I think I've gone mad, so does that mean I'm still sane? on Magical Arts Room and Sports

Daniel Nash II

April 29, 2011 6:36 PM

I think I've gone mad, so does that mean I'm still sane? by Daniel Nash II

Charms . . . had been bad. Really terrifyingly bad. As soon as his clothes changed back, he'd grabbed his bag and his wand and fled. He was too agitated to go to the library. Too horrified to go to his room where he might see James Anthony who, among all of the other things Daniel resented him for, was completely sane. What happened today would never happen to James Freaking Anthony and that in particular would bother him as much as what actually did happen if he saw the other Aladren.

So he came here instead.

The water was supposed to be peaceful and calming, but all it really did was remind him of the sand in the Charms room and all the water being thrown around by the Augamenti spell (which Daniel was sure he could have performed at a far superior level than Nate had - which was kind of the whole problem in a nutshell).

He'd cracked up. Really and truly went mad for the entirety of a Charms lesson. In a Charms lesson, with witnesses. He had no idea what he was going to tell Andrew the next time he saw him. Or anyone else. He hoped the rest of the class had been to busy with their own water fights to hear what had been said between himself and Andrew.

But given Murphy's law - which was the one law that even Magic didn't seem to affect - rumours were already spreading around the school that he'd lost his mind.

Daniel sank down against a tree, facing away from the lake where there was water and sand. Burying his face in his hands and thought that if he was younger, he might actually be able to disappear through accidental magic. Having much more control on his abilities, now, he only wished he could vanish as easily. This was so not good.

Doomed. Done in. Exposed. Revealed.

Unaware that someone had entered while he sat curled up against the tree and mourning his lost sanity, he muttered aloud to himself, "If you think you're crazy, you're still sane, but where does that leave me if I know I'm crazy?"

1 Daniel Nash II I think I've gone mad, so does that mean I'm still sane? 130 Daniel Nash II 1 5

Andrew Duell

April 29, 2011 9:35 PM

Maybe you're just going sane in a crazy world by Andrew Duell

Andrew had followed him. That was all there really was to it. Daniel had been acting strange, really strange so naturally Andrew suspected something weird and magical going on. Daniel was something of an overachiever and if he knew that Charms would be such an easy, relaxing class, maybe he worked some charm so that he could do... something while not missing that class. It made sense, sort of. Andrew had no idea if there was a spell to create a duplicate of somebody, but it was possible, wasn't it? That duplicate didn't function anything like Daniel however. That was his first clue, maybe his first theory wasn't right. That spell would have required planning and a pile of talent, both things that Daniel had. However, one didn't do such a thing if that duplicate was flawed. If it was to duplicate Daniel, calling itself Nate would have been a pretty big flaw. So, Andrew had followed him. He hadn't been terribly sneaky about it, but it didn't seem as if he needed to be. Nate/Daniel didn't seem to pay much attention to the outside world.

The Mars room was a nice looking lake. He spotted his quarry against a tree, Andrew just waited a bit, would Daniel notice him? What was he doing? After a few moments he decided to move closer and see exactly what Daniel was doing. He only saw one Daniel in here, was this the clone or had he dismissed it already? Maybe this was just a distraction to throw everyone off his trail even more. Daniel could plan like that... but to what end? What was he doing? Should he talk to someone else? He had briefly debated asking Professor Crosby about it after Charms, but Nate/Daniel had run off so quickly he would have lost the trail. That was when he heard Daniel mutter something. Crazy?

"If you were, could you know?" He asked out loud before even thought about it. Crap... Now Daniel knew he was here. Well, let's see what happens.

2 Andrew Duell Maybe you're just going sane in a crazy world 145 Andrew Duell 0 5

Daniel Nash II

April 30, 2011 10:34 AM

No, I'm fairly sure I've gone mad (wotw) by Daniel Nash II

Daniel looked up, horrified and startled, when someone spoke and proved he was not alone. In his current state, he might have thought it was just a voice in his head, but Andrew wasn't even trying to hide, so he at least didn't need to worry about auditory hallucinations.

