One is the loneliest number (tag Ginny) on Cascade Hall

Francesca Wolseithcrafte

November 24, 2014 10:10 PM

One is the loneliest number (tag Ginny) by Francesca Wolseithcrafte

It definitely wasn’t her imagination if Adam thought so too…. Ginny was avoiding them. It made her feel sick and awkward to think that she’d done something to annoy one of her best friends that much especially as she had no idea what it was. She knew Ginny was wound up about the ball, and she could almost understand her avoiding Adam because of it (even if she thought that was unfair) but what had she done?

Trying to find a good time to talk about it had been difficult. Class was so public. Dance club had been becoming increasingly infrequent and she’d skipped a few lately because she couldn’t see how it wouldn’t be awkward to be around Ginny when Ginny clearly didn’t want to be around her. The rest of the time, her friend seemed nowhere to be seen though… She didn’t come and study with them in the library any more. She wasn’t usually at dinner when Francesca was. She had to eat though, so this week her plan was to stake out the Cascade Hall all dinner time long. Again, it wasn’t always the most private place but it was better than class, and they could always slip out for a walk. If Ginny would talk to her at all… The scary image had played through her mind several times of her catching sight of her friend and calling her over, only to have Ginny turn away and humiliate her with public rejection. Thinking that might happen made her want to cry but it also made her angry. It was so similar to her Boggart last year, which Ginny had seen. She knew that Francesca’s worst fear was being rejected by her and yet she was doing this… How could she? Whatever she was mad about didn’t she at least owe it to her to talk it out, especially after what she’d seen?

She spread her books across the table but it was hard to study when she kept looking up every minute or so to see whether her friend had come in. She hadn’t caught her on previous nights. Either Ginny was skipping dinner, or she’d come in, seen her, and walked away again… Both options made her feel horrible for different reasons. She reread the same sentence of her Transfiguration textbook for the twentieth time, it still not sinking in, and looked up. A familiar dark head of hair had entered the hall. Part of her wanted to bend back over her book, to see if Ginny would bother coming to her but so much evidence from this term suggested that she wouldn’t. It seemed like she had to be the one to end this stalemate, or at least try to, and even if it was worse in the short-term, sitting not knowing what was going on and letting it eat away at her was worse. She didn’t need this on her mind going into exams.

“Ginny,” she called, her mouth feeling dry and uncomfortable. She had chosen a seat near the door to be easily seen and to easily see. She waved anyway, the flash of white gold around her wrist glinting in the light from the chandeliers. If Ginny had paid any attention, from her distant vantage points this term, she would have noticed that the bracelet was always around Francesca’s wrist. Although it was often under the sleeve of her robes, it was clear she was wearing it, as she had developed a subconscious habit of fingering it every time they were told to partner up in class. Her hand went to it again now, fiddling anxiously, as she waited to see whether her friend was going to just outright reject or ignore her.

OOC - descriptions of Ginny's actions based on her posts and checked with her author. Comment about Adam sharing his concerns Ok'd by his.

13 Francesca Wolseithcrafte One is the loneliest number (tag Ginny) 250 Francesca Wolseithcrafte 1 5

Virginia Bellrose

November 29, 2014 8:37 PM

But you aren't alone most of the time. by Virginia Bellrose

CATS would be arriving soon and Ginny was both utterly nervous about them but also a bit relieved. The exams meant the end of term. The end of term meant she could forget this entire year and go home. She knew her summer would be busy. Her mother was quite pleased that Ginny had managed to keep a pen pal with Maxwell Simmons, one of the proper boys she had danced with at one of the many balls she had attended over Christmas. Honestly, his letters were the only thing that she found any pleasure in the entire term and it wasn’t even something she could share with anyone. Their letters weren’t anything remotely romantic or any such thing, but it was nice to have someone to talk to about things. Maxwell did have a ball at his school, but it was only for the Seventh years and their dates. It was the final farewell to the graduating students. Ginny wished that was the case for her school. No pressure for Prefects and that nonsense. Just fun.

