A Tangled Web I Spin (Tag: Bella) on Library

Chris Dupree

May 22, 2008 9:11 PM

A Tangled Web I Spin (Tag: Bella) by Chris Dupree

Defense Against the Dark Arts had been rather interesting. Though, the lesson had been, it had been what else had happened. Most of which he was sure Bella would crack him up side the head for, and truth be told, he was certain he deserved it. Of course, he had to tell her first what was going on before she could do so. Since she was in the class with him, he had opted to walk back to the dorm with her, as he normally did unless he had something else he had to do, like Quidditch practice.

Upon entering the library, he glanced over to her, mostly viewing the top of her head due to the height difference. He had been unusually quiet during the walk, not quite sure how to bring up the topic he really wanted to bring up. He knew that she had felt ignored in favor of the subject of said topic, which he had basically stated he wouldn’t do again, and he meant that. So, as such, he had to be careful in his wording on the matter. Fidgeting slightly, he skirted around it at first with a fair excuse, “I need to get a couple books for research. Mind keeping me company?” It was reasonable, given that he actually did need the books and he wasn’t quite ready to go back to the Common room.

After this was established, he set his things down on a nearby table. Leaving Bella there, he went to get one of the books, he needed, or at least thought, he needed, before coming back and taking one of the opposite chairs. He opened the book to make sure it would actually be useful, but mostly it was for show. “So, uh, I talked to Lexi.” He met her eye when he said it, a stream of emotions in them. He felt a bit guilty for having done it, worried of how she would react, scared of what he was getting into. Before she could say anything, he rushed into an explanation, “She heard about what happened to my father and wanted to offer her condolences.”

His hand came up to rub at his temple, a tendency for when he was confused. “The conversation continued. I’m not quite sure how and it ended with me offering to give her a guy’s opinion on her future romantic endeavors.” He was insane. That was all there was to it and it was going to be his destruction. He wanted her back, but now was not the time. He shouldn’t have agreed. Was there a way to back out? No, no, he could control himself this time. Hopefully. In the meantime, he would just have to limit his exposure to his ex and fill his time with the other pleasures of life – school, Quidditch, and his best friend, who had an exciting summer herself from the sound of her letters. He offered her a grin. “Speaking of romantic endeavors, how are things with Ben?”

0 Chris Dupree A Tangled Web I Spin (Tag: Bella) 0 Chris Dupree 1 5

Bella Santoro

May 22, 2008 10:31 PM

A very tangled web. by Bella Santoro

Defense Against the Dark Arts class was always an interesting class. It wasn't necessarily a class that people would have thought Bella to continue with (she even surprised herself by taking it), but she supposed that was her Papa sticking out. His life was prosecuting those who have done wrong. It was all of their livelihood. Even Julia had taken after their father (though in a slightly different way). They were proud. Bella was proud. She supposed, on some level, if music didn't work for her, she would at least have the background to continue with her father's work. If he let her, that was.

But, the lesson itself (although it was interesting) wasn't what had kept Bella's attention. Throughout the entire class, Chris was talking to Red again. Even after everything that had happened at the end of last year, or the beginning of last year, or any other moment the two of them were together, Chris still ended up being near her. Why? Why couldn't he just keep his word and fix things in his life first before trying to fix things with Lexi? If he continued to do things this way, nothing would ever be resolved and Bella would be, once again, picking up the pieces. Just as she always did because that was her role as his best friend. But how many times is too many? How many words could Chris say to make things right with her? Last year had nearly ended their friendship because what Lexi wanted was what Lexi received even if it came at the expense of everyone else. And Chris had been so blinded by Red to notice when everything else around him had started to crumble. Or maybe he had seen it but hadn't cared because all that mattered to him was Lexi.

These were the thoughts that ran through Bella's head from time to time. Amongst the other thoughts of whether or not Ben would grow tired of her despite the fact that they had stepped up their relationship over the summer and seemed to be just as strong as ever. Other thoughts of whether or not she was actually good at singing or playing her guitar. Thoughts of her siblings, of whether or not Julia would come home again, how Juan was doing with his new wife and if Bella would like her. Thoughts of whether or not she would pass this year or graduate next year. Thoughts about whether or not she was good enough. If she would ever become great. Amongst all these thoughts Bella had, reflecting on her life, Bella wondered just what the hell her best friend was thinking.

She had remained silent during their walk, too irritated with him to bother trying to have a conversation and only managed to shrug at his question before he wandered off to grab some books. Bella took a seat and dropped her head in her hands. Her head hurt. Growing up hurt. She wished Ben was with her, he always managed to make her happy when she was feeling her lowest. Merlin, why couldn't everything in her life be as simple and easy as her relationship with Ben was?