He would have preferred it to be Charlie. Charlie knew some of this already. But if it had to be someone other than Charlie . . . he supposed he was glad it was Andrew. Andrew was a decent enough person, almost a friend he supposed, and he'd been the one to most closely observe the worst of Daniel's Charms break-down.

Plus, he had played along and hadn't freaked out or gone running to Professor Crosby to demand that Daniel be immediately sent away to a mental institution, so he did owe him some sort of explanation for that kindness.

Daniel squeezed his eyes shut, dropped his head back against the tree trunk behind him, and asked, "You know what muggle television is, right?" He opened his eyes again in time to see Andrew's answer. The confirmation wasn't surprising. He didn't know exactly what Andrew's blood status was, but he had never been under the impression that the Teppenpaw fifth year might be a pureblood with no knowledge of muggle things. Andrew was too much a scientist to not have at least one muggle in his background.

Trying to figure out how to say this, Daniel took a deep breath, squeezing his head between both of his hands for a moment, before letting out the breath and dropping his hands. "You probably didn't notice because we weren't partners that class, but my Patronus is a police car. It's not even a real police car. It's a prop car from a television show called Street Beat."

"That cop car," Daniel continued, "is driven by a beat cop named Matt Bealer, who is played by an actor who happens to be my real life father. Matt Bealer has a son named Nate, who is a character I've played since I was ten years old. Nate is who you had Charms class with. I'm what people call a method actor. So after six years playing the same kid, I can really get into that role."

Daniel grimaced and looked away for moment, "I don't have schizophrenia or the clinical mental condition known as multiple personalities. I remember everything that I do, regardless of who's in charge or who did it, and I normally have control over which personality I have at a given time. I've read enough abnormal psych books to know there is no known mental illness for my particular set of symptoms. But I've got what I call a weak sense of self. Who I am depends on the conditions around me, often including what I'm wearing. And my brain, when it saw I was suddenly on a crowded beach, wearing a garish set of swim trunks and a cheap t-shirt that Daniel Nash II, Aladren Student, would never voluntarily wear, interpreted that as going onto a Street Beat set and put my Nate personality in charge."

He took another deep breath, "And I couldn't get it back until the swim trunks and the sand went away. That's why I think I might actually have gone mad. Always before, I could swap between my personalities at will. But today I couldn't get Nate to go away." He rubbed at his forehead, not because his head ached, but because he thought it should. "It's probably a good thing they canceled the show after next season."

1 Daniel Nash II No, I'm fairly sure I've gone mad (wotw) 130 Daniel Nash II 0 5

Andrew Duell

April 30, 2011 5:06 PM

I'm sure it's not as bad as the world makes it out to be by Andrew Duell

Andrew listened to Daniel. He nodded at Daniel's question of Muggle TV. He was fairly familiar with it. Being a witch, Mom didn't have television. Dad was a muggle, so he did. Andrew liked watching some of it, and some of it was mind-bogglingly stupid. He couldn't figure out what possessed some people to participate in some of those shows. But that wasn't really the issue here. Actually, now that Daniel mentioned it, he had caught an episode of Street Beat once and he did recognize Daniel for Nate. Granted, that wasn't really the issue here either. The issue was Daniel himself. Andrew was not good at these type of personal situations. From their house descriptions, Teppenpaws were supposed to be good at them though, right? Maybe he could try to channel some of that. He just hoped he didn't end up messing Daniel up more than he already was.

Once Daniel had finished talking, Andrew sat down next to him against the tree and stared out over the water for a moment or so. Then he spoke up in a serious tone of voice, one that he did not get much practice using. "It sounds to me like this moment, right here, will be a defining moment in your life. You will have to make a choice as to who you are and then live with it. Are you Daniel Nash II, Aladren student and wizard extraordinaire; or are you just another nutjob who believes in magic, UFOs, and can't decide who he is?" Andrew knew he was pushing it, and being a little harsh, but hopefully it would make Daniel think and react. Well, in some matter other than this sad little whole he seemed to be sinking into. "I had to go through something similar... okay, not quite the same but... Anyway when my parents split up, I had to make a decision as well. Was I going to be someone to complain about the horrors of my life and blame them for all my shortcomings, or was I going to stand up and do what I can with the situation I was dealt?"

