I should go (tag Professor Brooding) on Potions

Dorian Montoir

June 24, 2019 8:39 PM

I should go (tag Professor Brooding) by Dorian Montoir

Dorian made his way to Professor Brooding’s office, his heart feeling heavy. He was well aware of the irony in seeking someone out to say what he was about to say. Or ask what he was about to ask, at any rate. He still wanted her to magically fix this, like she did with everything else. Anyway, he had to see her and talk to her, he couldn’t just start ignoring her, and finding her now was less obvious than hanging back after class. Less obvious was good.

He knocked on her door and made his way in. He wanted to throw his arms around her, wanted to ask how her summer had been, and give her the present that was rolled up carefully in a bamboo tube inside his satchel. He had spent so long choosing it, knowing exactly what he wanted to get her but on the trail for some elusive perfect incarnation of it. Émilie had become irritated with him for that… And then it had all spilled out, what she thought… And so, instead of behaving how he would have done normally, he stood, awkwardly gripping the back of his habitual chair, as if he wasn’t planning on making himself too comfortable.

“Hello,” he said sadly, biting his lip, “Do you think it’s alright how much time I spend around you?” he asked.

13 Dorian Montoir I should go (tag Professor Brooding) 1401 Dorian Montoir 1 5

Mary Brooding

June 24, 2019 11:07 PM

You should self-care. by Mary Brooding

Professor Brooding was not surprised that Dorian came to see her fairly straight away once students returned to Sonora, as he had done so before as well. Although it was his habit of doing so that led her to expect he might again, it was not because she thought he might do so out of habit. Instead, she suspected it was to discuss that habit, or something related to their relationship, his other relationships, etc. All in all, Mary's mind was swirling with the mess of words (why are so many words all the same in English?) and worries. She was trying to channel some of Tabitha's "chill" vibe, but wasn't feeling it terribly strongly today.

Sleep deprivation and worry had plagued Mary's summer, both for good and bad reasons. She and Tabitha had spent most of their time on the Appalachian Trail looking for a Wampus Cat. She hadn't been sure whether she more hoped to find one or more hoped they didn't. Besides that, even magical people were put to the test on the Appalachian Trail, and Tabitha was a purist; they'd not been able to use magical means of transportation. Certainly Mary's potions had helped, but there was a limit to the human body's ability to get by on their feet for so long.

On the bright side, Mary had discovered that jeans weren't all bad, and had worn her fair share over the summer. Since her students would likely die of heart attacks if she suddenly wore them to class, she settled on keeping them private for now, and liked that her dirty secret was a pair of Levis.

Today, she was wearing something more usual: a high-collared ruby colored dress with white lining made her feel a bit like old muggle depictions of Victorian-era vampires. It was a favorite look, even if her soft expression and witch hat made it less vampirey and more . . . Mary.

"Hello," Mary replied with equal reserve when Dorian entered her office. She'd been working on writing out some recipes and put her things decidedly aside to give him her utmost attention. This meant that her expression was also more ready and reserved when he asked a question that bit to the core.

The question itself was a reasonable one and didn't bother her so much as the subtext. It pointed to a conversation he had had with somebody else and to a lot of pain. He was a careful boy who had undoubtedly agonized over this discussion before having it. The question for Mary was whether he had already made a decision before coming.

She wasn't one to dislike mostly anybody, but so far Dorian was certainly in first place for favorite Montoir child.

"Deputy Headmistress Skies is aware of the time we spend together and has not voiced any concerns on that front. It is fairly standard for professors to spend time with students outside of class for sake of mentorship and relationship building, and you are not the only student with an out-of-class relationship with a professor. You're not the only student that comes to me outside of class either, although I do see you more than others," she said in a clear tone. She'd picked it up from Selina and Tabitha, really. It was a voice that had comforted her more irrational fears at times, and reminded her that there were answers to some of the issues that boiled up behind her breast bone, where only heart beats and heart break could find a home. When the professional side of things was done, though, she cocked her head at him, careful not to allow any expression to cross her face which may make him feel guilty should he decide he did not wish to pursue any further contact with her. Her sadness was not his problem. "Do think it's alright?"

