Already freaking out, is this supposed to happen? on Library

Paul Tarwater

April 06, 2008 11:12 PM

Already freaking out, is this supposed to happen? by Paul Tarwater

Paul fidgeted nervously in his library chair, not even paying attention to the book he was reading. He'd been in this place for hours, avoiding any sort of confrontation from the feast. He had skipped the feast most the years he had been here anyway, not having anyone there he could really relate with to talk to. But right now, he didn't know, things weren't much going well and Paul had failed at keeping his emotions bottled up. He was jumpy, looking over his shoulder right now as if someone was going to sneak up behind him. His summer had been an bad one, if no one could really tell. After the first few weeks, Paul spent the rest of it outside with Lussni (who was right now on his lap, unable to even move more than a few feet from Paul) or inside his room closed up and locked up. Only Mom came in to sit next to him and try to urge him out or to bring him his food, or even to get him to talk.

That was another thing. He hadn't talked to anyone but the cat, afraid that he'd break down and tell the person everything that he was feeling. Which Paul, despite his obvious change in appearance (the fact that his emotions were pretty much square on his face) he still didn't want people nosing into his buisiness. Why else would he be hiding?

Paul had nothing else to do with his hands, so he tapped them on the desk to random beats that popped into his head, trying to actually read the book on Muggle history. But the book wasn't holding his interest, and Paul's mind kept wandering. He rubbed the pages between his hands, smoothed out Lussni's fur, messed up his own black hair. He practically hid himself (as best one could in a library) when he head Professor K leading the firsties to Aladren on the other side of the bookshelf he was near. The voices made his heart pound frantically. Why was he so jumpy? It made no sense... or it did but he didn't want to admit.

Paul's hands jumped up again at the figure standing in his peripheral vision. The book nearly fell, and Paul had to jump up to stop it from clattering to the ground, forgetting his cat which had jumped off his lap, sensing distress. Paul's eyes widened as he lookedat the book, avoiding seeing who the actual person was. And maybe trying to hinder them from seeing his own face. Man, he probably looked a wreck. Maybe even nuts, which he didn't really think he was. He was shaking all over and really hadn't looked in a mirror since summer began. Paul pursed his lips together as he looked over at the person, trying to calm down. Or at least make his facial features relax into his natural mask, and could his body just stop shaking?

"S-sorry," Paul breathed out, struggling with speech. His voice felt very dusty from misuse, and aloud it was a bit hoarse. He tried to cough to at least clear it up a bit, then opened his mouth to speak. This time the fourth year felt himself choke on his words, "Did. Did you need. Anything?"

0 Paul Tarwater Already freaking out, is this supposed to happen? 0 Paul Tarwater 1 5

Guenther Heindrich

April 15, 2008 9:57 PM

Are you okay? (revised) by Guenther Heindrich

Guenther had decided after receiving his prefect badge to skip out on the rest of the feast. He didn't like to be the center of attention and he was a little embarrassed. He smiled to himself. His mom would be really proud. He was the first prefect in his family.

He wasn't really hungry anyway. His growth spurts had stopped over the summer(a fact he was glad about, his height being 6 foot 5 inches), so his normally black hole of a stomach failed him. His mom has stuffed him full of food that morning and has stuffed more food in his bag. He sat in the library for a bit at his usual table(the one that Zack always sat at), reading a new series of books about centaurs. They were a very fascinating species to him and it amazed him how well their fighting tactics worked in battle. He was well into the eighth chapter of the book when the first years came in. He smiled at them and waved, hoping that none of them were intimidated by his size (though he supposed that because he was sitting down this wouldn't be much of a problem), and saw a few potential friends-in-the-making in the mix. As they passed through to the Aladren common room, he decided that he'd better get the next book in the series from the shelf just in case he finished the book that night. While searching through the books he heard a tapping noise.

He set off in search of the noise. He found the source of the noise at a table behind a bookcase. It was another kid, one that he couldn't say he remembered except by his face. Guenther was startled by something jumping from the kids lap before realizing that it was just a cat. He looked a little nervous and as he asked Guenther a question, he sounded it too. "No, I wasn't sure what the tapping noise was, that's all." He said, answering the kids question. "Is something wrong though? Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing? Or maybe the guidance counselor? I can take you there if you want."

