It was always interesting, seeing how far you could stretch the definition of one of the MARS rooms—and also trying to work out how exactly they worked, in terms of drawing off the blueprints of reality versus imagination.
Ellie wasn’t sure she had any firm answers for that, but what she could say was that she didn’t think the art room was currently mimicking anywhere real, and that it stretched the definition of ‘gallery.’ She had been to plenty of cafes with her family that sold work by local artists from their walls, or curated exhibitions, and MARS was some kind of amalgamation of several of those. She had made it more open plan than any of the cafes she’d ever been to. The set up was similar to the stand Dorian had made at the fair, scattered with beanbags and casual seating that would allow people to group themselves however they wanted. This room was solid, but the white trellised walls of the fair booth were present, this time supporting a range of twisting plants. The walls were decorated with PG-friendly LGBTQIA+ art, which seemed to involve lots of rainbow everything, from abstract shape compositions to faces and galaxies.
The event had been advertised with posters titled ‘LGBTQIA+ Community and Allies.’ She had debated long and hard about that second part. On the one hand, allies were important, and also putting that on the poster allowed people to attend without outing themselves. That, more than actual allyship, had been her reason for doing it. She thought she might alternate the meetings between including allies and just LGBTQIA+, but that would depend on what everyone else wanted. The poster had advertised it as a casual social time, as well as giving the time, date and location.
With it being a social event, she wasn’t sure people would show up all together, so she had made a handy pamphlet explaining what the space was about.
What we do:
This is a social space for the LGBTQIA+ community at Sonora to meet up. This is a safe space, where you should feel free to be yourself without fear of negative reactions.
I would also like the space to provide what the community needs. If you have particular subjects you would like to see formally talked about, or think there are other resources or events we can run, please fill out a suggestion card.
This was stuck to the pamphlet. There was a ‘Question of the day: how should allies be included?’ with the options ’Every meeting’ or ’Only some meetings already written on it, plus an open space for Other suggestions about LGBTQIA Café.
The pamphlet also included a list of dos/don’ts, such as ‘Do ask for people’s pronouns’ and ‘Don’t ask people directly how they identify.’ She had debated whether to divide that up into notes for community members vs allies but the line was blurry. There were people who were new to their own identities and still didn’t know how to act – whose hunger for knowledge and answers about themselves outstripped their ability to be polite and respectful – and there were people who would be attending as allies but who were really the Qs in the alphabet soup. Therefore the pamphlet simply addressed everyone, ending with:
‘Please remember: this space is designed as a relaxing place for LGBTQIA+ people to just be themselves. It is primarily a relaxed social space. It is not the job of LGBTQIA+ people enjoying this space to educate allies or other people on LGBTQIA+ issues. McLeod Foundation leaflets are always available and self-education is encouraged.
The following phrases should always be respected:
- I don’t want to talk about that
- Please try asking someone else
If anyone’s behavior or questions make you uncomfortable, even if this was unintentional, please speak to Ellie.
Ellie’s pamphlets and the McLeod Foundation pamphlets sat on the welcome table, along with pronoun and flag badges and a range of drinks and snacks. Ellie (wearing a trans pride flag and a she/her sticker) greeted the first few arrivals, explaining the basic premise when it seemed a few people had gathered, but mostly just letting them be themselves.
Subthreads:
I guess I'm a Q or something. by Bonabelle Row with Valentine Duell
I guess this is me, isn't it? by Philippe Delachene with Xavier Lundstrom
I guess I'm the lucky one. [Ellie] by Freddie Zauberhexen with Ellie Alperton
Bonabelle would normally have never let herself come here. She simply wouldn't have identified with any of those letters even though she knew that at least a couple of them solidly fit who she was just by definition. That was the thing for Bonabelle; these words had definitions and if those definitions fit . . . well, then she had to paste her own face into the LGBTQIA+ dictionary, however reluctant she was.
But now she didn't have to answer that big glaring Q in her personality; she had a girlfriend, and that meant she could come and learn even without saying too much. So here she was. Great.
