There are elephant droppings that smell better than this. on Charms

Professor Light

January 31, 2012 7:43 PM

It’s a Dirty Job, But Someone’s Gotta Do It. {III-V} by Professor Light

He didn’t smoke often. Often meant every day, every week, every month. Caesar restricted himself to keeping a pack locked within his bedside drawer. Something he could return to at night, pull out and play with, not lighting anything, not inhaling anything, just rolling the cigarettes between his fingers. Often that was enough for him. Every day, every week, every month of rolling a cigarette between his fingers late at night put him into an easy sleep. The poison was there, for him, nearby if he needed it. To know that was all the comfort he required.

‘Damn you, Anora!’ No one really understood the relationship she and Caesar shared. They hadn’t dated, weren’t in love, exuded all the signs of hatred but were drawn to the other’s company. He’d spent the weekend at her home (manor, mansion, whatever she wanted to call it) reaching for bottle after bottle, laughing with her, making faces at her new baby, neither of them mentioning her husband. He never seemed to be around when Caesar was visiting. Then came the usual mischief, the pranks, all ending with some house-elf cradling the baby while Caesar and Anora stumbled through the door. Time never seemed to pass for them, time was always suspended. Somehow they were always caught in the summer of seventeen.

He’d reached for a cigarette, and her beatings rained down on him. Dirty, dirty, he was breathing in fire, sucking in his own death, blah blah blah her self righteous nagging disguised as care. Clean himself up, clean himself up, and that followed Caesar into the week. He did always feel dirty once he left her. Safe from her physical presence, his intermediate class not starting for another eight minutes, he pulled out a cigarette from his pocket now, rolled it around in his fingers. ‘Damn, darn, dagnabit!’ He tried to censor the curses in his own head, wanting to get in a more PG rated mindset for his students. The rolling was helping. His throat felt parched. He needed smoke to quench his thirst.

“No... no... no.” Sighing, he stuffed the cigarette back into the pockets of his robes. “Clean yourself up, Caesar.” He muttered, clearing his throat and pushed back his chair, standing up. “Clean yourself up.” The idea of cleanliness had been nagging at him no matter how hard he fought to rid himself of Anora’s criticism. His parents had never criticized him, not very much. Antony was too busy with his secret life as a working stage actor, and Patrice too busy playing games with Antony’s head to get him to openly admit to what he was doing. Caesar had been sent away to boarding school with Anora as his new-found discipline. He’d hoped to outgrow her influence. At least he still kept drinking, still kept smoking. He was the victor in the end.

Two minutes before class officially started. The door was sealed while Caesar worked to make the room ready, casting the bubble head charm, the clear orb stretching from his neck, curving like a fluid helmet over his thin honey colored bearded chin, the slope of his nose, his hazel eyes, finishing over the top of his honey-brown head. He squinted through the smog of smoke and other putrid stenches rising from the floor, spreading from the walls. One minute left, he shot out spells, no more minutes. Caesar walked toward the door and struck it with an open palm to get the attention of whomever was on the outside. “BACK UP!” He called, waited a beat, and then opened the door a crack, slipping through quickly and shut the door behind him. “Good afternoon.” He leaned against the door while what lay polluted and grotesque inside of the classroom remained hidden from his intermediates just a few minutes longer.

“Today we’re going to be practicing one of the more potent cleaning charms, Tersus madidus.” He pronounced it with a long ter and a quick didus. “Whereas in the past week we’ve been focusing on more household centered cleaning spells, Tersus madidus can do more than just remove stains. You’ll learn the full extent it can be used for in your reading tonight - I’ll hand those packets out to you at the end of class - but for now you’ll be using the charm to cause the various pollutants within the classroom to vanish.” He paused to wet his lips within his bubble, taking a breath, and then continued on. “Of course, matter can be neither created nor destroyed. Only changed, converted. This vanishment that you will see is simply the charm cleaning up the gasses that you will be targeting and converting it into breathable air.”

