Returning after a rough summer on Library

Autumn Collins

August 28, 2012 8:49 AM

Returning after a rough summer by Autumn Collins

Never in Autumn's life had she felt more vile. Never so much was hard to bear looking at herself in the mirror. Perhaps her summer hadn't been as awful as the previous one-she didn't think that was possible-but it still hadn't been too great. Just as the Crotalus had to eat in front of Medic Bailey at school, at home her mother insisted on watching her, making sure she ate everything. It was torture and Autumn still didn't feel that her food intake was anyone's business but her own!

The result was that she now felt that she resembled an elephant. Or a whale. All she saw when she looked at her body was this massive creature. A protruding belly that the seventh year had never been able to get rid of in the first place. Flabby thighs. To Autumn, even her face looked fat, like she had the mumps or something. It was disgusting.

She could barely stand it, it was driving her crazy. All she wanted to do was get rid of it all. If Autumn could have taken a knife and sliced it off-like the pork fat she refused to eat, she still refused to eat certain things, especially dessert or anything with a lot of carbs or fat, the Crotalus tried to stick mostly to chicken which could be cooked an awful lot of different ways, one of her favorite activities was finding new chicken recipes-she would have.

Plus, there were the constant visits to the Healer, who had informed Autumn that her bones had lost a lot of minerals, a condition called osteopenia which meant her bones were thinner-though not quite as bad as osteoporosis,which was a possibility if she went back to not eating-and could break more easily. Which meant it was more difficult to exercise to burn calories because she could get hurt, even though Autumn had dieted more than she'd worked out. She'd been too busy with studying to do the latter and had quite honestly not felt up to it much physically. The Crotalus was, however, worried that her brittle bones would not be able to support her massive weight.

Autumn had also come down with bronchitis in July-and even then her mother had made her eat and watched her while she did, even though she'd been allowed to stay in bed. It apparently didn't matter where the seventh year ate, just that she did. And someone would watch her to make sure she did. Autumn just didn't get what was so fascinating to everyone about that. It was rather upsetting to her and she hadn't liked her mother being in her room much either. The Crotalus liked having things in there a particular way, always had, and she didn't want to chance anyone messing it up.

In a way, Autumn was sort of glad, however, that she had to take her meals in the Hospital Wing here at school. Yes, she loathed that Medic Bailey was monitoring them, but at least nobody else had to see her make a pig out of herself and be so unladylike. Still, she would rather eat very little or not at all. Meals made the seventh year so anxious that she'd break down and cry at times in anticipation.

Actually, Medic Bailey's appointment to Head of Teppenpaw had briefly made Autumn happy. She'd assumed between his duties as an HoH, Valerie Lennox and the brutality of most Quidditch players, he wouldn't have time to waste on her. Unfortunately, there was the threat of having to leave school again looming over her head. Autumn couldn't have that happen. It was her last year and there were RATS. Which, naturally, she was also worried about. Her imperfect CATS scores were still fresh in her mind and she didn't want to repeat them. She needed them to be flawless this time. Something about her had to be.

Autumn would just have to keep eating for now. Once she graduated and was away from the Medic's watchful eyes with no more worried about affecting her academic life and she regained her parents' trust, she could begin her diet again.

11 Autumn Collins Returning after a rough summer 164 Autumn Collins 1 5

Samantha Hamilton

August 30, 2012 2:54 AM

Makes two of us by Samantha Hamilton

Being glad, not for the first time, that she kept a dormitory all to herself, Samantha performed a very peculiar dance as she wiggled her way into her skinny cropped jeans. All the Muggle celebrities had been wearing them towards the end of the summer, and so Samantha had found time to sneak away from the craziness of her household and snap up a pair in the sales. She had no idea what was in fashion in the magic world now that Rachel wasn't around to follow, and she actually quite liked to stand out in Muggle fashions from time to time. So while it was still warm, she coupled her new, still-stiff cropped jeans with a green tube top and glittered mules, tied her light brown hair back into bunches and popped in a pair of hoop earrings before she headed out of the commons.