22Bonabelle RowI guess I'm a Q or something. 148805
Due to family exposure, Philippe had always had a positive and comfortable outlook toward the LGBTQIA+ community. So when he first saw the signs for the cafe meet-up, he'd thought it was great that Ellie was hosting something like that at Sonora. He figured Anya would go as an ally (though he honestly wouldn't be too surprised if she turned out to be Ace - Jasmine had wanted a boyfriend from basically the day she could follow a Disney Princess plotline, and Philippe had started crushing last year and was now dating formally, while Anya, as a newly minted sweet sixteen, still expressed disgust at the very idea of hooking up with anyone herself; but Anya had always run a bit immature for her age so maybe that's all it was and she'd figure out that dating was neat when she was thirty).
It wasn't until Anya assumed he was going that he twigged that dating Freddie qualified him for more than allyship.
It hadn't escaped his notice that he was dating another boy. That was kind of hard to miss. He hadn't even missed that it might affect some of his other relationships and had specifically talked about it with Jasper before it became a thing, to make sure it wouldn't be a problem.
But it wasn't until Anya just casually commented, "You'll be there, of course," that he fully realized he had some internal labels that needed updating, and he had a letter.
Truthfully, he didn't know what that letter was. He just knew he had one.
So when he arrived, he looked at the flags uncertainly and slightly overwhelmed, and just grabbed the "He/Him" sticker because that, at least, was easy for him. Turning back to the flags, he hesitated with doubt. Would it be a slight to Freddie if he took 'bi' instead? Not that he'd ever dated or wanted to date or even crushed on a girl yet, but he thought they were pretty. Was that enough? Or did the fact that he hadn't, in his whole thirteen years of life, ever caught himself staring at a girl in class, mean that he only liked boys (not that he'd ever caught himself staring at any boys other than Freddie either). The fact that he hadn't even hit puberty probably wasn't helping. Things might get clearer on that front once he found a chin hair worth shaving off.
"Do I need to take one of these if I don't know which one I am yet?" he asked.
1Philippe DelacheneI guess this is me, isn't it?148905
Looking for cute boys and cinnamon rolls. But mostly cinnamon rolls
by Xavier Lundstrom
There was some kind of LGBTQIA+ student thing going on. That sounded fun, and like a way to roll with his ‘just being kinda known to be pretty gay from the get go’ thing that Xavier now seemed to have going on. It had happened sort of by accident with Oz, but it felt like it would be easier than having to ‘come out’ at some point. Plus cute boys would know he was available to date. Win-win.
And they had cinnamon rolls! Win-win-win.
Xavier was just reaching for one when someone next to him spoke. Was this about to become some kind of romantic comedy perfect moment where he met his high school sweetheart? It wasn’t quite a ‘reaching for the same cinnamon roll at the same moment’ thing, which was honestly probably for the best, because he was more fussed about the cinnamon roll right now, but it would be cute.
“I don’t think they’re mandatory, though I didn’t read my pamphlet yet,” he admitted with a grin.
13Xavier LundstromLooking for cute boys and cinnamon rolls. But mostly cinnamon rolls152905
Valentine was excited to go support Ellie's new endevour and club. Which she could not join, which made her sad. She had to much already on her plate and needed to get rid of some of it. Still she could come here and hang out a bit, show support and see her 'girlfriend'. Hey! That was even fairly appropriate for the club, wasn't it! Not that she really knew where she stood, she wasn't sure if she didn't really like anyone 'that way' or if she liked everyone 'that way', all she knew was that she didn't feel any particular super-feelings for anyone. No one seemed 'more special' than anyone else on that front.
She loved Bonabelle, there was no question about that. Bonabelle had been her longest ever friend, she'd been there for good times and bad ones. But she didn't really actually feel any more like a 'girlfriend' than Stanley had felt like a 'boyfriend'. Although she did prefer Bonabelle's company to his, but that was mainly just a personality thing. She still liked Stanley well enough, he had his good points, but she couldn't now imagine living the rest of her life with him. Could she with Bonabelle? Maybe? The though made her feel something in the pit of her stomach. A good something she thought.
