Sorting things out (DH Skies!). on Crotalus Commons

Jessica Hayles

January 20, 2019 5:27 PM

Sorting things out (DH Skies!). by Jessica Hayles

Jessica had always (by the definition of ‘always’ which extended about two years into the past, anyway) considered herself fairly self-sufficient. She was used to entertaining herself when neither of her parents nor the maid nor the chauffeur had time for her, had overcome her terror of ordering for herself in restaurants, and Carmela had taught her to fill in her own eyebrows and dress her own hair without any heat, the way Carmela’s mother had taught her these things back in Buenos Aires, where her former nanny had been born. She had also been bathing and dressing herself since she was seven years old and could both swim and bicycle. It had never occurred to her to think of herself as someone used to being taken care of until her first night at Sonora.

The small, aesthetically unpleasing shower was, she supposed, something she should have expected, and was something she could live with – if only because she had her own, very good, soaps and shampoos and conditioners and body lotions with her to use in place of whatever passed for toiletries with these people. At least they had hot running water. What she did not think she should have had to be prepared for, however, was the lack of anything else hot.

All her life, when Jessica had gotten out of the bath, there had been two hot, fresh towels waiting for her – one for her body, one for her hair. After that, there had been one or another device – usually with an adult attached, to do it very carefully and slowly, with air that wasn’t too hot, so as not to damage her hair – waiting to finish drying her hair, so she didn’t get sick from spending too much time with wet hair. Sonora had provided neither of these things. There had been a towel, but not only had it been cold, it had also been…well, much less plush than those she was used to, at least. So much for the stories about this being the cozy little school where the wealthy of this world tended to congregate which her parents had been sold – unless, of course, their rich people were stuck in the mid-Victorian era too, in which case she wondered if Daddy might not make a killing selling them on the idea of civilization. And whether Daddy would succeed in making that killing before Jessica was killed by a wholly preventable case of pneumonia brought on by lack of access to a hair dryer.

She had survived the night, however, and the act of putting on the hideous sack of a school uniform, and then the act of wearing it all day while getting through classes where she felt confused and unsuccessful more often than not. It had taken a lot of lip treatment – at one point, she had been slightly horrified to discover that, though Jessica Rose was not a particularly shiny shade, her mouth had looked almost glassy; she’d had to tear a little page out of one of her miniature Moleskine notebooks in her purse and use it as a blotting paper – but she had done it, and now the day was coming to an end – of sorts. There was homework, of course, but she wasn’t starting it yet, because she really needed to know exactly which parts of it she was ever going to need to hand in before she began. This schedule situation was not okay and since nobody was here with her to help her, she was just going to have to fix it herself.

Since she was out of her depth, though – she hadn’t expected to have to deal with an academic advisor alone for another three years – she decided she needed to increase the amount of armor she had against the outside world. She had long since figured out how she could, in private at least, use her eyebrow pencil on her eyelashes to imitate the mascara she was only allowed to officially wear on very special occasions, so she had touched up her eyebrows and then made it equally obvious she had eyelashes. She also had two tiny, almost-matte single-color eyeshadow powders she had stolen from her mother at different points – smudging some of the creamy-colored one on her eyelids and taking an even lighter hand as she put some of the pale pale pale pink one over the depressions beneath her eyes made her brown eyes seem bigger and less shadowed underneath, as well as helping highlight her brows more. She had thrown the sack-uniform across the room with gay abandon, exchanging it for a navy blue trench dress with a white collar, after which she had wrestled her hair into a simple roll around the back of her head, knowing that putting her hair up and wearing navy made her look more businesslike. All that done, her nails had been meticulously examined for any chips before her lips were re-swiped and blotted one last time before she marched off to confront the Deputy Headmistress-slash-House mother.

She knocked on the door, reminding herself this woman was just a teacher, and forced a smile when she was admitted. Her hands gripped the green folder she had been given at orientation so hard she was slightly afraid she was going to give herself a paper cut. “Hi,” she said, in a slightly breathy voice not made firmer by a slight Southern accent. “I’m Jessica Hayles – I’m new here, and I need to talk to you about my schedule.”