22 Mary Brooding You should self-care. 1424 Mary Brooding 0 5

Dorian

June 25, 2019 12:16 AM

How do I put you first whilst doing that? by Dorian

Professor Brooding's voice was strange. It was hard and formal, rather than having the gentle warmth he expected from it. Had he annoyed her? Or was she trying to be more professional with him in spite of what she was saying?

He felt his insides squirming as she turned the question back on him. He had come here to ask her, and to have her sort it out.

"I don't know," he answered, "I want-" he began but then cut himself off because that seemed selfish. He could want all he liked, it didn't mean it was a good idea. He had noticed what she said... More than most. He was here more than most, and many of the others probably had a better excuse. They were her potions assistants. He was different, again. And on the whole, he knew that his differences were not wrong. People who disliked him for his differences were the ones with a problem. But now, people's tendency to round on those who stood out could negatively affect someone else. Someone who was trying to help him, and that wasn't fair. "You said relationships are good when they aren't hurting people," he pointed out, pretty sure she had said something to that effect. "So then..." he shook his head, "So then, no. I don't think it's okay if I make bad things happen to you for trying to help me. That isn't fair or acceptable." But, he added to himself, I don't think I really know how to manage without you. A life without bringing his problems to Professor Brooding sounded lonely and scary. But so did a life in which bringing his problems to her created more problems for them both. The world sucked sometimes.

13 Dorian How do I put you first whilst doing that? 1401 Dorian 0 5

Professor Mary Brooding

June 25, 2019 12:45 AM

I will take care of us both. by Professor Mary Brooding

Mary pulled back, confused. "Nothing bad is happening to me," Mary assured him, her voice softer. "Nothing bad will happen to me. Friendship aside, my job is to care for students. I'm just lucky enough that you're also good company." She smiled a little bit, looking at him closely.

Not sure what she was looking for, she took a breath and leaned back in her chair. "Dorian, the hard part is that I am an adult and you are not yet. I'm also a professor and you are a student, which means I have some power naturally. I don't want my feelings to influence you if you are uncomfortable or feeling bad. I very much enjoy our time together, but you are my priority and I will happily put that aside for the sake of your happiness, health, and wellbeing. Nothing bad is going to happen to me and helping you is my pleasure as long as you'd like me to help."

She waved her wand lightly and summoned a teapot of hot water, an assortment of teas and hot cocoa for herself, and - pointedly - two cups. The seat across from her was open and she let the second cup float conveniently within arm's reach of it.

"What's bringing all this up for you?"

22 Professor Mary Brooding I will take care of us both. 1424 Professor Mary Brooding 0 5

Dorian

June 25, 2019 1:34 AM

People will talk by Dorian

Dorian looked up at Professor Brooding for the first time since coming into her office. Her familiar face, with its kind eyes, the ones that were so very good at stopping him from worrying She was saying soft, reassuring things but they betrayed a fundamental problem with the situation. At first, it seemed like they were on the same page. She was talking about teacher-student dynamics. But she kept saying how nothing bad had or could happen to her in this situation, which suggested she was still looking at it with the same innocent naivity that he had. They knew they were doing nothing wrong, and it made it so easy to assume that that was clear to everyone else as well. She also always thought the best of other people, even though they rarely deserved it.

"You don't understand," he said it softly, more to himself than to her, but the note of slight wonder and confusion was there. It wasn't angry teenage cry of rebellion but the dawning of this fact upon him - she didn't actually know what he was talking about. He felt slightly let down at this, because Professor Brooding normally read him like a book and now he had to actually this explain to her. Oh, Maugris. He had to explain this to her.

He seized the teacup out of the air, more because it was bothering him to have it hover there so insistently and because he wanted something else to focus on than because he had come to any conclusions about staying. He stared down at the cup, turning it over and over in his hands.

"People don't know that you are married," he pointed out, "Or that it is with Professor Hawthorne. And they don't know that I'm... I'm...." he floundered slightly. This, after all, was a truth he had only spoken out loud twice before, and both times in the form of a confession. He wasn't very used to talking about what he was, and not in smoothly flowing sentences. He fell back on the words he had used on the other occasions, "in love with another boy. So, from the outside... It can look... This can look... People might think....I mean, a teenage boy and a young professor, it looks..." he floundered, hoping that the knut was going to drop at this point because he wasn't sure he could put that idea into actual words without exploding.

