Not in the spirit of things on Labyrinth Gardens

Raine Collindale

October 20, 2016 6:16 AM

Not in the spirit of things by Raine Collindale

Raine was on her own. It was a strange feeling. Although she was a quiet person, she tended to enjoy being around the hustle and bustle of other people, which was lucky, given that she’d grown with a twin and a constant swirl of exuberant extended family coming and going. Or perhaps that was the reason why she was like this… She occasionally liked a break and would take herself off for a quiet walk but today was different. Today she had been left alone, and it gave her a drifty, loose-endy kind of feeling.

Kyte had gone to the spirit club meeting. He saw the fun, the chance to dress up, to twirl fire (maybe, if they were allowed) and do things he enjoyed. Normally, they did most things together but Raine just couldn’t get behind spirit club. It was all about expressing things she didn’t really feel. She was coming not to hate school so much. She liked seeing her friends. But on the whole it still made her feel trapped and homesick. She still was made to feel constantly stupid for failing to be good at a bunch of things that she would never even use in her real life. She was never going to have to write answers to theory questions whilst performing in the circus! And the concept of school spirit baffled her… Like, they were supposed to be so proud of coming to this particular school? Like it wasn’t just an accident of geography, or where their parents had gone? Kyte didn’t feel school pride either but he could just shrug it off and get excited about doing stilt walking and stuff, whatever it was in the name of. Raine couldn’t. That felt like lying.

She wandered down one of the paths until she found a quietish looking spot. She had decided to use this time to meditate, although even this was something she was more used to doing in quiet solidarity with others. Still, it would be good to clear out the cobwebs. To try to push out all the worries, all the homesickness, and just focus on one little moment in time… She settled on one of the stone benches and shut her eyes. She tried to focus on the here and now. The most obvious sensation was the cold of the stone that she could feel through her thin, patchwork skirt. She opened her eyes, convinced she’d felt the prickle of someone watching her, but it was just her imagination. She shut them again but she was finding it hard to rid herself of that sensation. The third time she opened her eyes, it proved to be valid, because someone was indeed there.

“Hello,” she smiled. She supposed it beat being alone all by herself, and if she couldn’t get into her meditation because she felt like someone was there all the time, better that they actually were than that she kept disturbing her concentration for nothing. “I was trying to meditate but I can’t really find my focus today,” she added, in case they wondered what she’d been doing.

13 Raine Collindale Not in the spirit of things 327 Raine Collindale 1 5

Tess Whittaker

October 21, 2016 3:48 PM

Feeling slightly the same by Tess Whittaker

Being back at Sonora was definitely going far better than Tess had expected. The distractions of everyday school life did help take her mind off all the things she couldn’t control, although she was still looking forward to her first visit home, and couldn’t wait to see Emma again. However, nothing felt quite the same as it had last year. Tess had always been such a cheerful, enthusiastic and just generally loud and happy child, but this first brush with sorrow and trouble had changed something in her. Fundamentally she still felt like the same person, but her air of naive optimism had faded somewhat. Yes, she still loved to laugh, to have fun, to go on adventures, but now Tess knew that life wasn’t all fun and games.

The Tess of last year wanted to spend every moment doing something exciting, surrounded by people, but this year she found herself needing moments of quiet, even solitude. It was for this reason that she was wandering the Labyrinth Gardens alone, appreciating the peacefulness and prettiness she found herself surrounded by. It was nice to take time to live entirely in the present, instead of always thinking of the future - something she’d previously done with excitement, and now did with dread.

Turning a corner of the maze, she saw Raine, sitting on a stone bench on her own. She paused, half-hidden around the corner, unsure of whether or not she should approach the other girl.

One thing Tess definitely found herself glad of this year was her friends. Ben had been so great, both over the summer and during their return to Sonora. She was glad to be able to call him a friend, and always enjoyed time spent with him. Last year had also seen Tess becoming closer with Raine, Nat, and Nevaeh, and she loved their little group of girls. They’d had such an awesome time at the ball at the end of the year, and she was looking forwards to continuing their friendship this year, and becoming even closer to them.

Tess decided to at least say hello to Raine, and if her friend wanted solitude, she’d be happy to respect that and continue on her way. She was just approaching her when Raine’s eyes opened.