Although her mother would be pleased by her correspondence, she would not be pleased by Ginny’s appearance. With the lack of consistent meals, Ginny had dropped at least a dress size, if not more so. Her clothes hung loosely on her body, making her look even smaller than normal and rather frail. She had always taken pride in how well maintained she kept herself from dancing, but now she looked horrid. Her mother was going to put her on an eating plan to get her weight back up while she was home for summer. Ginny really wouldn’t blame her mother for that either. Being so busy with all of the class work, studying, and Prefect duties, plus working her schedule around so as to avoid most of the school population, eating just wasn’t something she remembered to do very often.

She had a little bit of time tonight to grab something really quickly from the Hall before it closed and she began work on her Potions essay. Ginny had done a little dancing but a dizzy spell overcame her and she thought it best to get some food into her before she embarrassed herself by passing out in the dance room in MARS.

Walking into the Hall, Ginny kept her head down and headed to the table in the far corner. It was usually the sable she chose when she decided to go to the hall. Most people headed to the middle tables, so by using the far one in the corner, no one paid her any attention. Except today. She heard her name being called out and on instinct; Ginny looked around to see who it was. She regretted that choice when she saw who it was. Ginny had been keeping away from her friends all term. At first, it was because she had been humiliated and felt abandoned by them and now, it was just simpler to keep it that way.

Ginny hesitated at first, not sure what she should do, but the guilt of walking away after being called out kept her from doing just that. Nervously, she made her way over to where Francesca was sitting. “Hey, uh, good evening.” Ginny greeted awkwardly. “I wasn’t planning on staying long and it looks like you’re busy anyway…” She stated, indicating the school books around Francesca.

6 Virginia Bellrose But you aren't alone most of the time. 0 Virginia Bellrose 0 5

Francesca

December 04, 2014 7:13 AM

I wasn't talking about me by Francesca

Well, Ginny wasn't ignoring her... So far, so good. She was a little shocked when her friend made her way over at how skinny she seemed to be getting. She guessed that was something that was easier to hide under robes and when the person constantly kept themselves at a distance. Francesca hoped it was just exam stress but she knew there could be other reasons. She mentally added it to the long list of things to discuss with Ginny though if it wasn't just about exams then she really wasn't sure how. What if this was the underlying reason that she was avoiding them? That she knew they'd say something and try to stop her doing this to herself?

Ginny's words hurt. Even though she'd come over, she clearly didn't want to stay. It felt like she had to fight to get Ginny to sit down and have a conversation with her and she was tired and stressed too, and fed up of being rejected. It was very tempting to just give in to that, much like it had been tempting not to sit and wait, to say 'oh ok... see you later.' Short term easier, long term harder, she reasoned. One of them had to make the effort at this point and it seemed like it was going to have to be her.

“I have time for you,” she reassured her. “I was... uh, waiting for you actually. The books were just to pass the time. Can you stay for a bit?” she asked. “It feels like we haven't seen a lot of you lately..” even though Adam wasn't there she couldn't help but use the plural. They were a they – usually the three of them – and it was... well, true. It wasn't just her that had been suffering Ginny's absence. It was a plural problem.

13 Francesca I wasn't talking about me 250 Francesca 0 5

Ginny

December 06, 2014 8:27 PM

I've survived alone before. by Ginny

“Oh.” Ginny mumbled when Francesca admitted that she had been waiting for her. Ginny didn’t know how to feel about that or how to handle it beyond this point. She really was tired and she did have a lot to do, but her stomach was empty and a part of her really missed spending time with her friend. Francesca was the first person whom Ginny had felt close to at this school. As hurt as Ginny was over her friends’ dismissal of her, she had felt very alone without them. She thought they had continued on just fine. Playing Quidditch with their other friends, preparing for the ball, studying together, etcetera. She spent the term alone in her dorm room with no one to rely on. “I guess so.”

Ginny nervously sat down across from Francesca. Her green eyes darted around the hall anxiously as though she was waiting for something to chase her away. She knew it was silly to be so nervous around Francesca but it was a feeling that Ginny couldn’t shake. Being away from her two friends for so long, she felt like she wasn’t a part of any of it anymore. She supposed that had been what she had wanted after feeling so low about everything.