"I don't want that either of us has to tell people the truth about ourself, to a person we don't like or want to speak with, in order to protect the other. I don't want that people will say disrespecting and improper things about you or behave badly towards you in class."

13 Dorian People will talk 1401 Dorian 0 5

Professor Mary Brooding

June 25, 2019 1:47 AM

People can suck eggs. by Professor Mary Brooding

There it was. Words like melted sugar - sweet to the point of cloying, hot to the point of burning, and sticky to the point of destroying. The truth was rarely pure and never simple, as someone smart once said. In this case, Mary felt the need to assure Dorian as much as she did reassure him.

"Sweet, sweet young man," Mary smiled. "I am not hiding that I am married and an angry dragon couldn't make Tabitha hide it," she said with a soft chuckle in her voice. "There is nothing wrong with loving a boy or a girl or anything else and homophobia - any comments that are negative are hurtful about the fact that I am a woman married to a woman, or about anybody else for anything like that - will result in detention from any professor at this school, I am sure. You forget, I think, that I have been a lesbian for a very long time, and I don't have much to fear from what mean, hurtful people say anymore. I have heard it before, I will hear it again, and it will be okay." Her words were very soft, but firm. She was genuine but relaxed; this was not a hard truth to share.

"Moreover, Professor Skies is aware of the time I spend with students and which students, and is not concerned. She was also aware of which professors spent time alone with Cleo James, and every other thing. She is also supportive of Tabitha and myself and any others at Sonora, regardless of who they love or who they are. You are not the only boy here who loves another boy, or other boys, and there are girls here who love other girls. There are people here who are not boys or girls and can love anyone they want, too. Anyone who behaves badly will be given the chance to discuss it and learn about why what they said was hurtful. That is my job, and I am happy to do that."

She waited a moment before speaking again, taking a sip of her drink. "Has someone said something hurtful or disrespectful?"

22 Professor Mary Brooding People can suck eggs. 1424 Professor Mary Brooding 0 5

Dorian

June 25, 2019 7:27 AM

That might not stop them talking by Dorian

Dorian almost wanted to snap at Professor Brooding not to call him ‘sweet young man’ because given what they were talking about, it sounded weird. Except he didn’t want to snap at her, not really, not ever. And he didn’t want her to stop treating him like she cared about him. He just… Was everyone else backwards, or was it him? Jehan and Professor Brooding seemed to think you could just brush off whatever other people said without caring but it really wasn’t that easy. Not for him anyway. Words could hurt.

He also wasn’t completely sure that she understood. She was talking about the names they might call her for being married to a woman, and he hadn’t meant that. It kept seeming like she got it, she kept talking about Professor Skies thinking it was fine, but then she’d say something else. It was like she didn’t realise people other than Professor Skies could have thoughts or say things about this, even though of course what Professor Skies thought mattered the most, and it was a relief to know she wasn’t going to agree with anyone or get Professor Brooding in trouble.

“I don’t mean them saying bad things about that,” he shook his head. He supposed he hadn’t said The Thing exactly, and then it had seemed like he was saying they’d say bad things about her after she told the truth, but he had meant both of those as potential consequences of The Thing. “You have the order wrong. I gave it you wrong,” he amended, “I didn’t say that you are hiding. But also, it’s not that everyone knows. You choose who you tell, and you should get to keep choosing. I don’t want it to be that saying the truth is the only the only way to stop people saying something worse. You do know what thing I mean, yes?” he clarified, because she had only clarified that she had no problem with people talking about her marriage, and her actual life, not the thing he was afraid of them saying.

He considered the fact that she had asked him two questions now which he had not answered. Why he was asking this, and whether someone had said something hurtful or disrespectful.

“No. Hurtful and disrespectful, no. But Émilie does think this about you and me. Did thought,” he corrected, wanting to make sure Professor Brooding knew he had not let any such suggestion stand. “I make sure that she does not any more. But next time… maybe next time it’s not just because someone is worried about me. But because they want to be mean or hurtful to you. I don’t want that.”

