Appearing to be studying...sort of. on Library

Fae Sinclair

September 10, 2012 12:54 AM

Appearing to be studying...sort of. by Fae Sinclair

Fae knew that her Fifth year was going to be a difficult one, but she hadn’t realized just how difficult it would be. The CATS exams were terrifying her. Her Great Grandfather did not want her to soil their good name by doing poorly on the exams and having the rest of the school know her as a complete idiot. Also, she didn’t want to look bad on Arnold. She was supposed to be his wife and it probably wouldn’t look good if he was betrothed to someone who couldn’t pass her CATS exams. She knew that Arnold probably didn’t care and wasn’t even sure if he could pass them himself, but she did want his parents to like her and not think so terrible of her. Fae was pretty sure his mother wouldn’t want her son marrying a moron.

It was so awkward around Arnold now anyway. Even though they talked about it at the wedding and promised that everything would be the same, summer weeks had gone by without being around each other and now back in school, Fae wasn’t sure what to do. She tried to be as normal as possible around him, but that was hard to do when she wasn’t sure if they were dating or not. Dating meant they did particular things that couples did and though Fae would enjoy that, she didn’t want to do it because it was expected of them. She’d prefer it if Arnold actually saw her that way.

And that was the thing. She didn’t know how he felt at all. He said he was okay with the betrothal, but that was all. Did he want to go out with her? He seemed just as awkward about it all, so that wasn’t helping. Would they remain only friends until the day they were married? She wished that she could talk about it with him, but she could barely look at him when he was around. She missed him; she had come to realize. She missed watching him goof off and make mistakes. She missed laughing with him. It wasn’t the same. She didn’t know how to be around him anymore. It was like when Sara and Preston were together. Fae didn’t know what she was supposed to do, so instead of being involved, she just, walked away. She didn’t want to walk away from Arnold, but she didn’t know what else to do.

Having grown tired of the common room, of Alice’s busy schedule with her new project (why anyone would want to give themselves more work was beyond Fae’s understanding), and of avoiding Topher, Fae decided to study somewhere else. Since she didn’t like the gardens and the Hall meant people around, Fae decided to venture into the Library. She didn’t come here often, but she felt that she could probably be safe in here and away from people. She was feeling less and less social this term, which she knew would eventually be a problem, but until she figured her own feelings out and how to deal with everything, she didn’t want to have to answer other people.

She found a table and took a seat, pulling her potions textbook out as she did. Potions was her worse subject and she really needed to figure it out. Too bad it was so incredibly boring. Even reading the first paragraph had her spacing out. This was going to be a rough term for sure. The worst.

At some point during her studying, Fae had actually stopped studying and put her head down on the table. She wasn’t sleeping, but she also wasn’t fully attentive and thus, was startled and shot straight up when someone spoke close to her ear. “Merlin’s beard! You scared me!” She said rather breathlessly while a nice shade of red formed from cheek to cheek as she blushed.

6 Fae Sinclair Appearing to be studying...sort of. 194 Fae Sinclair 1 5

Sara Raines

September 30, 2012 5:10 PM

It's a start, anyway by Sara Raines

If Sara had, for just one moment, cherished the hope that sixth year would be easier than fifth because it didn’t have a set of major exams at the end of it, she hadn’t done so long enough to remember doing it. They had hardly been back at school any time at all, and already she felt as though she could happily go to sleep for a week. Her classes were demanding enough to cause such feelings all by themselves, but when she added in how Preston’s CATS were coming soon and how she had been on edge ever since he hadn’t become a prefect….

Well, they would be all right - when they were together, she didn't even mind it, it was only when she thought about it at times like this - but it was enough work that she sincerely hoped that either she had a small number of very tractable children, or that she had a husband who either handled disappointment well or just didn’t suffer any major disappointments after their marriage. Party planning, she knew, was just as much of a year-round occupation as studying for exams and classes, and Sara was not the kind of girl who felt happy when she thought of overcoming adversity. Her lack of enthusiasm for a struggle was, she thought, what had kept her out of Aladren, that and being willing to bend with the times, to be what was expected of her, whatever the situation. At least, it was the most logical explanation for her Sorting that she had been able to come up with. She was not kind enough to be a Teppenpaw, not strident enough for Aladren, but she was very good at adapting to circumstances, even if she didn’t really want to.