“Hey,” replied Tess. “I hope I’m not disturbing you?” Another thing that Tess was learning to understand this year was that sometimes people didn’t want company. It wasn’t that she was thoughtless, but sometimes she tended to get a bit caught up in the moment and not realise that people might not want to go along with a plan, or be in her company at that precise moment.

“I don’t really know much about meditation - I haven’t really tried it,” she continued, finding herself intrigued by Raine’s explanation of what she’d been doing. “Do you meditate a lot?”

9 Tess Whittaker Feeling slightly the same 338 Tess Whittaker 0 5

Raine

October 23, 2016 8:57 AM

Well, at least we've got company then by Raine

“Oh hey, Tess. No - it’s nice to see you,” Raine smiled, when Tess checked she wasn’t disturbing her. She was glad for the opportunity to catch up with her friend. Things hadn’t been so great for Tess during the summer. Raine had been sorry to hear about her sister - personally, she hated hospitals and doctors, and the thought of all summer in such a place just made her insides squirm. It must have been so horrible and scary for everyone in Tess’s family. She wasn’t really sure what to say to Tess about it, but Raine liked to think that she made a good listener. She tried to think about how people might be feeling, and just let them sort of talk it all out.

“How is everything?” she asked. She didn’t like to ask too directly, because maybe Tess had got her mind off things for a bit, or just didn’t want to talk about them right now. Raine thought she should give her the chance to talk about it, in case she needed or wanted to, but not push it with a question that forced the subject to come up.

“Um. I try to. I tend to do it more when I feel like I need to, whereas it’d probably be good to just do it as a regular routine. Would you like to know about it?” she asked, when Tess said she wasn’t really familiar with meditation. Some people would probably have just launched straight into an explanation but Raine liked to know people were really interested before she took to her soapbox.

OOC - permission gained from Tess’s author for Raine to know the general situation

13 Raine Well, at least we've got company then 327 Raine 0 5

Tess

October 24, 2016 3:36 PM

And company makes things a lot better! by Tess

Tess smiled back at Raine, glad her presence wasn’t unwanted. It was nice to spend some one-on-one time with her friend, as much as she did love it when they were all in a group together.

She bit her lip at Raine’s question, unsure of whether she should go with the usual ‘fine’ or actually tell Raine how she was. It was often easier just to assure people that she was okay rather than launch into anything more complex, especially as she was sure that, whilst people wanted to be nice, they didn’t actually want to cope with how Tess was actually feeling. Besides, Tess was very much the bottle-it-up type of person, preferring to keep her sadness and fears to herself rather than ruining other people’s day. However, this was Raine. Raine was one of Tess’s closest friends, she was easy to talk to, and Tess was sure that Raine wouldn’t mind if she ended up having a slight breakdown.

Her face crumpled slightly, losing its normal smile. “I just want to know what’s going to happen to Emma,” she said, sitting down next to the other girl. “But at the same time I don’t want to know anything at all, I want to forget that there’s anything wrong and stop thinking that I might never see Emma again.”

“It’s not fair, why can’t Emma just be a normal little baby?” she asked despairingly, immediately regretting the question, which was hardly an easy one for Raine to respond to. As much as she hated the problems that Emma was facing, she’d never wish for her little sister to be anyone other than who she was. “I’m sorry, that’s a stupid thing to say. I just… I just feel so helpless, being here and never being able to do anything.”

Tess blinked quickly and wiped her hand across her eyes, trying not to break down in tears, and opted for a small smile and subject change instead. “But what about you? Are you alright?” she asked, not wanting to focus solely on what was going on in her life and unsure if Raine was okay, after what she’d said about only meditating when she needed to. If there was anything Tess was learning from the whole Emma situation, it was that having people there for her, people she knew she could talk to, made all the difference, and she was determined to be there for her friends too if they ever needed her, no matter how big or small the problem.

“Yes, do tell me about meditation,” she encouraged, always interested in things she hadn’t really tried, especially when they related to her friends.

9 Tess And company makes things a lot better! 338 Tess 0 5

Raine

October 25, 2016 7:24 AM

Happy and hoping to help by Raine

Tess decided to answer her question fully. Raine steeled herself, ready for Tess to say difficult things where she might not know the right thing to say in response. She’d asked her, after all, and she wanted to give Tess a chance to talk about it. She just hoped she made a good enough listener that the other girl didn’t regret it. She let her friend ramble through a few sentences, only picking up when she was asked a question, even if it had been intended rhetorically.