“Fifth years, you’ll be casting the bubble head charm,” They’d learned that independent of their lower year classmates a few weeks ago. “on yourselves before entering. Third and fourth years, line up and I’ll cast the charm on you before you enter.” He drew out his wand. He had them each slip into the room, door quickly closing after pairs of two, after charming the approaching heads. He slipped through the crack in the door with the last student. It was hard to make much out; cigarette smoke wafted through the air, the stench of near-sweet smelling cigar, heavy perfumes pouring in rouge torrents from the ceiling and it all mixed with putrid potion smells that rose from bubbling puddles on the floor Caesar stepped over, gently steering a student around it who didn’t seem to notice. The various polluntants caused the room to come out more hazy, all of them each wrapped up in a fog. “I know the stench is unpleasant,” He called out, understating the fumes of gasoline, wet trash, puke and normal human gas that haunted each corner of the room. “But if you can conquer this room, cleaning anything up in the future will be a piece of cake. And yes,” He crinkled his nose, dodging owl droppings. “It is important to know how to clean things.”

Not that he himself had to know this branch of charms when he was a kid. The house-elf was in charge of such labor, but he’d been amazed at how weak he was in simple chores whenever he’d gone off by himself camping or traveling, any form of exploration. Even if some of his students wouldn’t appreciate this lesson he felt it was important that they at least had the option to use such magic in the future. Probably there was a much more bearable way to teach them Tersus madidus but, looking around at the carnage he’d caused, Caesar thought that he’d never created such a masterpiece of destruction before. ‘Sickeningly awesome.’ He moved through the classroom, making sure kids weren’t fainting or copping out in other lame ways.

ooc: Remember to put your house so I know whom to give points to.

Subthreads:

So this is what a landfill smells like... by Regina Parker (Teppenaw) with Nic Sawyer, Crotalus

Preferably someone else. by Autumn Collins, Crotalus

Dirty is too mild a word. by Ryan O'Malley, Crotalus

There are elephant droppings that smell better than this. by Kirstenna Melcher, Teppenpaw

0 Professor Light It’s a Dirty Job, But Someone’s Gotta Do It. {III-V} 0 Professor Light 1 5

Regina Parker (Teppenaw)

February 05, 2012 8:46 PM

So this is what a landfill smells like... by Regina Parker (Teppenaw)

Reggie knew that her best class was Potions. She was in all terms, a Daddy’s Girl. She was born and raised in the Potions world and she loved every minute of it. She knew beyond a doubt that she would go into Potions after Sonora, but she wasn’t sure if she would follow her father into working for a hospital or if she wanted to do something greater than that, like creating a cure for something or a potion that helped people in their lives. This was something that she hadn’t really thought about, but every so often drifted into her mind.

Another class that she did pretty okay in was Charms. By far the best lesson had been the grotesque body that she worked with David on. It had been fun and she really was thinking of a way to produce a Magical film full of horrific scenes… Maybe when she was able to get her dad’s attention again, she would have him help her develop a way to do just that. It would be a fun little project to do throughout a year and she was sure her friends would help her. That settled it, she was going to send her father a letter and ask him for help. She needed to send him one anyway because she needed to get help from her Grams for the Chili Cook Off. She wanted to start practicing and putting everything together now with Derry rather than wait until it was too late.

So, it was the thoughts of the mannequins that had Reggie skipping merrily to Charms lessons, only to be stopped short when the professor advised them to wait. Just the fact Professor Light was outside the classroom had Reggie jumping on her heels. She couldn’t wait to find out what adventure he had waiting for them. Although, she was slightly doubting the funness of the lesson considering they had only been working on cleaning charms, but she was going to give him a chance. Most especially when he advised that they would have to use a bubble head charm.

Lining up, Reggie waited for the charm to be casted on her and let her mind wander to fish. She often wondered what it was like in a fish bowl and once the charm was on her, she thought for sure they must have this sensation too. “Weird.” She said lightly to herself as she walked into the charms room with another student.

Immediately, the smell hit her first before anything else and Reggie found herself gagging. She had been desensitized by violence from movies, but smells were a whole other matter. Sometimes potions could really reek, Reggie knew that, but it was nothing quite like this. There were so many repulsive smells all coming at her that she wasn’t really sure if she could identify the offending oders. Shaking her head to try and rid herself of the nausea that swept over her briefly, Reggie took to a section and began to try out the spell. She could see some of the disgust slip away, but she had no idea if she was having any effect on the smell. “You need a stomach of steel to handle this lesson.” Reggie commented with a smile to the person closest to her.