Chris had returned and Bella looked up at him, expecting something...anything. Her mouth turned down almost immediately, but she remained quiet. A part of her couldn't be mad at him for still lingering on Lexi. If it had been Ben, Bella wasn't sure she would have been able to walk completely away either. But, another part of her really wanted to smack him and his stupidity. Still she remained quiet. Her head was pounding. And then he did it again, he changed the subject on her. She should have been embarressed by what he was implying, but Bella wasn't. Yes, her and Ben had been intimate over the summer (she had pushed for it), and yes, she was sure if people knew, Ben would not be happy with her, but Bella wasn't ashamed. It was only natural and it had been fun.

"Already, Chris?" Bella asked, her face stony as she tried to keep her emotions in check. She half believed Chris opted to stay in the library just so that she couldn't start yelling at him. "You're going back on your word already?"

0 Bella Santoro A very tangled web. 0 Bella Santoro 0 5

Chris

May 24, 2008 2:57 PM

All webs unravel. by Chris

She was angry with him else she would have responded to his question. She might have been trying to control any suggestion to state otherwise, but he could tell and he couldn’t say he wasn’t deserving of her wraith. It seemed to be every time that he was around Lexi, all of the oxygen to his brain ceased. He knew that he had said that he would stay away from Lexi, stop everything until he could figure things out. But he hadn’t planned on her talking to him, hadn’t intended on the mild banter, and hadn’t meant to feel that familiar pull.

The hand that had been on his temple ran through his hair. How was he to answer the question without putting himself into boiling water? He was already hanging over the pot with a rope that was slowly being chopped away. His brow furrowed slightly, as he thought over his response, the one that had to be oh so carefully worded lest that rope break. “I’m not going back on my word. I’m not going back to her. I’m not losing sight of the things that I need to do.” He couldn’t afford to. He knew that, especially now with his father incapacitated.

Maybe he was missing the point entirely, but he knew that he couldn’t slip back. No matter how easy it might be, no matter how much he might want to. If he did, then nothing would ever change, nothing would ever be right. He didn’t want that. He had to take the hard route, because anything worth having was never easy. His best friend was proof enough of that. Thing might be hard between them sometimes, but he knew that he would never find anyone that would be as good of a friend as she was. Now, if he could only apply that logic elsewhere. Of course, he first had to make sure that the friendship didn’t turn into a smoldering mess.

“I just don’t know how agreeing to be an advisor happened and probably nothing will come of it anyhow. It was merely small talk while waiting to take our turns. She probably felt sorry for me or something.” He really hoped that wasn’t the case. He didn’t need her to feel pity for him, nearly nothing would be worse if that’s how she felt for him, as though he were some sad puppy following her around. A nagging voice in his head suggested that was what he might be. He closed his eyes, willing himself not to think such things. Opening them, he gave a grin, “Besides, if she wants romantic advice, it means that she’s not interested in me.” Internally, he flinched at his words. Oh, how they hurt to say.

0 Chris All webs unravel. 0 Chris 0 5

Bella

May 24, 2008 10:36 PM

Or they simply just break. by Bella

Bella was not the same Bella that she had been the year before. It was more than just the change in her look, although that was something in and of itself too. Her hair that had once been short and choppy in her fourth year, was now extremely long, giving her an older look for her sixth year. Her makeup, once bright with drawings on her cheeks, was now subdued and more befitting of her looks. And her clothes that were once as colorful and attention grabbing as her makeup, now consisted of ripped jeans and form fitting t-shirts. Her personality was also more tamed than before. She certainly liked the attention and was still bubbly and outgoing, but on an easier level of handling than before. Bella had grown up. She had needed to. And now looking at Chris, Bella realized how much she had actually changed.

Had this been a year ago or even a few months ago, Bella might have started yelling at him, crying, like she had at the retreat. She would have been frustrated and angry by how stupid he always seemed to be when it came to Lexi. Even still, Bella would have grown to have hated Lexi too, something that she was still continuing to work on. But now? Now Bella was just too damn tired of all of it to even argue with him. Certainly, she thought he was an idiot. Certainly, she believed that in a few months time, he would be seeking her out to complain about another horrible thing Lexi had said or done to him which would make him retreat all over again. She knew that Chris would make more promises to her and to himself and she knew, just like this time, he would break them. A continuous cycle of self-destruction.

She sat and waited for him to think up another excuse for his actions. That's all she'll ever think of them as. And, honestly, was she the one to blame for that? She no longer really believed in him as she had before. Breaking her trust like he had, falling into the same traps, making excuses, it was hard for Bella to continuously think the best of him. He wasn't the same boy that she had met that day when he had broken Kaylie's heart. And Bella could no longer see him as being an innocent in the midst of all this, despite how much she truly wanted to continue to believe in him. It just wasn't there anymore. She couldn't allow herself to be blindsided by him again.

Bella looked away from him when he finally answered, her hands idly playing with the ends of her long hair. When he finally finished, making a joke of it as usual, Bella gave him a hard look. She was not amused. Ignoring Lexi and her romantic endeavors (Bella had opted not to mention anything to Chris when it came to Lexi when she had visited Ben in New York), "You agreed to do whatever job Lexi has you doing because, like always, you need to have some sort of connection to her. Even though you know that it hurts you. Even though you know that you can't have what you want. Still you put yourself in such a position." Her voice was stern, but remained quiet. "Anyway, if she wanted romantic advise, I doubt you'd be the first person she'd go asking. Your track record's terrible." Bella added under her breath.