Not making eye contact, Ginny began to put some pasta onto her plate. She hadn’t had much solid foods in a long while. Mostly, she just ate quick things like fruits or yogurt. She hoped the pasta wouldn’t make her stomach hurt later. “Yeah, I’ve just had a lot going on.” Ginny commented vaguely when Francesca mentioned her disappearance from the group. She didn’t really know what else to say other than that. She didn’t want to admit how the two of them had made her felt, especially not in the hall and she didn’t want to admit the fact that she had been right about everything. No one wanted to have her as their date. Not even her friends. It was hard for her to swallow. She felt rejected and humiliated by it. It would be worse to actually say such things out loud though and have everyone laugh at her.

6 Ginny I've survived alone before. 0 Ginny 0 5

Francesca

December 13, 2014 4:02 AM

So, you know how much it sucks by Francesca

Ginny seemed so awkward around her. She guessed it was natural, when someone confronted you after you hadn’t spoken to them for weeks to be a bit unsure but it still felt… surreal to see Ginny so anxious at being in her presence. Maybe her friend had dug herself a hole… Taken herself off for some alone time when she’d found out about Adam but then not really known how to come back, not known if she could just walk back into their group like nothing had happened… Sometimes, the longer you did something the harder it became not to. Maybe this was all it would take… A little reaching out, some showing that it all could just be ok again. She could only hope.

“No,” she said, softly, when Ginny stated that she had just been busy, “When pairs or threes are called for classes, you’re always with someone else. When we study - the same things as you, at the same time and table as we’ve always done - you’re nowhere to be seen. That’s not busy that’s…. avoiding,” her voice cracked slightly as she said the last word. It was one she’d used in her head a lot, one she’d even mentioned to Adam, but saying it to Ginny’s face made it so much more real and worse than it had ever seemed before. It hung in the air like an accusation, and she tried to find something to soften it. She wanted Ginny to know that she knew that was what she was doing, and to answer to it, but she didn’t want to frighten her away.

“It doesn’t have to be like this.” she added. Perhaps she was wrong to speak for Adam, and part of her wanted to know why she too had been made to suffer this term, when she couldn’t see what she’d done wrong. But she wanted a line drawn under this and wanted it all back to normal.

13 Francesca So, you know how much it sucks 250 Francesca 0 5

Ginny

December 13, 2014 9:32 AM

But I don't get hurt when I'm alone. by Ginny

Ginny’s brows furrowed with Francesca’s choice of wording. Yes, Ginny had done all she could to avoid being around the two of them, but the way Francesca stated it, it sounded like Ginny had been doing something wrong instead of just doing something out of character. It made Ginny angry to have Francesca make her feel like she should be guilty of anything when she hadn’t done anything wrong. Just because she changed her schedule and partnered with other people did not make her a bad person. “Oh, and what should it be like then?” Ginny asked, her voice on edge.

Being tired, hungry, and all around miserable had made Ginny more emotional than she would have liked. Having sat with Francesca had only brought out the hurt and anger that she had stuffed away during the times when she was forced to be around people. “You both don’t understand, do you? When I admitted my feelings in the library all you did was wave it away and make me feel like I was a whiny little girl looking for compliments when it was anything but that. I told the truth about how I felt because that’s what friends do, but maybe that had been a mistake.” Ginny stated, tears breaking the surface of her eyes.

“You and Adam have all of these people who enjoy being around you. You always have. I have no one else. Just the two of you. I knew no one would ask me and that I would be alone and you both proved it.” The tears fell and her chin trembled, but unless someone was nearby, no one would have known she was crying. Her voice had remained quiet, but a bit strained, and she stayed seated so it looked like nothing more than two friends talking. “You have no idea how much it hurt me to come back from a terrible holiday only to find out that you two had dates even though we talked about all going as friends together so we wouldn’t have to worry about that. I didn’t think I would be left out and alone, but I was. I am.”