6 Regina Parker (Teppenaw) So this is what a landfill smells like... 187 Regina Parker (Teppenaw) 0 5

Nic Sawyer, Crotalus

February 07, 2012 10:48 AM

No, a landfill smells better than this by Nic Sawyer, Crotalus

There were days when Nic just wished his fifth year would just hurry up and be done already. Later he might regret the thought as he realized how quickly the CATS were approaching, but then he would find himself wishing fifth year would just hurry up and be done again. Mostly such thoughts were initiated by not having Rachel to stare at during classes or by another CoMC lesson he wanted nothing to do with. Today, though, it came from the horrible stench that even a bubblehead charm could do nothing to quench.

Not even Dad could make a smell like this, even when he forgot about both a potion and dinner and terrible smells attacked the house from both the basement and the kitchen. Right now, he remembered that fragrance as mildly pleasant by comparison.

He managed to control his initial reaction to an expression of disgust instead of adding to the carnage by upchucking his lunch. He liked his sandwiches in their current location.

The third year girl who had entered the room beside him set to work and Nic decided she was on the right track. This was not a day to hold back his practical talents. The greater good was not something he generally took much interest in, but in this case, he could make an exception.

His own good and the greater good were, after all, in perfect accord. The sooner this mess was cleaned up the better off they would all be.

Casting the lesson's featured spell at the very best of his ability did clear out a section of the room but not nearly enough to have a significant effect on the overall smell.

To prove it, the girl who had inspired his own call to action made a remark about steel stomachs. He made a face and disagreed, "You would be better off to just not have a nose."

1 Nic Sawyer, Crotalus No, a landfill smells better than this 165 Nic Sawyer, Crotalus 0 5

Reggie

February 11, 2012 6:06 PM

Does it? I have never been to one. by Reggie

Reggie had seen the guy next to her quite often in school and not because they had loads of classes together or were in the same house or anything. This year was the first year they shared classes, she thought. No, she saw him often because he stuck out over most of the other kids. He was just so tall it was hard to miss him. Other than that, she didn’t know much about him. He was quiet and from his robes, he was a Crotalus. All she ever thought about from Crotalus were rich families who produced far too serious of children. She wondered if they even knew how to have fun.

Of course, that wasn’t very fair of her to say. Reggie never really allowed herself to get to know a Crotalus because she had such good friends in Teppenpaw. She didn’t really think that was her fault though. At least, certainly not on purpose. It was somewhat difficult to get to know others when they seem so set on names and status. Her dad said that it wasn’t really their fault, it was how their parents raised them, but Reggie still felt that wall there between her and them. Not all of them were like that, of course, she had partnered with some of them from time to time, but she doubted any friendships would be blooming anytime soon.

Mr. Giant, though, Reggie wasn’t sure of. He wasn’t mean as far as she knew, but he was a couple of years older than her, so it wasn’t like she interacted with him or his kind regularly (his kind being Fifth years, of course). His comment had Reggie bring up her hand to her nose, only to discover that it was being blocked by the bubble head charm. She grinned at him, “How awful we would all look without our noses. Such big wide round heads with nothing in the middle to distract us.” She joked. In all reality, she thought that people would be quite strange looking if they didn’t have their noses to keep the symmetry going, but Reggie knew very little about all that stuff. “But I suppose it’s one less obstacle to make you look ugly.” She gave half a shrug as she gave that a thought. Noses were usually the one physical trait that people disliked most about themselves. Reggie was pretty okay with how she looked and had no qualms against her nose. No one had ever told her that she was awful to look at, so she took that as a good sign.

“These bubbles should do more for us, like keep the smell out. This is very putrid.” Reggie stated with a wrinkle of her nose. She cleared out another section of gunk, but she decided that even cleaning up the room will do nothing to help cleanse herself of these terrible smells.