On her way through the library, Samantha paused as she saw Autumn, who had, over their seven years, been one of her closer friends. The Aladren eyed her Crotalus counterpart somewhat guiltily; she knew she hadn't really been as good a friend to Autumn as she could have been, especially as the other girl had been going through some serious stuff. Samantha knew she'd had her own issues to deal with, too, but that didn't really excuse her negligence.

Without only a second's hesitation, Samantha changed course a little and walked over to join Autumn, instead. "Hey," she said with a smile, and if her 'hey' sounded slightly sympathetic, then it was just because Autumn still looked so peculiarly thin. Admittedly, Samantha had been trying to keep her weight down for the past few years, too, but she'd done it by eating sensibly and by dieting - she didn't have a disorder that took over her life and dictated her behavior. Samantha was sufficiently accustomed by now not to stare, but her friend's slight frame still shocked her.

0 Samantha Hamilton Makes two of us 159 Samantha Hamilton 0 5

Autumn

September 01, 2012 5:05 AM

Horrible, isn't it? by Autumn

Autumn looked up from her studying, startled at someone speaking to her. She relaxed slightly when she realized it was Samantha. The Crotalus didn't think she could handle talking to someone that she didn't know well. She'd never been a very outgoing person and in the past few years, she'd found herself growing more isolated. Autumn blamed the intensity of her classes. If she didn't get perfect scores, she was nothing. A big fat nothing. It was all she had left.

And her friends. It still very much surprised her that she had any. Not that the seventh year thought she deserved them, she wasn't a very good friend. Or a very good sister or daughter or granddaughter or niece or cousin. She wasn't a very good anything. Plus, Autumn wasn't terribly social, and Adam had very bitterly remarked often that that was what people cared about most.

She didn't deserve them but she needed them. Nothing would hurt her more than losing them. Not even not getting prefect or being on the Head Girl ballot. Granted, Autumn would have felt bad about winning if she'd had a chance, worried about her friends not liking her anymore. But then, even if she had been on the ballot, she wouldn't have won. Who wanted a fat Head Girl? That was not what people wanted representing their class.

Despite all that, Autumn still couldn't help being angry. She would have had a chance had she not been made to leave school! That was why they didn't want her to have it. She couldn't help feeling a bit jealous of her friends either. They were both prefect, Jane was Head Girl and Samantha had been an option for it. Autumn might have been from a prominent family but at Sonora she was a nobody.

Besides, she wasn't even betrothed and probably wouldn't be. No man wanted to be married to a fatso. Just ask Julian Tate, even though Nina insisted that he didn't want to marry Fallon because she was actually nastier than Chelsea was but Autumn assumed her cousin was just saying that to make her feel better.

The Crotalus smiled weakly at Samantha. They weren't very far into the term yet, classes had barely even started, and Autumn was already feeling the strain. She was constantly on edge. If she thought about it, she always rather had been, but more so when her fifth year had hit. That was when CATS had happened, when she hadn't been made prefect and when she'd realized that she was overweight and started her diet. "Hi." Autumn greeted her friend. "How are you doing?"

Always keep the conversation on others. Not only would they like you more for taking an interest in them, but the Crotalus really didn't want Samantha digging around in her issues. Pureblood girls were not supposed to admit to those.

11 Autumn Horrible, isn't it? 164 Autumn 0 5

Samantha

September 17, 2012 3:55 PM

Quite. by Samantha

At least Autumn didn't seem displeased to see her, which Samantha was definitely counting as a positive right now. TheAladren had already come to the inevitable conclusion that she would never truly know what Autumn was thinking, and even if she did she'd never understand it, so being relatively sure that the other girl didn't want her to leave instantly had to serve as some little reassurance. "How are you doing?" Autumn asked, and Samantha hesitated before speaking.

"Not bad," she said as she settled into a seat near Autumn's. She didn't want to moan about the petty inadequacies of her own life, and nor did she want to belittle others' problems. On the other hand, though, there was the need for conversation, and she was close enough to utumn, or so she felt, to be able to share some of the more major concerns in a light-hearted manner. So, being sure to keep her tone chatty, she elaborated, "I enjoyed having a break from studying over the summer. Now I'm nice and refreshed to start it all up again," she rolled her eyes with mild exaggeration, but fixed a smile in place. "I did lots of reading over break, though," she kept on talking, feeling as though she had to continue now she'd started. "And running. Anything to distract me from the arguments at home. My brother," here she leaned in a little, lowering her voice because she knew that the sort of information she was about to divulge was not exactly commonplace in the sort of background from which Autumn had originated, "got his girlfriend pregnant, so now she's come to live with us. Mom's so mad at him. It was a war zone in our house for weeks."