Ginny sniffled and picked up her napkin to blot her face and nose. She tried so hard to not cry in front of people, but confronting Francesca had gotten the better of her. Ginny stood to go. “It’s humiliating to know no one wants to spend an evening with you, not even friends. And even though I’m hurt, I know that it’s wrong to be mad that you both found someone to go with that wasn’t me, so it’s just easier to be on my own than have to be reminded of that every day.”

6 Ginny But I don't get hurt when I'm alone. 0 Ginny 0 5

Francesca

December 13, 2014 11:40 PM

Are you sure about that? by Francesca

Francesca floundered for a moment at Ginny’s question, or rather the icy tone in which it was put to her. Apparently more than just a bit of connecting was going to be needed. There was peace-making to be done.

“Honestly? I’d just like everything to go back to how it was,” she stated. “And I know things haven’t turned out great with the ball, but to me that’s not worth throwing the last four years away over.” She was taking a bit of a punt at where the problem lay but it seemed a reasonable guess, even if she still didn’t see what she had done, other than possibly continuing to speak to Adam. She was a little surprised when she found out that Ginny’s gripe with them harked back to the library.

“I wasn’t waving your feelings away. I… I wanted to reassure you. I meant what I said quite sincerely.

“And no, I don’t. I don’t to most of those things," she stated, keeping her tone calm even though she was a little outraged by the number of wild assumptions Ginny had made. Her not speaking to them seemed to be based more on the rumours that were flying than having talked to them about what was actually going on. "Yes, I’m on the Quidditch team but it’s not like I hang out with most of those people outside that scenario, apart from Teddy - and big whoop in the cool stakes, hanging out with your brother at a party. They rest of them, they’ll all be busy with their own dates or friends. And Jay isn’t my date. We agreed to do the first dance together because we’re both required to - and it’s not like that’s something you or I could have helped each other out with. After that, we’re going to be with our friends. That’s still how how I want to spend the evening. With you,” she clarified, seeing as Ginny seemed so determined to feel like Francesca didn’t regard her as such any more. It genuinely panicked her to see Ginny in tears. She half wanted to go around and hug her but she didn’t want to draw attention and wasn’t really sure how the other girl would take it. She was always so guarded with her own emotions, and felt she had limited skills in dealing with them when other people showed them. Perhaps it made more sense than she’d initially thought that she’d messed up in the library…

“Look, I’m not great at dealing with feelings. My own or other people’s. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, or that I’m not trying. I just… it’s not something where I easily know the right thing to say.” She wanted to say ‘please don’t hold it against me.’ She knew it was a weakness and she hated that it made her a worse friend but she also hated that Ginny might not forgive it in her. People weren’t perfect, it was a fact of life, but friends were meant to accept that about each other.

13 Francesca Are you sure about that? 250 Francesca 0 5

Ginny

December 16, 2014 9:55 PM

Yes. by Ginny

Francesca didn’t see what was quite obvious to everyone else. Just because she didn’t spend much of her time with her teammates minus her brother didn’t mean that they wouldn’t welcome her into their group. Her Captain and the Head Boy of the school saw nothing strange about going to a dance with her. She had friends on the other teams as well. Francesca could easily become a part of their social groups if she chose to be.

“Why wouldn’t you have told me what you were planning?” Ginny asked through her tears. If she had known before hand, she wouldn’t have been upset with Francesca. “All I heard when I came back to school was how you were going with an older boy and that Adam was going with one of the twins. I was so upset that you both just rejected me for other people and neither of you attempted to explain why to me at all. What was I supposed to think?”

Ginny could understand Francesca finding someone to dance with because of their situation, but what of Adam? Why did he have to ask one of the Pierce twins to be his date when he had both Ginny and Francesca? Was she really so terrible to be with that he wanted any excuse to not have to be her date? Ginny couldn’t deny that she had hoped that he would have asked her. When she had found out through word of mouth that he had asked one of the Anns, Ginny couldn’t ever describe how terrible she felt at the news. And of all people, one of the Anns. Those girls were the two whom Ginny felt most threatened by. Both Francesca and Adam saw them as good friends and Ginny hardly knew them. They would be easy replacements for her. She would never tell Francesca any of this though, mostly because she thought Francesca would tell Adam everything and also because Ginny had never wanted it to cause an issue between her and the Aladren.