13 Dorian That might not stop them talking 1401 Dorian 0 5

Mary Brooding

June 25, 2019 9:43 PM

Oh... OH... by Mary Brooding

Mary opened her mouth and shut it. A dark flush of red tinged her face for a moment before all of the color drained quite suddenly. She tried again to speak, but only a short sputter came out before she snapped shut her jaw again. She felt deflated, as though she'd let all her air out and couldn't get any more.

You are crazy. Crazy and disgusting and very possibly evil.

Everything made a little more sense, and Mary wished very much that she'd had such clarity three months previous.

A deep breath forced its way into Mary's lungs, but it only felt like she was moving through the motions as dread and embarrassment washed through her. Making a mental note to give a big heads up to Professor Skies as soon as she was able, Mary opened her mouth to try again.

"Dorian, I need you to be very direct, okay?" she said, putting her hands together and resting them on her desk. Her voice was calm and certainly not accusatory, but very urgent. "What exactly was your sister worried about? Does she know that you care for Jehan?" She shook her head slightly and closed her eyes. "I think I've made a very dumb mistake, and I'm very sorry for what that must have done to your summer. I'm so so sorry."

22 Mary Brooding Oh... OH... 1424 Mary Brooding 0 5

Dorian

June 26, 2019 8:58 PM

It's ok. I fixed it. by Dorian

Dorian was definitely not ready for eye contact yet, but he kept Professor Brooding in his peripheral vision, anxious about her reaction. It was enough to see her turn red and then white in quick succession. She seemed to not quite know what to say. And this was Professor Brooding, who always knew what to do about everything. She had not understood until this point then. But now she did. Or perhaps it just made it much harder to put on a brave face once it was suddenly in practise not just in theory. It helped to know that she really understood, and that he was not crazy in that she clearly regarded this as every bit as mortifying as he did, but on the other hand, Professor Brooding was now broken, and this also proved she was breakable - for all her tough words about being a grown up and not caring what they said about her marriage, she clearly did care very much about having this said (and after all, who wouldn't because it was completely awful).

He wanted very much to fix this but apparently she wanted him to go over the problem more. He nodded grimly when she asked him to be direct. She was using that tone of voice that adults used when they were about to charm a particularly nasty injury back to normal and it was going to hurt. And little as you wanted that, you had no choice but to grit your teeth and take it. He wondered if she just didn't want to believe it and was hoping he would say something else. He felt very bad about confirming it was what she thought. Although before that, there was the other thing she had said - the one that didn't make sense.

"My summer was okay - quite good for most of the time," he assured her, because she seemed not only very worried about that but also like she felt it was her fault if it had gone badly. "I don't think you've done anything," he added, both because the idea itself seemed impossible but also because she seemed to think something had happened which he was fairly sure had not. That part was the easy part He even managed to look at her, trustingly and somewhat quizzically.

"Émilie thought," he began, making sure to place the verb in the past tense and clearly emphasise this. His eyes examined the ceiling above his head, although it seemed reluctant to yield him an easy way of saying this. He refocussed his attention on examining his cup. It was plain white. It was not, on the face of it, a very exciting cup but nor was he having to inform the cup that someone thought he had inappropriate feelings about it, and that made it a much more appealing place to look. "that maybe I don't have an interest in girls my own age because I had... romantic ideas about you instead." It was one of the few ways in which nature had been on his side that he didn't really turn red, but his face still felt very hot and the embarassment and guilt were easy to read there regaradless. In response to her other question, he gave a jerk of the head, neither a nod or a shake, as he was torn between answering the question she had asked and the one he suspected she may have meant - or, even if she had not thought to intend it that way, there was a distinction that needed to be nade clear. "Previously, she does not know this," he stated. "She does now."

13 Dorian It's ok. I fixed it. 1401 Dorian 0 5

Professor Mary Brooding

June 27, 2019 4:12 PM

You shouldn't have had to. by Professor Mary Brooding

Sometimes, at funerals and things, Mary found herself wanting to laugh. She'd read that it was because human brains could only comprehend so much of any given emotion and when they were overwhelmed with sadness, it could trigger laughter, and when they were overwhelmed with happiness, sometimes they would cry. There was no risk of that in this case as too many emotions rushed through Mary at once for any of them to be overwhelming in that sense. Certainly Mary herself was overwhelmed by the relief, guilt, frustration, joy, and grief that were wrapping her like a maypole, but her brain was doing okay. As a result, her face was just blank for a moment.