Teppenpaw and Pecari were not, she thought, viewed as sister Houses to the same extent that Aladren and Crotalus were, but she thought that might be a mistake. Adaptability was needed for diplomacy, after all. She wouldn’t have minded a little stridency, though. It would have made RATS classes so much more pleasant, especially since she was determined to do the work as well as it could be done.

Her usual pleasant, calm expression, then, was looking a little more strained than the people of Sonora were most likely used to as she walked through a seemingly empty section of the library and struggled not to visibly struggle as she carried a stack of thick, leather-bound arithmancy books toward where she thought there was a table. When she saw a head of pale hair at a table, though, the look tried hard to reassert itself before she realized it was Fae, a sight that made her bite her lip. They hadn’t spent as much time together since they got back as they might have, and though she didn’t think there was really any fault involved in it, she knew that Fae might not see it that way. For all she knew, her friend thought that she was sore about Fae getting at least a metaphorical ring on her finger before Sara had. It wasn’t altogether untrue; she just wasn’t anxious and annoyed with Fae because of it. Feeling that way would have, considering how much active control either of them had over things, been ridiculous, and besides, it only really mattered if she didn’t figure out what Preston’s intentions were by the end of next year.

Right now, though, she thought she had better wake Fae up, since anyone might come along and steal all her things if she stayed asleep. She walked over and, bending slightly to tip her armload of books onto the other side of the table for at least a second, said “Fae?”

Based on her reaction, Sara didn’t think Fae had been really asleep, but she doubted she’d been really awake, either. She raised her hands in a gesture of surrender, her arms still a little sore from the weight of the books. This was the price of doing her homework thoroughly, she supposed. She was betting on a broken bone before she sat those wretched exams, if she didn’t burn out and stop trying this hard long before then. “Sorry,” she said. “I thought you’d fallen asleep, and that this wasn’t the best place to nap.” She looked over Fae’s book. "Potions for you, too?" she asked. "I'm sure there are countries where Professor Fawcett's essays are illegal."

0 Sara Raines It's a start, anyway 179 Sara Raines 0 5

Fae

October 01, 2012 4:02 PM

it's all that it's likely to be by Fae

Realizing that it was Sara who had caught her with her head down, Fae relaxed. Sara knew Fae enough to not judge her for allowing herself to slip a little. Considering Sara knew one of Fae’s biggest secrets (well, really, her only secret) about liking two boys at once, Fae trusted her more so than she probably realized. Their friendship was a strange one. Sara was the sort of girl that Fae was supposed to be, but fell short of all the time. Sometimes Fae felt that Sara wasn’t human. She was just too perfect all the time and everything always seemed to fall into place for her. Fae could barely get Arnold to tell her anything and she was always messing things up. She didn’t know how Sara did it, maybe she really couldn’t but she kept it to herself? Fae wished that she had that ability though. Right now, she thought she was going to internally bust with all the things running through her head at all times.

“Sorry, Sara.” Fae apologized. Her reaction probably hadn’t been at all ladylike for her to have done after having been caught with her head down. If it had been anyone else, Fae might have been more embarrassed. She sighed at the mention of Potions. “The essays I can manage.” Fae commented. “Although, it does become bothersome when you add in all the extra work we have to do now for Charms.” Fae added after some thought. She actually was fairly decent with theory portions of their lessons because she could use books as references and when she was comfortable, have her essays written within an hour. But now that most of her lessons seem to keep piling on essays, it was harder for her to concentrate long enough to complete them.

She really needed to figure things out with Arnold; it was really having an effect on everything else in her life.