Ginny said nothing for a moment, trying to catch her breath and stop the tears with the napkin. She felt her chest ease a bit knowing that Francesca hadn’t dismissed her and she slowly sat back down in her seat. She knew that Francesca wasn’t good with emotions or talking about those things, but sometimes Ginny needed those things. She had been alone for most of her life with no one other than adults around, she didn’t know how friendships worked and spent most of her time scared that she would be abandoned.

“I’m not going to the ball.” Ginny told her. “I’m sorry, but I won’t go.” She wasn’t going because she didn’t have a date but also because she didn’t really want to see Adam dancing with Ann. Such a shame too since she had found such a pretty dress to wear too.

6 Ginny Yes. 0 Ginny 0 5

Francesca

December 21, 2014 3:32 AM

I remain unconvinced by Francesca

“When we talked in the library about going as a group, I thought it meant apart from the first dance, seeing as that wasn’t really something we could all do together, and I didn’t really see it as something we had a choice in. And given how apparently unobvious that idea was to everyone else, I’ve been kicking myself for not clarifying at the time. As for not attempting to explain…” she took a deep breath, trying hard to keep her tone level as she said, “It’s not like you’ve given us very many chances to do that. I get that you were mad, and I sort of see why, but you can’t blame us for not clearing things up with you when you’ve been avoiding speaking to us.” Whilst she could see where Ginny was coming from, especially with Adam, she felt betrayed by the lack of trust, and found herself having to bite her tongue not to level this at Ginny in a more angry and accusatory fashion. It hurt though, that apparently their best friend didn’t trust them to not just be… fundamentally horrible and backstabbing people. That that had been her go to explanation. Yes, it was easy to assume the worst, she’d done it plenty of times herself, but however easy it was to listen to that little voice, surely there were some things worth arguing against it for. “What you’re supposed to think,” she replied, even though Ginny’s question had been rhetorical, “Is best friends don’t just stab each other in the back for no reason, so maybe if things don’t add up there’s something else going on, or you’ve all got your wires crossed.”

She felt a little like the tension was easing, although she wasn’t really confident of Ginny not just flying off the handle again. There was still the issue of Adam and she knew that was going to be the hardest part, but it was also causing the most hurt, so hopefully - if Ginny was willing to listen - it would ultimately help, even if it was an awkward conversation to have.

“And…. on that subject…” she began cautiously, “I’m not pretending I agree with Adam’s logic or his reasons for doing what he did, but there are some beyond what you’re assuming. Why not give him a chance to explain too? I mean, being angry and thinking the worst of the situation doesn’t exactly seem to be helping you. Maybe it’ll help put your mind at ease a bit to talk it through... “ And she felt Adam was owed a fair chance to explain, as much as Ginny was entitled to a fair explanation, but she felt pitching it this way was safer.

“Oh, Ginny!” she sighed sadly, when her friend told her she wasn’t going to the ball, “I… You…. We deserve some post-exam fun. You could sneak in after the first dance. Or Teddy would open the ball with you if I asked him,” her brother was tall for his age and Ginny short for theirs so they wouldn’t be mismatched. “I know it might not be quite how you pictured the night but we can still hang out and have fun.”

13 Francesca I remain unconvinced 250 Francesca 0 5

Ginny

December 28, 2014 3:02 PM

You have your right to feel that way. by Ginny

“You stopped me just fine today for a chat.” Ginny said flatly. “And, as far as I can tell, the Owls work just fine too.” It wasn’t fair that Francesca was putting all of the lack of communication onto Ginny’s shoulders simply because she didn’t sit with them at lunch or study with them. There were plenty of ways in which Francesca could have easily gotten in touch with Ginny and had chosen not to do so. To say that it was simply because Ginny wasn’t around wasn’t fair. Ginny probably could have said her comment nicer, but she didn’t feel it was right to solely blame her for the lack of communication between the two of them.

