Geoffrey Spindler
September 14, 2007 12:29 PM
Just catching up on the Quidditch (WotW) by Geoffrey Spindler
It was a day like any other day. Well, not quite like any other day. Geoffrey was down at the breakfast tables a little earlier than was his usual style, anxiously looking for the owls to begin arriving. His subscription to Quidditch International had, against all expectations, not been cancelled when he defected from the family. At best guess, he suspected that it had been forgotten about, but with luck he'd still have it until at least Christmas if things went smoothly. He was not disappointed. A pale owl flew up to him, depositing the magazine when he was halfway through his toast. Before it could fly out of the hall, the magazine was open and being read - devoured might have been a more appropriate word - with every bit of enjoyment that Geoffrey's breakfast had previously enjoyed.Some minor scandal involving accusations of match-fixing in South America...
Chudley Cannons managed an unprecedented loss against the Kenmare Kestrals...
Angeles Ashwinders took early lead of the NQL after a sound defeat of the Chicago Chimeras...
New broom being introduced to the market by a small company based in the Balkans getting rave reviews from a couple of high profile Eastern European Seekers...
He glanced at his watch to check the time and was startled to realise that it was almost time to head for class. Geoffrey paused for half a second and quickly flipped through to the back of the magazine where the more amusing articles were usually put. He wasn't disappointed, halting when he saw "Bluey Blindsided by Mrs Malaprop's Misfire".
And in slightly oddball news, someone's been playing merry havoc Down Under! No one has owned up for the outrageous prank as of yet, but fans of the Wollongong Warriors and the Thunderlarra Thunderers are today united in hilarity. During their most recent match a spell assumably meant for the referee missed its target and caught one of the announcers for the game instead. Greg "Bluey" Anderson, was calling the match with Doreen Barrawurra (who had retired from the Wollongong Warriors at the end of the previous season) as his guest when the spell hit mid-game and things started to get strange.
"I didn't believe it at first," one spectator said of the events to follow. "I mean, Ol' Bluey really knows his stuff, you just expect him to get it all right. I didn't really catch what was going on at first, but then he started saying some things that were completely mad. Fair dinkum. I mean, what are you supposed to think when he comes out with something like 'just look at Jamison fly! That man has a harp the size of Phar Lap's'? Phar Lap was one hell of a horse, don't get me wrong. But a harper he was not."
Initial attempts to remove the spell proved fruitless and Bluey was forced to retire from the commentary box early. The spell was identified as being a new variant of the Babbling Curse by the end of the game, as members of the Australian Ministry's sporting division were forced to bring in outside assistance in an effort to come up with a counter-curse.
"It's a bit of a bugger," was what Shaz Lowe from the Bourke Institute of New and Gainful Enchantments had to say on the subject. "Looks like they've tinkered with the rudimentary specifics of the old curse to come up with a variant that isn't quite so obvious at first. Instead of being complete nonsense it makes the victim come out with the occasional word that sounds close enough but means something else entirely."
What Ms Lowe refers to is, of course, Malapropism, the substituting of a word for another that sounds similar but has meaning that throws the entire sentence into disarray.
The match was remarkable for one other feature: it was the first match in living history between these two teams from which the referee has emerged entirely unscathed.
"Crazy Aussies," Geoffrey laughed, only half getting the references peppered throughout the article (although he didn't miss the mistake in the title, figuring it must have been a further joke about what had happened). He glanced at his watch again and figuring he still had a bit of time to spare grabbed an orange from the table, peeling it carefully to avoid any squirts of juice hitting his magazine.
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Geoffrey Spindler
Just catching up on the Quidditch (WotW)
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