I think the world of you (tag Isaac) on Cascade Hall

Cleo James

September 20, 2019 7:53 AM

I think the world of you (tag Isaac) by Cleo James

Cleo and Isaac hadn't had much communication over the holidays, but this wasn't unusual. It was a busy time, and Cleo wasn't the most avid letter writer, though she tried during the longer breaks. Isaac would have received the present from her though, and the card. The card with its mistletoe motif and the words 'I'm glad you're my boyfriend.' Cleo wasn’t the most emotional person. She tended to be quite closed off, and Anna had made her worried that Isaac would think she was super cold, or not that into him. ‘Ice Queen’ had been Anna’s phrase. But… well, screw Anna. Cleo was trying not to think about what Anna thought about things any more. Coming from Cleo, the card had spoken volumes. And now she was waiting outside the hall, so that she could see him before their first round of classes. They hadn’t had a chance to catch up the previous evening, and even if she’d seen him, the feast would have been noisy and crowded and very public. It wasn’t the setting she wanted for this.

Isaac was really sweet. She had enjoyed spending time with him the previous term. He was considerate, and he was careful with her, which she appreciated. She had been replaying all the nice things about him in her head as she got closer and closer to this moment. He was soft to lean on, and he smelt good. He used cute pens that his sister gave him. Cleo found the subject of siblings endlessly fascinating, not having any herself, and always enjoyed it when she could get him to talk about Maia and Lauren.

Cleo hadn’t seen him last night, because she had gone straight to her room when she arrived, and had not attended the feast. She wasn't hungry anyway, although one of the elves had brought her soup and sandwiches, just in case. It was a mark of how many public meals she'd skipped over the years that they didn't seem to fight or question this behaviour. She had picked at the sandwiches guiltily, wondering whether her absence had been noted. Wondering whether she wanted it to have been or not…

She waited, leaning against the wall outside Cascade Hall. She had arrived for the start of the breakfast period. She had to see him before they started class, get everything sorted out… Isaac always tried to make her feel good about herself. He was pretty good at it too. He didn’t make her feel stupid when she couldn’t get the answer to something. He’d said he thought of her as human.

“Hey,” she managed, when she caught sight of him. If he hadn’t noticed her absence last night, or hadn’t worried, he was going to know that something was wrong from that one single syllable, which sounded strained, and from the way her arms hugged across her own chest instead of reaching for him. She had never been huge on public displays of affection but she usually was warmer than this. Besides that, her face said a lot. Not even the veela genes seemed able to fight what was currently going on. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her hair seemed to have lost its usual shine, hanging flat beside her pale face. “Can we walk?” she managed, gesturing towards the front doors.

She didn’t want to answer questions, or try to start having a conversation that she could not have with Isaac about whether or not she was alright. She led him out, a prairie elf following them more closely than they had been doing for a while, but she didn’t take Isaac far from the school, just away from the main body of prying eyes. Her arms stayed wrapped across herself and tears pricked her eyes as she addressed the ground at his feet.

“I can’t see you anymore.”

13 Cleo James I think the world of you (tag Isaac) 389 Cleo James 1 5

Isaac Song

September 20, 2019 5:48 PM

Then let it be us against the world by Isaac Song

Isaac was excited to see Cleo before classes started. He had looked for her during the feast last night, but she hadn't been there. It did make him wonder if she wasn't as excited to see him as soon as they got back, but he didn't want to feel insecure about it. She had shown that she did like him, especially if her card had been of any indication. The gift he had sent her had been warm and thoughtful, but the card had been a long and heartfelt declaration of how glad he was that she was his girlfriend, how thankful he was of spending time together, and the like. Hers in return was short and sweet, but meaningful knowing her.

After one more glance in the mirror, Isaac rushed down to Cascade Hall to meet her. His friends had advised him that girls like romantic gestures, so he ran back to his room to transfigure an origami flower out of some spare parchment. It wasn't perfect and looked rushed, but hopefully she would appreciate it. He ran back out and right before reaching Cascade slowed down to catch his breath. He took a deep breath in and then walked into the hallway where he caught sight of her immediately. Smiling, he went up to her, trying not to seem too excited.

As soon as he saw her though, he could tell something was wrong. She looked weary and her "hey" sounded strained. Isaac hesitated, but then held out the paper flower. "Hi," he said, pushing through the tension with a smile. "This is for you."