“Once I start the essay, I can complete it and do well on it, but I need to understand the material first. Sadly, potions is not my strongest subject so it takes me a few tries to figure out what it is I’m reading in order to write about it.” Fae straightened up and moved things around so that Sara had room to work. “I can’t believe you are still taking it. Potions is the one class I am most definitely not taking after CATS is over. Defense might be the other.” Fae commented. She didn’t really mind Defense, but she hated running around having nasty spells thrown at her. Plus, their last lesson she had to re-evaluate herself and her personality and was fairly certain she had a negative mindset, which did not bode well with her. She really did try to look at the positives, it was just that sometimes it was hard to do.

“How are you’re lessons going so far?” Fae asked her. “It’s strange not having you in classes anymore.” Sometimes Fae forgot that Sara was older than her until something decides to remind her constantly. This year just happened to be that they were in different classes.

0 Fae it's all that it's likely to be 0 Fae 0 5

Sara

October 02, 2012 3:04 PM

Look on the bright side: more time for girl talk! by Sara

“It’s all right,” Sara said agreeably, sitting down now that it seemed Fae didn’t want to snap anymore or go to her room to take a nap. She winced at the mention of Charms. “I really didn’t want to remember that I’m in that class today,” she remarked.

“I’ve dropped Defense,” Sara said, feeling simultaneously relieved by the thought of something she wasn’t doing and guilty about not doing something. “I thought Potions might be useful, though, sometime, my family recommended it.” She looked at her books vaguely, not really seeing them. “Professor Fawcett seems to think we’re all going to be potioneers in that class, though, so unless you really think you’ll need to know how the magical properties of the number ten relate to Sweilall’s Theorem and Golpalott’s Law in combination – “ That was her research paper topic, specifically, but she thought it gave a good idea of what the class was about – “you should be fine if you do drop it.” She wasn’t sure if she was going to actually take the RATS exam in it – it was the plan right now, but it was open to change. She wasn’t Catherine, she had enough classes that she could drop one and still graduate respectably.

On the whole, she thought it was better not to complain too deeply about her classes, though, even if she did think Fae would lend a sympathetic ear and not tell the whole school about it. Fae had her own problems at the moment. “I keep looking for everyone, too,” she said. “You all need to hurry up and take your CATS so we’ll be in the same classes again!” She said it lightly, but it really was strange, not being around the people she actually knew well during most of the day anymore. “It’s an adjustment, the classes are more challenging, but I think I’m going to make it.” She smiled. “Well, I’m crossing my fingers, anyway. How’ve you been? I feel like I’ve hardly seen you since we got back.”

She left her question a little open on purpose, so that if Fae wanted to talk about CATS, she could, but if she wanted to get into relationships, she could do that, too. Sara imagined it must be overwhelming, going from liking two boys this year to being betrothed to one of them now, and that was even before Arnold's family was factored in. She was glad that her own life was much more steady and peaceful, at least for the time being, but couldn't help but be interested in the drama.

0 Sara Look on the bright side: more time for girl talk! 0 Sara 0 5

Fae

October 04, 2012 10:24 PM

That is a very good bright side! by Fae

Fae giggled softly. Even though they weren’t in the same classes anymore, it was nice to hear that Sara was having the same issues in her classes as Fae was in her own. Fae was an average student. She was excellent in Charms and pretty decent in Transfiguration. But in everything else, she was average (except for Potions, which she was just barely getting by in). Sometimes she felt like she was a complete idiot because she had so many others in her year that really were probably geniuses. Her roommate and betrothed’s twin brother being two of those people to prove her point. It was nice to know that Sara was partly human and classes were getting to her.

“I do not have any idea what you just said to me.” Fae said in all seriousness. Sara just threw out a bunch of things that was very much Potion-ness but it was all gibberish to Fae. “So, I’m supposing because I didn’t catch it, I doubt it’ll be a necessity in my future. Besides, I doubt my skill level will really be what Arnold or any future children will really want to take. I’m more likely to kill them than save them.” Fae grumbled. If she did terrible in her Potions CATS, she was preparing for it now. That way, the disappointment from her parents won’t be too much stress on her. Hopefully, Arnold’s parents would not be demanding to see her test scores and then break off the betrothal because they didn’t want their son marrying a ninny.

