Contemplating my options. on Crotalus Commons

Helena Layne

February 16, 2010 10:45 PM

Contemplating my options. by Helena Layne

After she rubbed her left eye yet again, Helena smacked the last page of her RATS practice paper down on top of all the others with more than a hint of satisfaction. Going over it had taken up her entire evening so far, but it was worth it to know she was already performing at about E-standards. If she worked hard enough, did enough of these things, then it might be just possible to scrape one O when she sat for the real exams at the end of the year. Geoff, Anne, and Lavinia had all claimed doing so actually hurt their scores, but as far as Helena was concerned, it was only with lots and lots of practice that she could ever be her best.

Shaking her head slightly to clear it, she put away her practice exam and took out the pamphlets she'd had her great-grandmother to send her, spreading them out in a fan across the little table she had commandeered after classes ended. The exam had been just a warm-up; the real task for tonight, and likely many nights to come, was far more complex. She had to decide what she was going to do with the rest of her life.

Everyone else got to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, and with whomever they wanted. While it ended badly, that seemed to work fairly well for them for long periods of time. She had spent her entire life trying to do the right thing, and that had gotten her absolutely nowhere and still ended badly, both short- and long-term. If trying to please everyone had worked at all, no one had ever told her; the most she’d ever gotten had been a few obviously fake accolades from her father, who, she was convinced, just didn’t want to make his own coffee.

If she was going to lose everything in the end anyway, she might as well follow the family example and have a good time working her way toward it – or, better yet, a successful time, which was not complicated by the presence of her Layne relatives and their little dramas. Her mother’s grandmother, Calliope, had agreed to get her a position in the British Ministry if she wanted it, and at this point, it was just a matter of picking a department.

She was sick of being reasonable and responsible. She was sick of always doing what was right. She was really, really sick of her family assuming she always would be reasonable and responsible and do what was right and not doing a single thing to match her efforts. Maybe leaving wouldn’t make anything better, but at least it would be a new type of awful, with new people to repeatedly disappoint her.

Helena was reading about Magical Transportation when she felt more than saw someone sit down close by. Blinking a little to clear her eyes, she looked up and smiled a bit. No point in being uncivil. "Hi," she said.

16 Helena Layne Contemplating my options. 88 Helena Layne 1 5

Josh Santoro

February 26, 2010 7:55 PM

My options are limited to 1. by Josh Santoro

Josh was actually looking forward to graduating in a few short months. Sure that meant that there was a lot of planning to do and figuring things out with the ‘smaller’ details that had to be done, but it also meant that he would officially be an adult and on his way to being exactly what he wanted to be. It had been his plan since he was twelve years old and he continued to make sure that plan succeeded. Bumps and all.

Of course, there were things in there that he hadn’t necessarily planned on (aka: the wedding), but those things weren’t really obstacles just unexpected opportunities. And, as long as they all agree or work with him to make sure the end goal still occurs, then all is well. Then again, since Christmas and the announcement of the ‘official’ engagement between himself and Danae, Jose had received multiple owls from family members and Matt hadn’t really been talking to him. It wasn’t that Matt was against the marriage. He was just against it happening so soon. But, Josh wasn’t going to start worrying about his brother. Matt was occupied about the ball that was going on at the end of the year. Apparently, he wanted to find someone at Sonora instead of inviting one of the many girls he was tied to outside of school.

Besides, Josh had a lot of other things to get through first before he had to deal with anything else. He had his R.A.T.S. exams to get through and, as every professor liked to remind them, these exams were coming and they were coming fast. When he wasn’t in class, Josh was usually studying in his dorm room (or the library if need be) and only left a couple hours on Saturday to work on the map he had been drawing since his first year here at Sonora. He wasn’t really sure what he was going to do with it once he graduated, but maybe it would come in handy.

Walking back into the common room after his Head Boy duties, Josh had every intention of heading up to his dorm and just going to bed, but a familiar face caught his eye and Josh realized it had been a long while since he had spoken to Helena. Although they weren’t close, Josh still considered Helena a good friend. Or, if nothing else, an ally against some of their more ‘aggressive’ class mates/house mates. “I would have thought you’d have your dream job picked out by now.” Josh joked. Considering they were Crotalus, it was easy to joke about having everything planned out. And, considering Josh always did have things planned out, the joke actually worked well on him.

