany just yet. Which brought them back to the present, and to the Transfiguration lesson Kai could have done without.

Johana Leonie turned to reach for the papers at the end of their row, passing a few to Kai and keeping some for herself. She mostly judged by the words that she recognized in their titles, and if they had pictures. "I would translate these later," she told him. "Mit Hilda. I help her, she helps me." A thought struck her then, and she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she considered it. "Will you like study with us?"

22 Johana Leonie Zauberhexen 112 or 110 you mean? 1432 0 5

Malikhi Hill

March 30, 2020 3:49 AM

Actually, I think the one that would help us most would be 911. by Malikhi Hill

Malikhi chuckled quietly as Hana seemed to get very excited about food. There was a string of words that followed the exclamation that he didn't understand but he was amused nonetheless. He raised an eyebrow at her declaration that her home country's food was better which seemed pretty impossible - Sonora's food was extremely delicious and Malikhi put it on the same pedestal as his mother's. Not that his mother had been doing a lot of cooking for him lately. Without his father bringing in money, his mother had had to pick up the slack. She was working more and more and even when Malikhi returned home for the holidays, he spent more time in his room than with her and eating his Aunt's food which just wasn't as good.

Despite his doubt about how good Hana's food was, he was curious. "I'd like to try it," he smiled.

He let out a small groan as Hana passed him some more of the pages. He really was unlikely to figure any of this out anytime soon. If only he had a smarter brain...

He was surprised at the invitationt to study with Hana and whoever Hilda was and also somewhat hesitant. He didn't really spend time with anybody outside of the people he sat next to in class and that wasn't a choice. He was forced to sit next to people in class and outside of it, he had little interest in spending time with anybody. He exhaled thoughtfully... Then again, maybe this Hilda person would understand Transfiguration better and there was no doubt that he needed help.

"I would like that," he said finally. "Maybe..." he added in his head.

20 Malikhi Hill Actually, I think the one that would help us most would be 911. 1423 0 5