“Trust me, the sooner I take my exams, the better I’ll be.” Fae said, giving Sara a smile. It was the truth. The CATS were a stressor in her life that she could get rid of. Everything else was just a part of her life that she wouldn’t be able to get rid of until she and Arnold just sat down and talked. “I’m sure you’ll do well in your classes. You seemed to be able to do everything without breaking a figurative sweat.” She meant that as a compliment, but she realized after she said it that it might have sounded a bit snide. That was completely unintentional. She felt that Sara was more like Shelby in all the best ways than Fae could ever dream of being.

She sighed at the question, unsure of what she should say. “Classes are… as well as to be expected. They are the usual stress in my life.” She started and then rubbed a delicate finger against her temble. “I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Ever since school started again, Arnold and I can barely handle being in the same room together.” Fae admitted. She missed Arnold. Her friend. She had always been able to rely on him and now she wasn’t so sure anymore.

“I just want him to tell me what he wants. I like him, I know that I do and you know that I do and I’m fairly certain the entire school figured out that I do. But I need to know what he thinks or what he wants.” Fae said, getting exasperated just thinking about it. “I just need him to talk to me, but… I don’t know how and I can’t force him. How do you do it? How do you keep up with all of it and not just either explode or give up.”

0 Fae That is a very good bright side! 0 Fae 0 5

Sara

October 06, 2012 3:27 PM

More time for girl talk is always good by Sara

“Oh, I’m sure it wouldn’t be that bad,” Sara said, trying very hard to repress the mental image of a future, adult Fae playing mediwitch to Arnold and half a dozen mini-Arnolds. If she entertained it for too long, she was afraid she’d start giggling uncontrollably, and she didn’t know if Fae would understand, or at least be willing to chalk it up to one of the bouts of mild insanity that hit RATS students, or not. She didn’t want to offend her friend. “But if it helps, I only have a very vague idea what anything I said means.”

Somehow, Sara really doubted that admitting she didn’t know what she was talking about was really that helpful, but at least Fae knew she wasn’t alone in sometimes wanting to cry when Fawcett swept from the doorway to his desk and said ‘good afternoon’ in that infuriatingly calm, pleasant voice and then threw something else at them as though it were the most reasonable thing in the world instead of something that would give her an awful headache just reading the background books. It almost, she thought, made it worse that he did acknowledge that they in the Advanced class were only mortal and had other difficult classes; it made her think she had to work that much harder to seem like she was completely on top of everything….

…Which was something Fae, at least, seemed to think was working. Sara flushed, not sure how to interpret that last remark. “It’s an illusion,” she said.

That was one thing Sara had never really thought about before. Of course she put on a good show, as best as she could, in public; they were ladies, it was required of them. She saw her failures far more than she saw her successes – the times she got overexcited, or didn’t make exactly the right remark, or was far too honest with Preston, considering that they weren’t married and he could easily repeat a few remarks she’d made about people and have his revenge in hand if things did ever go south between them, or got so involved in talking to one person that she didn’t keep the conversation going smoothly in a group. She wasn’t as bad as some, of course – Sophie openly flaunted convention, and Eliza was just a little tacky, in her opinion – but she didn’t think of herself as a paragon of virtue, either. She just tried as hard as she could, so she could do the best that she could for herself and her family.

Of course, what was really bothering Fae became apparent very quickly. “I was lucky,” she said finally. “Preston and I...we haven’t really had that kind of problem. I think he usually says what’s on his mind – and I tell him as much of mine as he needs to know,” she added with a smile. “Though of course, nothing’s final for us yet,” she added. “I don’t know if…knowing would make a difference, but…” She shrugged, refocusing on her friend, rather than on her own relationship complications and what it might be like in the future if things she only had a small amount of control over happened. “Have you thought about talking to his brother, if you don’t feel like you can just ask him?” Arthur, she reflected, did seem interested in other people’s relationships; surely that would extend to his own brother’s. “He might not even know you’re unhappy – “ she had never thought that Arnold Carey would be one of the great minds of their time – “or what to say to you now. I don't really know, as I said, but it seems like having that agreement there might make things feel different, or make someone think they had to behave a certain way...”