“What’s Magical Transportation about?” Josh asked, reading the cover of the brochure she was holding. “Portkeys?” He guessed.

0 Josh Santoro My options are limited to 1. 0 Josh Santoro 0 5

Helena

February 27, 2010 12:13 AM

That's never good. by Helena

Helena laughed at the quip about having her career planned already. Most of her plans were more short-range than that and aimed at immediate targets, but she had always felt it was an offense to the House standards and decided to focus on the part where she had a plan instead. "I know," she said, putting one hand against her chest. "If I wasn't leaving in a little while anyway, they'd probably throw me out of the House."

It was a joke, of course. She could see dashes of Teppenpaw and Aladren in her makeup, and maybe a little Pecari if she squinted, but she had never felt she was in the wrong House at all. The only regret she had about Sonora was that she'd been too naive to exploit Crotalus' potential for providing useful connections. As determined as she was to start over, she very much suspected she would end up coming back before the end, and it would have been nice to have lots of people owing her favors or thinking kind thoughts on that day.

Oh, well.

"And floo powder, brooms, and Apparition," she specified, lowering the pamphlet and looking at its ridiculous cover for a moment. She had never been a fan of extreme colors. Pastels and lighter earth tones suited her better. "To an extent; I'm not really getting how much control they have over that last one." Helena tossed it onto the table, the first of the probable-rejects, and then adjusted it so it lay vertically. "I don't think that's my thing, anyway."

She had been groomed - there was no other word for it - to go into International Relations, or maybe a desk role with Magical Defense. From there, she'd been meant to climb the ladder to either an Important Geoff-sponsored advantageous marriage or, if that didn't work, a spot in the offices of the Cabinet president. Since that particular idea had been more about using other people as chess pieces for a mutual benefit than about self-preservation, Daddy had done a lot better job with it than he had Emily, but it didn't matter much now. The whole thing had been rendered a failure when Geoff walked out, and Helena was starting to open her mind to the range of options she had.

Since discussing them wasn't really a priority, though, she decided to see how she did at Subtly Steering A Topic. "The master calendar was all worked out, but then some different opportunities opened up, so I'm considering everything now. It'll probably end up basically the same anyway." She threw him a smile. "What about you? Do you have a cunning plan?"

16 Helena That's never good. 88 Helena 0 5

Josh

March 01, 2010 9:04 PM

It worked out quite well for me actually. by Josh

Josh grinned as Helena joked back with him. It was good to know that Helena didn’t take everything seriously the way some of the other Crotalus could (and he was sure that he was probably on that list for some people even though Josh actually did have fun, it’s hard not to when Matt was his twin). Even if she hadn’t joked back with him, Josh wouldn’t have taken it personally. They were seventh years now and having to deal with R.A.T.S. exams on top of figuring out their futures, etc. it was all a very hectic, chaotic, and stressful time for them. Actually, Josh was pretty surprised that he hadn’t heard that anyone had a breakdown yet.

“Maybe they are the ones who will be giving us the exams for Apparition?” Josh guessed. He would be taking his exam this summer with Matt. Technically, because they turned 17 last year, they could have gone for the exams then, but they wanted the lessons first so that they knew for sure that they would pass the Apparition test.

Josh looked through some of the brochures that were visible to him that Helena had collected. For some reason, Josh never considered Helena for a desk job. He wasn’t sure why. Maybe because the women in his family never did desk jobs. Hannah was a ballerina before becoming a mother, Julia was an Auror, Sofia a model, and Bella was a musician. Josh just assumed every female took odd paths after graduating. Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t even sure what Danae wanted to do.

“I never figured you for a desk job, Helena.” Josh commented lightly. “Actually, I just never think of anyone here having a desk job. I mean, can you imagine Elly working in a cubicle. She’d go crazy.” Josh chuckled for a moment at the thought of Elly being confined for more than a minute. But Helena’s next question had Josh return somewhat serious. After all, he was excited about the next few steps in his life. “I actually got early acceptance to Architectural schooling in Spain. Uh, I haven’t actually told anyone that, so if you could keep that between us for now, that’d be great.” Josh added, realizing that Danae and Helena took classes together and Josh wasn’t sure how to bring up living in Spain with her just yet.