6 Reggie Does it? I have never been to one. 187 Reggie 0 5

Autumn Collins, Crotalus

February 23, 2012 1:17 AM

Preferably someone else. by Autumn Collins, Crotalus

Autumn felt even more on edge than usual. She was jumpy and anxious and easily annoyed. First of all, she was absolutely furious with herself. Yesterday, she'd discovered that her favorite skirt needed to be shrank again and thus decided that it was okay to eat a little.
Unfortunately, Autumn felt she'd gone too far and made a pig out of herself by having not just a salad, but six grapes-whenever she ate anything like grapes or peas she had to eat an even number and grapes had to be sliced in half as well-and a (reduced-fat) cracker too. Afterwards, the fifth year had rushed back to her room to take the weight loss potion that she'd mixed up. She felt disgusting now, and refused to have anything but water thus far today. Autumn didn't plan to eat tomorrow at all either. Or probably the day after.

Speaking of the weight loss potion though, she'd developed quite a Potions regiment lately. First of all, there was the one to help her burn what negligible fat and calories she took in. She also took an appetite suppressant to keep her from wanting to eat in the first place. Then Autumn's skin had been sort of dry and flaky recently too so she needed a cream for that as well as one to thicken her hair which just seemed a bit thinner lately. And she'd always had really thick curly hair.

She'd also gotten a question wrong on her last Transfiguration assignment and only a ninety-eight percent on her last DADA essay. Plus, Autumn was fretting over the Potions essay that she needed to finish for tomorrow. It felt like she never had enough time to study the stuff she knew already before her teachers tried to cram more in. It was too much and Autumn was close to cracking. Yes, she liked to learn but there was so much she needed to know and get perfect for her CATS already.

Autumn had felt rather depressed lately too. She never did anything but study and obsess about food anymore. She didn't paint or draw or spend time with her friends. Autumn was worried that Jane and Samantha didn't even like her anymore and it was her own fault for having to study so much. Plus, now Jane was betrothed to Jethro Smythe and while the Crotalus was happy for her, at the same time she felt a bit left out. Even if she was always studying.

Also, like any young pureblood girl, Autumn wanted to be betrothed herself. But who would want someone as chubby as her? Sure, the fifth year had lost plenty of weight but when she looked in the mirror, all she saw was bulges of fat everywhere even though her family had told her how skinny she looked over midterm. Autumn just didn't see it. Maybe if she'd just lost ten more pounds. Then somebody would want to marry her.

She walked to Charms, feeling a little lightheaded and exhausted. As the Crotalus got closer to the room, she smelled something putrid and the closer it got, the worse it smelled until Autumn was right on top of it. She wanted to wretch, except that vomiting was very very gross and she did not want to do it in front of so many people. Not that the fifth year had anything in her stomach but water to throw up anyway.

Still, the wretched smell made the dizzy feeling worse and Autumn was sure that she was going to pass out again. She couldn't do a bubble head charm feeling like this even though she could cast a perfect one normally. Autumn wanted to turn around and leave but she couldn't just skip class. Yet, she couldn't go into the room either. In fact, she was feeling weaker and weaker the more time she spent here. Being inside the room would be even worse.

Autumn walked to the other side of the side of the hallway and sat down against the wall. She knew this was weak and lately she'd tried so hard to be strong, staying on her diet, but she felt like she'd faint any second. Autumn just needed a moment to pull herself together before she entered the smelly classroom.

11 Autumn Collins, Crotalus Preferably someone else. 164 Autumn Collins, Crotalus 0 5

Ryan O'Malley, Crotalus

February 24, 2012 7:31 PM

Dirty is too mild a word. by Ryan O'Malley, Crotalus

Once as a first year, Ryan's DADA class had had to work on removing spells from enchanted books. The scent of that book once opened had been the most foul rancid thing he'd ever smelled-until now.

This was a thousand times worse. Compared to what the fourth year was facing now, that book had smelled like a delicious meal cooking even though at the time Ryan had compared it to burnt popcorn and old mildewing socks. This smell was indescribable. It was so overpowering that his eyes began to water within ten feet of the room. Ryan couldn't even identify what said smells were, just that they were bad . These were smells with a personality -and the personality seemed to be that of his mother!

He tried not to gag as he got in line for the bubble head charm. Ryan hoped that would help, because he didn't know how he'd ever get through without it. Others might have been standing there wondering why someone would do this to students but the fifteen year old knew all too well how cruel someone could be. If he really compared the two situations, Ryan....well, he'd put them about even.