0 Sara More time for girl talk is always good 0 Sara 0 5

Fae

October 08, 2012 1:22 AM

Even if it leads to tears by Fae

Fae gave Sara a look that clearly had a ‘please, you know me better than that’ look written all over it. Sara knew that Fae was not good under pressure. If someone in her family (husband or children) were in her care and were either injured or ill, Fae would be far too freaked out and upset to have the mental capacity to work out a potion and having it be actually usable. She also highly doubted that Sara only vaguely knew what she was talking about. Sara always knew what she was talking about.

She smirked at Sara when her friend told her it was all an illusion. If that were the case, Sara definitely knew how to charm people. There was never a crack in her composure. She never showed any sort of improper moment, never said anything out of line, or had impure thoughts that she had said out-loud. To be honest, Fae wasn’t even sure if Sara had ever told her anything about herself. Anything real. “Well, if it’s an illusion, I wish you wouldn’t use it on me all the time.” Fae commented, feeling exhausted just thinking about it. “I feel like I’m such a mess next to you.” Fae loved Sara, she did. Sara was the one person she didn’t always feel like a complete idiot with when she fell apart, but she wanted to know that Sara wasn’t always so perfect too.

It took a lot of will power for Fae to not roll her eyes when Sara mentioned Preston. She knew that she really needed to give Preston the benefit of the doubt and actually get to know him, but she found that to be so difficult. It was just easier not to like him. Soon, Shelby and Victor were going to be married and Fae was going to be forever stuck with Preston Stratford as an in-law. Fae did not need to be reminded of their perfect relationship that apparently never hit a bump ever. Yes, Fae was a little jealous of her best friend. But Sara made things extremely difficult to not be jealous about. Even if it was an illusion, she still came off the better person.

“Arthur?” Fae choked out, surprised by Sara’s thought. “Arthur is nice and all, but I don’t know if I could handle talking about my lack of a love life with his twin. And, they are extremely close. For all I know, he’ll run right to Arnold and tell him everything. That’s embarrassing.” Fae dropped her head into her hands for a moment. She thought meeting Arnold’s parents officially had been difficult. She could have sworn his mother hated her, although Fae had no idea why. She had dressed nicely, smiled politely, and spoke up when she was spoken too… everything that she was supposed to do. Maybe his mother just didn’t like her with Arnold? Who knows. But now that meeting his parents was over and done with, Fae found that just talking to Arnold had become the hardest thing for her to do.

“As much as I really don’t want to be the one to do the confronting, I think I’m going to have to.” Fae finally said. “I can’t focus on my studies when I’m supposed to marry one of my best friends and he can’t even talk to me.” Fae felt more emotions than she wanted to show flooding to the surface. She didn’t like to cry and certainly never in public, but she felt the tears on her cheeks before she had time to stop them. “Great.” Fae commented with a desperate chuckle as she dug into her bag for her travel tissues. “This is perfect.”

0 Fae Even if it leads to tears 0 Fae 0 5

Sara

October 11, 2012 12:36 PM

Everyone needs a good cry sometimes by Sara

Sara laughed awkwardly when Fae said she wished she wouldn’t keep up the illusion in front of her all the time. “Habit,” she said apologetically.

It was true, though it went a little further than that. She wasn’t, Sara thought as she tried to imagine doing it, very comfortable talking about anything that bothered or annoyed her, of letting the façade slip, even in front of her own family. Part of it, she knew, was just that she knew that such problems and annoyances as she had were not very important or serious, so she felt bad about dumping them in other people’s laps when they might very well have much worse things to deal with, and part of it was just wanting to seem perfect. Her parents were extremely controlled people, and Aunt Margaret had told her since she was little to always think before she did anything about whether or not she’d want everyone to know what she had done. It seemed to her that the only safety possible lay in just never making a mistake.