She crossed her ankles primly in front of her as she sat down. “I know I – have to learn this magic stuff,” she said. “But this schedule is – it’s really – I really just don’t think it’s going to work, ma’am,” she said apologetically. “I know my test scores are really good, but I really don’t think I can just miss two years of math and Spanish, especially, and then pick them back up after this – Beginner thing is over – and I’m sure my parents will agree when I show them this.” This last bit was added in a more confident tone than the words which preceded it, words which had all come out in a rush of courage screwed quite emphatically to the sticking-place. She opened her orientation folder and put the class schedule on top of it in her lap. “I was – hoping I could drop one or two of these classes for now, but I can skip lunch for an extra class if that’s the only way to fit everything I need in,” she said, not wanting to seem unnecessarily demanding. Schedules were tricky, it wasn’t uncommon for those who wanted to achieve success in life to have to make sacrifices and she wanted the school to know she was more than willing to do so. “And these sixth grade classes start so late – are there any classes I could fit in earlier if I only took part of breakfast? I’ve always eaten at six-thirty at home, so it’s really no problem,” she added, eager to please if at all possible while still getting her own way.

16 Jessica Hayles Sorting things out (DH Skies!). 1442 Jessica Hayles 1 5

Professor Skies

January 21, 2019 7:32 AM

Rule one, eat by Professor Skies

Professor Skies had had time to appraise herself briefly of the students’ files, and to learn which were not native English speakers, which were new to magic. Things she might need to know in order to ease them through their time at school. She did not know what it felt like to be dropped suddenly into a whole other world, having grown up happily in this one, but over the years she had seen a number of different reactions. Disbelieving. Delighted. Culture shocked.

And thus, when Jessica Hayles, Muggleborn, knocked on her door and came in expressing concern about her schedule, it was not the first time Selina had had a conversation like it. On the plus side, Ms. Hayles seemed to accept that she needed to be here right now. In fact, jumping back a step, she had accepted that magic was real and had got here. On the downside, she seemed to be regarding this as a rather more short term arrangement than it was, and was talking about skipping meals.

“I’m glad you’ve come to see me,” she said, smiling gently and really meaning it. Even if she was not going to be able to grant Ms. Hayles much of what she wanted, Selina really did want students to talk through their problems with her. She was strict in her classes because she had to be. She did not put up with nonsense from students, but the types that displeased her most were arrogance and backchat. She had raised two daughters, and she knew that adolescents had a lot of feelings. Admittedly, being desperately sad at being deprived mathematics was a new one. She had rather formed the impression that the lack of further maths was a great benefit of learning one was magical. But the same principles applied. Jessica needed to feel listened to for them to make any progress. And Selina’s face, though it could stun students into silene with a look, could also be gentle, and it was this mode she was in now with her Head of House hat on.

“The first thing you need to know is that any plan that involves skipping meals is not going to happen,” she began. She suspected it would not come as a surprise that an authority figure was not going to endorse such a thing, though she backed herself up with reasons anyway, because she really did not want a fainting first year on her hands. “We are here to educate you but also to look after you, and I don’t think your parents would be very impressed if I wasn’t giving you time to eat. Also, magic takes energy. You may think we don’t know much about science, but we do know about energy cycles, and what happens when you pour lots of energy out without putting any in. It’s also not possible for you to drop any classes right now either,” this was still said gently, but it was a fact, and as well as being listened to, Ms. Hayles did need to know what the facts of the situation were.

“I know you’re having to go through a big adjustment right now. This is probably all very different to what you’re used to. I don’t know that I can grant you what you want. But I do want to know why it’s important to you, and to try to help. Why those subjects? Do you plan on… being a mathematician in a Spanish speaking country? And what do you think is going to change in two years’ time, given that I’m sure you’ve been told several times by now that Sonora is a seven year school?”

13 Professor Skies Rule one, eat 26 Professor Skies 0 5

Jessica

January 21, 2019 8:45 AM

When there’s time, sure. by Jessica

Jessica was surprised to hear her compromise about lunch shot down out of hand. The breaks between classes were long enough to eat a sandwich or chug a meal replacement shake in, so the only real function lunch served was a social one, and she was going to be too busy to deal with that anyway. Besides, it wasn’t as if she was going to be here long anyway. She’d get this magic stuff where she could stop doing it, and then she could get everything back on track. It was no different than recovering from a broken bone or any other injury that got in the way.

The briefest twitch in her cheek betrayed the effort it took not to laugh at the idea of being a mathematician, but it vanished at a question which felt like a polite version of are you an idiot. “The...stuff about this place said the schedules are - normally - only...unmovable for two years,” she explained herself. “I know it will be hard to work with the eighth graders in these classes, but - I can’t let this - condition be an excuse to get behind. Or any further behind. This has already thrown my schedule - my long schedule, from here to university - it’s already thrown it completely off.” She flushed, flustered at the thought.