Spotting Bonabelle distracted any further thoughts and she hastened to her girlfriend's side. "Hi!" She greeted Bonabelle cheerily. "Ellie has done a wonderful job in here, hasn't she?" Val asked while taking in the cafe.
Hey, that's my favorite thing about you.
by Bonabelle Row
Bonabelle relaxed muscles she hadn't realized she'd been clenching when Val approached and she smiled at her, automatically extending a hand to hold. It had become easy as breathing to hold hands, to be close, to be together . . . or 'together'. Bonabelle had the distinct feeling that she was really ramping up hard to get hurt, something that her uncle and Jean-Loup had said was worth it but which she was convinced was not. It wasn't like she could go breaking up with her best friend though. That wasn't a good way to help her, and she wasn't even sure she'd want to break up anyway.
At Val's greeting, Bonabelle took a moment to look around. She grabbed a she/her pin and yanked her gaze away from the flags, anxiety welling up in her stomach at the thought of having to decide.
"Yes," she agreed. "It's nice." Actually, it was terrible. Why did all these letters have to get assigned such terrible decor? Rainbows were literally just a lack of color scheme and it was garish. It was thematic, but that was about the nicest thing she could say about most of the art in the room, and it definitely didn't make her feel relaxed. Still, it wasn't really lying because Ellie had done a wonderful job of making all this happen. "Is it weird that I feel weird being here, even though I'm here with you? Like 'with' you with you?"
22Bonabelle RowHey, that's my favorite thing about you. 148805
Non-mandatory pins were good. "Okay. I think I'll wait on taking one then," Philippe decided. He and Freddie were not a secret. It wasn't like it wouldn't quickly become common knowledge in this group that he was dating a boy. A pin was mildly redundant anyway.
He smiled encouragingly at the younger boy. "Hi. I'm Philippe. Third year," he added, because 'intermediate' was a pretty wide range of ages, and being a first year meant the other boy didn't know he'd been a beginner just last year himself. Though he supposed that previously mentioned lack of chin hair might have cued in some ideas that he was definitely on the younger side of the Intermediate range.
Do you know what my favorite thing about you is?
by Valentine Duell
Valentine took Bonabelle's hand as thought it was second nature. It was nice to hold Bonabelle's hand. She smiled as Bonabelle took one of the pronoun pins. There were some odd ones there that she didn't know what they meant, but took the same 'she/her' pin that Bonabelle had. That much she was sure about... well, unless some of the other odd ones meant something else that fit her better? Still for the moment she went with 'she/her', maybe that would change as she learned more.
The flag badges she didn't know much about either, Bonabelle didn't take one so she followed her girlfriend's lead once again. "Do you know what those are all for?" She asked indicating the flags, she sighed with just a bit of weariness (as she did when Bonabelle placed yet another book in front of her at study times), "I may have more reading to do, don't I?" she asked with her playful smile.
"Weird?" Val asked, "I don't know? I'm not making you feel weird, am I?" Val did not want to make her friend feel weird or uncomfortable. She wasn't sure how to respond, wasn't Bonabelle comfortable like this? Val recalled that it had been herself that had reacted... weirdly to the initial suggestion at the feast about them dating. Bonabelle had seemed unhappy at that reaction, but now she was feeling weird while Val was feeling okay.... ohh...
Valentine smiled at her friend, "I think you're doing fine." This was a social event and Val knew her girlfriend was not a big social person. Perhaps Bonabelle's 'weird' feeling wasn't coming from the nature of the event, but the event itself. Well, she would be here to help her friend though it, that was all there was to it. "How about we find some stuff to read and figure this out?"
2Valentine DuellDo you know what my favorite thing about you is?149005
I didn't even know you had a favorite thing about me.
by Bonabelle Row
Bonabelle sighed, sounding disappointed with herself for knowing the answer. "Uncle Killian taught me most of them," she said, since she couldn't resist sharing information when directly asked. She looked at Val with a little why'd you get me started smirk, since her girlfriend knew that well. She sorted through the badges, showing them to Val as she named them. "Just the regular one for LGBTQ or for gay people, lesbian, bi, trans, uh . . . this one's pan I think. Ace. Demi maybe? I don't remember what these all mean. This one's my uncle," she added, holding up the bi flag. "He's polyamorous too but I don't know if there's a flag for that."
