Eating up... (TAG Briony) on Teppenpaw Commons

Pepper Jones

April 25, 2009 8:40 AM

Eating up... (TAG Briony) by Pepper Jones

Since the end of year concert and the announcement of the Head Boy and Girl, Pepper had been trying to be extra thoughtful and considerate to Briony. This was because she found that, however hard she tried, however much she told herself Briony was a lovely person who thoroughly deserved the position of Head Girl and Saul's girlfriend and even however much she genuinely knew that to be true, she couldn't help but resent her. This made her feel incredibly guilty and, as exorcising these feelings didn't seem possible, she had to compensate for her own horrible jealousy by trying to be as nice to Briony as she could be. So when she'd spotted the cookies on offer in the hall, she'd thought that taking one up for her roommate would be a kind gesture – Briony often avoided hustle and bustle and might easily miss the treat. She'd picked up two cookies and returned to their dormitory for them.

'These were on offer at lunch. Thought it would be a shame if you missed out. Pepper, xx' she wrote in her notebook, before ripping the sheet out and placing it with the cookie on Briony's bedside table. She turned to go, preferring to do her good-deeding without actually having to see her roommate, when a letter on her pillow caught her eye. She recognised the writing immediately as her mother's, so settled on to the bed to read the letter and eat her cookie.

She'd munched her way through the treat (chocolate was a great healer of wounded feelings) and was halfway through the letter when the door opened.

“Oh, hi...” she said, keeping her eyes mostly on the page in front of her. “I-I got you a cookie from downstairs. As if you don't already have everything.” That was odd. That felt like she'd said that out loud. But she never would have. Surely, that had been in her head. Yes, she told herself. It had to have been. But it had felt very much like her mouth had moved when she'd thought that, and so she tried surreptitiously to peer over the pages of her letter to see whether Briony was staring at her in shock and disbelief.

13 Pepper Jones Eating up... (TAG Briony) 74 Pepper Jones 1 5

Briony O'Leary

April 28, 2009 11:35 AM

was probably not the best idea by Briony O'Leary

After a quick trip to return a couple of books back to the school library, Briony entered her dorm room to finish packing and was slightly startled to see Pepper in the room. She shouldn’t have been too surprised given that the other girl was her roommate, but she hadn’t seen Pepper very much lately, not since the Head Girl announcement. She really hadn’t been sure what to make of it all. She knew she had been on the ballot and so had Pepper. She had been sure that her friend was going to get the position. After all, she had been leading the first years around every year for a while now, but talk about surprises.

When she had heard her name announced as the new Head Girl, she had been one hundred percent sure that she had been dreaming. Her legs had felt like jelly as she had walked to the stage to join Geoffrey. That had been another shocker. Saul wasn’t going to be Head Boy. She didn’t even understand how that had been feasible after all of his involvement in anything that came along over the years and then all of that campaigning! But she had to admit that Geoffrey Layne wasn’t a bad choice in the least. She had liked the potion analogy in his speech and thought he would do a good job, but of course, she had voted for Saul out of girlfriend obligation among other reasons.

Briony wasn’t really sure what anyone else’s reasons for voting for her were. She didn’t think anyone really knew much about her other than she was a professor’s daughter and dating one of the popular boys in school. Maybe that’s why they voted for her. Maybe she didn’t deserve it. She didn’t know, but whatever the case, she was Head Girl now whether she liked it or not. Looking at Pepper now, she was leaning towards the latter. She had been about to thank her roommate for the cookie, but instead her lips were paused in a part. Did Pepper really just say that? How could she have said that? Why would she have said that?

The moments of silence were deafening as she regained control of herself. Her first instinct had been to back out of the room. Her feet had already been making their way towards the door, but she had stopped and forced herself to stay. Now, as calmly as she possibly could in the situation, she sat down on her bed. Noticing the paper and cookie on her bedside table, she picked up the cookie without really thinking as her mind was still reeling over Pepper and took a bite. Looking for something to do and not wanting to look at the other girl, she read the letter. Stopping mid chew, she slowly swallowed over the lump in her throat.

It was from Pepper. It didn’t make sense. Pepper had gotten her a cookie. Pepper had been being nice to her. Pepper was her friend. Wasn’t she? Her gaze on Pepper, she asked, “Why? Why would you say that?” Her voice was barely above a whisper. As soon as she asked the question, her mind began forming its own conclusions like how her dad always said very few people could ever be trusted even when they seemed nice. She hadn’t understood that before. She still didn’t really. She didn’t want to, but Pepper was supposed to be her friend and yet…”You aren’t really my friend, are you?” So much for the benefit of the doubt.

0 Briony O'Leary was probably not the best idea 75 Briony O'Leary 0 5

Pepper

April 29, 2009 2:52 PM

... blurting out.... by Pepper

She hadn't. She hadn't said that aloud. She couldn't have. But why else would Briony ask how she could say a “thing like that”. Telling someone you'd brought them a cookie was hardly a “thing like that.”

“Of course I am!” she protested, when Briony accused her of not really being her friend. The letter rested now in her lap, her full attention switched on to her roommate. “I'd never say anything like that to you, except apparently I just did. And I'm so sorry, I've no idea why. I wouldn't even normally think it, I've just been so upset lately because I've wanted to be Head Girl ever since I started,” she found herself blurting out, the tears she was normally very good at hiding pricking at the corners of her eyes. Sure, a part of her had wanted to get this off her chest for a long time, but the sane part of her had hushed it down and kept it in order, assuring her that she'd be able to tell her family all about it as soon as she got home. It was certainly number two on the list of Things She'd Never Planned To Let Briony Find Out About, “and between you getting that and Saul, it just sort of feels like everything I ever wanted from school, you got instead,” and there was number one. What was happening to her? It was true that she'd wanted to be Head Girl since day one, but she hadn't thought she'd been obsessed about it. But perhaps she had been though and not getting it had actually pushed her over the edge. That seemed the only reasonable explanation. There was no way she'd ever normally behave like this.