“There are - plans,” she explained, looking plaintively up at the House mother. “I have plans. I want to be a writer, before I join the brand when I’m grown up - that’s why I need Spanish, Daddy does a lot of business in Latin America. I’ve got to do everything now so I can even qualify for the right programs later. I can’t just - I can’t think I’m going to do a good job without the right resume.”

16 Jessica When there’s time, sure. 1442 Jessica 0 5

Professor Skies

January 24, 2019 7:15 AM

And digest. by Professor Skies

Selina had all sorts of things that she thought might be good advice for Jessica. Go read a book. Not an improving one, just a fun one. Or go play. Do the things a child should be doing instead of worrying about being an adult. However, if there was one thing children hated, it was being treated like a child. Clearly, the person who sat in front of her was a serious young woman. And that was how she ended up in Selina’s house. Still, even if she did not want to do anything immature, there were plenty of things Selina could suggest. Go for a nice long walk. Listen to music. Start making friends. Still, she doubted any of that advice would be well received either.

The mishmash of plans that Jessica presented was baffling to Selina. Studying mathematics was in no way necessary to become a writer. No academic subjects, magic or muggle, were particularly essential, just a good grasp of one’s own language and, for fiction, a good imagination. As for her wish to work in Daddy’s company. Well… Selina could scarcely say she approved of nepotism (or its female equivalent) but it meant that Jessica seemed like she had a fairly easy ride of things. Of course, she had mentioned doing a good job rather than getting a good job. But there had been distinction she had failed to make - having an impressive list of achievements vs actual skills.

“Indeed, you take beginners classes until you are in third year,” Selina confirmed, her tone only slightly pointedly stressing the correct terminology. “At that point, you may take certain additional courses. Usually, these are in further branches of magic, though I believe some students have had correspondence courses in non-magical subjects before now,” she added, not wanting to deprive the girl of all hope. Selina did not necessarily believe that Jessica needed these things, and certainly they were less important than her magical education. But the problem was that Jessica believed she did, and just flat out refusing the possibility was not likely to get them very far at this stage.

“I can see it’s important to you to work hard, and that you want to know you’re equipped for the future. I want that to happen too. Right now, you’re here, and you need to put your energies and attentions into learning some things that weren’t in that plan. You yourself have acknowledged that. Although… I’m not sure I would refer to magic as a ‘condition’ or see it as an obstacle to the future you want.” The way Jessica was speaking about her abilities was problematic from any number of reasons - her own acceptance and well-being, her ability to master and control her magic, and how it was going to come across to her classmates to be speaking that way. It felt like, whilst she was paying lipservice to the idea of being here that she didn’t really believe it, and that what Sonora had to offer still ranked somewhere below maths and Spanish to her. “Can you tell me what’s been explained to you so far about why it’s important to master your magic, and what happens to you if don’t?” Selina asked.

13 Professor Skies And digest. 26 Professor Skies 0 5

Jessica

January 24, 2019 2:13 PM

There’s an automatic system to do that for me. by Jessica

Jessica relaxed visibly, almost smiling again for a few seconds, when she heard there was a precedent for continuing normal studies while here. Correspondence wasn’t ideal, and she still couldn’t quite process that there weren’t any other real classes she could take, but it was a place to start.

She frowned slightly, confused, when asked what she had been told. “Um, I remember a lot about blowing things up without meaning to,” said Jessica. “Daddy really got on board when he heard I might be a danger to electronics - there’s fragile equipment in our labs, and he’s always taken me to film sets where they use our products -“ this with a proper, genuine smile as she thought back on favorite memories - “and of course there’s the, um, plane. Yeah, that could be...bad if I accidentally broke that.” Her tone made it clear she was deliberately using severe understatement there.

“But yeah, Daddy agrees this isn’t, um, well - that maybe this isn’t a huge obstacle to me joining the brand one day. He thinks some of this might have some stuff in it that could help with another gen of our skincare lines, since you guys are, um, really into natural ingredients,” she phrased diplomatically. “But just to go into R&D I’d need to at least do a lot of chemistry in college, and Mommy would freak if I was only a chemist, she and Daddy both want me to be an executive someday, like Daddy and Great-Grandma, so I’ll have to get the MBA too, and then Mommy and I, we’ve both always wanted me to go to Iowa for an MFA, like Flannery O’Connor - so I’m supposed to go on an IB track in high school, at a good prep school, so I can get into a good university so I can even get into a decent business school, much less Iowa…”

Her voice had gone up, her words had sped up, and her color had increased over the course of this speech just thinking about all the pressure to succeed. Chemistry and practical work in that side of R&D had never been part of the plan. If they decided that fitting it in might be the best way to work around this situation, it could completely change which universities she could even consider. Since she had never wanted to do anything but major in English, get the MFA, and then write, it seemed awfully unfair to her that she might have yet something else to do along with that, since Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t just let her live off family money - the brand liked to go on about how Ariana Hayles had built it from the ground and la-di-da, and Mommy’s family was all about appearing to be humble public servants, so leaving her alone would go against both the family images.