She gave Val's hand a gentle squeeze when she took it back after putting the flags down and shook her head. "You don't make me feel weird," she promised with another half truth. "Thank you," she agreed with a much more relieved sigh. The idea of finding things to read and getting into the room without having to mingle to get there was perfect. "I don't want you to be bored though. I can read one of these while we look around or something?" she suggested, grabbing a brochure in what she was pretty sure was a gross display of her uncle's influence in her life.
22Bonabelle RowI didn't even know you had a favorite thing about me. 148805
Xavier licked some icing from his fingers and reached for the stickers, figuring he ought to get in on the actual reason for being here, lest someone thought he was just a freeloader looking for snacks. He guessed ‘allies’ were allowed but he didn’t particularly want anyone to think he was one, especially not a cute older boy.
“Xavier. He/him,” he added, wiggling the sticker he’d just peeled off before putting it on his chest. “First year,” he added, probably redundantly because everyone probably knew that.
He helped himself to a rainbow flag as well, because that seemed to cover enough bases that he was comfortable with it.
“My parents switched churches when I was five cos I kept calling other boys pretty and they didn’t want other people telling me or them I’d be going to h-e-double-hockeysticks if they didn’t sort that out,” he added by way of explanation.
13Xavier LundstromCinnamon rolls not gender roles!152905
Valentine reveled in Bonabelle's explanation of the different symbols. She was smart and knew a lot of stuff, and Val loved it when Bonabelle got a chance to shine and show off what she knew. As usual though, Val only made sense of about half of what her girlfriend was saying. She knew gay and lesbian, and wondered (not for the first time) if she was an official lesbian now that she had a girlfriend. Somehow it didn't quite feel right though. Trans she knew about and she had a guess at bi. Pan, Ace, and Demi though were new to her. Polyamorous?
Val squeezed Bonabelle's hand in return and smiled happily at the other girl's response. "I think I may need to do some some reading..." she paused giving her girlfriend a 'look', "or maybe have some smart and pretty girl read and explain it to me." She fluttered her eyelashes at Bonabelle, "I think I should know a bit more before mingling. I have no idea what some of those things are that you said."
2Valentine DuellDon't be silly, of course I do.149005
"Nice to meet you, Xavier," Philippe returned and watched him pick a generic rainbow flag. Well that was non-specific enough. Except he'd already said that he'd do without a pin for now, so he didn't reach for one himself.
Xavier explained his connection to the community, and Philippe nodded. "I have a bisexual uncle, a pair of married great-uncles, and I'm dating a boy." Partly he was returning the favor, but partly he was trying to gently and subtly let Xavier know he was taken already, just in case that was relevant.
"Is that a cinnamon roll?" he asked, eying the pastry his new acquaintance was eating. "Is it good?" he asked, prioritizing the sweet ahead of getting some pamphlets. Best to acquire the paper products after his hands had been washed if he was going to eat something messy.
At first, Philippe's answer put him more in the 'ally' column, but then it abruptly swerved, bringing with it the revelation that Philippe was already taken. Dang. That was kind of a shame, cos Xavier really wanted to know what kissing a boy felt like. Again, a thought that rapidly put the remaining five percent doubt back in its place, or shrunk it even closer to zero. He was pretty sure straight people didn't think that. He didn't really ever think the same about girls even though it was all just lip smushing.
"Yup and..." Xavier confirmed the food's identity but he had only got as far as licking some icing, so he paused to take a bite, giving Philippe a thumbs up once he had evaluated.
"So, does your boyfriend go to school here?" he asked, curious to know more.
Bonabelle blushed even though she tried really hard not to when Val said she was smart and pretty. She didn't try not to smile though and hoped it was a look of gratitude at the compliment rather than absolute smushiness at it. That would be embarrassing if she was going to get her heart broken here at some point.
