The reason why (Tag Isaac) on Cascade Hall

Cleo James

October 28, 2019 7:14 AM

The reason why (Tag Isaac) by Cleo James

CW: sexual assault, victim blaming, vomit [set the same day as the ‘Victim or Veela’ thread, see thread with Kir and Parker for details of the article].

Was it her imagination, or were there more sideways glances at her than usual? More whispers as she approached? Cleo hesitated. It wasn't like she wanted any breakfast. It was just, she thought that maybe if she carried on doing all the normal things, everything would snap back into place. Maybe everything would start being normal if she could just pretend hard enough that nothing was wrong. She wasn't very good at that pretence yet, which was perhaps why it wasn’t getting better. If she just tried harder…

The worst part of breakfast was the papers. He had been front page news for days. The mugshot, in which he still looked somehow indignant, or else standing with his sister - her ex friend - at his side, spouting how she believed him over Cleo. It was a popular opinion, it seemed. Half the world did. She hesitated on the threshold. There was no point going into the hall if it was going to be another mealtime of staring at the person who made her want to throw up.

She summoned a paper. And it wasn’t his face that greeted her. It was her. Not her picture. Not even her name. They weren’t allowed. But it said it. Veela. Victim named a half-veela. She had thought they had hated her before. When it was the somewhat abstract concept of a rich, good-looking sports player from a moneyed family sticking his tongue where it wasn’t wanted. When it had just been the word of some no name girl – had she really said no? Was she sure she hadn’t been asking for it? Even if you ‘weren’t meant to say those things any more’ (and yet, she wasn’t sure who had banned them or how effectively, seeing as that was what every paper she saw in the Crotalus Common Room continued to ask), then what about innocent until proven guilty? What about him and his promising career?

She had thought that it could not hurt any more than it already did. She had felt disbelieved and degraded. It wasn’t even like she had wanted it to be in the papers. She had just wanted it all to go away. They acted like she was spreading lies about someone when they were the ones who wouldn’t shut up about it.

But now it was worse.

Hadn’t they known? She had been honest. She had tried to be honest, tried to explain. She thought she had. And the MACUSA lady had seemed to believe her, even if no one else had. But now they’d dug this up to talk about it in the papers too. The fact that she was not human. If being female and anonymous against someone rich and powerful had not been damning enough, this was clearly enough to put to bed any idea that she could be believed. You couldn’t assault someone who was that much of a slut by their very nature. It said that.

There was a rushing noise in her ears. The world, for a dizzying moment, had ceased to exist outside the hateful page in front of her. It was going to come back. She half knew that – any moment, the whispers and the noise and everything was going to come back into her awareness. The first feeling she felt was sick. The moment she noticed her body again, it was to notice that her stomach was turning over and bile was rising in her throat, even whilst her brain struggled to push the message that this could not be happening.

She bolted for the nearest bathroom, noting only that there were people in the door of one, so she dived for the other. It happened to be the boys’, though this did not register, nor was anyone inside. The paper fell from her hand, the headline glaring at the ceiling, as she dived into a stall, retching. She hadn’t had breakfast. She couldn’t recall whether she’d had dinner the previous evening. Either way, there was nothing to bring up but bile. It didn’t stop her stomach from churning. There were tears streaking her face, and she kept her head over the bowl. When the retching wasn’t making her throat contact the sobs were, and it hurt, everything hurt, and she felt like it was never going to go away and let her breathe again.

13 Cleo James The reason why (Tag Isaac) 389 Cleo James 1 5

Isaac Song

October 28, 2019 3:14 PM

Trying to find the right words to say by Isaac Song

Since the breakup, Isaac had slowly been healing. Time and distance had made it a little easier as well as the insane amount of work he had to do this year.

It was hard seeing her in classes because he couldn't help but notice her even though he avoided her as much as possible. There was always gossip to keep him updated on her too--the whole school seemed to know about his breakup in the blink of an eye. Cleo seemed more miserable than he felt, and he wondered if it was because she felt bad about breaking up with him. Maybe her dad really was telling her that they couldn't be together anymore and she didn't want to tell him that. Cleo might not want to date him, but he did still care about her and it seemed like something big was going on in her life.