A visor of black streaks, fragile threads lashed together with mascara to protect the eyes - her eyelashes were currently brown, but the image which had popped into her head seemed to work. She half-lowered her lashes, studying her nail varnish - shimmering pink gauntlets, maybe? But they only covered her fingertips, so she wasn’t sure she could work this line of thinking out to anything better than a helmet. Could she make a whole poem out of make-up being a helmet? Was a blazer a breastplate…?

She looked up again, still flushed but calmer after her momentary escape. “I have plans,” she repeated. “So, if you could just, um, get papers together about the correspondence courses, my parents will sign whatever, however we work them out, or Daddy could drop by on his way back from his next trip to the factory in Mexico, if that works better for you.”

16 Jessica There’s an automatic system to do that for me. 1442 Jessica 0 5

DH Skies

January 31, 2019 9:04 AM

It probably wants some nice quiet time in which to do it by DH Skies

Selina knew enough about the Muggle world to, first and foremost, be able to vaguely understand the babble pouring forth from Jessica, and to also get from it that she was not necessarily your average person. Having a family brand was the concept that translated most easily, but the… general lifestyle also translated. They went places. They did things. They had things. There were more expectations on her than was reasonable for any child, and an awful lot of what Daddy wanted and what Mommy wanted, and they were about two paragraphs in before Jessica claimed any ownership of sharing those ideals. That was all… very interesting. That was all to be filed away in Selina’s brain for later, because the main conversation they needed to be having was about right now.

“That’s part of it, yes,” she nodded, when Jessica revealed her awareness of the risk she posed to electronics and the possibility of her causing explosions, and how they were all fully on board with making sure that didn’t happen. “So, those are some good reasons why we need you to work on your magic becoming stable and controlled. The other reason is… you. Magic is a part of you, whether you like it or not. And.. well, that’s the thing. If you don’t like it, it makes everything harder. Whenever people try to repress or deny a part of who they are, that doesn’t usually end well for them,” she explained. The example that sprung to mind most easily was sexuality. Selina was not exactly an authority on such things, but she knew enough to know that people were who they were, and that being forced or trying to force themselves down a different path was not a recipe for good mental health. She decided not to float this example with Jessica. Plenty of eleven year olds weren’t particularly mature or open minded, especially not in a house that valued ‘tradition’ and therefore she wasn’t sure that it would be a particularly helpful or productive comparison. Best just to tell her… Selina weighed up how and what to tell her, exactly. Jessica seemed the type to worry excessively, and she did not want to scare her. But her views and her priorities were still so mixed up, and perhaps a short, sharp, unsugar-coated shock was just what she needed. Equally, it could make her hate her own magic even more. “If you dislike your magic, if you see it as separate from yourself, or something to be… conquered or overcome, you will find it harder to control. Very Nasty Things happen to witches and wizards who try repress their magic,” she said, deciding to settle for a middle ground, with the option for Jessica to ask if she really wanted to know but a tone that should convey that ‘Very Nasty Things’ was being pronounced with capital letters and should not be considered an understatement.

Beyond making sure that point was crystal clear, she still had to deal with the fact that Jessica not only wanted correspondence courses but wanted them now. Something that Selina definitely did not think was in her best interests, and which she hoped, once the reasons she had just outlined had had a chance to sink in, Jessica could be persuaded to see the same way.

“As I said,” she repeated, deciding for now to keep it simple, “Additional studies usually begin in third year. Once a degree of magical control has been mastered, and we are sure such things are not going to distract students who already have an awful lot on their plates.”

13 DH Skies It probably wants some nice quiet time in which to do it 26 DH Skies 0 5

Jessica

January 31, 2019 5:29 PM

But it’s not strictly necessary. by Jessica

Jessica listened to the speech with almost-well-suppressed impatience, keeping it off her face but not able to keep it out of her eyes. Blither, blather, it’s important to be yourself and love yourself, et cetera et cetera and so forth - all very new age politically correct nonsense, as far as she could tell.