"We can probably make that happen," she said. "I don't know what all of them mean either. I know Uncle Killian likes men and women and sometimes he dates more than one person at the same time, but only if everyone is okay with it. He talks a lot about consent so I know that's important," she added, rubbing small, nervous circles on the back of Val's hand with her thumb. "Everyone's relationship looks different . . . it just has to be right for the people in it."
22Bonabelle RowOh . . . Well . . . what is it? 148805
Bonabelle looked so cute when she blushed. Bonbaelle's thumb rubbing against the back of her own hand sent the tiniest of a thrill through her. Was her friend nervous? About something more than just the social-ness of the event? Was she nervous about their relationship? Val squeezed her hand again.
Valentine led her girlfriend over to one of the bigger beanbag chairs in the corner of the room and dropped down into it, leaving room next to her for Bonabelle to join her. If Bonabelle was nervous, and she had to admit she was as a little bit as well. Mostly though because Bonbabelle was nervous... and they hadn't really talked much about what they were doing, and talking was important.
Bonabelle's description of Uncle Killian's relationships felt familiar to some of the feelings that had been running through her lately. She liked a lot of people... was she supposed to? Was she just supposed to find the right bo.. man and love him more than everyone else? She recalled the scene with Henrich at Quidditch practice that one time. He'd been big and strong and protective. She'd just felt warm and safe in his arms. It had been a very nice feeling, she wouldn't mind feeling that again.
Stanley hadn't quite been the same. He'd been spontaneous and fun at times. Bonabelle now was smart and kind and thoughtful and Val would do nearly anything for her. Which, she supposed, lead back to Bonabelle's latest statement. "What do you think our relationship looks like? What do you want it to look like?"
Bonabelle followed Val to the beanbag chair and plopped into the seat with her, smiling a happy, dazed little smile. She always felt a bit dazed when she followed Valentine's lead on something, and especially when other people could see it happening. She was adjusting her skirts to make sure she was decent as Valentine spoke and Bonabelle looked at her with soft, sad eyes.
"I can't tell you that," she said quietly. "You always make everything about everyone else. I..." She hesitated and bit her lip, searching Val's face for a moment. "I really like you." Why was that so hard and scary to admit to her own girlfriend? Except the fact that she wasn't really her girlfriend... Probably that was why. "This time, you have to make it about you. What do you want our relationship to look like?" She tested her head on Val's shoulder and snuggled down. "You can't just do what makes other people happy."
Valentine loved beanbag chairs, they were like sitting in a big hug. They were even better when you had someone wonderful in them with you because then it became one big snuggly hug of fantasticness. She reveled again in the feeling of Bonabelle against her as the chair hugged them together. Bonabelle's next statement caught the Teppepaw off guard, she can't tell? Why not? Did Bonabelle not like her and just not want to hurt her feelings did.... oh. Bonabelle kept explaining. The brief wave of panic subsided as the Aladren said that she really liked her, but then felt uneasy as the tables were turned upon her. That feeling melted away a bit as Bonabelle rested her head on Val's shoulder and snuggled up even more.
It felt a little like their wagon ride to the school at the beginning of the year... which felt like ages and ages ago. Except their positions had been reversed. She had been the one leaning on and snuggling up to Bonabelle for support. Val stroked Bonabelle's hair with the hand that had somehow wound up in the vicinity of her head.
How was she supposed to answer her friend's question? A surge of playful defiance ran through her, "I like making people happy. It makes me happy to know that I've done something to make someone's life better." She sighed and rested her own head against Bonabelle's where it rested on her shoulder. "I really like you to, and I want you to be as happy as I can make you." There was absolutely nothing untrue about that, if she was being perfectly honest about it though there might be a 'but...' statement that should go along with it. Something of that may have played out in her voice.
Val bit her lower lip nervously. Just their talk so far about things and Uncle Killian may have revealed more bits about Valentine than she had known about herself before. Was it true though? Would it make Bonabelle miserable if it was? She couldn't bear that. But she likewise couldn't bear the thought of lying to Bonabelle. "I..." she started, paused, thought, and then tried again, "I think I might like making other people happy too?" Val finally admitted quietly and uncertainly hoping against hope that Bonabelle wouldn't hate her now.