"Émilie spoke to me at the concert about some of her concerns," Mary said softly, both realisation and apologies in her voice. She was well aware that she had promised not to reveal their conversation's contents, and she was thinking hard about how to discuss the issue at hand without revealing anything that was not under her own private information. "I misunderstood, and believed that she was trying to discuss with me about you caring for Jehan. I did not reveal this information," she promised. "But I believe that my support of you on those issues may have been taken as support for you and I to carry on an inappropriate relationship, as I misunderstood her concern. I can't apologize enough for how that has impacted you, and I never intended for you to be put in such a sticky position at home."

She took a breath and gave Dorian time to speak if he wanted and time for the air settle a moment before speaking again.

"How are you feeling about having talked to Émilie about Jehan? I'm really really proud of you," she smiled. "You were very brave."

22 Professor Mary Brooding You shouldn't have had to. 1424 Professor Mary Brooding 0 5

Dorian

June 29, 2019 1:49 AM

Can we make sure it doesn't happen again? by Dorian

Dorian listened to Professor Brooding, watching her intermittently as she explained. He had thought that it wouldn’t be possible for this situation to get more embarrassing but apparently he had been wrong. He tried to join together the very disparate ideas of how he felt about Jehan and how Émilie had supposed he felt about Professor Brooding. Those subjects did not mesh well. Those subjects needed very different responses. He tried as hard as he could to not let that conversation play out in his head. It was excruciating.

"It’s okay," he said, promptly but rather flatly. Professor Brooding seemed very worried about what she had done and he knew that whatever else he felt, he didn't want her to feel bad. He was still processing somewhat how he felt about the whole thing, beyond a slight case of wanting the ground to just open up and swallow him. However, he knew whatever else he concluded, he would forgive her. She couldn’t have done anything that he would find unforgivable. Okay, if she had betrayed his confidence, or his secrets, said something on purpose or done something deliberately hurtful - there were things he would not find easy to forgive people doing, but he also knew that Professor Brooding simply would never do things he found to be beyond forgiveness. He picked up the little selection of teabags she had provided and began rifling through them. He supposed this could be taken as an indication he was planning to settle, but he had mostly done it for something to occupy himself with, and because the situation suddenly seemed more intense and proximity to tea would make that easier to deal with. He wanted to consider whether he had anything else to say about the whole thing.

It wasn't exactly a surprise to hear that Professor Brooding and Émilie had talked about him. After all, he had found them tête à tête, and what else did they have in common? He had rather suspected he had been discussed, at least to some degree. It bothered him a little at the time but he had chalked that up to his own self-consciousness, although actually it turned out there was plenty to dislike about this particular conversation. Whether there was anything more to say about that, he didn’t know. He rather thought that the best thing might be for them all to pretend that conversation had simply never happened, as it was mortifying for everyone involved. Except perhaps Émilie, who would most likely shrug and say it wasn't her fault if she got the wrong idea if people insisted on talking in riddles or not saying what they meant. He didn’t particularly think anyone was at fault, though maybe learning not to talk behind people’s backs was a valuable lesson here… Equally, he supposed, none of it would have happened if he hadn’t been secretive. He also knew that when Émilie got it into her head to talk to you, there was little chance of escaping. She was like Tatya in that way - sometimes she just sort of appeared and swept you along and before you'd had time to do more than breathe you'd already had five minutes of conversation jabbered at you and might be in on something you would not have opted to be a part of, had you been offered any such option.

"I'm glad you didn't tell her,” he concluded, searching for the real evidence that it was okay, because he knew his acceptance might have sounded sort of hollow, and it always helped him to have reasons the reassurance was being offered to make it more believable. “I know you wouldn't do it on purpose, but it would be easy to do it on mistake," he pointed out. Just one slip of a pronoun... "I'm sorry it happened," he added. He was not really sure who had responsibility here, and who ought to be apologising to whom, but he thought it best to cover all bases. He considered his other concern. He wasn't sure it was fair to ask because he supposed Professor Brooding was perfectly entitled to her opinion, and particularly this opinion after what had happened, but he was starting to feel like it was all just a big misunderstanding and he didn't want anyone to be mad at anyone, and knew that was just going to eat away at him. "Do you dislike Émilie now?" he checked.