He couldn't help it, he really couldn't. He had to force Daniel to move, but he had to be his friend. So far, he hadn't been the 'Andrew' that Daniel had known. So he slid back into his much more comfortable grin and light tone of voice, "Besides, you don't know how relieved I am to hear this. You don't want to know what I thought was actually going on."

2 Andrew Duell I'm sure it's not as bad as the world makes it out to be 145 Andrew Duell 0 5

Daniel

April 30, 2011 8:42 PM

You think it's worse? by Daniel

Daniel frowned a little at the 'defining moment' comment, mostly because he didn't think it was. It was just the culmination of years of inevitibility. He'd finally gone truly mad, as he genes had demanded from the start. He'd had no choice in the matter. He'd held it off for as long as he could.

The frown turned into a scowl as Andrew continued. He was mentally unstable, there was nothing he could do about that, but he was not some kind of UFO freak. He had one small tiny little problem with having a few too many personalities and no clear idea of who he actually was. That didn't make him a gullible paranoid idiot who went around claiming the aliens were coming.

"My mother divorced five times since I've been alive," Daniel stated coldly. "Six if you count my Dad, because there is some confusion whether or not a fetus is alive. I discovered that my entire existence was an accident brought on by alcohol. I walked in on my father when I was nine. I have my doubts about whether or not I'm straight. Most importantly, I have read fanfiction about my own character. I assure you, I have plenty of events and people to choose from if I ever wanted to take the easy way out, go stark raving mad, and blame someone else. Today does not even make the top one hundred."

"What today was," Daniel continued in clipped words, "was not a pivotal moment in my life. It was just one more step in a hereditary mental degradation that has been going on for years. I am a bloody fantastic actor, and I will continue to hide this for as long as I possibly can, for as long as I can remain functionally competent without becoming a danger to myself or others, but involuntarily turning into Nate Bealer for an hour is a very bad sign. It is not something I had any control over. Whoever else I may or may not be, I am not and never will be Nate Bealer. Furthermore, I don't know if I have Head Boy in the bag yet for next year, so the last thing I want right now is for any rumors starting that I've cracked up. This was not a minor identity confusion that I just stood back and let happen. It is a serious problem, so forgive me if I'm freaking out a little bit about it."

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes again and pressed the heels of his hands against them. And because he had to know - the same curiosity that had caused him to find out too many other traumatic things pulled at him - he asked resignedly, "What did you think was going on?"

1 Daniel You think it's worse? 130 Daniel 0 5

Andrew

April 30, 2011 10:42 PM

Could be, never been down that road myself by Andrew

Andrew sat and weathered Daniel's storm. He didn't flinch away, he tried really hard not to take offense, he just listened. Really he had no idea, Daniel hadn't exactly been one to share his life story, and now Andrew probably knew why. It didn't sound like the best environment to grow up in. In short, he had about as crappy of a childhood as one could have. Strangely from this Andrew learned something about himself, he was an optimist. Despite everything that Daniel had lived through, he was trying to not go down the same roads as his parents, he was trying to rise above all of that. That was good, very good. He hoped the trend would continue, and he really really wished he was better at this talking thing. He wasn't even really good at talking to people about stuff that didn't really matter, this did really matter and that made it so much harder.

How should he react to this, surprised? Apologetic? Cruel? Uncaring? Happy? Maybe he should start with the basics, how did he actually feel about this? How would he feel if he was in Daniel's place? That was hardly a fair analysis though, he couldn't know what it would be like to be in Daniel's place. So, what was he to do, to say? It very briefly crossed his mind, 'what would happen if I tried to put him back in the swimsuit... would Nate be any better to talk to?' No, he quickly dismissed the idea as very, very bad. Maybe he just needed more time to blow off steam and cool down.