Is a fight necessary? There seems to be agreement.
by Philippe Delachene
Philippe took a cinnamon roll from the tray on offer, took a bite and nodded in agreement to Xavier's thumbs up. He'd had cinnamon rolls that were overdone and subpar, or just altogether too sweet, but Sonora's elves knew their business and these were definitely good.
"Yeah," he answered when he finished chewing his first bite. "Freddie's in Teppenpaw with me. We met at one of the feasts, but he was friends with my sister, so I already knew a little bit about him from her before that."
1Philippe DelacheneIs a fight necessary? There seems to be agreement.148905
"Siblibgs are useful for that, aren't they? I totally have a crush on one of my brother's friends. But more like... a just-looking kind of crush? They're all like fifteen..." That was a pretty big age gap, even if Xavier was mature for his age (which he liked to think he was).
"So, school seems pretty chill about this stuff?" he gestured vaguely at the room and its assembled company.
Bonabelle's stomach squirmed with the distinct sense that something was wrong. It couldn't be all good like this right? It couldn't just be Valentine and Bonabelle and everything couldn't be right. Val couldn't be happy making Bonabelle happy right? That couldn't be enough. But it was enough for Bonabelle most days and she really was happy, even if sometimes her mind wandered a little....
She stiffened some at Val's response but forced herself to relax as she realized the ambiguity of it. "Do you you mean you want to make everyone the same happy and not date anymore? Or do you mean that maybe you want to date more people than just me?" she clarified, trying not to put any emotion in either option.
Freddie grinned as people arrived and as everything worked out. He hadn't had a hand in it but he'd come early to support his friend and he greeted her with a big hug. They often danced in these rooms and now here they were, being fully themselves. Freddie had almost worn a skirt for the occasion but he was feeling pretty dapper in his pants lately, so he wore them with a frilly blouse instead. A he/him and a they/them pin were tacked onto the front, as well as a regular ole rainbow flag.
"I am doing prouds, Ellie," he grinned at her. "Look at people!"
22Freddie ZauberhexenI guess I'm the lucky one. [Ellie]145205
"Don't let Anya hear you saying siblings are useful," Philippe whispered with a playful wink. "But no, she's cool," he added more seriously, because he really did like his sister most of the time. "Figured Freddie would just be a looking-at crush too," he admitted. "He's fifteen, too, and my family freaked out a little bit about that age difference, and I'm thirteen. But last year we had a weird thing going on with memories turning up where they weren't invited for other people to see, and Freddie saw my family discussing my crush on him and . . . well, now we're dating, so I guess that worked out for the best even if it was kind of mortifying at the time."
He shrugged in answer to the Sonora-acceptance question. "Like anywhere, there's a mixed bag of people here, but overall, it's pretty accepting. I haven't had any problems so far, and they've got the Professors Brooding-Hawthorne. Pretty sure the librarian has as husband, too. Pureblood society in general is socially conservative, but my roommate Jasper is one of the Brockerts and he was cool when I came out to him, so . . . it varies by person."
I know, there is no answer for it. No reason at all.
by Valentine Duell
Val was in so much physical contact with Bonabelle in this beanbag chair that she couldn't help but notice her girlfriend tense up at her response. She didn't like the answer, now she would be unhappy and Val would be miserable. But she could let that show, if Bonabelle knew that she had made Val sad, she may be even worse. Val could not allow that.
She also noticed Bonabelle relax again a moment later, and let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She tried to smile and accomplished something near to one as she reminded herself that talking was good. Communication was good. They had to share these sorts of things, it was important. Still maybe a little humor couldn't help? "Well..." she started desperately trying to achieve a joking tone that fell a bit short, "I'm pretty sure I don't want to date Stanley anymore."
Val sighed and returned to the question at hand. "I'm not sure? I guess I'm not really entirely sure what the difference is between 'dating' and 'hanging-out'. I thought that you dated as a sort of trial run to see if that was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with before committing to anything permanent." She glanced down at the brochure that they had collected on the way in, "But... is that what it is? There are so many possibilities in here, not all of them lead to two people just sharing a life together forever. What does that mean for dating?"