"I feel better," he confirmed, when she asked how he felt about telling his sister. "Having secrets is hard work, and I did not like it. When she came to talk about you... At first, I had the same idea as you. I thought she knew the truth. It was better to say it myself. And now I don't need to feel scared about her finding it out." Things were not perfect. Émilie was considerably less well practised at saying all the right things than Professor Brooding, but he felt that she meant well, and he was willing to forgive her for that. She had, after all, had a lot less time to understand what was going on. He decided not to expand on that point though. He was anxious that Professor Brooding would judge her. Not that Professor Brooding was, by nature a judgemental person, but it felt that those things were between him and his sister. He wanted to argue it when Professor Brooding said he was brave. He didn’t think he was. But equally, he didn’t want to make it sound like he’d had no choice because that would likely make her feel bad, and it also wasn’t true. He had chosen for himself, and that was part of what had felt good about the situation. Still, he thought he was a million miles from having any kind of bravery, let alone as much as he needed. However, he had learnt that Professor Brooding was unlikely to be willing to budge, or to see him as any less worthy of praise than she had deemed him to be. “Thanks,” he muttered softly.

“I want though that it doesn’t happen again. Or something similar. I am trying to think… Did I do something I can change?” It was very hard to answer that question. He had only ever seen this through his own eyes, which found it all perfectly innocent. He thought about not seeing Professor Brooding, or not being so enthusiastic about her, but both of those things sounded sad, and like things he didn’t really want. He also wondered how much of a problem it was. Émilie was amongst the people he talked to most, and with whom he shared a lot of his thoughts and feelings. She perhaps knew how much he enjoyed Professor Brooding’s company more than the average person within Sonora’s walls. But there was more for them to see with their own eyes. They would know just how much he hung around her. Perhaps, without the evidence of his own emotions, they would simply assume he was very interested in or utterly terrible at Potions. It was just as logical a reason for him to hang around the professor. Still, he wanted to make sure. “I know you are the adult and the teacher but it doesn’t mean you’re responsible for everything by yourself. If I was doing irresponsibles, I think you shouldn’t have to clean up, just because you’re an adult. Should I do something different?” he asked.

13 Dorian Can we make sure it doesn't happen again? 1401 Dorian 0 5

Professor Mary Brooding

July 05, 2019 10:03 PM

We can try very very hard. by Professor Mary Brooding

How nice it would've been for the ground to open up and swallow Mary whole. It would've certainly made things easier for her. She wanted to tell him that she had a lifetime of keeping such things under wraps and the odds of saying anything about it "by mistake" were generally pretty slim, but she didn't want to encourage that sort of thing. It was possible to live mostly "in the closet," but not really a positive thing. Things were changing though; maybe Dorian's life wouldn't look so much like hers had.

"On the contrary," Mary assured Dorian, realizing that she held no ill feelings toward his sister, whatever grumpiness might have led her to think. "I think Émilie is a strong, brave, bold young woman who will do great things in life. It takes a lot of courage to approach a professor on personal matters, and even more so on this particular matter. She's wise and brave, just like you."

Mary considered his words with a pleasant expression, listening carefully but clearly showing her happiness that he had found the courage and the desire to talk to his sister. That was a hard thing to do and Mary knew that only too well. Then, things turned more towards practical matters moving forward, and Mary had to put a little more problem-solving to work.

"I am not worried for me," Mary said honestly. "Not because I am naieve, but because there truly is nothing to worry about for me. It is not unusual for students and professors to meet as we do. That being said, your comfort and wellbeing is my priority. We can meet less, we can meet in the dining hall or other public areas of the school - although my office is public and anyone could theoretically come in of course - or we can stop altogether. Or we can carry on as usual. That choice is yours." She allowed an impish smile to tease at her lips. "I know it would be much easier for me to just decide, but that is, unfortunately, not my role."