0 Bella Or they simply just break. 0 Bella 0 5

Chris

May 25, 2008 2:12 AM

They aren't the only things that break. by Chris

At the look on her face, Chris’ gaze shifted automatically away. When it returned, he had a hard time keeping calm at the implication of her words. She made it sound as though he wanted to put himself into the position. He didn’t want to, but he always felt compelled to have that connection with her and he had stopped fighting it. Instead, he had to learn to handle the hurt, the pain of not having what he wanted. If he learned, then he would almost surely be able to handle anything else put before him. It was sad to say, but Lexi was sort of like a gateway to what was ahead of him.

Of course, that was provided that anything actually did occur, which he seriously doubted. Bella seemed to mimic the thought in her last words, though, not for the same reasoning. An expression of hurt lay on his face. He knew that she hadn’t said it to be mean, but it didn’t change his reaction to the words. Well, perhaps, it did. He would have been angrier than he was, but he supposed that the angry came more from how she didn’t understand. It was just another one of those things that he had to accept. No one really understood what he was going for. Half the time, he didn’t and he was the one going through it.

Maybe he would be better off if he were dead inside, then he would just be going through the motions, but no, a part of him fought, fought to have those connections that hurt him, because at least, he felt something. It proved that he was alive. Maybe that’s why he went for the pain. It was better to feel that, then nothing at all, because he certainly didn’t feel happiness, not really. Sure, he could put on a grin and joke, but he didn’t really feel it. It was all an act anyhow, as his life ticked down to what lay ahead of him. He had less than two years before it would all come crashing down.

His long fingers toyed with the edges of the pages in need of something to do. Silence had fallen between them. It was almost never a good sign and he didn’t want it to end on the note that it had, but instead of trying to make it better, he found himself speaking the truth. There was no grin. There were no jokes. It was all he had. “I find myself smiling less and less. Sometimes, I think that if it weren’t for you and Andi, my sanity wouldn’t have survived the summer and sometimes, I worry if I even am, because when I hurt, it’s like the only time I feel alive anymore. Nearly all summer, I had to be someone I wasn’t and I’m worried about what I’m going to become.”

0 Chris They aren't the only things that break. 0 Chris 0 5

Bella

May 25, 2008 7:43 PM

No, they certainly aren't. by Bella

Bella was silent for awhile after his confession, uncertain as to what to do or what to say. She had to bite down on the throngs of jealousy that had begun to pull when he mentioned Andi. Bella was still upset with the knowledge that some strange girl had been able to be there for Chris when she should have been but couldn't. She knew it was silly of her to be upset with someone who was helping him, but she sort of felt as though her job was being offered to someone she had never met before. Still, she didn't mention it to Chris because the girl seemed to be someone he cared about and as long as she didn't harm him, Bella couldn't very well tell him off for it.

Her small frame stood up from her seat, not making any impression with her height, and moved around the table to Chris's side. She slid herself onto the table, not caring if the Librarian became offended that she was now using the table as a chair, and sat quietly in front of Chris for a moment. "That can't be true, now can it?" She asked of him. "To only feel the hurt. If that were true, you wouldn't go back to Red, even if you enjoy feeling the hurt that comes with it. You go back because she makes you happy. You can feel the warmth that only she can give even when she doesn't even realize it. Only, you can't feel it so much now because everything has made itself so complicated for you." Bella ran a hand through her hair. It seemed they were always doomed to be so serious with one another.

"That's why you have to stay away from her for awhile. You have to figure out everything else first so that, when you're ready, you can start again and the hurt won't be there, but everything else will be. Everything that matters. You'll get there, Chris, eventually. You just have to be patient with yourself and with everyone else." Bella smiled softly at him and ruffled his hair to ease any tension. Her hand shifted from his hair to his cheek. If someone were to come upon them, they may have thought the two of them were intimate with how they were towards one another. And perhaps they were intimate, just not in the conventional way. They shared a part of each other that may not have been privvy to anyone else. Between the two of them, there was a safety net where they didn't have to really worry when it came to the two of them. Usually. He was her brother, but he was more than that too.

Dropping her hand from his face, Bella returned to idly playing with the ends of her hair. "I'm sorry, Chris. I haven't been that good of a friend. I don't know how hard everything is for you. I try, believe me, I try to understand it. But I can't. Your life is so different from mine. The things you've experienced. The burdens you will face. I don't know what it's like. The worst that I will face is whether or not I have a good enough future. I'm sorry. I must make things more difficult than less complicated. I'll keep trying though because you need me to. But Chris," Bella leaned forward to be sure he was paying attention to her, "Don't ever be someone that you aren't. It'll only end in disappointment for you and for everyone else."