At least there was one promising word in the end.

“Usually,” she repeated. “But not always. Will letters from my old teachers help? If you’ll just let me call home, I can probably have those by the end of the week. I think Daddy is about to go out of town again, and Mommy will go see Grandpa, but the school knows my chauffeur and my nanny, they can probably get in touch with everyone...I know that liasion said we’re not allowed to talk to our parents while we’re here,” she added, flushing again, her voice cracking on the effort it took not to cry in front of a teacher at the thought. She had done everything right, always. She hadn’t done anything to deserve to be shipped off to the middle of nowhere, held against her will, and denied the right to even make a single phone call to her family. She thought most murderers in prison were still allowed to do that sometimes. Meanwhile, Jessica was being treated like she was in Guantanamo. “But there has to be some rule about talking to them in emergencies, and mine will agree this is one. They were promised that this was a good facility - I’d still get a good education while I’m here.” This was with a tone of slight reproach; she was still too close to tears to be completely composed outwardly.

16 Jessica But it’s not strictly necessary. 1442 Jessica 0 5

Professor Skies

February 06, 2019 9:56 PM

I'll decide what is and what isn't by Professor Skies

Yelling at students for being idiots was almost always counterproductive. Often severely tempting, but counterproductive nonetheless. Selina reminded herself of this as Jessica declared a lack of quadratic equations to be an ‘emergency’ and badmouthed Sonora’s standards. She took the time to take a long slow breath, which also had the pleasant effect of letting Jessica’s words ring out into silence for a moment. Had they been met with immediate, angry counter the two of them would probably now be in a fight. As it was, the words had a chance to settle in the air and perhaps let Ms. Hayles feel some shred of self-consciousness over how ridiculous she was being, or perhaps some shred of embarrassment about what she had just said. Or perhaps not. Selina still suspected that stamping her little designer shoes and pouting out her lip had probably been sufficient to get her what she wanted for most of her life.

“You are going to get a good education here. In magic,” Selina replied. Her tone was not angry, she was striving for calm and collected, to contrast with Jessica’s and further underline how she was behaving. There was an edge to it though which suggested Jessica was reaching the point of being considered rude, and would do well not to push her luck much further. “Which, as we’ve discussed, is a priority. You cannot go to a fancy school or be CEO of anything if you have imploded into a non-corporeal cloud of angriness,” she stated, deciding that putting it as bluntly as possible was the only remaining option. Still, she had a feeling that logic was only going to take them so far in this conversation. After all, this was Crotalus, not Aladren. She needed to appeal to what was important to Jessica, and to structures that she recognised and understood.

“I have the reports from your previous school. You were considered an exceptional student. If you want to be granted additional privileges here, then you will need to earn them.”

13 Professor Skies I'll decide what is and what isn't 26 Professor Skies 0 5

Jessica

February 07, 2019 7:24 PM

Yeah, that's not how things work in my world. by Jessica

Spinning was not, Jessica thought, a particularly good description of what her head was doing right now. The room was tilting here and there, and she was tilting there and here, opposite, like she was trying to throw her weight to one side of a boat which had started to sink on the other. She dug her nails into her arms, seeking balance. The school counselor had told her to focus on the five senses when she felt like this, and physical feeling was especially helpful for her.

"Privileges," repeated Jessica, just as flatly as the professor had, just as confident that she was in the right and that she was dealing with an utter idiot.

Learning wasn’t a privilege. Admittedly, she didn’t think the Constitution actually had anything about education in it, but there were all sorts of laws about educational neglect. Those were meant for poor people, of course – the sort of people who ended up being arrested because they didn’t even monitor their brats enough to know that said brats were skipping school – but that didn’t mean they didn’t still technically apply to Jessica – it was just that it never would have entered her parents’ heads to allow her to be neglected. Either way, though, she had a right to a proper education, and this woman was in the way.

"This isn't how things can be," she said, still more or less calmly.

She meant to follow that immediately with a statement about knowing her rights and invoking her right to adult counsel if that was the only way to get in touch with her parents to sort this out. Instead, though, she continued, "You can't - just because I have this energy processing disorder - " this was the phrase her parents had told her to use if anyone asked where she was going; as best they could understand through all the PC gibberish from the liaison, Jessica pretty much did have something that could be described as one, and being packed off to a top-of-the-line specialist hospital made a lot more sense than abandoning the plans she'd had her whole life to go to school in such a totally insignificant place as Arizona - "or whatever it is, there's nothing wrong with my brain!" This time, there was no masking that she was close to the brink of hysteria. "And I never needed five special ed classes a day before and I never imploded, so just because the others here are sick enough that they need that doesn't mean that I am!"