“I’ve always wanted to create something from scratch. The architecture in Madrid is amazing and I hope to be able create something like that.” Josh looked curiously at Helena for a moment. “Isn’t there something that you just really want to do? Screw what your family want, screw what you think is the right thing, but something that you really just love to do?” Everyone had something, even if they weren’t aware of it.

0 Josh It worked out quite well for me actually. 0 Josh 0 5

Helena

March 02, 2010 6:28 PM

But will it always? by Helena

"Something like that," Helena agreed when Josh speculated that the people she'd been looking at would administer an Apparition test. Right idea, wrong country. "I so, so do not want to take that test, but Apparating's, like, the only way to travel without messing up business robes, so I guess I'll have to do it anyway."

And relatively soon, a thought that brought no joy to her heart. She had turned seventeen in October, but what with Geoff Mucking Things Up and Lavinia Being A Moron and the Issues With Daddy, learning Apparition really hadn't been on the top of her priority list over midterm. He shouldn't have done it, and she shouldn't do it in a few months, but damn if she didn't think she and Geoff were the sanest people in the family for leaving it. Lavinia had told her Mum came back; Helena's only guess was a justified case of Stockholm Syndrome. There was no other logical explanation.

The very idea of Elly Eriksson in a cubicle was enough to make her laugh. "Not unless it had a cauldron in it," she stipulated. "Girl likes her potions. I'd probably be dead in Fawcett's class if not for her. I'm really a paperwork kind of person." As Carter's class was doing such a great job of illustrating. Merlin, she'd like to have the guts, for just a month, to take him and his attitude down...

But Josh had a plan - a better one than hers, she noticed. Helena raised her eyebrows, impressed. "Wow," she said. "I approve." She nodded to the request to keep it quiet. "Not to worry. I'm good at keeping secrets."

She nodded along, too, with his comments on architecture in Madrid. Her mother had worked there for a short time before getting reassigned and soon married, and Helena had seen an array of old pictures. It was one of those places she'd had a vague intention of visiting someday since she was little. Still did, in a way; she just didn't feel it was reasonable to really expect to be able to do it anymore. From what she had observed, adult life was a string of working oneself to death and getting nothing out of it but a daft pride in the paying of bills. She doubted, though, that Josh would think that was a very good answer to his question.

Unfortunately, she didn't have anything much better. "I was raised to be a bureaucrat," she said with a shrug. Precious little did Josh know how ironic his call to screw doing the right thing and her family in one was, because she felt she was already doing both. She hadn't told Lavinia about going out of the country yet; when she did, she expected the very first thing out of her sister's mouth to be something about what was she supposed to do. Like it was Helena's fault she had the self-control of a fruit fly. "I never really thought about it. The only thing I'm better than the average at is writing schedules."

From some people, she knew, that would have been an attempt to fish for compliments. In her case, it was a statement of fact. She knew her strengths and weaknesses, and making an orderly arrangement out of early chaos and uncertainty fell on the relatively short list of things she felt really good about while she was doing them. Of course there were people who could do it better than her, but she was good enough for her purposes, and she could live with that. As both of her siblings seemed unable to grasp that concept, Helena had finally decided it must be a middle child thing.

"I don't know if I can really love that, but I get a lot of satisfaction out of it. Some people just aren't made for great things." She softened that with a smile, as there was a decent chance it would sound self-pitying otherwise.

16 Helena But will it always? 88 Helena 0 5

Josh

March 13, 2010 11:05 PM

Probably not, but I'll worry about it then. by Josh

“Are you worried about splinching?” Josh asked her. The lessons were going on just fine and Josh was picking up on it fairly well. Of course, Matt was picking it up faster, but that’s just how it always was with him. He usually could get a spell or challenge within the first few tries while Josh struggled for a longer period of time until he was finally successful at it. “I was worried about that too, but the lessons are helping me with that.”