The papers that Isaac glanced through every morning had been covering a disturbing story about a sexual assault in Colorado. The papers seemed to favor the guy, which Isaac didn't really get. If one of his sisters had seduced a guy but the guy sexually assaulted her, it was still the guy's fault. The thought made him mad, so he didn't linger on the story. He hadn't really thought twice about it until today.

Cleo's face was in the papers. She was the victim, yet she was also being labeled as the instigator. He froze, shocked. This had to be the reason why she looked like a ghost these days, why she had broken up with him, and why she didn't want to talk about what had happened. This had probably fed into her fears that her veela powers were uncontrollable. Isaac wasn't subtle in putting down the newspaper and looking around Cascade for her. He needed to talk to her.

He spotted her when she bolted towards the bathrooms, and Isaac stood and chased after her. He didn't know what he was going to say to her, but he didn't want her to be alone. Though, knowing her, she would probably prefer to be alone. Isaac hesitated at that thought, but he pushed forward as she ran into the boys' bathroom. Even if she wanted to be alone, she shouldn't be alone dealing with something as serious as this.

Isaac was feeling both roaring mad and highly concerned for Cleo. The two emotions wrestled with each other and he stopped and took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. He waited a few seconds before pushing open the door to the bathroom. He was greeted with sounds of retching and sobbing, and the feelings of concern overwhelmed his anger.

"God, Cleo," he said, his tone sympathetic and sad. It smelled and sounded awful, but Isaac tried to ignore his germaphobe tendencies as he opened the door of the stall. He didn't want to touch her without her permission even though he wanted to, so his fingers gripped the stall door. "Cleo, breathe. You're making yourself sick." He crouched down. "God, that horrible thing in the papers... Cleo, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

19 Isaac Song Trying to find the right words to say 375 Isaac Song 0 5

Cleo James

October 29, 2019 8:11 AM

I'm sorry by Cleo James

(OOC, just to clarify her face and name were not in the papers, she just figures it makes it obvious it’s her by stating that it was a half veela - along with the fact that she’s visibly falling apart).

God, Cleo. Through everything, she struggled to process the tone. Not angry. She wasn’t being yelled at. Somewhere more along the sympathy to pity scale. The main thing that registered though was a voice, a male voice, behind her. She jerked upright, a pre-emptive and frightened ‘Don’t touch me’ escaping her lips.

It was Isaac. In the doorway to her stall. Being soft and gentle, trying to speak calmingly, and one part of her brain registered that - and that she had just snapped at him, again, when against all odds he seemed to want to help - whilst another part kept up the flight part of fight or flight, making her automatically push herself backwards, or at least try to, except there was cold, hard porcelain stopping her getting any more space, and her heart refused to stop hammering against her chest at a million miles per hour.

“I-I’m sorry,” she stammered out an apology. She wasn’t sure if it was good or bad that it was him. There were certainly a long list of people she would have disliked even more to be in this position with. Especially as, against all odds, Isaac was still… Isaac. He looked worried. He was being gentle. She managed to take a couple of long, shaking breaths but each one broke as a series of sobs on the exhale. She drew her knees to her chest. He knew. He knew everything. She couldn’t fathom why he would be here, telling her to breathe. Why he wasn’t wishing she would stop doing that entirely. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.

13 Cleo James I'm sorry 389 Cleo James 0 5

Isaac Song

November 02, 2019 4:07 PM

There's nothing to be sorry for by Isaac Song

It physically hurt Isaac to see Cleo like this; so broken and vulnerable. Though the papers didn't exactly state her as the victim, it was clear from her reaction that she was. It just made him angrier at the injustice of it all. Isaac wanted to embrace her, but he didn't know if she'd let him. It was clear she didn't really want to be touched and he didn't want to overstep his boundaries, so he just squatted down, careful that he didn't rip his pants or touch the bathroom floor.

