Sometimes We All Need That Shoulder on Pecari Commons

Gia Donovan and Sutton Nicholls

November 14, 2016 5:21 PM

Sometimes We All Need That Shoulder by Gia Donovan and Sutton Nicholls

Things had been rather stressful for Gia these last few days or so and she felt like she was coming apart at the seams. Sammy was off at Quidditch practice, or what Gia believed to be Quidditch practice, she had hardly seen her friend since the dinner with Joella and Jax that she couldn’t be certain that Sammy was actually doing anything other than spending time with her. The thought that Sammy didn’t want to be around her caused painful knots in her stomach to appear. But it wasn’t just Sammy, Gia felt like all of her favorite people were avoiding her now and she was struggling to understand why.

She had tried to keep her mind off of everything by focusing on her sewing, but when she tried to do it today, her nerves were too shot to really do anything other than shake. So instead, she sat on her bed and tried to read, but even that wasn’t helping. Her mind only wandered to places that she did not want it to go. Her friends (they were still friends, right?) where they upset with her? Was Sammy upset with her for being happy for Jax and Joella? Was that why she wasn’t talking to her about everything? Was Joella mad about how everyone had behaved? Did no one believe that she could be the good friend that they needed? Was she not as good of a friend as she thought she had been to everyone? Did she do something to make them distrust her the way she must have done to Peizhi? Would they all stop talking to her too?

Tears leaked from her eyes as her mind thought wildly about the feelings that her friends had towards her. The pain in her stomach only growing, twisting and jabbing her the more she thought about it. It wasn’t as though she could really talk about it with anyone either. It was just a burden that she buried deep within herself. Sammy was upset about Joella. That was her secret for her to tell. Gia could not explain to someone else that she was upset because her best friend didn’t trust her to talk to her about it. She couldn’t talk about everything that had gone wrong. They weren’t for her to say. So they just twisted up in her stomach and shot out of her in the form of tears. She couldn’t even talk to her brother about it. She felt so alone and she knew that she shouldn’t feel like this at all because it was her best friend who was broken hearted, but she did. She felt broken too. Broken because she couldn’t simply be happy for her brother without feeling guilty for it. Broken because when she tried to help Sammy, she was brushed off even though she knew she wasn’t okay. Broken because she was a failure as a friend to everyone.

Everything she had tried so hard for seemed to be crashing down around her. Soon, she would have no one. Letting these thoughts consume her, Gia burst into sobs.

Sutton entered the room to retrieve her forgotten art pad and found a hysterical Gia. She hesitated at the doorway, unsure if she should flee or not. She didn’t want to intrude on Gia’s space when it was obvious that she was going through something emotional, but sometimes, that’s when someone needed a friend the most. They weren’t exactly what would qualify as friends, but right now, it seemed that Sutton was the closest thing to one. She didn’t know where Sammy was, but there was definitely something going on. Well, the worst thing Gia could do is tell her that she didn’t want her there. Decided, she tentatively approached Gia, grabbing a box of tissues off the stand as she did. “Hey…” She offered her the box. Slowly, she eased herself on the bed, across from Gia and waited.

Gia looked up when she heard movement in the room and found Sutton holding out a box of tissues to her. Gia sniffled and hiccupped, taking the offered box and pulling out a tissue to wipe her nose and eyes. “Thank you.” She said, sounding quite pathetic as she did. She blew her nose and sat quietly for a moment. She didn't know Sutton very well, but that was probably Gia’s fault too.

She looked up at Sutton and began to cry again, “I am sorry. I am a terrible person.” Gia choked out.

Sutton blinked in surprise. That wasn’t what she expected to come from the other girl’s mouth. She had never thought of Gia as a terrible person, but something had brought on that opinion of herself. She chewed on her lip in disapproval of whatever was causing this. “No reason to be sorry, but why do you think you’re a terrible person?” She stated it gently, hoping the other girl would be able to calm down a little.

“Because…” It was rather difficult for Gia to speak in English when she was so upset. Her mind was running a mile a minute and her mouth wanted to do the same instead of processing and translating. “Because Peizhi hates me, and Sammy does not trust me, and I neglected to make time for you!” Gia fumbled out between her sobs and hiccups.

“Whoa, whoa,” Sutton could only handle one problem at a time. “Okay, let’s start with the easy. I don’t feel neglected by you, so not even an issue.” She hadn’t exactly been social with her roommates either. So, time to start with the next issue. “Why does Peizhi hate you?”

“But I haven’t spent any time getting to know you and I should have because that’s what roommate's do.” Gia replied. She knew that Sutton probably meant what she said but that didn’t mean that Gia still didn’t feel bad about it. They were fifth years now and Gia barely knew her other roommate. She shrugged at Sutton’s question. She really had no idea why Peizhi hated her. “I do not know.” Gia admitted. “She just stopped talking to me, but I see her sometimes with Laila, so I know she doesn’t hate her, it’s just me and I don’t know what I have done or what I can do to have her stop.”