"I didn't know any of that, you win the 'crappier childhood award'. You may also win the 'Dealing with it better award'. I guess that is yet to be seen. Despite what you may think though, this is still a defining moment for you. From the sounds of it, it's not your first and it won't be your last. It's just another one along the way. Welcome to humanity, we get to redefine ourselves whenever we want. Sometimes events conspire to force us to change. I admire what you've been doing with your life, you've been working to better yourself and your situation. But that may have all been building up to this point. I'm no shrink, but you may have been repressing for to long and now it's forcing itself upon you. You may just have to change your tactics. I don't know, I haven't been where you have been, and I'm probably not going where you are going, but I don't mind helping you along the way even if that is only as someone who will just listen." Andrew stood up and dusted off his robes. "I still think you've got a decision to make, and maybe it'll be easier to do it alone. You know where to find me if you need me."

Before turning to leave his grin returned, "Heh. I thought you were up to something nefarious around the school. To go undetected and distract everyone you made a magical duplicate of yourself. You filled him with all your knowledge and stuff, but something got tweaked when it's sense of identity and personality was set. I followed it, you back here to find out what you were actually up to."

2 Andrew Could be, never been down that road myself 145 Andrew 0 5

Daniel

May 01, 2011 12:41 PM

It's the path less traveled by Daniel

Daniel snorted a little at winning the 'Crappier Childhood Award.' The funny thing was, he didn't really think his childhood had been that bad. Obviously, he could have done without all of the divorces, but he was the kid of two Hollywood big names. Divorce was par for the course. That was why Anton was so infuriating. The guy was approaching three years married to Mom. If he would just go away, Daniel's life could return to its normal cycle. He'd learned not to get attached to the step-fathers a long time ago.

Actually, Anton was the first one he hadn't at least tried to like, but Michael had decided him that it was pointless, and that had been six years ago. For a while there, he had though Mom had figured it out, too, but then she met Anton and there had went that theory.

"It wasn't all bad," he admitted. He was a guy and he wasn't going to use words like 'love' in front of another guy, but he'd been Mom's baby (and the only one she had split custody of - Luke and Holly only visited every other weekend) and Daniel had never been in any danger of getting sibling competition on Dad's end. He'd been reasonably sure he was the most important person in both of his parents' lives and that made up for a lot of other things. And it wasn't like he'd ever been under the illusion that they were a happy couple and the three of them would be together forever. From the day he was born it was him and Dad, or him and Mom, never him and his folks.

Step-dads leaving, he suspected, wasn't the same as your two biological parents splitting up when you're old enough to understand what's breaking apart. The farce of Mom and Dad's short-lived marriage had at least spared him that. Even before he learned to distance himself, step-dads had always felt temporary and never entirely his. Their absense hadn't ever shattered his concept of home.

He'd always had two homes. Three, if you counted the Greers; they took him in often enough when both of his parents were busy filming that he'd had his own room in their house, too. Four, if you counted the Street Beat studio, where he spent more hours over the summers than he did at any of his other homes combined.

This, he considered, might have been the start of his problem. He would have to think about that some more, when Andrew wasn't standing right there.

"I'm a pessimist," Daniel told him, looking up at the Teppenpaw, and putting on a wry smile. "The good thing about pessimism is that, not only are you always right or pleasantly surprised, but you know how much worse your life could have been. So I don't count mine as being too bad."

He still didn't agree that there was anything defining about today. His plan was to speak to his professors and request they didn't surprise him like this again, and then do his very best to forget this ever happened. For all of Andrew's apparent condemnation to the practice, Daniel's experience said that repression did work.

The biggest problem was that Daniel Nash II, Aladren Student was evidently not a well-rounded enough person to be able to handle swim trunks. He would just have to expand his school personality a little bit more. And work on Charlie's advice some more, figuring who he was and wasn't.

Because he wasn't Nate Bealer, and this was not something he ever wanted to experience again.