Why can’t Emma just be a normal little baby?

“Because she’s not,” answered Raine simply, squeezing Tess’s hand gently. People were who they were. And life threw at you what it chose. What you made of that was then up to you. “It doesn’t mean she’s not going to turn out to be a completely awesome, wonderful person though. She probably already is, just it’s hard to get to know her right now. And sure you’re doing something. I bet you’re sending her good thoughts every day.” Most other people would have talked about the experts taking care of Emma, how she was in the best possible hands, but Raine wasn’t the biggest fan of doctors. She knew better than to say so to Tess, but she wasn’t going to repeat bland platitudes that she didn’t believe. She felt very sorry for tiny baby Emma being surrounded by stern people in white coats all day, who probably saw her as a bunch of problems to sort out rather than a proper person.

“Do they…. Do you…” she paused, unsure how to ask the question, or whether it was even an ok thing to ask. She knew that Emma was in hospital but wasn’t sure of the exact… nature of the situation. “Might it turn out that everything’s ok? Or do they know that she… That… there’ll definitely be…” she faltered. She didn’t know how to ask and regretted starting the question. “Sorry… I probably shouldn’t ask,” she apologised, even though she hadn’t managed to actually finish a question.

“I’m fine, thanks,” she answered, it being the more or less truthful answer. Sure, she’d been in a bit of an odd mood, finding herself with nothing to do, but now the universe had gifted her a Tess, so all was well. “I just needed some company,” she added, to make sure Tess knew that her presence really was welcome and not an interruption.

“Meditation, the kind I do, is also called mindfulness. The idea is to stop thinking about… well, more or less anything. We spend a lot of time dwelling on things in the past that we can’t change, or worrying about the future but without being able to control it. And that’s where most of our misery comes from. When you’re being mindful, you’re able to switch all that off. You just think about the present moment. You try to tune all your senses in - what can you feel, what can you hear and smell, and by turning those on you sort of try to turn all your other thoughts off. Does that make any sense?” she asked.

13 Raine Happy and hoping to help 327 Raine 0 5

Tess

November 09, 2016 4:06 PM

And you are helping! by Tess

Raine was such a good friend. There was something very relieving about being able to say what she was thinking, sure that Raine wouldn’t judge her for it. And more than that, Raine knew exactly what to say to makes Tess feel a little bit better, both about the situation and her own thoughts. Raine was right; Emma was such an amazing little bundle of person and Tess wouldn’t change anything about her, not really. Emma was who she was, and Tess wouldn’t have her any other way.

Despite Raine’s concern that her question wasn’t the most tactful, it was actually a very good thing to remind Tess of. Her unfinished question was easily understood, a way of asking that was very familiar to Tess after having to ask so many questions without wanting to properly put certain possibilities into words.

“They...It’s not definite,” said Tess, trying to explain exactly what she understood the situation to be. “There is a chance she’ll survive, and she’s already had one operation, which makes it a little more likely. She’ll have another one in the new year, and if she makes it through that then the situation becomes a lot better.” In some ways, that was what made it so hard. No definites meant the doctors were always talking about possibilities, when all Tess wanted was to know exactly what was going to happen. Instead, she was always given phrases such as ‘if she survives this long’...‘If she doesn’t die during the second operation’...There was no clear cut answer, but Tess knew that things could be worse a lot worse.

“There’s definitely some hope,” she said, the words cheering her up as she said them, even though there was no guarantee that the best case scenario would be achieved. She was, after all, a naturally optimistic person, and even the hardships of the last few months hadn’t fully erased that quality.

“Well, I’m glad to be of service then,” replied Tess, smiling at her friend. She was glad of an opportunity to help Raine, even if it was just by providing company. Company was always a nice thing to have.

“Yeah, that makes sense. It sounds a really good thing to do, actually,” said Tess, well aware that she spent too much time worrying over things she couldn’t change. The idea of meditation was something that intrigued her, and she decided to give it a go at some point, in the solitude of her dorm. It was definitely worth a try.

“So where do you pick up things like that?” she asked, intrigued as to how Raine knew so much about all manner of things that Tess had only a passing knowledge of.

OOC: Sorry about the delay in replying!

9 Tess And you are helping! 338 Tess 0 5