0 Bella No, they certainly aren't. 0 Bella 0 5

Chris

May 25, 2008 10:26 PM

They can always be rebuilt. by Chris

Being a prefect, Chris probably should have said something in regards to Bella being on the table, but quite frankly, he didn’t care. It wasn’t as though they were hurting anyone and there were things that occurred in the stacks that were far sketchier. Besides, it was just Bella being her normal self, which didn’t always follow the rules to a tee and he wouldn’t have had it any other way. If she did, then she would be more like him and he really didn’t need a him. He needed a her, because only she could give him the type of insight that soon followed her new position.

However, he didn’t know if he fully agreed with what she said. Did he really go back for more than just being hurt? He thought about it for a moment. Lexi had made him happy, more often than not, but the problem of the latest time had been what she had been asking of him. He didn’t want a secret relationship with her. Even if she had given him what he wanted, it wouldn’t have been a serious relationship. It couldn’t have been, because when all was said or done, it had to end. And although, Marie was now out of his life (partly due to his uncle), he still couldn’t be with Lexi. She would never receive approval from his family.

He shifted back in his seat with a sigh. He knew all of this. He had heard it before. He knew he should stay away from Lexi. He knew he should figure everything out first, but every time he was around her, none of it seemed to matter, as all that was in focus was her. He knew it was silly and that he should have better composure, but he seemed not being able to stop putting himself in some complicated position, one that always made him feel stuck between a rock and a hard place (Bella and Lexi.) Until he figured everything out and did something about it, Bella would continue to get upset with him and so would Lexi.

His gaze was on the table, more specifically fixed on Bella’s shoes that were resting against the hard surface. They were a popular brand and were pink. Shoes, they were probably something most people didn’t notice, yet often took time to pick out their own to ensure a certain look. And on that note, the oddest thought to be thinking at the moment, he wondered if she owned nearly as many shoes as Nicoletta did. Or used to was the correction since she had left most of them when she had packed her trunk the final time at her once home.

When her hand ruffled his hair, he looked up slightly startled, but eased immediately at the sight of the soft smile, but it didn’t last long as soon her hand had shifted to his cheek then to her hair and she was apologizing for not being a good friend. His brow furrowed in confusion. He never expected her to understand. He just wished he could explain it so she would. And the more he thought about it, the more selfish he realized it probably was. He didn’t want to face the things he had to alone and the closer it got, the more alone he felt. Maybe that was why he kept reaching out. He didn’t want to be alone.

’Don’t ever be someone that you aren’t. It’ll only end in disappointment for you and for everyone else.’

He blinked in surprise, looking at her with almost new eyes. She seemed older, somehow, more mature. When had that happened? He gave her a reassuring grin that he didn’t quite feel. “Who else could I be?” He asked, tweaking her nose slightly. It was a half-hearted joke, but it was his way of saying that he understood what she was getting at. It was something he would have to give a great deal of thought to. If he was himself, then he would certainly end up like his sister. If that occurred, then he would never be able to change everything. But was it worth losing himself? And for the first time, the realization of just what he was sacrificing came into his mind.

He wasn’t just sacrificing Lexi, but he was sacrificing himself. Everything he was, everything he stood for, everything he believed, and what if in the end, there was nothing to show for it? What if he was trying to change something that didn’t want to be changed? It was a harsh reality to face, but he had never really thought about what anyone else wanted. He had just assumed what they wanted. An expression of curiosity and thoughtfulness coming to his face, he asked, “Was there ever something that you wanted to change about your family? Or assumed you knew what was best for someone, but never asked them what they thought?”

0 Chris They can always be rebuilt. 0 Chris 0 5

Bella

May 27, 2008 8:43 PM

Sometimes. Sometimes not. by Bella

Bella gave him an annoyed look and readjusted her nose piercing as soon as Chris's hand moved away from her nose. She was annoyed for two reasons. The first being that despite having the stud in her nose since the beginning of summer, Bella was still trying to get used to the feeling of it and often had to readjust it if her nose was knocked in any way. The second reason was that Chris was trying to joke with her even though he had just admitted to her that he had to play a role all summer and was afraid of what he might be becoming.

"There are ways that you could still be yourself and have everything work out well too, you know." Bella commented, but otherwise let the subject drop. She didn't want him to become annoyed with her for pushing the subject with him. She might get angry with him quite a bit, but she knew that he wasn't doing it on purpose. He was just being Chris. Doing without thinking. Feeling guilty about his actions for days. And even though Bella often grew tired of having to help him through the same ordeals, she needed him as much as he needed her.

"Of course." Bella answered him without hesitation. Many people, Bella was aware, thought her family was something special. Close to perfect. Completely different from the rest of the high society Purebloods. In many ways, they were very different, but they were also quite the same too. Bella was aware that there were things in her parents past that they were unwilling to talk to the younger Santoro children just yet. Hannah had hinted at it a few times, even Julia had admitted to her that there was something. But no one would come out and say it. Things in their family had changed, some for the better, others for the worse. "My parents are amazing. I'll admit that. I mean, my mom had no problem with putting me on the potion or getting my nose pierced. She even said that next year I could get a tattoo if I wanted one." Bella grinned, looking rather excited by the idea of marking her skin with ink. However, her grin faded shortly, being replaced by a somber look.