2Valentine DuellI know, there is no answer for it. No reason at all.149005
Bonabelle humored Val by giving a small laugh at her comment about not dating Stanley, although she felt a bit queasy at it. Stupidhead didn't need to have a place in conversations.
"The difference I've seen is that people commit," she said after a moment's thought. It was hard to admit that neither of her parents had ever managed it. "Dating someone, being with them... You're promising you'll share your time with them, and your thoughts. Friends don't have to, there's no requirement, but people who are dating do a bit. Plus they do other stuff sometimes," she said, wiggling a little; she suddenly couldn't get comfortable. Giving up on the endeavor, she lifted her head to look at Val. Had her face been that close this whole time? "Like handholding," she said, running her thumb on Val's hand again. "Or cuddling. Or... I don't know. Sometimes people who are dating kiss each other. You don't have to date to kiss, and you can date more than one person. Maybe you spend the rest of your life with more than one person. Would you... Want to see if you like that? Kissing I mean...?"
Ellie was so excited to have Freddie there. Ellie hadn't sought a lot of help with the project but it had been good to have someone to calm her nerves, and to know at least one person would show up.
So many more than that had though. It made her heart happy, even if Freddie was probably still her favourite person to witness 'doing prouds.'
"I am," she said, when he told her to look at people. She hadn't stopped looking around, partly being happy, partly overwhelmed and also just trying to keep an eye on things, making sure it was going well. She turned back to Freddie, who seemed to be having a good time, but then that was their usual state. "People seem happy? It's going well?" Both sentences came out as questions.
"And you?" she checked. "How are things going?" Her eyes might have slid a little pointedly to Philippe as she asked...
Valentine nodded along with Bonabelle's perfectly rational and understandable explanation. "Like we are doing right now." She commented about sharing time and thoughts with one another. Then her girlfriend wiggled against her and looked at her. Valentine quickly tried to clear whatever nervous uncertainty that might be showing on her face with her normal smile. Bonabelle's face was really close to hers, and she did have pretty eyes. The caress on the back of her hand at the mention of handholding felt... nice? No, more... intimate? Val returned the gesture. Bonabelle also had a cute nose. She snuggled up a bit more at the mention of cuddling. Cuddling was good it was like an extended hug.
However, at the mention of kissing, Val froze up and butterflies absolutely exploded in her stomach. Bonabelle was quite close and for some reason all she could see were her friends lips. They were moving and making sounds as they often did. Nice sounds. Sounds of maybe dating multiple people? Did she want that? Did she want to see if she liked kissing? How did one find that out? You had to actually....? Did she want to....? Kissing was....
Somewhere deep inside Valentine's heart a war was raging. Part of her loved Bonabelle so much and wanted desperately to see what was it like... what was it really like when it wasn't just Mama or Papa. But there was another part of her that was fighting back, arguing that this was special, this was a line that she couldn't come back over, this was another step away from whatever level of sweet innocence she had existed with so far and didn't know what was beyond it. Would kissing Bonabelle now forever ruin her chances of having a happy 'normal' life with her one true love like Mama and Papa had?
She was as close to a literal 'deer in the headlights' as one could get. Swaying slightly closer to Bonabelle, then slowly pulling back again.
2Valentine DuellYup, you are purely wonderful149005
Bonabelle leaned back when Val did. It was the feeling of ending a spell; with the wave of a wand and the end of an incantation, the magic faded from the moment. It hadn't been a very long charm. But it had felt a lot like a chance.
"Never," Bonabelle murmured in a low voice that was the only remnants of a spell that lingered long after the caster left the room, "be with anyone who makes you do anything you don't want to do. Consent matters." Whatever her bruised ego and pumping heart thought, that was always true. "Think about it and let me know if you don't want to because you're not ready or because you don't want me. It's okay," she put a hand up before Val could say anything. "I just need to know."