"It's not your fault," he said firmly. "You have nothing to be sorry about. That guy hurt you, not the other way around." It was clear in his tone that he really believed it and there was no way he was going to be convinced otherwise. No matter what veela power Cleo might have emitted, it still wasn't her fault that the guy had assaulted her like that.

It was starting to get uncomfortable squatting down at her level, but he wasn't about to sit on the floor. He shifted a little, hoping his legs wouldn't fall asleep while he attempted to comfort Cleo.

Isaac naturally reached out to touch her, just to touch her arm or her shoulder, but then he hesitated. "Is it OK?" he asked. "If I give you a hug, that is." Isaac didn't know what else to say. This whole situation sucked so much and he didn't know how he could possibly make it better. She probably felt like the whole world was against her right now. "I'm on your side. I don't blame you," he said, just saying words that he hoped would help her understand his thoughts. "I just want you to be OK."

19 Isaac Song There's nothing to be sorry for 375 0 5

Cleo James

November 04, 2019 5:27 AM

There's so many things by Cleo James

(CW: please assume the content warning of sexual assault applies throughout this thread but just reiterating it for this post)

Isaac reached into her personal space. Isaac stopped himself. Isaac asked.

"Um. Can I have some water or something?" she asked. Her mouth was dry and her throat hurt. He wanted to make it better but he also seemed willing to actually listen. So maybe, for once, she should try saying what she was actually thinking. "I mean, can you conjure me some?" she clarified hastily. The thought of being left alone in the boys' bathroom was pretty scary, and nor did she want to face the hall herself. If Isaac was on her side, then he was also a barrier between her and anyone else who came through that door. She could cry in peace, and get herself back together enough to go out there again. She had been trying, without success, to do that herself for weeks. Perhaps it was time to accept a little help. "I want you to stay,” she added, in case that wasn’t clear. It probably wasn’t. She’d been pushing him away for weeks, after all. He had to think she was completely insane by this point. Yet he was still here.

"I burned him," she pointed out, when Isaac said she hadn't hurt the guy. "And now... Now I just feel shaky all the time. When people come too close, I just want to push them back, and I'm scared I'm going to, or like I'm going to start fires or burn them. I didn't want to do that to you. I don't want to be a monster, and I don't want to turn you into one. And I was scared of you, and it sounds horrible to say it when you're always so nice to me but I don't even know what happened. I don't even know what happened. I worked so hard with Virgina last year, and I thought I was getting a handle on things. I could tell when I was doing it, when I wasn't. It was still hard to make it happen or shut it off on command but I thought I was starting to recognise it. But... I keep going over it. I don't remember anything - any of the usual signs or feelings. And I’ve got Virginia to check - and she says I’m not when I think I’m not… But I had to be doing something. I told him to stop and that I didn’t want to and I had a boyfriend. I didn’t want to cheat on you. He said I was too pretty to leave alone. That he couldn’t help it. How can you not blame me? That makes it my fault. I did something. And I don’t even know what. I didn’t even feel it. How can I trust myself, how can I trust anyone, when I don’t even know why this happened?”

And Cleo had always been so scared of her own power, always cautioned that it was dangerous, always reluctant to use it that, little as the pieces she had made sense, she couldn’t see it any other way, nor see that there was a very simple answer to that question; that it had happened because Blake Brize-Norton was a creep, and he had lucked out in preying on a girl who, though she’d been doing nothing wrong, people were going to have a very hard time believing.

13 Cleo James There's so many things 389 0 5

Isaac Song

November 05, 2019 10:07 PM

No. There isn't by Isaac Song

Instead of allowing him to hug her, she was sending him away. Isaac's initial reaction to Cleo's request was to slip out the door to Cascade Hall. "Oh, yeah," he said, standing immediately as he spoke. Maybe it was her way of getting him out of the bathroom and leaving her alone. Maybe he was the last person she wanted to even talk to or see in this state. That thought made his heart ache a little.