"But they aren't perfect. There's a lot about my family that I don't quite understand. They say do as you please, be happy, fall in love. But each of those things has a price. Do as you please so long as we find it appropriate. Be happy as long as it's not anything that could shame us. Fall in love but only if we approve of the significant other." Bella shook her head. "Why does it have to be that way? Why do we have to follow the rules of some old, disgusting tradition? If we followed our hearts, really followed them, Juan would still be with us. We would have been there to see him get married. We would know his wife. He would know us. And Julia?" Bella wasn't looking at Chris while she spoke, but rather, the bookshelf directly behind Chris's head. "She would be married by now with that boy she had been so in love with. Instead, she works herself ragged and cuts herself off from everyone else. All because he had been a muggleborn. Why? Why? No one will answer that to me. No one will explain why it's so important to follow an ancient, dying out political tradition. Why should it matter?

"And, the thing is, I know it's not what my parents want. They always look so sad when Juan is mentioned or when they see Julia. It's like their own hearts are being torn out. But they never answer why." Bella's eyes glistened over as though she were about to cry, but tears never came as she continued to talk. "I would change that stupid rule. I'd make my parents see that there's nothing wrong with believing in something that others don't agree with. They taught us to be proud of ourselves. To love everything about who we are. But how can we do that when no one will explain to us the reasons why we have to continue to live in our tiny little boxes that were created long before we ever came into existance. How can we believe in anything when we can't understand the foundations in which we live by?" Bella's dark eyes drifted to Chris's face, but didn't seem to take him in at first. Slowly, the glistened look faded and her face broke out into an embarrassed smile (a very rare occurence).

"Sorry, I was rambling. But yes, there are things that I want to change. And I assume things about people all the time. Like you, for example."

0 Bella Sometimes. Sometimes not. 0 Bella 0 5

Chris

May 28, 2008 11:11 PM

Well, some shouldn't be rebuilt. by Chris

What did she mean? How could he be himself and have everything work out? He didn’t understand, not when there were expectations and standards that one had to live by in his family. If he wasn’t meeting those, then he could end up like his sister. It wasn’t as though his family actually needed his leadership. The only reason he stuck around was for a reason that he wasn’t even sure about anymore. He wasn’t sure what to do at all. But if he gave up, he knew that he might end up regretting it and he wasn’t sure that was something he could live with either. It was something he would have to reflect on, yet not now, not when they had both let the subject drop, which was probably for the best.

The rest of Bella’s words caught him by surprise. He had always thought that she had lead a sort of charmed life, and to some degree she did, but there were still things that lay under the surface, and to this, he realized that every family probably had a skeleton or two in their closet. He really wasn’t alone. He may have been under more pressure than others, but when all was said and done, just how easy was it to be anyone else? What if he had lived in Bella’s family and fallen for the wrong person? He might have thought it perfectly fine to bring them home, only to have the person torn away without real explanation. He was still being torn away, because of his own family, but at least, he knew. He had the reasons. He didn’t agree with them. He wanted to change them, but was he going about it all wrong? Should he be questioning? Should he be seeking logical justification?

’…tiny little boxes that were created long before we ever came into existence.’

His brow furrowed at the expression. Yes, that’s exactly how they all lived. He often felt that rather than a box, it was a jail cell, but he understood. He understood that on a level that most others might not, unless they were born into the world that they were in. He was living in a mold that he hadn’t created, but had been forced into, one he was expected to live and die by. They were all being pushed into molds. It might have been this that made him step so cautiously when he didn’t want to do so. He wanted to let go, but he felt held back, as though some invisible force were stopping him. Maybe it was this that held him back for so long. Would it always continue to do so or could he break free of it?

But the complexity to which she knew. He never thought she understood, but she did, whether or not, she actually knew it. He wondered how often had he not heeded her advice? How often had he ignored her? His hand drifted to hers, holding it up against his palm. Her hand was so tiny, not just in comparison to his, however, his made it look like a child’s hand. His fingers shifted and curled down to clasp her hand for no other reason than he wanted to, to have contact with his friend, who was wise beyond her years and because of this thought, he wondered if he had ever actually looked at her before or if he was doing exactly what she claimed to do to him. Assume things. His head tilted slightly, as he viewed her. “What do you assume about me?”

0 Chris Well, some shouldn't be rebuilt. 0 Chris 0 5

Bella

May 30, 2008 9:02 PM

Some definitely not. by Bella

Bella had been expecting Chris to comment on what she had just admitted to him. It had been brewing in her for a long time. The confusion. The need to know. Her desire to stop it. To change it. But it wasn't something that she had ever openly talked about. She felt almost guilty for having done so now. She didn't want her family to be in a bad light. Her parents meant well and they honestly loved each and every one of their children and wanted their happiness. But, they also had an obligation for the rules in which their own lives are lived by. Bella loved them, but she hated them for falling in line. She hated them for bringing pain into their lives when it could have been so easily avoidable.