Still unconvinced she should have shared this with Autumn, Samantha felt relief at having been able to complain - if mildly - about the craziness that was her biological family. Besides, it might have come up later in the year (secretly she was quite excited about becoming an aunt, even if the route was due to irresponsibility), so she may as well tell people about it now. She had left out the money troubles, which were a taboo subject in practically every culture, anyway, and she would leave it up to Autumn to decide whether the topic should be covered in more detail. After all, Samantha wasn't about to ask Autumn how she was doing. She thought it might be a bit impolite of her to make no enquiry at all, but she didn't really know what to ask, or how to phrase it, and she didn't know what to expect in a reply. All in all she thought it best not to ask about her friend's health unless the other brought it up first.

0 Samantha Quite. 0 Samantha 0 5

Autumn

September 20, 2012 7:57 PM

Will it ever get better? by Autumn

"I didn't really take a break from studying." Autumn admitted. She never did, one couldn't when they wanted perfect scores on RATS. The Crotalus was determined that they wouldn't go how CATS had, with her fainting and being hospitalized and taking them later only to not get all Os when Autumn should have because she'd had more time to study for them. It was just that she hadn't been feeling well, and besides, who could study in a place like she had been. The seventh year had never had so much stress in her entire life as she'd had there.

She was utterly terrified of taking RATS too, that they would go as poorly. Even one mistake was unacceptable to Autumn,as bad as a failure. She needed to be perfect in every other aspect of her life, to overcome the fact that she was being forced to eat and become overweight again. Not knowing exactly how much she weighed was really getting to her. The Crotalus had no idea whether or not she was within an acceptable range, but knew in her heart that she could not possibly be. Autumn had to be in the triple digits as far as her weight went. Perhaps it was better not to know the number, because she'd be sure to freak out, but it was still constantly on her mind.

The seventh year still obsessed, counted every calorie, and it was always more than she wanted to eat, into the quadruple digits. Autumn knew that to take so many in meant that pounds were piling on. The evidence of that was there in the mirror. Sometimes, she just wanted to break it, as she was broken, shatter it as her bones would shatter if she fell. She couldn't stand to see how disgusting she was but didn't want to ruin school property so instead, Autumn covered the mirror with a blanket.

Nobody would see, nobody would ask. She was being scrutinized way too closely and it just made her want to scream. She couldn't stand it. It was nearly unbearable. The Crotalus had zero control over anything in her life, she was weaker than ever when she wanted to be strong.

No! No, it wasn't her fault. They were forcing her to be this way. To gain weight. To loathe herself more than she had before. If they would just let her be, Autumn would be fine. She'd be thin and perfect and get betrothed. She'd be the ideal pureblood lady, well mannered and accomplished and intelligent. Someone who was a credit to her family and her future husband.

Autumn froze at Samantha's words. "Oh." She didn't quite know what to say. Things like that occasionally happened but it was usually considered a major disgrace, not something that one talked about. Perhaps the Aladren was confiding in her as a friend. "I'm sorry." She didn't know what else to say about something so tragic.

It sounded stressful too. Autumn had always hated conflict, she tried very hard to be a good girl, never upset her parents, be what society wanted and so far she was failing miserably. She hadn't achieved any of her goals, she'd never gotten down to the weight she wanted, it always seemed like her stomach was sticking out and that she just needed lose five more pounds or even ten. Fifteen. Autumn's weight was never low enough to satisfy her. The smaller the number, the better.

The Crotalus coughed. She was starting to feel a little congested and really tired. Great, now she was probably coming down with a cold or something. Autumn seemed to get sick more often now, at least everyone was always telling her that she wasn't well. Often, she felt that they were at least right about that. Still, the seventh year hated to be sick. If Autumn felt bad, she couldn't study, if she couldn't study, she couldn't have perfect RATS scores.

Plus, it made her look and feel weak.

11 Autumn Will it ever get better? 164 Autumn 0 5