Looking at it from Fae’s perspective, though, she could see the point. “Well, I’m constantly worried about my reputation, I don’t know if I’m doing the ‘big sister’ thing right now that my brother’s here, since I started spending more time in Europe than I do at home the year he was born, and right now I’m not completely sure my boyfriend is even going to support me for Head Girl,” she said rapidly, but with a smile. “And that everyone is going to think Eliza and Sophie are more successful than I am because they hosted parties first,” she added, blushing a little even though she had kept her tone light the whole way through. She couldn’t help but think, when she said things like that, that no one could like her if they knew that was the kind of thing that went on in her head. It was far easier to be the one everyone else talked to.

Sara thought about it, and had to agree that discussing romance with Arthur Carey was possibly even stranger than the thought of doing that with her father, though it helped that she had always been close to her father. And that her father was normal. “Well, I was thinking more of him letting Arnold know he’d offended you than discussing, um, love life,” she admitted. “But you might be right.”

She bit her lip when Fae became overwhelmed by it all – and rightfully so, she thought indignantly, momentarily disliking Arnold Carey, this was all very overwhelming. “Oh, dear," she said, moving chairs to hug her. “It’ll be all right. We’ll make it all right somehow.” She thought around, frantically, for something that might achieve this affect. “My family – my cousin Catherine, and her mother, they’ve both told me how awful they both thought things were at first, when they first found out about their husbands, but now Catherine and her husband couldn’t be happier.”

0 Sara Everyone needs a good cry sometimes 0 Sara 0 5

Fae

October 15, 2012 7:22 PM

As long as it doesn't become habit by Fae

Fae had not expected Sara to start spilling her heart out to her. It was silly for her to even believe that it was a possibility that Sara would ever even think of doing so in the first place. Fae had made the comment because she was tired and exhausted and she felt alone. It was hard for her to sometimes be around Sara because she was infallible most of the time. Or, the appearance of being infallible. It annoyed Fae sometimes that she felt like she was falling apart and always going to Sara for help when Sara’s life was perfect and never needed Fae for anything.

So, to hear that Sara actually had problems took Fae completely aback. She really didn’t think anything she had said were really issues. As far as Fae knew, Sara’s reputation was that of the ‘Perfect Prefect Girl’, but since Fae didn’t really hang out with other 6th years, she wasn’t sure if there really was a reason for Sara to worry. There was a chance that maybe they all thought it was strange that Sara’s friends were the year below. Fae only happened to become friends with Sara because of the ball celebration had brought them together while trying on robes. Sara could have friended anyone, really. Fae didn’t see any tear in her reputation though.

“I don’t know why you’re so worried about your reputation. I have never heard anything negative about you.” Fae commented honestly. “Actually, I think more people are intimidated by you because you don’t really seem human. You know, because you can never do anything wrong.” That might have come off wrong again, which she hadn’t meant to. “Being the youngest, I can tell you that I think my siblings are always on ‘big brother/big sister’ mode. I don’t think it can be helped. Sometimes it’s frustrating, but most of the time I know it’s because they care. I can’t imagine your brother being upset with you because you are trying to be there for him.”

She had no idea what she was saying or if it was helping. Fae never gave advice to people; she was the one always asking for it. “And if Preston” Yes, she meant to actually have the harsh tone that time. “Can’t take his head out of his own you know what to be the type of boyfriend you need him to be, then he doesn’t deserve to have you.” She knew that was the sort of things friends were supposed to say even if Sara didn’t want to hear it. “I know you were upset for him when he didn’t get the badge and you held his hand through it. You are a great girlfriend. At some point, he’ll have to deal with things so that he can be there for you.”

She really wasn’t sure what to say about Eliza and Sophie. Fae half wondered if Sara was upset with her for having been betrothed before her. If Fae could have waited for the news, she would have gladly done so and allowed Sara to have such glory. “Sophie’s slumber party was okay, but I’m not sure if you can say it was successful or if it’s helped with her… reputation.” She was the Pecari Quidditch Captain after all. Fae hadn’t really put much thought into her reputation or what people thought of her most of the time. She just didn’t always think about that. She tried, of course, to be proper and perfect, but she was aware of her flaws. “And I wouldn’t worry so much about Eliza. You have all the right connections. Who are hers?”