She chose not to say anything regarding how best friends react to things. Ginny didn’t know how friends act to one another or what was normal and what wasn’t. Her parents didn’t have close friends and the one good friend her father had, something had happened between them and Ginny spent several years in hiding as a result. She didn’t know how best friends handled things or were expected to react to them because she had never experienced friends before Francesca. Everyone just did things for themselves; that was all she had an understanding for, but she couldn’t very well explain that to someone like Francesca who had many siblings and friends so she wouldn’t possible understand Ginny’s way of life.

Her face grew dark at the mention of Adam. “No, I don’t want to see him.” She said somewhat forcefully. Adam had hurt her deeper than Francesca had. Not only had he rejected her as a friend, he rejected her as a female too. He might have had his reasons, but it still hurt her and she really wasn’t ready to deal with him or be there at the ball to watch him dancing happily with one of the twins. Even if he hadn’t been aware of her feelings (not surprising as Ginny hadn’t been aware of them herself either until hearing that he was going with someone else), he had still let her down by saying he wanted them to go as friends and then dumped them when another girl came around.

Ginny’s eyes widened in horror at the idea of dancing with Francesca’s brother. Ginny had no negative thoughts or emotions towards Theodore, he always seemed like a polite boy, but rather, she was horrified at the idea of everyone seeing her dancing with a boy who was two years younger than her and her best friends little brother. Everyone would know that he was only dancing with her to be nice. She thought that was worse than having no date at all. She didn’t want a pity dance with someone. “No, thank you for the offer, but I’d rather just not go at all than force your brother, or anyone, into dancing with me.” Ginny advised her friend. “I’m sure Mr. Carey will stay around for a while after the first dance and you’ll have a lovely time with… everyone.” Ginny said, giving her friend a meek smile. She knew that the night of the ball would be difficult for her and she’d likely cry at herself for being so pathetic, but at least no one would see her there and laugh at her.

6 Ginny You have your right to feel that way. 0 Ginny 0 5

Francesca

December 29, 2014 8:55 AM

How very gracious of you by Francesca

She had stopped her just fine today. And that was being levelled at her like it was an accusation. At first, she hadn’t wanted to believe there was a problem. Had been waiting for Ginny just to reappear and prove it had all been her paranoid imagination. But she hadn’t. Francesca had had to accept the truth that her best friend was avoiding her for reasons she didn’t even understand. That on its own was hard enough but it also made Ginny’s reaction if she did call her out unpredictable. Was she going to ignore her? Yell at her? Both had been sickening possibilities. Yes, it had taken her a long time to act because the situation was frightening and unpleasant and she had no idea how to begin going about handling it. And apparently the fact that she hadn’t done this soon enough was a further mark against her name. Normally, she wanted to put all her points forth, win any debate, But that would involve spilling deep and personal her feelings to someone who apparently didn’t trust her in the slightest. She had always shared more of her feelings with Ginny than with anyone outside her family but it was still something she had placed strict limits on, and right now she didn’t think Ginny earnt that privilege.

The fact that she refused to even consider speaking with Adam further pushed her. It felt like, in spite of what she said, Ginny really wasn’t ready to make it up with them. She was flat out refusing to speak to Adam, and she wanted everything she herself had done - making assumptions and ignoring them - to be somehow their fault too. Francesca hadn’t tried soon enough but Ginny hadn’t tried at all. She had thought she wanted to make up more than anything but she supposed, when it came to it, there were limits. She was not going to take blame she didn’t feel belonged to her. She wasn’t going to buy into illogical or irrational explanations where Adam was undeniably the bad guy just to soothe Ginny’s ego. Her friend could take the facts and accept them, or she could keep believing what she wanted.

“Fine. Now you know what happened and you know why, with me at least. And I’m sorry if you got mixed messages,” she gathered up her books. She felt like she was shaking but her hands looked steady. It was more feeling shaken, she supposed. “It’s up to you where you want to go from here.”

13 Francesca How very gracious of you 250 Francesca 0 5