“It's not like I resent you though,” she added, speaking more as herself again as she became aware that she must have made Briony feel that she hated her. It was true that part of the reason that she'd wanted to keep these things from her roommate was that she felt ashamed and embarrassed by the ugliness of her emotions but it was also because she knew it would make Briony feel awful to think she'd caused her so much distress, “I'm glad to see you so happy – and you really do deserve it all. It's just that I can't help feeling bad for myself at the same time and wishing I hadn't had to miss out on my happiness for you to have yours.” Ouch... That was probably a bit of a stinging way of phrasing things. She hadn't meant it to sound like that at all.

13 Pepper ... blurting out.... 74 Pepper 0 5

Briony

April 29, 2009 8:20 PM

Biting my lip didn't work by Briony

It was really hard to stay quiet as Pepper blurted out her resentment of Briony, but biting down hard on her lip seemed to do the trick. She fidgeted uncomfortably. She really didn’t want to be here right now dealing with it all. They were supposed to be having fun, saying their goodbyes since they wouldn’t see each other until the next term. Now, there was going to be this cloud hanging over her all over summer, wondering how she could make any of this up to Pepper. She didn’t want to spend their entire seventh year at odds over a title or a boy.

Though, why did it have to be Saul? Why couldn’t it have been anyone else besides him? There were plenty of nice guys in the school like Adam Brockert or Gunther Heindrich. Okay, maybe they weren’t as popular as Saul, but she was sure they had plently of other wonderful features. Or if Pepper really wanted an achiever, there was Geoffrey Layne. He would be a Quidditch Captain and Head Boy next year. Grudgingly, she admitted to herself that Pepper probably liked Saul for no other reason than just being himself.

It was difficult not to like him. She knew that from experience. But now that the information was out there, what could be done about it? How could any of this be made right? She wanted to tell Pepper that she wasn’t upset with her, but instead what came out were things that she didn’t want to say, “Why couldn’t you just keep all of this to yourself? Do you have any idea how it feels knowing that Saul liked you? Do you know how it felt looking at him and seeing the way he looked at you? If you liked him so much, why didn’t you tell him? Why don’t you just tell him?”

Sometime during her accusatory questions, she had stood up from the bed. Her hands waved about in exasperation. “I’ve always felt like I was in your shadow! How could I ever be noticed when there was you? It wasn’t just with Saul either. You’re involved with everything, Quidditch, Novelling Fury, leading the first years in. Everyone knows you and everyone likes you. How could I ever compete with that? What was left for me?” It was like word vomit. She couldn’t stop it. All the pent up feelings just came rushing out. She had been in competition with Pepper for six years.

0 Briony Biting my lip didn't work 0 Briony 0 5

Pepper

April 30, 2009 3:50 PM

... breaking down. by Pepper

Pepper was just about to let the tidal wave of words overflow again – of course she knew it must make Briony feel horrible knowing that she'd liked Saul, that was why she'd never planned on telling on her because she knew it would put her in such an awkward position that she really couldn't expect her to do anything about, after all it would affect her relationship and it wasn't like Pepper expected her to step back and let her have Saul or like she'd even want to get him like that, at the expense of someone else – when what Briony had actually said caught up to her and the words she'd been about to say suddenly failed to make any sense but, as they'd started to rush towards her mouth, articulated themselves as a funny choking sort of noise.

“What are you talking about? I'm sure Saul's barely even noticed me,” she managed. Having to relive it all out loud made her stomach twist. She'd never spent evenings crying into her pillow over it, she'd had more self-control, but somehow confronting Briony must have been worse because now she couldn't help but cry. A real, proper cry that broke into her speech with shuddery gasps and hiccoughs. “He was always(sob) too busy looking at you(sob). And the-the-the(sob) the more I saw h-h-him looking at you(sob), the l-ess I felt I could say anything” the word 'anything' was drawn out and pushed down the nose as Pepper's mouth busily articulated tearful noises “– besides the fact I'd always have been way to shy to be the one to ask him out,” she added, wiping her hand across her eyes in an attempt to get back into some kind of control, “It was obvious he liked you(sniff), and I wasn't going to step in there and try to change his mind(sniff), much, much less try to steal him away once he was yours(sniff). What kind of friend would that make me? What kind of person?” she reached for a tissue and wiped at her nose, “I thought you knew me better than to think I'd ever do a thing like that,” she added, sounding a little hurt. “I never even intended for you to find this out because it's so unfair to tell you. But it's like I just can't stop talking.

“As for being noticed, obviously you have been and it's me that's in the shadows. Sure, I've tried to get into a lot of things, but it never seems to really stick. I just find it so hard to talk to people my age. That's why I help the first years – my people skills are in looking after kids. But that just helps them make friends with each other and then they stop needing me. You think no one knows who you are? I get tongue tied around my peers and the only people I can talk to grow up and forget me. Except Saul. I found I could talk to Saul.” The latest wave of the word tsunami passed, leaving the various casualties of these revelations in its wake and allowing what Briony had said to sink in more. It was strange, Pepper normally would have let it sink in a lot more before replying. Particularly, she thought, as Briony had revealed how upset Pepper had made her feel. Why hadn't her first instinct been to comfort her like it always would be? “I'm sorry... I had no idea I'd made you feel that way,” she added, hoping it wasn't too little to late. “I never meant to.”

13 Pepper ... breaking down. 74 Pepper 0 5