Gia sniffled and blew her nose again.

Sutton frowned. It seemed very random for someone to just stop talking to someone else without any warning. Maybe Gia was just misinterpreting the situation. Or maybe something else was going on? Sutton nodded very seriously. “Obviously, you picked a wedgie in public. That must be the reason she dislikes you.” She hoped her slight sarcasm would render somewhat of a smile from the other girl. “Honestly, it probably has nothing to do with you and even if it does, it’s a little inconsiderate of her not to just be honest with you about whatever the problem is. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.” She waved her hand like the issue with Peizhi was nothing more than a bad smell. “There are people that are worth your time and if she is, then she’ll come to you when she’s ready. If not, then she isn’t and you should move on and find people that do care.”

Gia looked rather confused. “I do not know what a wedgie is. I probably did do that because I didn’t know any better.” Gia cried. It must have been such a terrible thing to do since Sutton had commented on it so somberly. Her advice about Peizhi was the same as what Jax was always telling her about it. It was Peizhi, not her. Peizhi had the issues and not her. But Gia still felt that if she could remain friends with Laila but not with her, then she must have been at fault for something. “It’s not easy to stop caring for someone.”

“Trust me, only elitist purebloods would care about a wedgie,” Sutton assured the other girl, trying not to laugh over the idea causing the end of a friendship, but now was not the time to try and explain exactly why. Moving closer to Gia, she put her arm around the other girl. She wasn’t normally much of a hugger, but there were exceptions to every rule. “It’s never easy to stop caring, but we also can’t be responsible for their choices. The only thing you can do is live your life to the best of your ability. But if you can’t let it go, have you tried just asking her why?”

Gia shook her head. “I did not want to push her too hard and have her become more upset with me.” Gia said. She was also terrified that in questioning Peizhi on her reasons, Gia would find out just how terrible she was as a person and that Peizhi was never her friend to begin with. More so than that, whatever her faults and flaws were, the others were starting to see them too. “Jax said not to push it and to just let it go. I have tried, but… I do not like seeing friends in pain.”

“You’re far too sweet,” Sutton mused. If it were her, she would have marched straight up to whoever was giving her a problem and demanded to know what the issue was. But that was her and this was Gia. To her, Gia seemed fragile, like someone that could break if looked at the wrong way. “What makes you think that she’s in pain?” She was a little confused. If the other girl had chosen not to talk to Gia and was supposedly upset with Gia for some reason, then why would that cause her pain? “Isn’t she the one causing you pain?” She paused for a moment, looking down at a rebel thread on the bedspread. “I know that Jax said not to push it, but what do you want to do? What would make you happy?”

Gia shrugged at the question. It wasn’t a physical pain that she saw in Peizhi anymore than it was a physical pain that she saw in Sammy. It was there, behind the eyes, in the body language, the emotional pain for whatever it was that they were dealing with. “Because I can see it on her face sometimes.” Even if Gia was the cause of it or her brother in the case of Sammy, Gia still wanted to help them. She still wanted to make them happy and be there for them but everyone just pushed her away instead.

Gia couldn’t explain her reasons to Sutton because they were personal to her. Her father’s death, her maternal family pushing them out, having to live place to place for several years before being accepted by a small, poor Muggle community. They lived in secret; their lives dictated by what was socially acceptable and knowing that Jax would never really be and perhaps because of her own sexuality, she would never really be either. Before Sonora, she never had friends. She tried but with the moving around and people finding out about Jax, those friendships died out quickly. Sonora had been the only place where she felt as though she belonged. She had friends who she thought loved her for her but even they are retreating away.

She wiped tears away and tried to take a deep breath, but it came out shaky and only resulted in more tears falling down. “I just want my friends back and everyone to be happy. I want them to trust me too because I know that I am not worth a lot to them but they are family to me and I want to help them.”

“Then, tell them. Tell them that you love them and that they are your family. You should always tell people that you care, because you never know what will happen.” She thought this was true of a lot of people. Her own sister included. “If you can’t face them, maybe a letter would help?” She had heard that letter writing was a good option when you couldn’t face the actual person. “Write a letter to each person and tell them how you feel. Then, wait a week and if you still feel the same, send it.”

Gia nodded. She had thought she had told her friends how much she loved them, but maybe it hadn’t been enough? Maybe they didn’t believe her because she hadn’t seemed genuine enough? She didn’t think she would be any better at explaining herself in a letter without giving too much of their background away, but she thought she could think of a different way of saying it. She didn’t think it would really lesson Sammy’s pain or really change Peizhi’s mind about being her friend, but maybe it would help them know that they weren’t alone. She sniffled and wiped her nose with another kleenox tissue. “Thank you, I will try that.” Gia said quietly, the tears finally clearing up. “I am sorry for crying on you.”

OOC: co-written by Gia and Sutton's authors. Gia’s feelings are based on posts written by Sammy/Laila as well as comments made in chatzy. Joella’s avoidance was discussed in an email with the author.

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