But then she said she wanted him to stay, and then, dumbfounded, he squatted back down again. Ah, but she wanted water. He conjured a cup of it and handed it to her. "Here." With that, he also conjured a towel, to put underneath him so he could sit on the cold floor, and a handkerchief, which he held out to Cleo.

He didn't know what had triggered her sudden monologue, but he was glad that it was spilling out of her. Apparently she had burned the guy, and it seemed like a reasonable reaction to Isaac. After all, she had been attacked by some creep who apparently didn't know how to keep his hands to himself. Though Isaac didn't know all the specifics of having Veela powers, it was sounding to him that Cleo really wasn't at fault. She would know if she had enticed him; for their entire relationship, she had learned to maintain some control or distance when her powers were at work.

"Don't you think you would have felt something if your powers were at work? I mean, when we were together I could've hurt you for the same reason, but I didn't because you knew when your powers were working and when they weren't. And that was back when you didn't even have much control over your powers like you do now. You know yourself a lot better, and if Virginia told you you would have known if something was going on, then that must be the truth. It sounds to me like this guy was just being an idiotic creep who needs to burn in hell for what he did to you. Who knows if you're even the first or only girl he's done this to."

Isaac's voice was starting to shake. He was getting heated just talking about it, so he turned his face away and took a deep breath.

"You can't turn people into monsters if they weren't already monsters to begin with," he said calmly. "People will believe whatever they want, but I believe you, and it's important that you believe in yourself too. That you didn't do it because you know your powers didn't make him do anything."

That was about as rational as Isaac was going to sound, and it surprised him to hear his own calmly-spoken words. He had never sounded so mature in his life. With his friends and family, he'd always been the silly and chatty middle child, but right now he felt like an adult--like he had grown up and come to understand something important about the world: that both angels and monsters existed in human form, and often it was difficult to tell them apart.

19 Isaac Song No. There isn't 375 0 5

Cleo James

November 09, 2019 7:57 PM

Okay then by Cleo James

She had water. She had water and a handkerchief. And, against all odds a… friend? She had Isaac. Sitting here calmly looking after her. She gratefully accepted all three, even if she was still unsure what to do with the last one. She sipped her water slowly whilst Isaac talked. What he was saying… Part of her felt like it made sense, but she wasn’t sure if that was just because she wanted to believe it. It was hard to keep telling herself she was in the right when she kept having to read what a slut she was, how she’d brought it on herself. When it felt like the whole world was against her. The whole world minus one person, at least. She didn’t know what to believe. She couldn’t put the pieces together in her head and come up with a whole. Maybe, for now, until she got there, Isaac’s certainty could stand in for her own. It seemed like, whatever she said, however much she apologised or accused herself, he was going to stay here, steadfastly believing that she wasn’t the monster here. She wiped her eyes and nose on the handkerchief, even though she was still finding it hard to stop crying.

That just left the third thing… She wanted to continue apologising. Sorry I cheated on you. Sorry I trashed our relationship over this. Sorry I let you read it all in the papers instead of coming to you… But he kept saying she didn’t need to. She supposed she could just… accept it. Like the water. Like the handkerchief. She’d taken those so easily from his hands without a second thought. Why was it so very much harder to take this, when it was being offered so freely? She moved over and rested her head against Isaac’s shoulder. He was warm and soft. She hadn’t touched anyone since coming back to school. It wasn’t like she’d ever been the most tactile person anyway but she had pushed that to its extreme, keeping her body held tight in on itself, not wanting to jostle elbows in the corridor, not wanting people to reach across her. She had reeled herself right in and kept herself away. There was some strange relief, like the cool water sliding down her throat to relieve her dehydration, in finding the physical presence of another person to lean against. One she trusted not to hurt her.

“Thank you,” she murmured. And it wasn’t all better. And it wasn’t going to be for a long time. But at least she wasn’t on her own.

13 Cleo James Okay then 389 0 5