Apparently Sara had a different meaning when she suggested Arthur. Still, as much as Fae was okay with Arthur, she wasn’t close to him. It wouldn’t feel right complaining to him about Arnold in anyway. It actually might do more harm than good if Arthur took offense to it.

Fae couldn’t remember the last time she had been hugged and though this one may have been slightly awkward because she had Sara had never done this before, she was grateful for it just the same. It was enough to stall her tears for the time being anyway, which she was happy about considering she was sitting in the library and anyone could see her. She listened to Sara’s story and a bitter part of Fae came out, “Are you sure she isn’t as good as illusions as you are?” She immediately regretted saying that. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’m just… tired and apparently cranky.”

0 Fae As long as it doesn't become habit 0 Fae 0 5

Sara

October 23, 2012 7:57 PM

That would be better by Sara

“That’s good to hear,” Sara said when Fae assured her that she’d never heard any unflattering rumors about her, “but you are my friend, so people might not say it in front of you if they think I’m – um – being completely inappropriate with Preston, or something.” She added the last two words to make it sound like that specific possibility worried her less than it really did. If people did think that they had ever – done anything – and then their parents decided that things just weren’t going to work out, she might find herself in a very bad position. It wasn’t very likely, since she didn’t think either of their parents would have agreed to how things were if they hadn’t been thinking down the road and Merlin knew she wasn’t going to go along with anything that could lead to people thinking things, but if the rumor mill took a vicious turn for some reason….

No, she didn’t want to think about that at all. That was a nightmare nearly to rival another Aunt Lila situation happening in the family. It was marginally better to start to wonder if her strategy of the past six years – which had seemed to be working well – had actually horribly backfired and made her resented instead of liked and respected.

“The problem with Alan is that I don’t really know him at all,” Sara admitted about her brother. “We’ve never spent time together, even when we were both at home. It wasn’t on purpose or anything, I never thought it was unfriendly, we just never really had anything to say to each other, and now I feel like I’m supposed to – look after him, or give him advice, and I can tell I just get on his nerves, so I can only assume I’m not doing it right.” Really, she was proud of her brother, who she thought seemed to be doing a very good job of navigating his way through first year, but when she spoke to him, she usually ended up criticizing his posture or something.

She smiled weakly at Fae’s comments on Preston. “Honestly, it was sort of annoying to put up with,” she sighed, thinking back to the prefect debacle. “I mean, I would have been thrilled if he had gotten it, but I wish…” She shrugged, uncomfortable. “I wish I didn’t have to worry that he’s going to hold it against me that I did,” she said under her breath. “But…” Sara spread her hands with a resigned smile. “It’s a very good match for a Raines girl, if I can make it, and we do get along very well when that’s not an issue, and it’s one of my best chances to be able to keep my connections in Europe as well as the ones here, so I just – I try not to complain about things like that when they happened.”

It didn’t, after all, do any good. Her mother had taught her that early on, and she had never seen anything to contradict it. She shook her head when Fae dismissed her rivals. “Possibly the objects below her neck,” she said drily about Eliza’s assets, though she then blushed immediately at having said that out loud. Even if it was true. Sara thought she was pretty enough – not beautiful, like Fae and Eliza, but she’d do – but not in a womanly way; when she was excited, she thought she still looked barely more than twelve. She couldn’t help but feel a little insecure about it when she thought about it.

“It’s all right,” she said when Fae apologized for her comment about Catherine and Sara and illusions. “Though – I really don’t think she’s bright enough, for the record, but it’s all right. And you really shouldn’t worry,” she added. “All this about me – you’re much prettier than I am, and your family doesn’t have a scandal every few years to deal with…Arnold Carey’s a fool if he doesn’t appreciate all of that.” She said all this with conviction, really believing it. Sara had never understood, really, what was so attractive about Arnold personally, but she would have thought he was bright enough to appreciate a girl like Fae.

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