Josh knew that as seventh years they were all entitled to stress, have mental breaks, be even more stressed, etc. But Josh always saw Helena as being on some level of stress that no one else could reach. Even if she didn’t really show it. Helena was one of those people who tried hard to keep a front for everyone else to see but really had a million other things going on in her head. After years of sharing a common room with her and having gotten to know her, Josh picked up on the little things. But then, that was the observer in him. “Hey, I’m a potions fan too.” Josh proclaimed, still smiling.

“Thanks.” Josh said, both to her approval of his career choice and to keeping his acceptance into University a secret for the time being. “I’m hoping that in 10 years time, I will have built up my own Architectural business and my dream house. But, we’ll see how it goes. Making a name for myself instead of using the name I have by default is going to be a challenge, but I’m willing to take it.”

He frowned slightly at Helena’s response. He figured that everyone had a passion for something. His brother’s was girls. Josh’s was drawing/building/creating buildings. Elly’s was apparently potions. He was sure that Helena had something, she just wasn’t aware of it. “People are actually raised to be bureaucrats?” Josh asked, genuinely surprised. He was aware that his family was radically different than most families. They were raised to believe in themselves and to follow their own paths. Josh sometimes forgot that most other families had specific pathways already chosen for them. Although, considering he was in a false engagement to Danae to help her escape that very path, it was a wonder why it still shocked him.

“Well, for now, satisfaction is going to be enough for you.” Josh commented, looking thoughtful. “I bet you’ll find something you’re great at and will take a different journey after Sonora. Until then, at least there are a few grand parties to look forward to.” Josh added, this time perking up even more so because the Spanish in him called out for fiestas. “The ball and mine and Danae’s wedding.” Josh elaborated. “You’re coming to both, right?”

0 Josh Probably not, but I'll worry about it then. 0 Josh 0 5

Helena

March 18, 2010 8:53 PM

That's not very Crotalus of you, Mr. Santoro. by Helena

"The lessons have been good," Helena agreed, crossing her arms over her knees and sparing Magical Transport another glance. "I don't think it's the magic that's got me. It's the part where I have to do it by myself in front of some government official."

That was the one bad thing about the lessons: they happened in public. Helena could perform in public, but she did that at her best only when she had time to rehearse a lot on her own first. That way, she got to look like things were every bit as simple and effortless for her as they were for Geoff and Anne - something that seemed trivial now, but had given her enormous amounts of motivation when she was younger. In the library, everyone could see her, and outside of the bit of time it was set up for the lessons, she couldn't work on it at all. It was...frustrating. Still, compared to some of the other things that frustrated her, it was small potatoes indeed.

She listened to Josh expounding on his dreams, wondering if there was some scandal or division among the Santoros which would make him want to dissociate himself from what she had always understood to be an incredibly successful family. It was Daddy-approved behavior, but nevertheless - if people's immediate reaction to the name 'Layne' had been to assume a person holding it was rich and well-connected, she would've exploited that.

Since she couldn't, though, she wasn't sure where she was going to be in ten years. It was hard to even imagine she would ever be twenty-eight - well past what Daddy thought was the proper age for a first marriage.

"We have to come from somewhere," she joked in response to Josh's surprise at the idea of anyone raising their kid to be a bureaucrat. "Daddy's view is that I'm doing something productive, something that can maybe help Geoff, but not a something that makes me look assertive and unattractive to potential husbands. I think rooming with rich boys when he was here permanently damaged his brain."

Josh's idealism made her smile again, though she assumed at least part of it was just him being nice to her. There had, as her father had always said, to be some people who didn't excel at anything, who just kept the world running so folks like Josh and Geoff could do great things. Both were needed in the end; without people like them, humans would still be living in caves and eating raw meat off sticks, but without people like her and Mark, people like them would either get killed, starve to death, or, in the absence of laws to keep them from it, go too far and become evil overlords who blew up the planet. That paper-pushers were necessary was one of the few things she still believed in absolutely. That was a soapbox, though, for another day.

"As long as a date's not mandatory," she said lightly, "I wouldn't miss them." Helena shook her head slightly. "It's incredibly weird to think of you going from this - " she made a vague gesture toward the common room, hoping to capture in it the entire Sonora experience - "to being married in a few months. That's a big jump. You're braver than I am."

16 Helena That's not very Crotalus of you, Mr. Santoro. 88 Helena 0 5