16 Jessica Yeah, that's not how things work in my world. 1442 Jessica 0 5

Professor Skies

February 07, 2019 9:57 PM

I think you're very well aware that you are no longer there by Professor Skies

OOC - CW: poor/unhelpful reactions to anxiety.

As most of Jessica’s panicking is internal and not visible, Selina’s method of dealing with her remains addressing what she can see on the surface (spoilt brat). Obviously there is no suggestion that someone with anxiety should just be able to “snap out of it” or “get over it” but Selina does not know what’s going on in Jessica’s head.

IC
“Ms. Hayles,” Selina said, and now her tone was sharp, “Here are two facts and one suggestion for you. Fact one, you need to control your magic. For your sake, for the sake of others, and to get on with this life that is, apparently, so desperately important to you. Fact two, that will be difficult to do the more you regard it as a problem.

“I also don’t recommend you talk about yourself, this school or your classmates in the way you are doing in this office. A lot of things may be different between the Muggle world and this one, but going around telling people their world and their culture is beneath you and that you think they are all somehow broken will not win you many friends. You may not think you need friends amongst ‘people like us,’ but you live here. You will be living here for the foreseeable future. And even if you don’t want friends, I would think very carefully about just how many enemies you want to make.

“I have told you what the options are. And, whatever you might think right now, I do care about the plans that you have. I am trying to get you on the track you want to be on, whilst making room for your magical education. And there are further things I can do with you. Look at your life plan. See how the skills you can learn here can enhance rather than detract from it. As you mentioned, there is knowledge we have that might be useful to you. But I am only going to spend my time and energy on you when I can see that you are capable of listening to me. So, you have a choice. You can work at getting what you want, or you can cry and behave like a child and, consequently, be treated like one. Which is it going to be?”

13 Professor Skies I think you're very well aware that you are no longer there 26 Professor Skies 0 5

Jessica

February 08, 2019 1:44 PM

I'd rather be anywhere but here. by Jessica

(CW: Another warning, pretty much whole post is a depiction of an anxiety attack.)

IC
Jessica’s grip on her arm was becoming painful, but it wasn’t steadying her up. At least, not enough. It was taking all her concentration just to keep her breath coming in quietly – an exercise which also forced her to breathe shallowly, as she knew from experience that she couldn’t force herself to breathe normally and that any effort to get more air would result in both noise and a rush of tears which would give her away. She would not crack in front of this horrible old hag. This was the worst thing she thought anyone had said to her since that time she had made Mommy so angry by mentioning that she spoke Spanish with Carmela and Mara at home as well as at school to company, that had been the worst thing she had ever done because she hadn’t known that it wasn’t appropriate to let people know she was attached to her nanny and that it made people think Mommy was a bad mother, but she was tough. She had to be; she was going to run a major cosmetics company one day. She had to be twice as tough as any man because Daddy said that nobody ever wanted to take a woman seriously in business anyway, but especially not in their business. Jessica had never cried until she got back to her own room any other time things went wrong, not even when she had made the mistake with company, so she was not going to do so now….

”…you live here. You will be living here for the foreseeable future…”

No. No, no, no. And – how many enemies did she want to make – was this hag threatening her?

Trapped. Couldn’t get out. And – what options? The hag had told her that she didn’t have any. That she was trapped. That they could just swoop in and take her away from everything she knew and loved, put an end to all her plans, all the hopes and dreams she'd ever had, that they could just come in and ruin her entire life - and then threaten her with vague consequences with dramatic words in if she didn’t pretend she was happy about it. But now she was talking as if she had been reasonable and had offered compromises that Jessica was damn sure had never been on the table, was acting as if Jessica had just imagined this whole conversation, just hallucinated the whole long horrible conversation where this horrible creature had refused to listen to anything she said because she was so stupid, such a backward ignorant hag, that she didn’t even know that you could not just stop doing lessons for two years and then pick them up again as though nothing happened, that Jessica was not smart enough to ever catch up if she got that far behind –

And crying would make it worse. Crying always made it worse. But now the hag wanted her to talk and she didn’t think she could talk, the muscles around her mouth and eyes had gone stiffer than Auntie Carolyn’s had looked that one time she’d gotten some really bad Botox, but she had to talk, she had to try to talk –

“I – Ish – “ she slurred.