The dreaded words "can we talk" reverberated in Isaac's head. His friends had warned him about this too. "Can we talk" usually led to breaking up, and Isaac was suddenly afraid of the possibility. Had he done something wrong? Was her dad forcing her to break up with him? Had something horrible happened to her over the holidays? "Um, sure," he replied, following her out of the public eye.

He frowned at her words, realizing that his friends had been right about those foreboding words. "Why? Did your dad say something to you? Was it my gift? Did you not like it? Did you meet someone else?" That was the worst fear, that Cleo actually had never liked him and was just going along with his feelings. Sometimes it was a little hard to tell, but he had been sure she liked him back. Something had definitely changed over the break, but he wasn't about to back down just because of some other guy. Unless, of course, Cleo had never liked Isaac, which just brought him back to the beginning of his thought process...

19 Isaac Song Then let it be us against the world 375 Isaac Song 0 5

Cleo

September 20, 2019 11:04 PM

But I'm afraid of both by Cleo

He had a flower for her. A pretty little paper flower, and he was so enthusiastic about seeing her. She didn’t want to crush it. She took the flower, feeling nervous, feeling like he wouldn’t have still wanted to give it to her if he knew what she was thinking, and afraid that she couldn’t be trusted with it. Her hands were all shaky and sweaty, and she was going to make it wilt. That was if she didn’t get so nervous that she accidentally screwed it up or, worst of worst case scenarios, just lost control and set it on fire. She didn’t want to be the kind of person who did any of those things to something pretty and pure and nice, but she was eminently capable of all of them. Worse still, she was not only capable, but it seemed likely.

“Thanks,” she managed, as she took it, the word sounding as fragile as glass. It was a normal thing to say, and she was just about able to do it, but it sounded wrong when she tried, like it was the last frontier between her continuing to manage that normalcy and just breaking into pieces.

They went outside, and she delivered the blow. And he asked Why? - of course he did, because this was so out of the blue. She thought about what she’d said in her card, and how before this, that was the last thing she’d said to him, and about all the sweet things he’d written her in reply. She wished all that could still be possible. It had been so nice. But she knew that it wouldn’t be like that now. She didn’t want it. She knew she should want to be wrapped up in Isaac’s arms the way she had been last year, only she wanted to run a mile in the opposite direction instead. Of course, his first assumption was to blame Daddy. She had guessed that was coming. What she hadn’t expected was that he would blame himself. She almost laughed, that the idea of a bad Christmas gift could be enough to do this much damage. It would have been funny if it wasn’t all so horrible. Or- She had been vehemently shaking her head at his first suggestions, and she stopped dead, looking up to find him frowning at her. She looked away again, unable to bear that.

“It’s not Daddy, and it’s not you,” she assured him. “It’s me.” She wondered whether that was enough. She sort of knew it wasn’t. She wished it could be. That she could just declare herself the problem and walk away from this before anyone else got hurt. More hurt. “I’m not in control of things,” she admitted quietly, her voice sounding scared. And she knew he knew that - that it was something she was working on and that he wasn’t scared, that he thought of her as human. But she wasn’t. That was a mistake. And it wasn’t like that - like it was just something that she was trying to get better at, that was a risk but a manageable one, one that didn’t affect them. “More than I thought,” she clarified.

13 Cleo But I'm afraid of both 389 Cleo 0 5

Isaac

October 02, 2019 12:28 AM

There's nothing to be afraid of by Isaac

Isaac was downright confused. He didn't know how to feel about her declaration--maybe mad, sad, annoyed, upset, hurt--or about how he should react to it. He knew that she wasn't in control, but it hadn't really been a problem for them. He was tempted to jump into dramatics--how she must actually hate him and was using this as an excuse, how something big must've happened over the break, how she had cheated on him with some other boy she had accidentally seduced--but he tried to calm his tumultuous thoughts. At the very least, he tried to ignore them.

"I just don't get it," he said finally in a voice much calmer than what he was actually feeling. "I know you're not fully in control, but it hasn't been a real problem for us. I mean, what is it you're trying to be in control of? Your feelings or your actions? Or the veela part of you?" Isaac shook his head. "Did... did something happen? Cause you know you could tell me, whatever it is. If it's your fears about something happening, we can work through it. Together. You don't have to be alone or feel like you have to run away from this." Isaac stopped himself before he sounded too desperate. According to his sisters, desperate never looked good on guys.

Isaac tried to think of what else his sister would say. Lauren really hadn't had any bad breakups, or that many boyfriends, but she always gave the girl's perspective on things. Maybe there was something else Cleo was alluding to, but he just couldn't get it. If Lauren told her boyfriend she wanted to break up, it would probably be because he had done something wrong or she just wasn't into him like that anymore. But things were different with Cleo. Maybe if he was more clear-headed, Isaac could figure out what she was trying to run away from.