"Yeah," he agreed absently, at Andrew's offer to let him think this over on his own for now but willingness to help if Daniel wanted it later. He probably wouldn't. He'd handled his mental issues on his own since he was eight and he had little intention of changing that now. And if he did, he'd probably go to Charlie. But he did appreciate the offer. "Thanks."

As Andrew turned back and explained his initial interpretion of events, Daniel couldn't help but stare at him for a long moment and blink a few times. Then he said, "If anyone asks, that's what happened."

1 Daniel It's the path less traveled 130 Daniel 0 5

Andrew

May 01, 2011 10:11 PM

Sometimes there is a reason for that, but not always by Andrew

Andrew decided to feel like he had accomplished something here. Whether or not he actually had or not, well, that was a different matter entirely. Nobody could stop him from thinking that he did. He just really, really hoped that the 'something' that he accomplished wasn't pushing Daniel farther down into his perceived madness. 'Only time would tell' was the appropriate saying he though. He was glad to hear that Daniel's life wasn't all bad, but with that kind of life style, what was considered 'bad' and 'not bad' could be skewed a bit from the norm. He did smile at Daniel's pessimism quote. It was quite optimistic.

He hoped everything would turn out alright for Daniel, at least with this situation anyway. He did wish that there was something more he could do, he did see this as a bit of his fault. There probably would have been ways to have handled class better. "No problem there," he responded to Daniel's request to spread his rumor, "I'll let you figure out what nefarious thing you were up to." He grinned at his friend, he would at least tell that to any of the students that asked... the teachers and staff, hmmm. He couldn't lie to them, they were here to help. His face dropped, "I've got no problem telling that to the students, but if a teacher or someone like that asks... I'll have to tell them that they'll have to talk to you themselves. If there is anything else I can do, just ask." Andrew then headed for the door to leave Daniel alone to think. He paused for just moment when he reached the door as another thought struck him, "If I seen Charlie, should I tell her where to find you?"

2 Andrew Sometimes there is a reason for that, but not always 145 Andrew 0 5

Daniel

May 02, 2011 12:22 PM

Pretty sure there's a good reason for this one by Daniel

Daniel smiled in wry appreciation, both for Andrew's agreement to spread the story about him plotting something, and the chance to decide himself what it was he had been plotting. He would put some thought into that, and maybe even figure out how to make a homunculus of himself if he could.

He supposed he also understood Andrew's reluctance to lie to the teachers, but Daniel was already thinking about telling them something of what happened anyway. If only to prevent it from happening again. The only question was whether he go to Fawcett or the nurse and have them distribute the warning not to surprise Daniel with unexpected scenery and wardrobe changes, or visit everyone individually so he could make sure the story came out how he wanted it to be heard.

He needed to figure that out on his own, so even though he probably would talk this - or some of this - over with Charlie eventually, he shook his head at Andrew's offer to send her over. "Thanks, but not yet."

First he needed a plan. A plan for how to make sure this didn't happen again, a plan for how to handle the fallout, and a plan for how he would deal with it himself.

Step one was to either make sure he was never put into a similar situation again or to make it so that even if he was, his brain could continue to function in its current personality. He had a rudimentary plan for the first method, but the second would actually be the better course of action.

It occurred to him that this wasn't entirely unlike a boggart, if in reverse and he was the boggart transforming to the expectations of his surroundings, and maybe Professor Levy could possibly to assist him in overcoming this difficulty with exposure and practice.

Unfortunately, that meant he would need to explain to her in depth exactly what his difficulty was. He wasn't entirely sure he was up to doing that.

So that left his original plan of expanding his Daniel personality to include swim trunks. He'd start small. He drew out his wand and transfigured his shoes into flip-flops. Garish, hideous, and ghastly colored lime green flip-flops.

He waited a moment, but he seemed to still be himself.

That, he thought, was a good starting place. He stood up, and headed back to his room to work with a wider variety of wardrobe changes.

He kept his shoes as flip-flops. Right now, his mental stability was far more important than his fashion sense.

Besides, his robes mostly covered them anyway.

1 Daniel Pretty sure there's a good reason for this one 130 Daniel 0 5