No. No, no, no, no, no! She could not do this, she could not do this here, she could not – she had to get out of here, she had to get some air, she had to get out -

The room’s doors suddenly threw themselves open, and when one banged against a wall, Jessica jumped – and lost control of her breathing. She started gasping, drawing in air in long whoops which promptly left her lungs just as quickly as they had entered, leaving her feeling just as oxygen-starved as before – but what remained of her focus was not on that, but on bending double and throwing her hands up to cover her face so the hag wouldn’t see that she had started crying.

16 Jessica I'd rather be anywhere but here. 1442 Jessica 0 5

Professor Skies

February 08, 2019 11:50 PM

Not currently an option by Professor Skies

At first, it simply looked like someone had placed a freezing charm on Jessica. She had gone… overly still. And then- BANG. Selina jumped at the noise too. However much one was prepared for the fact that children, and even adults sometimes, lost control, it was still enough to make one jump when it was loud and sudden. Selina was relieved to find it had merely been the sound of the door flying back against the wall, and nothing worse.

“Let’s keep this private, shall we?” she replied, closing the door with a wave of her wand. She wasn’t sure what it meant that Jessica had thrown it open, but accidental magic was usually a reflection of some desire bursting out, and so it seemed sensible to talk her through why she was undoing what she had just done.

She made her way round to Jessica, who appeared to be hyperventilating, feeling that guilty stab in the chest of having misjudged things. Clearly she was still having extreme difficulty with being here, and however many of the things she was saying were wrong or insensitive or just a really bad idea, Jessica was also a child (however much she probably didn’t want to think so) who was very upset right now.

Selina conjured a paper bag, handing it to the girl.

“Breathe in and out slowly,” she directed. “And I take back what I said before… Crying is always an option, if that’s what you’re feeling like doing.” It was not going to get Ms. Hayles what she wanted, that was the important distinction, but it was never forbidden. She put a gentle hand on her shoulder, ready to withdraw it if it seemed unwelcome. “It’ll be ok. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but it will be ok.”

13 Professor Skies Not currently an option 26 Professor Skies 0 5

Jessica

February 10, 2019 8:47 PM

You've made it very clear I don't have any options. by Jessica

Breathe in and out slowly. What a brilliant suggestion! As if Jessica would not have thought to do that herself, had she been physically capable of doing so! As if that wasn’t what she wanted to be doing, but no – everything must go wrong. Nothing was how it was supposed to be, so why should her lungs cooperate with her, either?

The assertion that everything would be okay just made her cry harder, the struggle for air gradually giving way to sobs. She couldn’t even keep it together enough to get out of the situation with her face intact, so what were the odds that she ever could have done everything she was supposed to do, anyway? Negligible. Probably her parents knew this, too – they had not put up nearly enough of a fight to keep her out of this awful place. She had thought at the time that they were just keeping their faces on – it didn’t matter how you felt, it only mattered how you looked – but now she was sure that they had, in fact, just decided that everything would be okay – that she wasn’t actually necessary at all.

But I have to be. There isn’t anyone else –

Unless Mommy doesn’t really care about who’s leading the brand. Which Mommy probably doesn’t. She doesn’t even use our stuff, she likes the French brands. So there’s no reason why Daddy couldn’t just write me off as a loss….

She pressed her hand over her mouth, nausea twisting her stomach as it all became crystal clear. It must have been Daddy’s idea, to give all of Atlanta the impression she was lying half-dead in some secluded hospital. If everyone was used to the idea that Jessica had some crippling illness, they wouldn’t be surprised that she never amounted to anything, that her father no longer brought her around or talked about how she’d have the top job someday. She was no longer of any use to the company, and therefore no longer of any use to her family. She was just another problem to keep out of the public eye now.

Slowly, she stopped sobbing, though tears were still running down her face. Her nose was stuffy and she desperately wanted a tissue, but she refused to ask for anything else.

“I want to go to bed,” she croaked dully.

16 Jessica You've made it very clear I don't have any options. 1442 Jessica 0 5

DH Skies

February 17, 2019 5:52 AM

Let's take a break and try again later by DH Skies

Gradually, Jessica’s sobs subsided and her breathing returned to normal. As she hadn’t been roughly pushed away, Selina waited, crouched beside her chair, with a hand lightly stroking her back. She wordlessly summoned a box of tissues over and left it on the desk within easy reach, so that Jessica could help herself.