Guenther really wasn't sure what was wrong with the kid, but he really wanted to help.

0 Guenther Heindrich Are you okay? (revised) 0 Guenther Heindrich 0 5

Paul

April 16, 2008 8:13 PM

I don't... think so (WotW) by Paul

Paul looked up, staring at the older, taller boy remembering he belonged to Paul's house. He was an Aladren too. And judging by his shiny new badge, he was also a Prefect. Fantastic, he made himself known to a Prefect, who had to ask what was wrong, especially if the person was from their house (it was their job or something). Paul let out a sigh in place of the words the boy wanted him to reply with. Then, he bent down and picked up Lussni, the cat staring up at him, detecting the slight shaking in his arms. His whole body really.

With the cat in one hand, Paul shoved the books he'd picked from the library over to a corner of the table, and one by one collected his own. He ignored the boy in his year whose name he was forgetting, at least for now. Paul had already acknowleged him before, and was now keeping his free hand busy while builing the lies in his head. Anxiety mounted in Paul's head as his thoughts shifted out of chronological order to then and now and there and here and everywhere. Finally he closed his bag and lifted it, and turned. Took a few steps to the boy.

Paul paused, looking away from the boy, looking more to his table where his books lay. His bag was hooked across his shoulder and a mess of books lay strewn across his table. He would just move to a different area, or just go back to his room and... sleep... the whole day away. But first, he had to get away with out being sent to someoen he would want to tell his life story out to. "I'm... fine," Paul stated, Lussni mewing in his arms. He was canny in constructing his speech. "I just... am nervous, to be back. Start of school jitters, you know."

This was a lie, and he knew it to be a lie. Paul was never afraid of school in his life. Education, and thirst for it, was almost a trait in his family, along with comprehension. It was nearly impossible for him to fear something that came so naturally to him. Still, his eyes roamed around, not wanting to stop on the boy's face. Nor wanting to miss anything that may come out and get him. "I was... studying," he added, trying to make excuses. "I study... a lot..." He paused, then muttered under his breath, "I think I should go though," but didn't move.
The name came to him... Guenther. And he felt ashamed he didn't remember it before.

0 Paul I don't... think so (WotW) 0 Paul 0 5

Guenther Heindrich

April 16, 2008 10:12 PM

hmmm...I'm not so sure either... by Guenther Heindrich

Guenther wasn't sure what he should do. He was a prefect and he should probably help. But as far as he could tell, the kid was doing his best to ignore him. This upset Guenther a bit because he was concerned for him. "School can be stressful" Guenther admitted, "but it's the first day and it's a day to relax. You don't have to worry about anything until tomorrow."

Guenther hadn't seen someone this nervous in a long time. Maybe he should report him to the Guidance Counselor? Except that he had no idea what the kids name was. "What's your name?" he asked curiously.

It wasn't just that he wanted to find out for the sake of telling the Guidance Counselor about him, but that he genuinely was curious. It would bug him for days if he didn't find out.

0 Guenther Heindrich hmmm...I'm not so sure either... 0 Guenther Heindrich 0 5

Paul

April 17, 2008 8:32 PM

Well, for now we can go with "no" by Paul

Paul's jaw was set, hardened nearly grinding his teeth together. He was trying to keep it from the words slipping out, and his head did a quick shift from side to side as he checked around the room again. His eyes fixed themselves to the floor, as if he was guilty of some childhood theft, and he nodded along the Guenther's words. "It's very hard. For me I mean," Paul lied again, through his clentched teeth.

No. It wasn't really a lie. The work sure wasn't hard on the boy, but the whole idea of school was. The people wandering around, trying to talk and make friends or minions. Or ready for gossip, to pretend and feign friendship to feel like they aren't alone.
Paul was being judgemental again, and paranoid, he had to stop. He took another look around, breathing out through his nose. He could never get used to this school, this many people.