19 Isaac There's nothing to be afraid of 375 Isaac 0 5

Cleo

October 02, 2019 2:17 PM

Oh but there is by Cleo

To a fair and objective observer, Isaac was being incredibly reasonable. He was keeping calm, he was trying to look at the situation rationally - all in the face of someone trying to tell him he was dumped. He was showing a good understanding of Cleo, and how her mind worked - how she had a tendency to run scared.

Cleo was not a fair or objective observer. What she heard was questions, questions, questions. Too many questions. Stupid questions. Which part of her? Had something happened? Wasn't it freaking obvious? Would she be falling apart at the seams if it was just cold feet? Isaac was supposed to know her, and to understand. Except, of course he didn’t. He didn’t understand this because he had always believed she was good and nice and harmless. How could he even ask which part of her she was frightened of? And what she heard was demands to explain herself, again. She was sick of going over it. They'd made her explain it so many times. First to the accidental magic lady, then to the officer from the other, specialist department. What she wanted was for it to stop. For it all to just be over.

"You can't fix this," she stated, and her voice sounded sad and tired and defeated. She didn't want to sound that way. If Isaac felt sorry for her, he was going to think there was something he could do. He would keep trying. And- she wavered. But no. She did not want that. She couldn't want it. Not right now. "Stop trying," she stated much more forcefully. "I'm not fixable. I'm not human." And he was just going to argue that she was, that he didn't care, that it didn't matter. But it did matter. “I do bad things,” she tried, still aware that she sounded like an object of pity because the effort of putting that many words together was forcing tears to spring to her eyes. She wondered if he'd even care that she had hurt someone, now that that was real and not just a hypothetical thing to be afraid of. Maybe that would scare him. Maybe not. She searched her brain for explanations. Things she could say that would make him listen, but everything inside her brain, every door she tested, was just going to open up everything. It was like she was standing in a closely packed china shop. And Isaac was asking why she wouldn’t just walk towards him, but she couldn’t see a way. She couldn’t see any step she could take that wouldn’t lead to one thing after another crashing to the ground. She didn’t have any words to explain, only panic and fear and tears.“Just go away!” she demanded.

13 Cleo Oh but there is 389 Cleo 0 5

Isaac

October 03, 2019 12:45 AM

Seems like that's that then by Isaac

It didn't seem like their conversation was going anywhere. Cleo had made up her mind and Isaac wasn't going to be able to change it. He was surprised at the forcefulness of her tone, at her determination to push him away. Isaac felt sad--really sad--and he didn't know what to do about it. He had never said he wanted to fix her, had never even given that impression, at least so he thought, but apparently that's what Cleo perceived. And maybe she was right. There was no way to fix their relationship if Isaac was just going to be doing all the work.

Now that she was demanding him to leave, Isaac could feel another emotion coming up: anger. He didn't get angry often, if ever, but it was unfair and the lack of explanation was making him frustrated. Being angry was easier than being hurt, and he didn't want to feel like some patient, lovesick fool trying to save a dead relationship.

"Fine!" he replied, equally as forceful. His face had changed from one of confusion and sorrow to distant and frustrated. "If that's what you want, then fine. Whatever."

Isaac wanted to leave with some dramatics if only to make himself feel better, like saying some kind of last word that would make her regret ever dumping him like this. But nothing stood out in his jumbled thoughts. He wanted to hurt her with his words, but he didn't know what he could say that would make her feel what he was feeling right now. He held his breath for a second and then released it all in one go when he realized there was nothing left to say. Maybe later he would get teary, but right now he was too upset. He didn't get her or how reserved she was. It was just so different from how he'd been raised and how he understood girlfriends and boyfriends to be. Maybe he could deal with the differences, but he couldn't deal with this. Especially not now when he had so many other things to think about at school.

Even though he thought ending with 'whatever' was pretty weak, Isaac couldn't think clearly, and he couldn't keep staring at her fuming in angry hurt. Maybe it was better this way though, to leave without saying anything. But then words finally came out without a thought: "I guess we're over then." It hurt saying it and even hearing it come out of his mouth, but it made it real and official. Isaac turned around and walked away quickly, his hands shoved into his pockets, half hoping she would call and ask him to wait. The other half of him knew she wouldn't.

19 Isaac Seems like that's that then 375 Isaac 0 5