22 Professor Mary Brooding We can try very very hard. 1424 Professor Mary Brooding 0 5

Dorian

July 07, 2019 12:47 AM

That's all I wanted to make sure of by Dorian

Professor Brooding was a special grown up. He’d known that for a while, but she just kept on making it clearer and clearer. He doubted there were many grown ups who’d take being confronted as a positive. He nodded gratefully as she gave her analysis of Émilie, glad that she understood that his sister had just been trying to protect him. She still was, although it was rather more complicated now that the problem wasn’t one that he wanted to go away…

He considered Professor Brooding’s words carefully. He definitely did not want to meet in public. ‘Public’ was not a place that Dorian was particularly fond of, and he much preferred the cosy little one to one spaces he had carved out for himself where he knew he could relax - in the front room with Émilie, in MARS with Jehan, and in Professor Brooding’s office with her. It was much harder to let his guard down when there were other people around. There was also the fact that he often discussed private or upsetting things with her. That hadn’t happened so many times recently but he knew it might happen again. He also couldn’t help but think that drawing people’s attention to their meeting and spending time together would only add to the risk of gossip. Students came to see teachers in their offices. They didn’t hang out together around school. Nor did he want to stop coming.

“I would not cut you out of my life because of what mean people might think,” he assured her, “That would not be right. For me…” he considered the effects of people gossiping about him. If it didn’t make Professor Brooding upset with him, he was not particularly bothered. Maybe people would assume he was interested in his professor, maybe they would find out the truth… Either way, his reputation was basically an endangered species at this point, and not something that was in and of itself that worth protecting. It would bother him, yes. It was not nice to have people talk about you. But he was more bothered about it causing damage to her, or to his relationship with her, than the actual unpleasant thoughts and opinions of other people. “It doesn’t matter so much for me that they might say it. I just… I didn’t want bad things to sneak up on you. That you suddenly find yourself in the middle of a nasty situation, and I knew it was a risk and did nothing to warn you about it or let you prevent it. Or that it would happen and then make things become different between us.

“I don’t want people to say it, but my friends won’t say or believe bad things about me. And if other people say them…” He was pretty sure Tatiana would actually fight them, but he wasn’t sure that was a good thing to say to an adult, even one as unconventional as Professor Brooding, “They won’t let it be bad for me.”

13 Dorian That's all I wanted to make sure of 1401 Dorian 0 5

Professor Mary Brooding

July 17, 2019 7:59 PM

I'm so glad we could clarify that. by Professor Mary Brooding

Mary smiled. "I'm so glad," she said. "Thank you for being so brave."

She waited a moment for Dorian's brains to get put in the right order and for his breathing to be more relaxed. Sipping on her drink, she peered at her student with kind eyes.

As usual, Tabitha came to mind. The woman usually did when Mary's mind was otherwise either empty or orderly, and this was no different. However, it wasn't just Tabitha herself, but Tabitha's teaching that came to mind now. Mary was sure it was inappropriate to ask her students what their impressions were of Tabitha's classes, and she wasn't even trying to get at whether they were "good" or not, but just what the impression was. She was desperately curious about how surprised people would be to hear the two were married, and she sort of enjoyed their mildly unkept secret.

The topic naturally made her think of Dorian's future, and she felt that it was probably just a big question mark for them both. However, if anything was certain, it was that it was going to be a bright, beautiful future, full of happiness for a lot of people. Dorian had that way about him. She just hoped that he would remember to bring himself a little happiness, and hopefully somebody kind would as well.

"Would you like to stay for a drink?" she asked, nodding at the empty cup he was holding. "We can talk, or just enjoy the silence."

22 Professor Mary Brooding I'm so glad we could clarify that. 1424 Professor Mary Brooding 0 5

Dorian

July 18, 2019 9:35 AM

Now for tea and niceness by Dorian

"Yes, I would," Dorian smiled when Professor Brooding asked if he’d like a drink, finally setting his cup down instead of merely having it as a prop for his anxious and distracted hands. He also finally settled into the usual seat that he occupied, selecting a teabag (Earl Grey, which the librarian had introduced him to - it was still a little odd to him, but not unpleasant, and if he was going to drink the strange pounded dust they put into teabags it needed a compensatory flavour) and handed this over to Professor Brooding seeing as he still couldn't conjure his own boiling (or eighty degree for greens and whites) water.