It was an inner conflict she had begun to fight when she had started to really like Ben, prior to him finally admitting he liked her and asked her out. When she had written to Julia about her crush, Julia had been tough. She had wanted to know every detail about him. She had said she was only trying to help. She wanted to prevent heartache. As it turned out, she had been digging to see if Ben would pass the family test. At the time, Bella hadn't understood her reasonings, she merely thought Jules was being overbearing. Fourteen and completely oblivious to how certain things were run in their family. But, soon it would be their second anniversary soon and Bella had long ago begun to develop a different understanding to how their world worked.

But, it wasn't something she could talk to Ben about because his family was different. Aside from that, Ben was always so busy with everything else, Bella didn't want the time they had together to be anything upsetting. And, she couldn't talk to Chris about it because Chris had all of his own problems to work out that Bella didn't want to burden him even more with her own. Jake was completely useless with these conversations. Ever since the 'Juan' incident as it had been dubbed, Jake refused to discuss that topic completely. And the one person whom Bella thought may be able to give her a little insight on what to do was currently putting her best friend on a roller coaster ride.

So, her thoughts. Her confusions. Her fears. They all remained her own inner demons. Well, until today. But, it hadn't seemed to matter since Chris didn't comment on them. His hand pulled hers up, palm against palm. An easier grin then the one she was just wearing graced her face. She splayed her fingers out against his, ignoring the size difference since it was similiar to how her hand was with Ben's. Bella let out a long breath. She wondered when life became so complicated. Why couldn't she have stayed naive forever?

"What do you assume about me?"

She frowned a little, mainly for thought. Didn't most people just assume things about people? "Well, when I didn't know you, I just assumed you were this snobby rich boy who felt he was better than everyone." Bella told him after a moment. "And then when you came in that day and just sort of blurted out that you dumped Kaylie, the way you looked, before I knew the reasons behind it, I assumed you were one of those depressing sort of people. The kind that I don't like to be around." Bella shrugged slightly. "And then I got to know you and those past assumptions faded. And new ones formed. Like, how I assumed you craved drama. Or that you purposely made choices you knew were wrong because you liked knowing that people were thinking about you. I know, I know" Bella said, holding up her free hand. "Stupid assumptions. But that's the whole point of them, aren't they? And, those assumptions about you made me assume that you need my help. That you're a complete fool without me. Wishful thinking, I suppose."

0 Bella Some definitely not. 0 Bella 0 5

Chris

May 31, 2008 10:37 PM

I ran out of thoughts on webs. :P by Chris

As Bella described her assumptions of him, Chris wondered how many people assumed the same things. He could certainly see how one could mistake him for a snobby, rich boy that thought he was better than everyone else. Not only did he come from money, but also he had a sister that for most of their school career had perpetuated the very stereotype of rich, purebloods. The second one, he thought to be a fair assumption. Wasn’t he usually a depressing sort? Lately, he seemed to be. Well, not so much even lately, as it seemed to strike when he found out what was in store for his life. Oh, it wasn’t as though he hadn’t known, but it had never actually played an impact, as it had begun to do. Soon, he would be so doused in his new life that it would be really that, a new life.

The ones about him craving drama or purposely making the wrong choices were nearly laughable. If it were up to him, he would probably live a fairly simple life. He would play Quidditch, have lots of friends, do well in school, and graduate. He would get a job that he loved. He would marry a girl that he loved. And he would raise a family in a cozy home. He could see himself snuggled with his wife by a lovely fire while the children slept soundly in their beds. It would have been heavenly. Instead, unless he could change the things that were coming, he would one day be married to someone he couldn’t stand. They would have separate rooms. Worse still was the very idea that he would force on his children what was being forced upon him.

As for his choices, if he could figure out how to make the right ones, he most certainly would. And how he had tried! He tried using logic. He tried using his gut. He tried going against his gut, but no matter what, he seemed bound to make the wrong choice. Sometimes, he seriously wondered if someone hadn’t cursed him, and if that were true, there would be no way that he would be able to do any good. The only thing that would come would be that he would be his family’s downfall. Not just the rules, but a complete downfall. Though, if one good thing came from this possibility, it was Bella. Bella with her odd way of thinking, wishful thinking that he was a fool without her. Looking her directly in the eye, he replied, “I am.” There was no sugarcoating the words. He was a fool without her. There was nothing wishful about it.