Still, he knew that he had to do the assignment. First of all he would never refuse to do anything as he knew his sister would. The Crotalus was too worried about getting in trouble. Furthermore, if this didn't get cleaned up, it would fall to Uncle Seth and the poor house-elves. Unless, of course, Ryan's uncle refused to do so or inflict the duty on the elves and he demanded Professor Light do it himself, which was probably more likely.

The fourth year also was worried that he might faint or throw up but he sincerely hoped not. If that happened, Ryan would be a laughingstock and no girl would ever date him. He had to be strong and tough. Cleaning up foul stenches might not be the most masculine thing or the most respectable, but it was the assignment and Ryan didn't want to be a wimp about it either. The Crotalus had to prove himself not to be weak like she'd always said.

He also sort of worried about the girls in class. He couldn't imagine girls like Miss Raines and Miss Bennett being willing to do this. Come to think of it, Ryan didn't really think anyone would be. He needed to man up and do the work so they wouldn't have to do so much even the stench was making him feel kind of ill.

Also,what if someone actually did faint or throw up? The fourth year was rather glad his cousin Valerie wasn't in this class. She'd likely drop dead or at the very least, have to be taken to the medic within seconds. As Ryan entered the room, bubble head charm in place, he scanned the room. Keeping one eye out for people getting sick, the Crotalus took out his wand and approached a nearby pile of some sort of trash, rotting food perhaps, and said " Tersus madidus. " The smell diminished, but didn't go away. Besides, when combined with the rest it hardly made a difference.

11 Ryan O'Malley, Crotalus Dirty is too mild a word. 176 Ryan O'Malley, Crotalus 0 5

Kirstenna Melcher, Teppenpaw

March 09, 2012 7:57 AM

There are elephant droppings that smell better than this. by Kirstenna Melcher, Teppenpaw

As someone who'd grown up in the circus, Kirstenna was used to a lot of different smells, and some of them quite nasty. There was the stench of different animal by products on hot summer days, as well the body odors of massive crowds jammed into tents sweating. Even the occasional batch of burnt popcorn. Still, none of them smelled as bad as the Charms classroom smelled today.

As the Teppenpaw cast the bubblehead charm on herself-fortunately with success-and entered the room, she looked around with disgust. Kirstenna had never been so repulsed by anything in her life, including the Imposter's behavior. Why would someone do this to students? Professor Light was probably a villain too. He was probably in league with the Quidditch coach. This was biological warfare. It was one thing for Kirstenna to smell animal waste at home, that was just a naturally occurring smell at any circus but what was the reason for this ?

Okay, so Professor Light had explained the reason for the lesson but this seemed a bit over the top. There had to be some rule against this sort of... torture . She couldn't believe Headmistress Kijewski would go along with such a thing. Kirstenna believed she was a good person. Which meant that either she didn't know about this or that she was under some sort of spell that made her oblivious to what her staff was doing. Professor Light might have some sort of special Power of Smell that he could use to make anything smell the way he wanted and he was using to effectively distract Professor Kijewski in order to stink bomb the students.

Yes, that was it. And he was a sadist too. No decent person would ever do this to them. Still, Kirstenna didn't think he was quite up to the Imposter's level of evil. He was more on par with the Beetle Lady. Just a weird fetishist that was harmful to students. Her because she wanted to turn them into beetles, him because he was trying to kill them with every stench imaginable-Kirstenna was certain the bad smells she was accustomed to were in there as well, but she certainly couldn't discern one rancid stench from another. It was just all over awful.

She eyed the Stenchmaster-Professor Light's new nickname-with distaste. The fifth year could see, practically feel this smell. Kirstenna wanted to gag. There were the scents of elephant waste and lions that needed bathing and horse droppings and the sweaty B.O. of a crowd on a hundred degree day-yes, they did occasionally have hundred degree days in the midwest. It smelled of the perfume that only old ladies wore, a smell that made Kirstenna feel ill like no other. It smelled like Gary, Indiana, which had to be the most stench-ridden city on Earth. She promised herself that if she survived this, that she would never complain about cleaning out the animal cages again.

OOC Disclaimer-No offense to anyone living in Gary, Indiana but I've driven through there. I'm sure it's an otherwise lovely place with wonderful qualities. I can assure you that where I live is far from perfect as well.

11 Kirstenna Melcher, Teppenpaw There are elephant droppings that smell better than this. 161 Kirstenna Melcher, Teppenpaw 0 5