"We can discuss summers," he added brightly, because now they had agreed to carry on as normal, there was no reason to... well, not carry on as normal. "I have something for you," he added, reaching into his satchel and extracting a bamboo tube. Inside, she would find a scroll on which was a traditional Chinese painting of a lady in long, draping robes perched on a crescent moon. Her face was turned in three quarter profile, and she alternated her gaze between the viewer of the picture and a vial that she was holding up in her right hand, as if inviting them in on a secret. At the tip of the moon was perched a small cauldron, whose vapours twisted in elaborate patterns, forming a single Chinese character before dissolving again into swirls of steam There was also an inscription in the top right corner.

"This is Cháng'é" Dorian explained, when Professor Brooding had unrolled the scroll, "She lives on the moon with the moon rabbit and together they make the… elixir for life?” he had predicted needing to tell this story in English, and had looked up how to say this in a less clumsy way than his own literal translation, but the phrase still felt unnatural - he was aware he had borrowed the words, and needed to check them rather than carrying them off with conviction, “This is why when there is a full moon, you can see the rabbit with his pestle and mortar on it," he added, as if it was natural to have noticed such a thing. The pareidolia was so clear to him that, even though he knew the story of Cháng'é to be culturally specific, he had never supposed the phenomenon of seeing the rabbit to be. After all, it was right there. "She is the goddess for potion makers. If you give her… xiāng,” he stumbled, finding that - unsurprisingly - he lacked an English word for a ritual he only carried out in China. He had not prepared for this part of the conversation quite so well as the story. He let his mouth provide the word his mind wanted to whilst he worked on a definition, “Burning sticks. You burn them and they smell nice. I don’t know if you even have this… I only have it when I am in China. But, this, and giving small sweets, she will help with your potions. Not that you need this," he added hastily, "But I thought you would enjoy knowing her."

13 Dorian Now for tea and niceness 1401 Dorian 0 5

Professor Mary Brooding

August 02, 2019 3:00 AM

I like those very much. by Professor Mary Brooding

Mary relaxed and it was the first time she realized how tense she'd been. Apparently she'd been holding a breath, because she let it out through a grin as Dorian took a seat. She complied with his unspoken request for water, already knowing how he preferred his, and made the same for herself. She was getting more accustomed to drinking tea, between Tabitha and Dorian, and she'd always had a soft spot for it anyway. Now she had two drinks, but that was just as well.

"You do?" Mary confirmed, surprised. The fact that he'd gotten a gift for her was one thing but the fact that he'd brought it today was quite another. She wondered what that said about the direction he anticipated their conversation going today, or more about the direction he had hoped it would go. Satisfied that he did indeed prefer to maintain a relationship and that he didn't seem to feel pressured into it by their conversation, Mary relaxed further still.

She unrolled a scroll inside a beautiful bamboo tube -- the tube itself was a work of incredible natural art in her eyes, but she suspected that Dorian was giving her more than a piece of tree for a gift -- and let her eyes embrace the image as Dorian explained it, nodding to offer confirmation when he stumbled over his words or sounded unsure. It was one of those interactions that made her head fill up with questions about language and culture. She thought that he was probably aiming for "incense" but that didn't carry the same weight as what he was describing, and the English word didn't seem suited as a result. Sure, the act of burning sticks to smell nice was usually about incense, but if that wasn't at all what he was talking about, then Mary was satisfied with there only being a word for it in the language to which the ritual belonged.

"Dorian, this is beautiful," Mary said, feeling misty-eyed. "And it means so much to me."

It was terribly hard not to get choked up and she wondered for a moment what Dorian would do if she burst into tears. Everything was exhausting and difficult and she felt like a failure so much of the time recently that she might have fallen over if a light breeze had drifted any closer through the window. She was absolutely worn out. If an ancient Chinese potions mistress might be of some help, or at least watch over her a bit, she would definitely take it.

"I enjoy it very much," she added to echo Dorian's words. "I'm sorry I didn't get you anything this summer. Tabitha and I spent most of it outside and I thought you might not appreciate a handful of dirt."

Truth be told, he might have appreciated it. Mary suspected that deep inside Dorian, there was the sort of adventurous thrill-seeker that Tabitha was. Hopefully Dorian wouldn't ever get quite so . . . desperate. Tabitha was many things - a lovely wife included - but there was no doubt that the woman's obsession with the dangerous more than bordered on unhealthy.

"Do you know what a Wampus Cat is?"

22 Professor Mary Brooding I like those very much. 1424 Professor Mary Brooding 0 5