“Bella, sometimes, it seems as though my life is slowly being stripped away, whether it’s aspects of it or the people in it. You have been the only person that has helped me to keep some semblance of it. The person that has always helped me, but what I didn’t understand before, yet do now, is that you understand me more than I do, because you understand how I feel. No, you don’t know what I’m to face, but…” Chris’ voice trailed off, unable to figure out exactly what he wanted to say, what he was trying to convey. All the stupid rules, the prejudices that tore families apart, made people make difficult decisions that they shouldn’t have to make. His sister. Her siblings. “Was Juan’s wife muggleborn?” He asked slowly. He wasn’t trying to be tactless, but he was curious as to what the exact rules of Bella’s family were, if that were the only rule. It was odd that they would tell them to follow one thing, yet force them another way. At least with his family, it was all cut and dry.

0 Chris I ran out of thoughts on webs. :P 0 Chris 0 5

Bella

June 01, 2008 12:20 AM

No worries! by Bella

Bella felt a bit idiotic for admitting to Chris her assumptions of him. Especially now that she knows she had been completely off about them. Well, except her assumption that he was a nice guy (although, she left that one out). He was always well-mannered and kind to those around him (minus Lexi as that girl made his blood boil at times). But her previous assumptions about him were based on mere observation and rumors. She had no basis for actually believing them and as time grew on, Bella tried not to pre-judge a person until she got to know them. For instance, she thought Ben was a boring guy before she knew him, but then he completely changed her opinion of him their very first conversation.

She knew that there were assumptions about her too. Because of her attitude, how she looked, how she dressed, her personality, people thought she was wild, spacey, never serious. And, for awhile, they were probably right. Bella hated being serious. She hated being around serious people. She wanted to stay in her little bubble and just pretend there were no dark things in life. But she had grown up, calmed down, and learned that she couldn't hide from the real world forever. And, she was also quite aware that just because she acknowledged this growth in her, it didn't mean that everyone else had. They could very well still see her as a wild, comical girl with no thoughts on anything with depth.

"I am"

Bella smiled at him, but it was more for humor. She didn't think he would be a fool if she weren't around. Not anymore. Sure his life was tough, but he was strong and he would get through it just as he always had. "No, Chris, you aren't." She said, still smiling at him, "You're bright, funny, handsome, and strong. Sometimes you're a bit ...emotional, but you always calm down. These are great attributes to have for someone, anyone. If I weren't around, you'd be just fine. Just need to have a little more faith, that's all." Bella gave his hand a squeeze, her face seemed a little less bright than usual, feeling slightly down on admitting that she wasn't really needed. She would always be there for him, of course, he was family to her. "You're just hopelessly in love with me and haven't admitted yet, that's all." Bella joked, to lighten things up a bit.

She supposed he was right on some level. Bella's life did have similiar rules to his own, which made them two peas in a pod. Of course, her not talking about it probably gave him some idea that she lived a priviledged life on the other end of the spectum. Her fault, she guessed. "Yeah, I don't talk much about the bad things in my life." Bella admitted, looking down at her linked hands. "Too much on your plate, on Ben's plate, it's just easier not to say anything at all." Bella shrugged and sat quietly for a moment. She glanced up when he asked her about Juan.

Shrugging, Bella slid off the table and took a seat on his lap. This chair was not nearly as comfortable as the commonroom couches were, which is where she usually plopped down on him just to annoy him. Only, this time, instead of annoying him, she merely sat on his knee, not quite facing him. "I only know her name." Bella admitted. "Kim. He met and married her after he left the family. Truth is, the first time I saw him after he left was at Paco's wedding. If Jake hadn't pointed him out to me, I wouldn't have even realized it was him." Her hands had returned to playing with the ends of her hair while she spoke. "He didn't leave because he fell in love with someone the way Julia had. He left because he felt stifled. He felt the box close in on him and he wanted out. For all I know, Kim could be a perfect Pureblood. Or a muggle."

0 Bella No worries! 0 Bella 0 5

Chris

June 01, 2008 5:11 PM

Isn't worrying what I do best? by Chris

A wane smile was returned as she listed off his attributes. It was that emotional part that seemed to always get in the way. It was what contributed to his misguided decisions. It was what kept him going back to Lexi, but he was learning. Albeit, it was slow, yet he was learning to control that part of him. He had to be more rational, especially around his uncle, who seemed to have an utter lack of patience for him. His father hadn’t always been the nicest of men, but at least that was one quality he had possessed. That and he had loved them, even though he often had made difficult decisions with regards to his children. But love wasn’t always difficult. “I’m just waiting until we graduate, so I can whisk you off to the chapel,” he joked back with a grin. Though, he was hopelessly in love with Bella. Not in the romantic sort of way, but in that they had a bond, and he knew that if he ever lost her, a part of him would die inside.

Chris frowned a bit at Bella’s explanation to why she never mentioned anything. “You shouldn’t keep everything bottled up inside. Yes, I have a lot on my plate and I probably always will, but no matter what’s going on in my life, you can talk to me about anything. Now, I probably won’t be able offer any good advice,” he grinned at this part, merely because his advice could be compared to cod liver oil. It just really wasn’t something one wanted to take. “But I’ll always listen and try to be supportive.” He knew that it was something that he had failed at last year, but he was making a conscious effort to not fall into old habits, to change them, so that whenever she needed him, he would be there for her, just like she was always there for him.