... I... I don't know... I don't know anything...
by Valentine Duell
Valentine blinked out of her confused daze at the sound of Bonabelle's low and horribly distant sounding voice. She immediately tried to say something, anything but was stopped. 'Think about it' that was what Bonabelle wanted. She knew she wanted to give Bonabelle what she wanted. Unfortunately as Bonabell well knew when thinking hard, Valentine had a tendency to think out loud.
Instead of looking at her friend, she concentrated down on her hands which she now found in her lap, holding the brochure. "It's not you, it is me..." she whispered just loud enough for anyone sitting in the same beanbag chair with he to hear. "That's terrible and contrite and one of the things that was in that letter." That letter had done terrible things to her, things she did not want to do to Bonabelle; the crying and agony and most of all the breaking-up. "It is true though," she continued clearly talking herself through whatever she was thinking. "I don't know why though... I want to... I love Bonabelle, she is the most kind, smart, patient and generally wonderful person I know here."
She paused, just a moment, "But...." came out as a choked whisper. "Kissing is... what?" the question was directed at herself again as she attempted to answer it. "Special? Reserved for.... the one?" It sounded a bit silly, her eyes darted back and forth across her lap as if she were seeking some sort of answer there. "Hugs are good, hugs are great, kissing is... the next step? But... am I not ready?" The view before her while not 'impressive' as a 'late-bloomer' still showed that she was not a child anymore... well that and other things.
"I'm not a little girl anymore." she said a bit louder, "I want to be ready..." her voice died back down again. "I want..." It felt like something was tearing apart inside of her and she buried her face in her hands. All that emerged was indiscernible mutterings. Finally her hands dropped away again and she turned to look at Bonabelle. Her eyes were sad and resigned, yet there was still some fire of defiance somewhere deep inside them. "I'm sorry... I'm not ready." She told her friend, "I want to be, can you help me?" A memory floated through her mind and it brought a small smile to her face. "Was it first year that you tossed aside any vestiges of childhood you might have still had, you just wanted to be 'Bonabelle' because it was a 'grown-up' name? How do you do that?"
2Valentine Duell... I... I don't know... I don't know anything...149005
Philippe was being funny, and then he abruptly wasn't and then... Xavier only half heard the answer to his actual question.
"Cool..." he muttered, clearly distracted. "Going back to the other thing. Um...what?" he asked, finding he couldn't find a more coherent or specific thing to ask.
13Xavier LundstromViva la cinnamon revolution152905
Bonabelle normally thought it was cute and interesting when Val thought out loud but now she really wished she would stop. She only barely resisted the urge to put her hands over her ears and make obnoxious sounds to hopefully drown out all the pain and all the disappointment and all the fear and all the I knew it that made her sick. She was so sick. Instead, she just listened quietly, afraid to interrupt as Val pondered. Her throat hitched when Val said she loved her, but Bonabelle knew it wasn't enough; Val loved everyone a bit. There was also no point to interrupting to assure, or reassure, the Teppenpaw that she wasn't a problem. It was more than a bit frightening to think that someone could come from a relatively normal, stable, happy couple of parents and still end up with such twisted self-deprecating views of relationships as Val had managed. Bonabelle wasn't sure whether that was evidence that all relationships were doomed to be tragic disasters at some point downstream or if it was evidence that she herself still had a chance because where you came from wasn't the deciding factor in where you were going.
When Valentine finally came to some conclusions - some of them muttered into her own hands - Bonabelle smiled a little. It was the tired smile of someone who stayed up too late to be there for someone even though they really wanted to go to bed, or the tired smile of someone who stayed by her girlfriend's side while she picked apart whether or not the relationship was worth holding onto. Just so tired.
"I'm proud of you for being honest with yourself and with me," Bonabelle said. Honesty was, after all, the only thing she'd ever asked for. She chuckled at the memory Val brought up and thought back to that decision. "You did that for me. Everyone had called me Bonny my whole life and I found that I didn't want to be who they saw anymore. I wanted to be who you saw in me and I wanted to be who I thought I could be. My dad called me Bonny," she added with a shrug. "So now I'm Bonabelle. And now I switch between Val and Valentine for you because I'm still never sure if you secretly have a preference," she grinned.
22Bonabelle RowI want you to know you're loved. 148805