Paul flicked his eyes up to Guenther for a split second before returning them to their ground. So the boy didn't know Paul's name? He had to admit, this made him feel a little less guilty about forgetting the older boy's name for a second. Then again, Paul wasn't a very noticable person unless he flipped out and yelled. And Guenther, he was very tall, it was hard not to notice him. Though Paul supposed right now, with his twitchy act and constantly anxious face and sheepdog black hair, he was probably a little bit more noticable than normal.

Lussni mewed once again in his hands.

Paul contemplated making up a name, knowing that his real name would be put on record as "crazy, possibly need to examine". But when he opened his mouth to say something, a random name that was far from his own, Paul said his name, "Paul Tarwater," clear as a bell, and slumped forward slightly. He raised the cat up slightly as and added, "This is Lussni." Paul drew his eyes up to Guenther again, taking a quick survey then kept his eyes on the boy.

"I'm not crazy," he told him. "I swear I'm not. I'm perfectly fine. Just... nervous. Really..." he trailed off, but for once didn't look down.

0 Paul Well, for now we can go with "no" 0 Paul 0 5

Guenther Heindrich

April 18, 2008 9:42 PM

sounds good to me by Guenther Heindrich

Paul Tarwater. The name did sound remotely familiar. He still couldn't place him though. At least he had a name to tell the Guidance Counselor though. But, maybe he could convince him to go without him having to feel like a tattletale. He sat across from him at the table and leaned forward(mostly because he wanted to feel persuasive and confident and he felt better being on a equal height rather than towering over him). "Are you sure you don't want to go to the guidance counselor. I went to a counselor once. He made me feel better. Maybe the guidance counselor can help you. No one would know about it either."

0 Guenther Heindrich sounds good to me 0 Guenther Heindrich 0 5

Paul

April 20, 2008 9:29 PM

but its not that good of news... by Paul

Paul's heart stopped beating and bile rose to his throat when Guenther uttered the word's "guidance counselor". He hated that word, why even use it? It was just another word for a therapist that worked at whacked-out children in schools. And like all therapists, they were walking, talking cliches that chimed out "good-vibe" words at every saddened word of their client, and then collected the heavy paycheck. Well, school he had no idea if school counselors were paid as well as some of the therepists his mother had tried sending him to (paid of course by Jane, seeing as his family couldn't pay it and Horace took the blame for Paul's "traumatic near-death experience" as she put it dramatically).

Paul's face turned cold at the lie that a counselor could help him, and that no one would know about it. And Paul highly doubted that even if Guenther really did go to a counselor and wasn't just trying to use a false "real-life example", that it was the counselor who made him feel better. His voice dropped like a stone, his mood shifting to cold fury (though his eyes did not cease their constant shifting, it was almost habit now) and he forgot his little flub at his anxiety being from schoolwork, "I've seen enough 'counselors', and they all tell me the same thing."
That he just had to forget about the incident, that it was the first step to recovery. Well, to be perfectly frank, a child could think of that and it still wouldn't work.

"As for no one knowing about it," Paul's voice rose slightly as the edge of his anger passed and his body released most of it's tension. "I know about it, and that's already one too many." And Cissy knew about it, and Horace, so there was three too many already. So it wouldn't hurt for one more? No, it would hurt very much. Much more than the spell actually had. He breathed out a sigh in place of the silence that had overcome him, folding his hands and the cat closer to his body (eyes doing their routine few second scan). "I'm sorry, thank you Guenther but I think I need to be unpacking now," and Paul nodded his head and walked away from the new Prefect as quickly as possible.

It was more of a sprint, really.

0 Paul but its not that good of news... 0 Paul 0 5

Guenther Heindrich

April 22, 2008 10:44 PM

yeah...I guess not... by Guenther Heindrich

Guenther was upset that he couldn't help Paul. It seemed that a guidance counselor wouldn't be the answer to Paul's problems. He sighed, wearily. He should just not butt into other people's business. He hoped that he hadn't just made everything worse for Paul. That would make him feel even more awful than he already did. He scratched his head and got up, deciding that it was best that he went to bed.

0 Guenther Heindrich yeah...I guess not... 0 Guenther Heindrich 0 5