When Bella sat on his knee, Chris shifted his weight slightly to support her better. She wasn’t heavy in the slightest, but the shift created a more comfortable position. He didn’t say anything immediately, but rather subconsciously ran his hand over her head and around the hair trailing over her back in a gesture of affection. It had gotten considerably longer from the time their friendship had started and in one of those brief moments of odd thought wondered if she were going to continue growing it. It suited her. But it was only for a moment, for his mind was concentrated on the words that were coming from her. How sad it was that she wouldn’t have recognized her own brother. How sad it was that she only saw him at a wedding. How sad that she really knew nothing about his life.

What was sadder was that Chris could feel that happening to him. He knew nothing of his twin’s life, aside from seeing her around a couple different guys in the school and he worried that she was devaluing herself. But if he followed suite, sure, he would be able to know what was going on with her, yet would lose touch with every other member of his family. He wondered how Nic had done it. How Juan had managed it. He didn’t think it was something he could ever do. No, he was sure that it was something he could never do. If it were, he would have by now. He understood that feeling of the box closing in, becoming smaller.

He hoped that he wasn’t overstepping his boundaries with his questions involving her family’s life, but it helped him, gave him a sort of confidence to know he wasn’t alone and it gave him a way to be a friend to her. “What are the exact rules?” Each family had their own and he wanted to know exactly what the ones she had to follow were. So far, he knew that muggleborns were out, but was it also halfbloods? What qualified for approval? In his family, arranged marriages occurred to ensure not only the purity of the line, but what ties were occurring. For him, it was a bit more, because he was to become Head of the family and the business, so there were even more credentials that the female had to meet. It was really quite ridiculous. If he could meet and fall in love with a female that met these requirements, all would be good, but the likelihood was such that it was incredibly unlikely to occur. That much he had come to accept, however, he didn’t want others to be punished for simply the family they were born into.

0 Chris Isn't worrying what I do best? 0 Chris 0 5

Bella

June 07, 2008 8:59 PM

This is true. You'll get wrinkles young. by Bella

Bella laughed lightly. They certainly did have an odd relationship. Her and Chris. She wondered how Ben viewed the two of them. Surely, he ought to know by now that Bella was in love with him and Chris was her best friend. But, Bella wasn't stupid, she knew that there were times when her and Chris came off as something more than just friends. That was partly her fault. Okay, it was all her fault. But she was like this with everyone and thus far, Ben has been the only male to catch Bella's attention beyond friendship. Still, back and forth banter like this current one about marriage probably didn't help her if anyone happened to walk by.

It had taken a lot for Bella to admit her fears to Chris. As close as they were, Bella had always kept a part of her closed off from him. From everyone. It wasn't necessarily a conscious decision. She would tell someone, anyone, everything that was going through her head if they so asked her to. She would tell them anything that felt as though it was pressing in on her, suffocating her. She would open her mouth and with no control over her words, she would spill everything, if someone asked her to. But only if they asked. She could not speak what she wanted to, her demons, without the offer first. Because she would not place her burdens onto someone else unwillingly.

But, instead of trying to explain all this to Chris, Bella humored him with a smile. "Okay." Chris and her had this argument last year and he had told her that all she had to do was ask. His words had her hurt so much. Back then, she didn't think she had to ask for him to be a friend. Ask for him to give her a little time when she needed to deal with something. She realized after awhile that Chris's mind didn't work the same way her's did. His emotions were open. When he was upset, it showed. Bella was the opposite merely because she wasn't comfortable showing that side of her. She thought it made her an ugly person. So, she swallowed whatever ailment she was having and dealt with it quietly on her own. She knew this was what she would continue doing even though Chris had given her the okay.

Bella turned to look at him, frowning slightly. "I guess I don't really know all of them." She admitted. She had never really needed to openly questions things until recently, so she only knew the basics of things. "Pureblood and Halfblood are acceptable. But the Halfblood has to have at least one Pureblood side that stems for generations. That way, our children will a strong line." Bella explained, trying to remember how it was phrased. "Ben's a Stafford and they are of old blood. That overrides the muggle part of him. Muggleborns and Muggles are not acceptable. Because, well, because their name and bloodline are worthless." Bella explained as best she could.

"We all have to have jobs when we leave here, or go on to college. Respectable jobs. My singing career is okay because it makes a name for myself. Same for Sofia's modeling. Paco is going into Law like my father. Julia works as an Auror, always respectable. If Jake makes a name for himself in Quidditch, that's acceptable. Hannah's a stay at home Mama, but Adam works as a...um....what are they called... I don't remember the name, but they are like the Scientists of the Ministry. Very respectable." Bella nodded as though she looked pleased by his job even though she really didn't care as long as Adam was good to his sister and their children. "I don't really know, we learn them when someone makes a mistake, which hasn't happened for a very long time."

0 Bella This is true. You'll get wrinkles young. 0 Bella 0 5