“I think that sounds like a good plan,” she nodded, when Jessica said she wanted to go to sleep, “I have some eye drops that will stop it from looking like you’ve been crying, if you’d like to use them,” she added, summoning these and placing the little bottle with its pipette lid on the desk next to the tissues, “Not that I think there’s anything wrong with being homesick or upset, but it’s not always something you want everyone else to know about.” Especially in Crotalus, where saving face was pretty much everything.

“I’m going to spend some time this evening writing down my ideas for how we go forward. I will send it up to your room and you can look it when you feel better. What I’d like you to do, when you feel up to it, is write down this plan of yours - what you need, why it’s needed, where you plan on going with your life and your career. No more than a foot of parchment, please. Or… one normalish piece of paper,” she added, feeling that Jessica might still be getting the hang of measuring her compositions in feet. She could never remember the meaningless alphanumerical combinations - it was something silly that was not A1, and she didn’t know why you wouldn’t make A1 your default if you were having that system. “And spend no more than one evening doing it. Then drop it off with me. I promise to look at it, and take it seriously, and see what options we can find that work for you without me worrying that you haven’t got time for your magic. And then we can meet at the end of the week to talk over those plans. Alright?” she asked. She felt there was a limited amount she was going to get through to someone who had just had a hysterical breakdown and simply wanted to go to sleep, but she wanted to make sure there was a plan in place to move this forward, as clearly Jessica couldn’t go on feeling how she was currently feeling.

13 DH Skies Let's take a break and try again later 26 DH Skies 0 5

Jessica

February 19, 2019 12:10 PM

A picture’s worth a thousand words. by Jessica

Carrot and stick. It was a very basic strategy, and - to Jessica’s indignation- it worked even when she knew it was what someone was doing to her. Breaking her down, then showing kindness and reasonableness - making her doubt she even really knew what had happened. Nasty trick. She did not approve, even as she gratefully accepted the tissues and started trying to clean herself up. She wanted the eye drops as well, but her insides rebelled at the thought of using eye drops she couldn’t feel entirely sure were previously unused.

“Fine,” she said hoarsely, not really feeling anything anymore.

Later, she started crying again, though less violently, as she began writing - first about how she was supposed to be on track for an International Baccalaureate diploma, so she could get into a top university to study English and business management and marketing. How she was supposed to Iowa and get the MFA to help her establish herself as a writer before she got her MBA so she could join the brand. About how Arvale Cosmetics had been founded just before World War I, and how it was still a family-run business, and how she was supposed to go higher and higher, helping Daddy more and more until he was ready to retire, at which point she would be in charge of everything.

Even in her small handwriting, she spilled off the page and had to start over, condensing it further and further until the final version was an almost emotionless outline of the life she was supposed to have on a pale-pale pink sheet of high-rag stationery with her JRH monogram on top. With it, she included the glossy autumn catalog, one of several Daddy had sent with her, as she was still a little useful. Most of this was made up of product shots and models and descriptions - this was vegan, that had Vitamin E, this had retinoids, that had warm or cool undertones - but the beginning of the catalog also contained a history of the company, along with a portrait of the whole family - Grandpa and Grammy, Mommy and Daddy, Jessica, Aunt Ashley, and Jessica’s cousins - opposite. Beneath the article, there were three smaller pictures: an old black and white photograph of Ariana Hayles and a six-year-old Grandpa grinning at each other as they sat at, respectively, adult- and child-size old-fashioned desks, a faded one of an adult Grandpa sitting and working at Ariana’s old desk while Daddy played executive at a smaller desk, and finally a modern one of Daddy at the big desk while a four-year-old Jessica - her then-almost white hair falling from a faux pearl barrette at the crown of her head and the same nail color on her hands that she wore today - filled in a coloring book full of dresses at her own little desk while her porcelain doll was arranged to appear as though it were enjoying a cup of tea.

In her letter, she had omitted to mention these but had added, see pg. 47 - I’m modeling one of our young adult lines. She left out how long and hard that day of shooting back in March had been, or how proud she’d been when Daddy had told Marc not to go easy on her and to treat her just like any of the other underage models. Daddy had made quite a production of writing her a check for her work after approving the three images, and that payment, for smiling in the lip gloss and nail polish she’d have worn anyway and spritzing on some of her fragrance mist in front of a really very hideous vanity table she was told would appeal to most young girls a lot more than Jessica’s much nicer real one would, had been declared her ‘allowance’ for the year, though of course it was safely back in Atlanta now - nobody needed to know that Mommy and Daddy had equipped her with stashes of both real money and wizard money - just in case.

16 Jessica A picture’s worth a thousand words. 1442 Jessica 0 5